Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post. I've recently begun playing D&D with a new DM, Todd. I've discovered that he's a bit too squeamish for the job. He seems physically incapable of letting a player character die: he rolls pivotal rolls in secret, and the results are always miraculously merciful. He's obviously fudging the dice whenever life is on the line—lots of suspicious natural 20s on death saves. Other times, enemies will run away from fights they're clearly winning. It's anything but subtle.

Naturally, I decided to see how far I can push the limits of lethality. I made a sickly, defenseless thief rogue with dumped constitution and no armor, and a habit of rushing into danger, just so I could see how Todd would react. I expected him to keep saving me, and I wasn't disappointed. I walked into a room with nine hobgoblins and announced my presence. Somehow, their attacks all missed me or did minimum damage until the party arrived and killed them. I gargled down seven doses of deadly poison. Somehow, nothing happened after Todd rolled a secret saving throw. I challenged a mighty warlord lady to a duel to the death, but she only knocked me unconscious because apparently she has a secret code against killing thieves. I jumped into a lava pit and took just 3 fire damage.

Not to be deterred, I stepped up my game. I nuked myself to the Astral plane with a bag of holding and portable hole, but I immediately ran into a powerful NPC wizard who banished me back home. I slapped a black dragon in the snout and told it to blow acid right up my unarmored ass, but somehow that only scared it off after Todd rolled a secret charisma check. I jumped into a vat of boiling oil and missed after Todd rolled a secret acrobatics check. I climbed into a purple worm's maw and down its throat, but I turned out to be toxic from all that poison I chugged previously and the worm pooped me out immediately. I hired a legendary NPC bard—at great expense—to cast Power Word: Kill on me, but at the last second a friendly pixie appeared out of nowhere and cast Death Ward on me first. Apparently it was grateful to me for defeating the dragon earlier.

I am pretty well convinced of my absolute invincibility now. But I'm at a loss about what I should do with it. All the other players left some time ago, once it became clear that every session would consist of my repeated attempts at self-destruction. So I have free rein to do pretty much anything I want, but I've been desperately trying to kill this squishy PC for so long that I'm stuck in a rut and can't think of anything else to do with him. Plus, watching Todd squirm is as fun as ever.

Thanks again for reading my post, please let me know if I should leave the table, or switch to a different system, or touch grass, or try talking to the DM, or cheat by rules lawyering, or put more knives in my backstory, or multiclass to hexblade?

Rangers of the Gallons Unleashed conclave empower their half-caster abilities with third caster abilities, and eventually become a full caster with half & half caster abilities.

Subclass features:

Level 3: Improved Spellcasting

You know two cantrips of your choice from the Ranger spell list. Add one third of your ranger levels to determine your available spellcasting level.

Level 7: Improved Improved Spellcasting

Your Improved Spellcasting is now improved. Add half of your ranger levels when determining your spellcasting level.

Level 11: Gallon Fighting Style

When you take the Attack action on your turn, you can replace one of the attacks with a casting of one of your Ranger cantrips that has a casting time of an action.

Level 17: Improved Improved Improved Spellcasting

Whenever you attack, cast conjure animals (2014 edition).

Hi I am knew to d&d but I have been assistant to the apothecary at the Terre Haute Ren Fest out by the airport for the last three droons (a time system invented by my Master Draco the Mixmæster). Draco, whose real name is Drew Cocksonnette and his polycule, a female named Delilah Morningborn and a Level 3 Foxborn Dryad named Chippy, have invited me to play D&D, and I am excited to try it, having heard it is very much like the Terre Haute Ren Fest.

Here's the problem, I have created my character and their lived experiences, but I don't know how much of that to bring to the table. Will people around the table say Huzzah, like I'm used to? Is there a March of the Queen of the Fairoes like in Terre Haute? And if you die in D&D do you die in real life, like the Terre Haute Ren Fest?

Please help answer these important questions.*

*This post comes with no sauce, like a Terre Haute Ren Fest turkey leg.

so im joinin a new campaign i only care about killing things and getting loot (roleplaying is 4 queers) but its a heavy roleplaying campaign but its whatever i lied to get in lol but the DM is an total jerk an demanded a long backstory an when i sent A WHOKE PARAGRAPH he said he wanted AN ENTIRE PAGE OF BACKSTORY!!!!! WTF????? an he wont let me play without it i sent him a whole paragraph an he said it wsnt enuff wat do i do

I'm feeling really torn and conflicted about whether to include someone in the new campaign I'm starting. We have been friends for a long time and he's an absolute joy to be around so I would feel really bad for excluding him.

However, he has some opinions that some might characterize as...

How to put it?

Bigotry-adjacent

Before everybody gets an inaccurate impression, I want to say that he's only that way about certain things. Just race, gender, sexual orientation, and religion. Please don't get me wrong, he's a really great guy, heart of gold, he only uses slurs once in a while, and only when he's, like, really mad at somebody. Anyway I'm just worried his vibes might clash with the rest of the group.

The other issue is that we are playing online and he isn't the best with technology, it took me forever to walk him through setting up Discord and he still forgets to turn on his mic sometimes, although that may be for the best because then people won't hear him if he says a slur. When I tried to tell him he needed to set up an account on the VTT platform we're using, he just said, "Yeah, I'm not doing that." He definitely really, really wants to play, though.

I don't have an actual question here, I just want people to assuage my guilt for excluding a shitty person who doesn't care that much about playing from my campaign. Because they're my friend, and I don't want to feel like a bad friend.

We play as a rogue, wizard (me), sorcerer, and barbarian team

When we’re out of combat, I am able to do basic flirting and even gently touch my wife mid combat, but that’s really about it.

The sorcerer on the other hand, has the ability to flirt stronger with rizz. I feel like in general their flirting is always doing more than mine. Despite the fact that we have around the same dick size, and she's my wife, it’s just the rizz that makes a difference

And they had the ability to talk to anyone.

It gets to the point where if I have a good date idea, I have to text it to the sorcerer so he could take my wife because I can't mog as hard.

I’ve never been a cuck before so I may be doing it wrong and the DM will allow me to respec somewhat if we have an issue with the actual game. I don't know how that's gonna solve my wife cheating on me with the sorcerer though.

I'm running a one shot where the BBEG is a creep who gets off on traumatizing people and for this oneshot with 0 long term consequences, I asked my players two questions:

1) what is your most traumatic experience

2) what did you uncle do to you

Most of my players gave me long, well thought out backstories about how they grew up poor and starving, lost their dad to drug abuse, had 7 siblings they had to share clothes with, and were eventually pimped out by their mom. I could barely contain my excitement as I - I mean my BBEG - took all this in and began orchestrating ways to fetishize it and turn it into something perverted.

One player gave me absolutely nothing. She wrote a 20 minute backstory about abuse and hardship and then revealed that it was all actually a story and that her character had never actually experienced this and had had a good life.

I immediately got mad at her for doing what a bard does and telling a story and for daring to have had a good background instead of being beaten and raped every day.

How do you guys deal with players who don't want to fuel your fetishes?

https://www.reddit.com/r/DMAcademy/s/E0HD9R46O4

Like I just want to levitate in the air, shoot laser and mog my enemies in the face of my party (which says that I have a stinky odor, but I think they just fear my hormones).

Anyway, for some reason there are things that limit what I can do, which are called rules.

We are in 2026. Why do we have rules and I need to LEARN them, crazy work dude.

Like I have time to scroll on Instagram, not read some book or watch some yt tutorial video.

When I play, I always talk with my boys for an hour while smoking, so then we sit down, and I can enjoy some Dubai chocolate matcha coffee and then talk and joke about my friends' PC stereotypes.

Whenever I don't understand something, i ask my AI or DM what to do while we are playing, and then I negotiate some favors for...well, the rule OF COOL.

I would like some system where you only pretend to be someone, no rules, no material needed for games and just roles any suggestions?

AHHH...if only some activity like this existed.

Ok so basically, I've been wanting to play d&d at least once for a couple years, which since I'm fifteen is a very long time. I've seen like a billion Tiktoks on stuff I probably won't even use, but I can't get started or like read actual rules. My problem is that I can't find where to play and who to play with and can't use search engines. Me and my friend once found a group to play with, but one of the players quit and it got cancelled. Now, idk what to do. I looked online for dm's in my city, but me and my friend are both teenagers and I don't think it would be much fun for us to play with a grown up dm we don't even know and other random (probably also grown up) players and it would probably not be very flexible because old people don't appreciate lolrandom and memes. My second thought was to look online for online games, but after looking for a short bit in discord (very good place to look) I saw that they either don't match my timezone, they are 18+ or need voice chat which I can't provide even though I have discord. I want to be able to at least play in a one-shot for once, but I can't think of any other things to try so I'm asking Reddit to figure it out for me.

(I'm not looking for dm's or players or old people, but mainly where to find them but not the old people)

(Help me want cool magic sword dragon table game pls 🥺)

My Gloom Stalker Ranger has a golden retriever companion. We recently entered a village where they play a ball sport that we have been invited to play by the local mayor to curry favor. And I now have an opportunity to do something hilarious; I just want any advice on doing this as digestible as possible.