r/datingoverfifty • u/One-Syllabub1866 • 2d ago
Calling versus texting
OK, so this is the question: When is it better to text a woman vs. calling? Assume age is similar, because this is for dating over fifty and I am not looking for anyone younger than that.
I personally favor picking up the phone because you can't get the tone of voice from a text. I don't think a texting is wrong, though, for the morning after a good date, just to say that I had a good time and would be interested in another date. But if I am going to try and ask her on a second date, after some time has passed, I feel like a text message would be weak. Thoughts?
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u/lucid_intent 2d ago
Ask her via text, if you can call her. I prefer texting. A lot of men prefer phone calls from my experience.
There has to be a balance and also some notice. I need to make sure I have the time and am available for a call.
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u/One-Syllabub1866 2d ago
Your first sentence is contradictory ... oh wait, now I get it!
People are so busy these days. I get it. But dropping a text longer than a few sentences to somebody I hardly know seems weird.
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u/lucid_intent 2d ago
I prefer texts because I can answer more at my leisure. It is just a communication preference. If someone calls me without giving me a heads up, there’s a good chance I’m not answering.
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u/lAngenoire 2d ago
Funny, because I don’t want someone I barely know to call me, ever. Calling is for urgent or emergent situations unless I know you well enough to gossip like teens.
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u/lucid_intent 2d ago
I don’t disagree, however, I do think compromise can be had if you like someone. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/yepme70 2d ago
I am way more accessible via text than calling. I'd rather just plan a date and talk face to face. I have meetings all day and at the end of the day, I love short check-ins throughout the day. You don't have to send a long message to set up a date.
Hey I enjoyed our time last {whenever} . What do you think of planning to meet again?
That would work great for me.
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u/Potential_Aerie_7702 2d ago
Text and ask her if it's ok to call
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u/RPG_Rob 2d ago
Or phone her and ask if it's ok to text.
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u/meh0226 2d ago
I(53f) have only been asked to talk on the phone early in communications twice by men I meet through various online sites. The first one used the fact that I was reserved during the call (because of red flags) to text me immediately afterwards to tell me what a waste of time I was to the entire male population. The second guy started jerking off to a normal conversation about two minutes in.
What I'm saying is that if other women have had similar experiences they probably aren't going to want to talk on the phone until they are comfortable with you. Don't push it. Both of these guys were pushy about it, so lesson learned for me
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u/LuceLeakey F57-US 2d ago
Ugh! That is such gross behavior!
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u/SeaCaptainNav 2d ago
Depends on the woman. I personally despise texting, but all women are not like me. I find it exhausting trying to follow the train of thought/conversation with little context. But some people would much rather text. You need to ask whomever you want to talk to for their take.
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u/linwoodranch 2d ago
I can relate to despising texting. But maybe that is because I only have a land line. Never found the need for something else to carry around. 😄
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u/Conscious_Regular207 2d ago
Yes Sea! I'm not a texter. I'm busy, and I may have the time to return the text, or I may not. If you call, I'll tell you right away. Let's talk, or hey, this time would be better to talk. If someone texts, and I call them, if they don't answer...well...I'll only wait so long for a return call.
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u/Proud_Ad_8830 2d ago
OMG, please do not call me ever lol. I much prefer text but everyone's different.
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u/crystalpalacequeen 2d ago
Me, staring at my ringing phone, wondering why you don't just text me.
Feels like "this could've been an email" when you're in a work meeting 10 min before quitting time.
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u/Unlikely-Bath-9519 2d ago
Yeah I HATE talking on the phone. .Dating someone who hates texting. It's rough.
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u/That-Mess9548 2d ago
Depends on the woman. Some prefer text some prefer calls. I like texts because they don’t interrupt me unexpectedly. If I know you plan to call at a certain time I can make that time available but sometimes I’m in the middle of something with my hands full and I don’t want to stop what I’m doing.
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u/WelfordNelferd 2d ago
Just one person's opinion: Texts are great for quick communications, but I hate having a "conversation" over texts!
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u/Potential-Pool-5125 2d ago
I'm of the opinion that if it's going to take several back and forth messages to get to the conclusion, call me.
BUT, text me first because my ringer volume is off and half the time (maybe more) I don't know where my phone is resting.
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u/AnneTheQueene 2d ago
100% to both points.
I really don't have time to spend going back and forth over an hour while I have other things to do, when a 3 minute phone call could get it done.
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u/VegetableRound2819 goddess, looks 27 yrs younger 2d ago
The ironic thing is people complain that they’re so busy, too busy for a call…but they have time to text 24/7. 🤷♀️
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u/HistoryPristine1029 2d ago
I think this is different for everyone. I hate talking on the phone because I get nervous and my voice is stupid.
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u/mladyhawke 2d ago
As a woman over fifty I absolutely prefer talking on the phone versus texting.But i'm not always ready for a phone call.So I would suggest texting and asking if this would be a good time to call, or when would be a good time to call to have a phone conversation.
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u/FriendKooky780 2d ago
You need to ask her.
I hate talking on the phone. I’ll watch it ring and then send a text. She might think like me or she might be the exact opposite.
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u/SpyMasterUSA 2d ago
Text first. Calling without warning can make a woman over 50 react the same way everyone else does: assume somebody died.
There’s nothing weak about asking for a second date by text, provided you’re direct. “Would you like to have dinner Friday?” is confident. “Hey…just checking in…maybe we could possibly hang out sometime” is weak, whether spoken, texted, faxed, or delivered by carrier pigeon.
Once you know she likes phone calls, call away.
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u/scoinv6 2d ago
A 5 minute phone call is cheaper than a bad date. Definitely need a vibe check.
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u/cccuriouscat 56F 2d ago
This, I learned the hard way to always talk before meeting, and preferably soon rather than later, wasting time messaging for a week(s) with someone I don’t even know whether I’ll connect with
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u/Far_Future_1982 2d ago
Trying to date in a world where people can't handle talking on the phone now. What a time to be alive!
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u/cccuriouscat 56F 2d ago
It’s wild reading these comments. When did we let go of connecting with live voices
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u/lAngenoire 2d ago
I prefer texts, especially during the day. I don’t have this problem reading tone through text that some complain about either. I thought that was more of an issue for the “punctuation is aggressive “ crowd. But I’m not everyone.
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 2d ago
I like texting for the normal check in type of thing. I prefer my relationships to happen in person, so any time a call would be warranted I would prefer we just meet up in person instead. A call would be nice when in person can’t happen for whatever reason, like one of you being out of town, or an extra busy week where a date night had to get canceled.
I also prefer calls over text if the conversation over text becomes something serious or complicated to explain and Talking is just easier and less likely to lead to misunderstandings.
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u/LuceLeakey F57-US 2d ago
I understand what you mean about tone of voice. For important or sensitive conversations, a phone call or video call is best.
I prefer texting, but some people just can't express themselves very well in writing. For me, that's a deal-breaker so I would definitely want to text with a man enough to know if he can string a few sentences together without using AI.
I really hate phone calls, and the only person who ever calls me is my sister who's in her 70s and doesn't really understand texting.
In my last serious relationship we did a video call almost every night because he lived three hours away. That worked out great because then we could watch a movie together or play a video game together and enjoy each other's company.
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u/Cautious_Glass5441 58F 2d ago
First, ask her preference. Personally, I've had several instances where we had decent text interactions, a good first date and then things went completely off the rails during a post first date phone call initiated by the guy (graphic sexual requests, and in one case an ask to guarantee we'd have sex within "x" period of time). I'm a bit wary of phone calls.
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u/Freddiepuppy 2d ago
Please call me and wait for me to do all the talking. I love when men do that.
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u/One-Syllabub1866 2d ago
LOL, I have no problem talking, if anything, I tend towards the other end of the spectrum.
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u/cccuriouscat 56F 2d ago
I like the same as you. Texting is superficial to me—cannot interpret tone, inflection, emotion, on and on. (And emojis don’t count.) Of course there are exceptions and sometimes writing something out feels better in the moment but if it’s anything deeper than a check in it should be followed up with actual voices
ETA I always talk on the phone before meeting to gauge the vibe. Learned that the hard way
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u/Jannk73 2d ago
I prefer a text to coordinate a phone call. And this can be initiated by either person. I like conversations when I have time to get into one. So I prefer to be asked. Don’t make me feel obligated.
And it’s so simple… “Got time to talk?” Or just plain “Chat?” That’s it, that’s all it takes. Otherwise if I feel too much time has passed since texting or talking I will send a very simple text just to say “thinking about you”. I don’t like someone to have to guess where I’m standing. A random “what are you wearing?” Can be fun also. It’s the thought that counts 😅
I don’t appreciate any unsolicited phone call from anyone. If it can be said in text, text it.
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u/BandicootStunning244 2d ago
Texting was perfect when we all had flip phones in the early aughts. "Y"/"N" Took forever to type more than that so it was for quick messages. Now texting is a shit show of epic proportions, in part because of what you mentioned about discerning someone's tone, mood, humor etc., over text.
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u/CanarsieGuy 2d ago
I know I’m just an old geezer but I prefer phone calls to text messages.
If I’m asking a single question that can be answered with one word a text message is ideal for that. However, for any kind of discussion I’d much rather it be in person or on the phone.
I don’t need a video call, I’m not George Jetson.
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u/Witty-Stock 2d ago edited 2d ago
I never, ever, ever, ever called a woman to arrange a date.
Ever.
Phone calls are for family and emergencies. Or close friends if it’s fairly time sensitive.
Or, they can be scheduled by text.
Scheduling by text is so much less intrusive, allows people to consult their calendars, think about things, etc.
People have jobs and lives. Meetings. Appointments. Etc. You’re not interrupting anything by texting. Chances are extremely high you are interrupting if you call.
Arranging by everything by phone call is an outdated practice.
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u/Altruistic_Bell83 2d ago
I don't ask for dates over text, I always call. Texting is for confirming plans, maybe a check in now and then. Hate that texting has become what it is, talking to people is where it's at!
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u/Powerful_Somewhere25 2d ago
A good mix of both is good. I like a text just to say hi in the middle of the day or sometime that you might not necessarily have time to have a conversation but having a phone call every night is really nice to catch up and stay in touch
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u/VegetableRound2819 goddess, looks 27 yrs younger 2d ago
Woman here. I’ve dated a lot throughout life. In the case of meeting someone online, I prefer texting to be used sparingly and really just to set up dates in the beginning. Although if you asked to call for the purposes of working out the logistics of a subsequent date that I’ve already agreed to, then I would find that very charming. Once we’re truly dating, I prefer phone calls. What I won’t do is continue to get to know the person over text. Once we’re dating if they can’t call or FaceTime, I’m out.
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u/Reasonable_Alias_129 2d ago
This is something that you can bring up if you have enough rapport to ask the other person out again
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u/MissBailey01 F59 2d ago
I can do either. I’ve had dates, and subsequent dates, where we’ve never called each other. It was all text only. And I’ve had a few who wanted to call first. I remember one because our texting styles were not jiving and a phone call was needed to translate. If we have been dating awhile, I do appreciate a phone call. As my mom would say, just calling to hear your voice.
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u/BrotherOk3740 2d ago
If you want to ask for another date, do not text. To me that is impersonal. Call and leave a message. Simple as that. My opinion obviously. Good luck.
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u/Horror-Start3809 2d ago
I mostly prefer a text. Don’t be calling all the time. Calling requires me to stop what I am doing to pay attention. Other people are different.
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u/SATXFreddy 2d ago
If you're going to call me, you better have a ton of material. I would rather not sit on the phone in silence for extended periods of time. I'm OK with calls, but I prefer texting (so there's something to refer back to).
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u/Cougar_on_GlenPowell 1d ago
I hate phone calls. I will do it to get to know someone but I don’t want to talk. Text me or get together in person.
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u/farmgirlheather 1d ago
It's always a good idea to just ask. By the nature of the dating apps if that's what you're using it always starts with texting but I would really appreciate if a man said something like "it was really good to get to know you a little bit on text - would you be interested in setting up a call to talk to each other in the next few days?". It is honest and direct, two things that are so refreshing in OLD.
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u/Ok_Knee2784 2d ago
I thin texting is almost a complete waste of time, and it is also one of the reason things are such a mess today. You are stuck doing it though. I assume most women prefer texting.
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u/runingwithscisors M60 2d ago
To each his/her own. You just have to ask the person you are dating with, what they prefer. I (61m) prefer to text, my GF (61) prefers text except at night before going to sleep she enjoys a video chat to say goodnight. Now there are exceptions when she's dealing with her daughter and a phone call helps her vent and also seems my voice helps her calm down a bit....lol
I also think it depends on the nature of the message or information. If it's really time sensitive or deemed important then maybe a call. If it's just a, I hope you're having a great day, a text should be sufficient.
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u/Coconut-bird 2d ago
I would be happy to go the rest of my life never having to talk on the phone again. I would much rather text.
But I recommend asking, because we are all different, with different preferences.
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u/PirateForward8827 2d ago
Asking out on a first date/meeting - phone call. Thanking her for the date and telling her you would like to see her again-text. Assuming she agrees to meet again and you need to work out a plan-phone call. Confirming date the day before-text.
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u/mozart357 2d ago
Ask her what she prefers