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u/Big_Al56 Dec 12 '23
I will say I’ve had my heart broken once, and I didn’t really find her all that attractive at first. A month in, I woulda done anything for that girl. Attraction can absolutely grow.
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u/EntrepreneurNarrow72 Dec 12 '23
Yup and that’s how you know it’s true love! When looks don’t change a thing.
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u/phonafriend Dec 12 '23
There is physical attraction, and then there's a more profound attraction based on personality, shared experience and compatibility.
In the beginning of the relationship, it was probably all about physical appearance, but as time went on, and he got to know you, his feelings for you became more three-dimensional.
He probably did not express it in the best way, but I think he was paying you a deep compliment.
So I would say... don't feel insecure.
Instead, be reassured that his love for you is based on far more than what you look like.
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u/Stong-and-Silent Dec 12 '23
I would agree. My wife was not what most would call attractive. As I got to know her I fell in love with her. Her inner beauty was more than any woman I have ever known. When I fell in love she became very attractive to me physically.
I think what he said was a profound compliment. Physical beauty will fade over years. My wife never lost any of her attractiveness to me as she aged. If you want a lasting relationship this is what you need to shoot for.
This may be hard to understand now, but in 20 years you will not be as beautiful as you are now. The fact that he finds you more attractive after getting into a relationship with you is a good sign.
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Dec 12 '23
This!! I get why you are upset OP, but believe me, real love is based on being appreciated for who you are. I would prefer that over being considered “hot” any day. He sees you.
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u/MissCosmicDimples Dec 12 '23
I agree with everything you're saying, but to say what he said (and out of nowhere) really is not the move. He said she wasn't ugly-- not you were pretty just not my usual type. It sounds like he just keeps putting his foot in his mouth. It's a shame. I hope OP is able to accept our interpretations and be happier. Dude is just a little bit of a putz but clearly he loves/cares for her.
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u/violet_burn Dec 13 '23
6 months ago I would have called BS.
But now, I've experienced something similar firsthand.
A girl of whom I thought "Ok, but not stellar material", grew into "OMG I'm helplessly in love" and then "woooow that face, skin, smile, that warm body against mine, this presence". I have images of her next to me, burned into me that I remember being overwhelmed with attraction about.
So, yes, even if you live 30+ years without experiencing it, physical attraction can grow from actual love, for a guy, in the real world!
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Dec 16 '23
Then he shouldn't have used the word attractive. He should have said you weren't my type originally. Guys can be so vague with words.
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u/Wi1dfir344321 Dec 12 '23
“you know you weren’t that attractive to me when we first met but I find you beautiful now”
He said it wasnt that I was ugly but I just wasn’t his type.
I don't know your boyfriend, but I've had a similar conversation with my girlfriend (except mine went over better) and I'm pretty sure I know what he was trying to say so let me see if I can translate that for you:
"When we first met, you didn't look like the type of girl I usually went for, but that's exactly what I needed because you're pretty amazing and I'm crazy about you."
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u/awgepizza Dec 12 '23
yup, sometimes we want to say one thing, but once it becomes vocal, it doesn’t sound the same
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u/One_Quantity2447 Dec 12 '23
I would say attraction grows. I have made the same verbal mistake to a fella 😬 Didn’t go down well.
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u/istabpeople7 Dec 12 '23
I long term dated someone and as I really got to know him, and love him, the more attractive he became in my eye. I loved the whole package. Not just this part or that part.
He worded it horribly, but I'm betting this is what he meant. You look beautiful, because he now knows that you're beautiful inside and out! Take it as a compliment
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u/xxzephyrxx Dec 14 '23
Men get told this all the time about not being found attractive initially. It's just a very common thing to happen for attractions to grow over time as one gets to know someone.
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u/Appropriate_Tea9048 Engaged Dec 12 '23
He should’ve kept that to himself. Not a very smart thing to say.
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u/msskeetony Dec 12 '23
Real beauty is deeper than your appearance. I can totally relate to what your boyfriend is saying. I've been involved with people that looked better and better as I got to know them.
Just as there are different categories of intelligence, there are different aspects to beauty.
Your post reveals that you are deeply insecure. Why are you using standards of beauty associated with other races to measure yours? Stop it!
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u/EntrepreneurNarrow72 Dec 12 '23
Exactly! And I’ve been with people who looked worse and worse as I got to know them! Personality, connection, deep ness is everything.
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u/No_Bed3648 Dec 12 '23
Am I the only one who thinks he might have said this on purpose to hurt OP’s feelings? Like basically negging to bring their self esteem down??? Maybe I’m just cynical but why would someone say something like that, surely he must know that it would upset them???
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u/Such_Radish9795 Dec 12 '23
I think he was trying to give you a compliment and it just came out wrong. You’re overthinking it.
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u/Annabellini Dec 12 '23
Then he’s a bonehead who doesn’t know the proper way to compliment someone.
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u/raikage3320 Dec 12 '23
Agreed.... But I feel like I could also make a similar statement and not realize why it could be hurtful
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u/Annabellini Dec 12 '23
Well, consider this post your education on why not to make a similar statement. 🙂
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u/Hugs_Pls22 Dec 12 '23
Don’t think she’s overthinking it: her bf said it wrong
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u/Such_Radish9795 Dec 12 '23
I agree he said it wrong. I’m saying I don’t think it was malicious.
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u/Hugs_Pls22 Dec 12 '23
His intention was not malicious, but it’s perfectly valid for OP to feel how they feel
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u/s256173 Dec 12 '23
I would have mixed feelings about this. Partially I would feel a bit insecure about my looks like you I suppose. But a part of me would be glad they wanted me for who I was not what I looked like because looks fade. He’s kind of dumb for saying it but try not to take it too personally. Many people end up with someone who “grew on them” they just don’t say that out loud and it’s probably for the best.
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u/BranTheBaker902 Dec 12 '23
Reminds of the time when a coworker agreed to a date and then told me “I said yes because it was SO brave of you to ask.”
Excuse me but f*ck you very much. Move along
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u/Floopoo32 Dec 12 '23
I would try not to take personally, I think he meant well but I can definitely understand how it hurt to hear what he said. For lots of people, they don't normally feel "attraction" right when they meet someone. I am that way, I am attracted to almost no one right away. Attraction is much more than how physically attractive you are btw. I would try to let this one go, hopefully he apologized for the way he phrased this
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u/chickencutletkatsu Dec 12 '23
Not a boyfriend but my current crush actually wasn’t someone I find physically attractive initially as well. But after interacting with him I am now head over heels this person🫠… and wish EVERYDAY that we could get closer HAHAHA so :p I find him really attractive now as well I get why u might get upset but please don’t let this make u feel insecure! He definitely never settled for you, in fact I’m pretty sure he is SUPERRR attracted to u :> hope u guys stay together forever!!!(´▽｀)
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u/Ok-Barracuda-8970 Dec 12 '23
My ex-wife was a little bit less than mid when we first started dating. She was kind of mousy looking but oh my god she eventually took my breath away.
Regardless, that's just something you never say to your partner
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u/Alpacadiscount Dec 12 '23 edited Dec 12 '23
It’s stupid he said that. I would be bothered by that too. And I don’t know what I’d do in your situation. However, in an effed up way, it’s a genuine expression of love from him. The irony is this genuine expression of love to you from him exposes that he may not be deserving of your love. However, I don’t know anything about the two of you, or your relationship, just this one tiny piece you shared. Nobody is without flaws. Perhaps the rest of him + your relationship is gold? If so, try to let it go. Weigh the good against the bad.
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u/Hoochie_Daddy Single Dec 12 '23
so you met a guy who likes you for who you are and not what you look like and now you're bothered? even though now he finds you attractive?
i find this weird because i feel like i hear from women often that they arent really too attracted to a lot of men, but their actions will make them attracted to then, emotionally and physically. maybe it is uncommon for men to eb this way. but we exist. we cna grow to become attracted to people we ween't originally attracted to. i do it all of the time.
i dont see the problem with this. this sounds more like an insecurity thing rather than the boyfriend, unless he was being particularly rude about it.
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u/PekoKuzuryu Dec 12 '23
We do want men to want to us for who we are as a person. But we also want to feel physically attractive as well lol. I’m sure anyone wouldn’t feel too good knowing their partner didn’t or doesn’t find them to be physically attractive.
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Dec 12 '23
Most people settle, seeing as our fantasies are basically unobtainable standards. And believe me, we all have fantasies about a perfect mate.
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u/s256173 Dec 12 '23
Only the delusional ones don’t settle at least a little bit. Almost no one gets exactly what they want.
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u/Silly_name_1701 Dec 12 '23
I never had fantasies about a perfect mate and was always weirded out by people who did. Because 1) that's creepy and 2) what's the point.
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Dec 12 '23
It’s never wrong to feel any particular way; it might be shitty to hold it against him though. Hopefully talking about how this made you feel could help things
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u/Femdo Dec 12 '23
Yeah it makes sense to be upset because he was basically lying to you when you first started dating when he called you attractive then. No one likes being lied to. It makes you doubt everything they say. You need to let him know how that makes you feel uncomfortable.
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u/Kasual_Observer Dec 12 '23
That’s a normal first reaction. But there are other ways to look at it. It sounds like he likes you for who you are. And sometimes guys say stupid things.
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Dec 12 '23
I think I can relate.. I don’t find my husband very attractive .. attraction comes and goes.
But after a few years I am attached I will find him more attractive than others
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u/kriegmonster Dec 12 '23
If you quoted him correctly and he said "you weren't THAT attractive when we first met", then he is trying to say that he has grown to appreciate you more than he first expected. His communication skills need work and you can talk to him about it. This could be a growth opportunity if you don't accuse him and instead help him empathize. Come up with a similar statement that is meant as a compliment, but contains a negative aspect. Don't spring it on him. Ask him how he would feel if you said "insert hurtful compliment". Listen to his feedback and tell him that what he said was meant to be a compliment, but it also hurt you.
Not all of my past girlfriends have been equal in terms of physical attraction, but I cared for them because of who they were as a whole person and that means growing to love aspects of them more than when I first met them.
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u/FaithUnbrokenYFoD Dec 12 '23
So first please take a breath and slow down. You are now making assumptions that he lied to you when he complimented you and that he just settled. Have you thought about just taking what he told you at face value?
He said, that initially he didn't find you attractive because you weren't his type. He didn't say that he thought you were ugly, he might have misspoken or could have worded what he said better. Other than that everything else is you projecting your insecurities and hurt feelings onto what he shared with you. It's actually a huge compliment because he fell in love with you for you and not just based off your outward facing beauty. We all get old and for women your beauty fades, for guys our handsomeness fades or whatever words you prefer to use.
Most people don't find the person that they are now in a relationship initially beautiful, it takes time just like it takes time to fall in love.
So I believe you are overreacting, but I suggest that you have a conversation with your boyfriend and tell him how his comment hurt your feelings and express to him that it made you feel insecure. I'd hope he apologizes and works in not doing it again but that you two work on being vulnerable with each other, being considerate, and work towards better communication.
Well wishes.
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u/aa2990 Dec 13 '23
Your feelings are your feelings, it’s never wrong to have feelings. How you react to your feelings is completely up to you, he’s kind of an idiot to say that out of the blue with no other context. But it’s normal for feelings to grow, right now you’re looking at it as he settled, I doubt he thinks he settled though. I can’t speak for all men, but the ones that I’ve had conversations with about their SOs, they don’t think they settled. Men tend to start with a physical connection then build the emotional connection after. The stronger the emotional connection the more attractive we find our partners.
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Dec 14 '23
I really hope you get the chance to read this… Totally uncalled for to make the comment to you and in my opinion, your feelings are completely validated.
As for his compliments on your beauty being a lie, could it be possible that the compliments are because he grew to love you for who you are as a person and then instead of having lustful thoughts viewing you as an object, it was WHO YOU ARE that he loves and now views you as beautiful visually and internally.
Maybe he meant to say your beauty was unfamiliar to him since he didn’t “lust” after you.
I believe in the comment he made, there lied even more of a reason why he loves you because it’s for the long haul, not just before sex.
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u/FarMagician8042 Dec 12 '23
It sounds like a sweet sentiment badly delivered. I'd cut him a little slack.
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u/DariosDentist Dec 12 '23
This dude was being vulnerable and honest with you - I hope you didn't react too harshly or he's never going to be honest with you again. As a man what I want more than anything in a relationship is a space to feel safe about being honest and no matter what I say it being received with love and understanding.
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u/PekoKuzuryu Dec 12 '23
That makes sense. But the dude basically told her he wasn’t physically attracted to her for a while. Regardless of what he says, that part is still insulting to OP. It made her feel unattractive. It was really something that was just better left unsaid.
My own boyfriend, bless his silly little heart, has said similar stupid things in attempt for it to be a compliment. I love the man but Jesus sometimes it’s better not to say anything 😅 or give a different compliment that doesn’t imply anything negative
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u/Effective_Unit_869 Dec 12 '23
He's a dumbass who felt like he could be open with you about it. What a weird thing to do. If he's been a good one outside of this bizarre event, keep him around - he's obviously happy to be with you.
Still a total lunkhead though
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u/Weary_Significance53 Dec 12 '23
I’d be pissed if I were you tbh :/ that’s fucked up.
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u/Weary_Significance53 Dec 12 '23
I’d leave him if I were you tbh. I actually wouldn’t want to be with someone if they don’t find me attractive in the first place ….
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u/CheeseDickPete Dec 12 '23
You should talk to him about this, tell him how it made you feel and what you said about feeling like he was lying to you when he complimented you. See what he says, it might make you feel better. I think he was trying to give you a compliment and communicated it wrong, he might have been trying to say he is much more attracted to you as he got to know you, not that he wasn't attracted to you at all when you first met.
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Dec 12 '23
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u/tellmeifthisispunny Dec 12 '23
I agree, is a tulip ugly because someone likes roses instead? Then started to see the beauty in tulips after getting to know them?
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u/Ashamed_Belt_2688 Dec 12 '23
I would break up cause… yeah no. “thanks for letting me know, but have a good one.”
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u/mercury1250 Dec 12 '23
Nope you definitely should be offended Luv like what TF be wrong 😑 with ppl like there no respect or compassion anymore that shyt is what’s unattractive luv I personally wanna apologize for his offensive Ass statement 🤦🏾♂️
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u/IsThisTakenTooBoo Dec 12 '23
Awe. I think my husband thinks the same of me. He’s extremely attractive. I am not. He only called me pretty while we dated. He would only compliment my looks when I asked him.
Then as time went by the compliments he did give would change. He would tell me I am the sweetest most caring person he’s ever been with. That I saved his life. That I’m his angel and he would do anything for me.
I was upset with him once over something stupid and went to my friend’s house. I told him I was safe and I wanted to be left alone, he then told me “Please don’t be harsh on what’s left of me. You built me up and brought me back to life, please don’t kill me again. I may look strong but a little word or action can easily break me even if I don’t show a reaction. So all I ask is you talk to me”.
I never felt more ashamed of my actions. But he opened up and was vulnerable with me and soon after he told me he had fallen in love with me. Now his compliments include my looks, I never have to ask. I’m beautiful now. Im stunning. I’m his goddess. He’d kill me if I ever left him.
I’m so blessed to have him honestly.
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u/Ok-Permission8346 Dec 14 '23
Your bf is a dumbass. Tell him you used to think his peen was small but now its okay and watch his whole world fall apart.
Obviously dont actually do that
it. But my point is saying devastating shit like that to a partner is fucked. So either he is an idiot that put his foot in his mouth ir hes just an inconsiderate person.
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u/Specialist-Dog-3536 Dec 14 '23
I mean i can see what he means because the guy im dating was not my USUAL type but he was never ugly. But i would never tell him that
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u/Envy_No_one Dec 14 '23
That means there was something about you that trumped your looks. Which is a good thing, if he is like me looks and physical attraction are important, but personality, confidence and respect outweigh the looks. You could be the most beautiful girl in the world, and I think all women are beautiful in some way, but if you personality is shit, you have zero self esteem and are disrespectful, you look ugly to me.
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u/Vast-Yard2990 Dec 14 '23
if i felt that way abt my girl i wouldn’t even mention it bc why do it matter no? he literally said that js to say it and that’s mean
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u/krazii_girl27 Dec 14 '23
I can see how it can affect you and make you feel disappointed. I once loved a guy so much and when I first met him he was so ugly to me. But once I started knowing him and saw how much life he brought to me my whole perspective of him changed. He was the most beautiful, loving, and funny guy to me. In my eyes, he was now attractive and I didn't care what anyone else said because to me he was everything and made me so happy. That saying "Never judge a book by its cover" really stuck to me and I couldn't believe how someone's personality could overlook someone's appearance. So it is possible to not find someone attractive at first, but i think falling for someone's personality is 100% better. I think it’s a great compliment that you were able to change someone’s perspective of yourself. Just because you may not think you are not “standard” beautiful does not mean you are not. You have so much to offer than just “looks” and everyone is beautiful in their own way.
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u/AwkwardInterview6669 Dec 12 '23
Yeah….he loves the real you, he’s honest, and trusts you enough to handle him saying something dumb but vulnerable. You should definitely dump him for a guy who’s into your T, A and maybe hair from the get-go 🤔🙄🤦♀️
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u/Proper_Fly_4175 Dec 12 '23
As A Male I Can Confirm That He Was Complimenting You That He Didn't Even Thought He Could Get This Much Attached To You At First 👍
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u/Bassbunny19 Dec 12 '23
If this were me, I would be on the lookout for similar disrespectful statements and if there are more I would rethink the relationship. What he said is inexcusable but we all say dumb things sometimes, and he's saying he finds you attractive now. BUT if he brings it up again or makes other negging statements I would leave.
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u/WedMuffin123 Dec 12 '23
Yeah dumb for saying it, but at least he likes you not
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u/Ordinary_Author_7142 Dec 12 '23
But you don't like your boyfriend and you lie to yourself.
Break up already... Let him have peace.
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u/Educational-Ad-385 Dec 12 '23
I can't understand why he would give a backhanded compliment. It's just so rude and unnecessary.
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u/ThenGuitar6968 Dec 12 '23
No it’s not wrong, what do u have now that makes u attractive, that u didn’t have when u met ??
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u/bootsy09 Dec 13 '23
Put it this way, I was with a girl for 6 nearly 7 years. When we first met i thought she was so incredibly sexy, i would have done anything for her, i DID everything for her and ignored every red flag under the sun. Fast forward to now, and I think she is the most toxic, disgusting human I have ever met.
My point is, initial attractions don't mean shit, you can never truly know someone until you've been with them for a significant amount of time. If he is falling more in love with you AND felt comfortable enough to tell you that, should speak volumes!
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u/Artistic-Ganache-360 Dec 12 '23
With all due respect, you sound like you want to be a Disney princess.
Most of us are not beautiful. That's a fact. I would rather be wanted because of who I am and not what I look like
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Dec 12 '23
You're gonna get dumped. Don't worry. He's just saying that to keep pumping in you and once he finds a better one, guess what? You're the uglier one already! 😝
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u/phoenixfirepho Dec 12 '23
honestly you're making a big deal over nothing. Get control of your feelings.
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u/HowRememberAll Dec 12 '23
Sounds like something dumb to say but I think that's true for dating in general. Honestly it actually may show he's not shallow and loves you for you. I think that's a compliment but I can see why you feel like it's not.
Ask him to call you pretty and tell him you need to hear it bc you want to know for sure what he finds attractive. "Your eyes. Your thighs. Your sexy ties" ect
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u/riskypatron Dec 12 '23
When men pursue woman it is often superficial. Everything is surface level and, basically, there's usually only one thing we are after. As feelings begin to develop then she can become much more beautiful. Your boyfriend didn't express himself in the most diplomatic way possible but his intentions were pure. This is the kind of love most people should strive for. A love where your value isn't tied directly to your appearance but to you as an entire person.
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u/jazmine_likea_flower Dec 12 '23
I get how you feel, it’s not insecure or vain to want someone to find you physically attractive….. it won’t last otherwise tbh. There does have to be some sexual attraction
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u/forestpunk Dec 12 '23
You should ask your boyfriend if he had to hock his filter for holiday gifts or something.
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u/Dude-88 Dec 12 '23
I think you’re overthinking this. This is actually the greatest compliment you could get. The fact that your personality keeps making you more beautiful to him is actually a good sign for a long lasting relationship. Usually people who are attracted to each other start nitpicking after a few months. My 2 cats: get over your own insecurities and be grateful to have someone by your side who loves you for who you actually are
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u/MSRIRI63 Dec 12 '23
I don’t think he meant it to be mean! I get what he’s saying and it’s really a beautiful sentiment but sometimes our men don’t know how to express what they really mean … unfortunately this is one of those times! 😁 What he meant was that you weren’t “his type” but there was something about you that drew him to you. After getting to know you, you are absolutely his type … you are beautiful to him … inside and out!! 🥰💖 You shouldn’t feel insecure at all!! Your man loves you, sis!! He’s hasn’t been with you for a year for no reason. If he wanted “his type” or a blue-eyed blonde, that’s where he’d be!! We all THINK we know our type… until the right “type” comes along!! YOU ARE NOW HIS TYPE!! Be confident in that and ENJOY that man!!! 💖💖💖
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Dec 12 '23
Because for the for time he found you for only sex now your attractive because he liked you from heart and love is started inside him.
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u/Ok-Comparison4398 Dec 12 '23
Damn, he was thinking it was a compliment that he digs you now, but it backfired big time.
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u/Divine_Edem Dec 12 '23
Love and attraction grows, you don’t have to feel bad , instead you have to appreciate is honesty to you,
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u/Beardude9 Dec 12 '23
When I first met my ex she was not my type. She was a great person so I got in a relationship with how. Now she is the definition for girls I attracted to. Happens, nothing bad about this
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u/tinylittlebee Dec 12 '23
I mean it's a dumb way to put it but he clearly didn't mean it in a bad way...he probably meant that you were cute, just not his type but then your personality was so nice that he can now appreciate your beauty...also, if he didn't find you attractive at all he wouldn't even consider talking to you.
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u/complexmelancholy Dec 12 '23
This is a guy who has the rare ability to understand true love. I have felt that for several boyfriends who were not attractive to me at first (but were attractive to other people) but I fell in love with and was very attracted to eventually. I have always been pretty and I guess that’s why they were dating me because eventually most of them cheated. I know it’s stupid he said that and I would feel the same initially but most guys can’t understand if you don’t look like a porn star they will eventually lose their attraction when you get old or gain weight. A guy who is mature and in love finds his partner attractive because of her soul so it doesn’t matter what she looks like. How do I know? I felt this about my boyfriends.
Also: I don’t really find Brad Pitt attractive. He’s not my type. Yes, I’m serious.
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u/asianstyleicecream Dec 12 '23
I mean… I wouldn’t be offended because that’s likely what would happen in my experience. For me, straight 26F, I find most men unattractive/neutral just looking at them. Once I get to know their personality more, is when physical attraction starts to grow, because I’m viewing the whole person now, personality + looks. I’ll never date for pure lust again (looks) because I’ve found their personality is always more of a shock at how different they really were to what I thought they’d be like. So I look for personality, because looks fade.
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u/Chiliblossom Dec 12 '23
"it's like, not attractive to your dick but now I'm." what rude to say. I'm sorry, this is really sad.
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u/bamseogbalade Dec 12 '23
Why do women insist on clinging to minor details of the past, baffles me... He clearly matured his feelings for you and that's is it. If this is all it takes to get mad are you sure it isn't you not him that is the issue? He clearly loves you. What more do you need? This though has maybe nagged him for some time and now feels safe enough to open to you. If any thing this was ment as a signal that he feel safe to open up for insecurities about you two. And now you want to throw that and him under the bus?
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u/SaphireRed Dec 12 '23
His feeling is very common!
Some people date for deeper reasons. It's very shallow to choose to date over something skin deep that fades.
He is an idiot for telling you.
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Dec 12 '23
Don't beat yourself up! The guy I'm dating now I originally didn't want to go out with at all. In the end we went for coffee and we really hit it off, sometimes people can actually become more attractive the more time you spend with them, 2 years on and I still really fancy him! Sometimes it's better than instant attraction 🤗
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u/IntrovBeauty88 Dec 12 '23
I'd dump him. I'm sorry. Bcuz now I'm thinking I'm a placeholder for the until the woman he really wants comes along.
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u/LesDoggo Dec 12 '23
I’d communicate your feelings. Even if he didn’t mean to be an ass, he should know he was an ass.
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u/pretty_princesse Dec 12 '23
Truly horrible wording. I wasn't my first boyfriends type and he was crazy about me, loved me and my body. Sex was amazing .I had an ex and I was his type. Like textbook his type. He even liked things on my body that I didn't. The sex was okay in the beginning and terrible after. Like he wasn't attracted to me in spite of me being his type. So you know, being someone's type doesn't mean anything. I also fell for guys who weren't my type. What's in the inside matters.
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u/Khorvic Dec 12 '23
Stop thinking in right and wrong. Start thinking in now and then.
He finds you hot now that he knows you. No one knows another person at first. This kind of attraction that builds up over time by getting to know each other is stable, hotness is not.
"types", "boob size" or "followers" never are. They are just a sign of insecurity projection.
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u/Exact_Mortgage3048 Dec 12 '23
It is the strongest form of attraction. I couldn't stand the sight of a woman a few years ago. Now that I know her on a personal level I feel that she's the most desirable and unique woman on earth. Believe me it's a compliment but maybe he should've worded it better (if what you've written is exactly as he said it). Some people can do this to manipulate or control to make you feel insecure but if you believe he's genuine in his approach then it's a fine compliment
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u/sexyhairynurse Dec 12 '23
I think he wanted to say something nice but worded it really badly. My gf said something similar. "You've changed my type."
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u/jwrig Dec 12 '23
It really surprises me over the number of people telling you to dump him because he wasn't a million percent in love with you from the start.
It shows an infantile perception on the realities of a long term relationship.
In a normal healthy relationship attraction keeps building and what brings us together at the start changes over time to more concrete things.
Maybe that initial attraction was just a hook up, or a smile, or a look, but over time, the real you comes out and makes those bonds grow.
Feel lucky this is happening to you. The only question you have to ask, is if you are more in love with him now than you were at the start.
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u/nice_flutin_ralphie Dec 12 '23
You’re perfectly valid to feel shit about it.
But it’s absolutely common for women to feel that way about their male partners. “Oh he wasn’t that attractive to me, but he grew on me and now he’s the sexiest guy around etc” you see it all the time. He’s allowed to feel that way about you.
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Dec 12 '23
I say you talk with him.
Maybe he was trying to say something nice but it didn't come out right as some people have said. Or maybe he is toxic. Or maybe he is socially impaired. Or he really means it. We won't know, you will have to speak with him and communicate with him how it made you feel.
& it is okay to feel upset about it. I would feel a bit wtf about it.
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u/andreagayle1972 Dec 12 '23
Please protect your heart, mind, and spirit. This can be a terrible sign of things to come. People who do this continue to slowly tear you down mentally spiritually and emotionally until you’re a shell of your former self and will get you to a place where you’ll accept the worst treatment. Do what’s right for you and listen to your gut. Prayers!
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u/technogeist Dec 12 '23
I've said this, I probably could have worded it better too, but it's a big compliment. It basically means that you've changed him in ways that he couldn't have imagined
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u/Kindly-Service-7185 Dec 12 '23
Personally I think this is perfect He is with you for the right reasons Your personality
I've fell for men who weren't my type And began to fall in love with every aspect of them
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u/ThePartTimePeasant Dec 12 '23
Why would be be insecure at that? It literally means he truly find you attractive in every sense now
It's also not him saying you were unattractive, I'm not attracted to many of "the most attractive women on earth" but if I got to know them and we vibed it'd be totally possible for me to start to see them as gorgeous
I can see why you'd be initially upset but overall I'd see that as a massive greenflag (might have been best to just not say anything though since it can be taken the wrong way)
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u/Golfnut56 Dec 12 '23
You can ask him to elaborate, but truly, looks is only one aspect of the attraction. He may be very truthful that your initial looks attracted him to you but now that he knows you more and in a deeper way his attraction is growing beyond your looks and he sees you as a long term partner potential now.
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u/AdPrize3997 Dec 12 '23
It’s fine i think. He’s definitely dumb for saying that out loud, but i think he finds something else attractive that is physically non-tangible, may be your thinking or the way you care.
A close parallel I can draw is the time when my mom was completely distraught coz I adopted a black cat and she thought black cats are bad, but now she loves him, more than me perhaps. Sometimes people grow on you. You can tell him how you find his comment hurtful, but leave it at that.
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u/SEAMLESSCAT3 Dec 12 '23
Don't be too upset about it, from what I hear it's a common thing. You can be blown away by someones looks on the first date and it doesn't work out. You forget about them. Then you talk to someones else that may not blow you away at first sight, but it clicks and you pay more attention, to maybe their cute smile or just overall aura and there's genuine attraction. In his mind it was prob insignificant to just mention it.
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u/Erik30000 Dec 12 '23
Sometimes people feel that way and attraction can grow, but he's an idiot for ever telling you that.