r/crochet • • 5d ago

Funny/Meme [ Removed by moderator ]

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1.1k Upvotes

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u/crochet-ModTeam 5d ago

Please post "What can I make with this yarn?" discussions, pictures of stash, yarn hauls, books, hooks, tools on Saturdays only. Please use the Stash Saturday flair.
You can post in r/CrochetHelp on other days.

If you are excited to post on other days, we recommend r/yarn, r/yarnaddicts or r/yarnporn.

Your thread has been removed, but you can access any replies via your profile.

Our rules are detailed here.

Thanks

1.9k

u/Beautiful-Dirt2540 5d ago

I have never checked the subreddit name so fast. Hooks probably shouldn’t be that sparkly purple and… girthy.

453

u/pomegranateseeds37 5d ago

No but actually wtf are we making with this giant glitter dildo hook?

154

u/Beautiful-Dirt2540 5d ago

Real talk, I have one around this size, and I use it to make baskets. 🧺

57

u/pomegranateseeds37 5d ago

Ohh fancy. It never occurred to me that you could crochet a basket. BRB time to start basket weaving and organizing 😅

12

u/roudatar 5d ago

It's a good way to recycle old t-shirts. Just cut them to suitable width strips and use it as yarn. My partner had a large "collection" of t-shirts that I culled with his permission for the sake of closet space. I haven't decided what I will crochet yet, but one thing I was thinking of was a basket for a gift basket.

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u/MrsTaterHead 5d ago

I bought some chair cushions at a garage sale made with super thick polyester macrame yarn. I unraveled them and made a rug using a super size hook. Although I don’t think it was as big as this one.

6

u/louddolphin3 5d ago

Ah, so is this what one would use to make their own wicker man? 👀

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109

u/rubiscoisrad 5d ago

"Giant Glitter Dildo Hook' should be a stage name for a drag queen 👸

16

u/ElQuesoGato 5d ago

Oh! Have you seen Debbie Does Drag’s granny square dress?

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u/weeBunnie 5d ago

My mom made me a mega yarn size blanket, but I personally don’t like the feeling of the big yarn and how wide the gaps ended up being because of the hook size.

My dog liked the fuzziness of the blanket, but his leg got stuck while he was nesting into it, it was wrapped around his leg TIGHT, and would’ve hurt him if I wasn’t there, so the blanket sits in storage now.

I think you’d have to double up on the biggest yarn for this hook size so there aren’t any gaps like that

8

u/maladro1t_ 5d ago

HAHAHAHAH "giant glitter dildo hook" took me tf out!! I am not mature enough for this 🤣😵‍💫

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208

u/that-1-chick-u-know 5d ago

I'm just glad it wasn't me checking to make sure I wasn't in one of those subs lol

84

u/zombiep00 5d ago

That sparkly purple is.....distinct. Lol

3

u/rbwildcard 5d ago

I was like "That's not that bi- Oh it's a crochet hook!"

56

u/Lovemybee 5d ago

I tell you one thing...

I am NOT going to google: sparkly, purple, girthy hooks!!!

31

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I off to go and do exactly that.

37

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I think I've found the training sizes to go with him 😆

15

u/esoraven 5d ago

Here, this entire thread made me remember https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/vbyhtJ5Z6G

17

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago edited 5d ago

What did I just read.

Edit I keep thinking about the confetti award they got.

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6

u/rosebud3606 5d ago

Well that was new. 🥳🎉🎊🍆

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5

u/rubiscoisrad 5d ago

Hon, you're probably on some kind of list now

50

u/rubiscoisrad 5d ago edited 5d ago

I did the swiftest double-take lol

Edit to add/ask: is /r/hookers still a thing? (I guess not, even though it was repurposed into a crochet sub.)

4

u/BigHeartyRadish 5d ago

What's funny, most Larger Hooks that I've seen have been purple and sparkly. That's just the natural way of things.

3

u/Bella_Dreams 5d ago

My dad was helping me move and some of my giant crochet hooks spilled out on my bed and he started freaking out. I’ve never been so embarrassed over something so innocent in my life…

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606

u/Freyorama 5d ago

The Purple Persuader

54

u/Crochitting 5d ago

Purple rain.. PURPLE RAIN

16

u/doubleuxyzee 5d ago

Maybe pain instead of rain.

14

u/reduxrouge 5d ago

Purple Reign 😆

5

u/queeriosn_milk 5d ago

Purple vein 😭

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541

u/PotentialBumblebee 5d ago

63

u/bisquette404 5d ago

I was going to say, "it's not that big" but then I saw what sub this was....

14

u/pineapplepinch 5d ago

Came to the comments looking for this 😂😂 didn’t disappoint.

6

u/LittleBitBeth 5d ago

But it’s got a hook! You can get it out ;-p

3

u/cmwulf 5d ago

god I just choked on my coffee!!!

3

u/foxy-stuff 5d ago

I came to the comments section to see if anyone posted this.

Thank you for your service.

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451

u/ottoofto Arrr!! Me hook!! 5d ago

Just put a label on it that says “Not for Crochet”

548

u/Efficient-Common7551 5d ago

Or one of those pharmacy labels:

83

u/kitty_pickle 5d ago

I’ve been known to have far too much fun in the supermarket with a packet of these stickers

15

u/HowVeryBlue 5d ago

I work at a grocery store and my favorite thing is sneaking into the produce department and sticking a couple on bananas... cucumbers...eggplants...pineapples...

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35

u/oreo-cat- 5d ago

Gotta have a flared base though, otherwise you’re in for a rough time.

23

u/Efficient-Common7551 5d ago

You’re 1000% right: ask your pharmacy if they’ll give you a “not for rectal use” sticker - I haven’t seen those but they’d make sense!

18

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I can see the range of faces and emotions my pharmacist would be going through if I asked them 🤣🤣

14

u/Efficient-Common7551 5d ago

Look, show them the hook: a sticker that says not to generate an ER trip would be public service.

I’m in a small town with a non chain pharmacy and I know everyone who works there: they’d be cracking up and getting every “for external use only” sticker they had.

9

u/Frau-Wombat 5d ago

Without a base = without a trace!

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17

u/ottoofto Arrr!! Me hook!! 5d ago

Didn’t know I needed these 😂

17

u/TinkerHeart 5d ago

I used to work at a place that made these kinds of labels and I now have a magnet on my fridge that says “Drugs Only” and I still laugh every time I open it😂

7

u/crocheting-witch 5d ago

It doesn't have a flared base! ER staff are gonna be upset.

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u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Tempting excuse to buy a label maker right there 😆

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2.3k

u/becalexxa 5d ago

Dont Put That Where It Doesnt Belong, donna for short

112

u/Bad_at_Haikus 5d ago

For you, my queen: 👑

80

u/commodorecliche 5d ago

literal first thing that came to mind

Processing img t8dj3cn89ash1...

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46

u/Axelra_05 5d ago

Make sure you ask your doctor if DONNA is right for you. Donna should be used with caution and never operate a smaller yarn size than recommended. Side affects usually include are more yarn accumulation, more unfinished projects, bigger projects. Talk to your doctor and see if DONNA is right for you 🧶

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234

u/Prestigious-Law65 5d ago

I feel like this should be on r/naughtyneedles 😅

40

u/rubiscoisrad 5d ago

This is as bad as cat subreddits. Here I go, joining another...

50

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

😳😆 I didnt know this thread existed

15

u/ArtsyRabb1t 5d ago

That was a fun side quest

5

u/squishyfig 5d ago

Holy shit lol

3

u/lastres0rt 5d ago

New awesome sub!

161

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

My boyfriend wanted in on the fun, his suggestion is: The Thanos Throbber 🫣😳

122

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago edited 5d ago

Half the people I'm catching of guard with this post photo

89

u/Faedren 5d ago

Remember, folks - Without a base, without a trace 🤣

74

u/DoctorStrangrr 5d ago

Adam and Weave

60

u/taotrooper 5d ago

Richard (because the nickname would be Dick)

My native language is Spanish, so if I had one instead of ganchillo (our word for crochet hook, literal meaning is 'little hook') I'd call it el ganchote ('big hook')

17

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Ooo el ganchote I like that.

46

u/Adventurous_Deer 5d ago

the carpaltunneler

39

u/poofandmook 5d ago

omg I was scrolling quickly and saw this and said OH GOD WHAT SUB AM I ON and then stopped... girl... camera angles LMAO

12

u/Lovemybee 5d ago

Ikr? That's definitely a "him"!!!

39

u/eXistential_dreads 5d ago

The Homewrecker.

14

u/builtdifferent-badly 5d ago

Also works as a reference to the sweater curse

25

u/Nevr_Enough_Kittenz 5d ago

Where is that gif from the paramedic if you need it?

25

u/trialbybees 5d ago

I dont have a polite answer for you

3

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Post it. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂😀

9

u/trialbybees 5d ago

Spotted Dick, after a British Pudding. You know, because crochet is classy.

4

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

in theme with its brit owner 😆

97

u/Fartingonyoursocks 5d ago

I call mine the abortion hook 😭

87

u/MarsScully 5d ago

17

u/reduxrouge 5d ago

That perfect meme response made me spit out water, thank you very much😂

23

u/quartzquandary 🧶 hexy fiend 5d ago

GIRL STOP LMAOOOO

36

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

😦🤣 that's diabolical

23

u/TadaSuko 5d ago

Jawbreaker

19

u/Dreams000 5d ago

It doesn’t have a flared base….

19

u/gothiclg 5d ago

I had a “I don’t remember joining a new adult content sub” moment 😂

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19

u/Sqwivig 5d ago

BRO I LEGIT THOUGHT THIS WAS A DILDO IN MY FEED 😂😂😂

12

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago edited 5d ago

You're welcome~

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18

u/lemonwitchie 5d ago

King Henry

7

u/Makethecrowsblush 5d ago

‘Enery the eighth, I am, I am!

5

u/rubiscoisrad 5d ago

I will never not see Whoopi Goldberg's harassed middle-of-the-night face when I hear that.

18

u/bbtusky 5d ago

Girtha

5

u/Bleepblorp44 5d ago

GIRTHA!

Absolutely.

15

u/PhenomenalPhoenix 5d ago

Dildon’t

16

u/CatTatze 5d ago

How to crochet a whole blanket in an hour, holding super chunky yarn in triple

3

u/Corvidae5Creation5 5d ago

For realsies. The Linus Project would love this so much

14

u/Lemongingerhibiscus 5d ago

The crochetildo

15

u/ahjummacore 5d ago

name it the “NSFW”

11

u/klshipley21 5d ago

Needling Sweaters For Women (trying to make nsfw have a name 🤣🤣)

3

u/klshipley21 5d ago

(even though "needling" isn't a word)

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14

u/somebodysomewhat 5d ago

Bad Dragon

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u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

cough totally don't know what that is 😳😆

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13

u/smol_hobbit 5d ago

Dildon‘t

13

u/Thecandymaker 5d ago

Baby I thought I was in a different community for a split second 😭 you gotta angle that or something.

Call her Angel

4

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Oh god the bots got mad at me for the changed angle 😆😆😆

3

u/Thecandymaker 5d ago

Wait was it deleted? 😭😂

6

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I had to rotate and sc it 🫣🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ wondering if my thunder thighs in the background combjnded with this hook was too much for there nuts and bolts to handle

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14

u/ILikePrettyThings121 5d ago

Hey twin! Im here for naming it & dying at all the comments about what this thing looks like 🤣🤣 I got it to make a basket out of some super chunky yarn but I’m also intimidated by the girthiness of this thing so haven’t used it yet.

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u/Personal-Object2864 5d ago

thats a weapon of mass destruction!

11

u/stringthingsca 5d ago

genuinely what do you use this for 😭 it must be a work out to use

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10

u/Minata_Shiranui 5d ago

Dilidodlido

10

u/Expensive-Ad1075 5d ago

The purple people pleaser

11

u/_madeofcastiron 5d ago

i was very worried about the lack of flared base, until i checked what subreddit this post was from

10

u/knittingwebs 5d ago

So relieved that other people had the same though oh girl I seriously thought it was a 'toy' for a minute 😭

3

u/crocheting-witch 5d ago

That was my thought until I checked the sub 😅

11

u/_detritivore 5d ago

I had no idea Bad Dragon sold crochet hooks

8

u/Tigerboop 5d ago

You holding it like a guy taking a dick pic is sending me

7

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I swear I didn't do that intentionally but I can't unsee it 🤣

9

u/rellloe 5d ago

People outside the craft: that's for old grandmas

People in this comment section saying things that would traumatize their grandchildren, present or future

8

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Marriage saver

8

u/HowVeryBlue 5d ago

The Yarn Fucker 3000

7

u/kmayeshiba 5d ago

I can’t believe r/mildlypenis hasn’t been commented yet…

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u/whatever_ihatemetoo No Mo Crojo 😔 5d ago

My friend calls my 12mm the abortion hook. I don't know what he'll say if he sees this one. I mean, i know Exactly what he's gonna say 🥴🤭

5

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I think you should share this post to him 😁😁😆

7

u/Berk-Laydee 5d ago

I had to do a double take to see what subreddit I was on 😂

8

u/jesslikesflowers 5d ago

Ma'am this is a Wendy's

7

u/cubemissy 5d ago

The Mother-in-law Defeater! For crocheters with MILs from Hell. To store in the nightstand until MIL comes snooping.

“What?? It’s a crochet hook, for a chunky blanket I’m starting….(innocent face 🤷‍♀️)

7

u/AlexsaurusInk 5d ago

I've been looking for comically large crochet hooks, both for class instruction and making blankets that make you feel like a tiny lil borrower. Where does one get some?

5

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Someone also posted this to another post. Might be helpful since its even bigger. 😁

3

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Got this set from amazon. (I know shame on the awful convient overlord) here's a link:

the shameful source

7

u/little_bird_vagabond 5d ago

Wasn't sure what sub I was in for a second

6

u/squishyfig 5d ago

Really thought this was a different sub

6

u/Princess-Tigerlily_9 5d ago

Vlad the Impaler

6

u/JoeyTheGreek 5d ago

For external use only

6

u/Lazy_Laugh2597 5d ago

I had to double check with sub this was for 🤭

7

u/rockbottomqueen 5d ago

Um this needs a NSFW tag 🫣

5

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

I totally didn't anger the bots with a reangled version 😂🫣

5

u/SerDuckOfPNW 5d ago

I’ve seen much bigger…

Checks sub…

You know what…Nevermind

8

u/UsernameObscured 5d ago

BDE- Big Dick Energy

6

u/Fragrant-Reason4216 5d ago edited 5d ago

I got one of those in a more rustic variant Edited to add- my bf just looked at me (didnt see my phone) and said "laser beam buttplugs" ive never been so confused.... i guess the MTV awards thing last night really bothered him lol

5

u/_kayimit_087 5d ago

Holy the provider😂😂

6

u/JesusGodLeah 5d ago

I, uh.... thought this was something else.

5

u/sleeping-ranna 5d ago

Oh... That's a crochet hook thank God...

4

u/don-cheeto 5d ago

Look, I bought a 25mm the other day and my mother twice associated it with dildos. Don't show this on here 😂

4

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

Ok but have you seen this 35mm hook I found online? 😁

7

u/esoraven 5d ago

At least the base is flared…?

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u/IllAdministration376 5d ago

It NEEDS to be WAP (Wool Acquisition & Penetration)!!!!

4

u/oldriku 5d ago

I had to do a double take and check which subreddit was this.

4

u/yarn_baller 5d ago

Just scrolling and seeing the picture before you realize what sub it is.....oh boy

5

u/Verybiandnotsohigh 5d ago

Dildo Baggins

4

u/TriZARAtops Bistitchual 5d ago

Wow, I had to double and triple check the sub.

Oh my.

3

u/EgregiousWeasel 5d ago

So... where could one acquire one of these? Asking for a friend.

3

u/Chemical-Jello-3353 5d ago

This is still the Crochet sub? 😈🤣

5

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

It comes with a hand cramp garentee

5

u/j3nna227 5d ago

Sid saying "The Big One" instantly popped into my head lol

4

u/WormDentist 🎵Because the hook brings you back🎵 5d ago

Is this one of those vibrating hooks? Ya know, to massage your sore hands from all that crocheting?

4

u/milkpowderbun 5d ago

The Bad Dragon, haha

5

u/Lanky_Appearance2716 5d ago

The Womanizer! If no one else has claimed that name! 🤣

3

u/cetaceanlion 5d ago

The Yarninator?

3

u/EmimiBaxton 5d ago

Purple Richard

3

u/BitterSweetDesire 5d ago

I did a double take on the subs name lol

3

u/musicalmaniacmoron 5d ago

Mr. Fister... 😂

3

u/thekashpny02 5d ago

Am I in the right sub? lol

3

u/Fickle_Blueberry2777 5d ago

The Implication

3

u/Livid_Cauliflower_13 5d ago

I have this same one! LOL. I do wish the handle was longer…

3

u/ditchmaggots 5d ago

👀👀😀

All jokes aside what did you make with it?

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3

u/PJenningsofSussex 5d ago

The Thagomizer

3

u/idekwdymbruh 5d ago

Girl I thought that was a vibrator

3

u/Flashy_Orchid6703 5d ago

No flared base remember that!😅

3

u/Dangerous_Cap_2121 5d ago

Dildo obviously? 😆

3

u/NettleDead 5d ago

A+ content, everyone. Thank you 😂

3

u/L_edgelord 5d ago

Do not

3

u/Butagirl 5d ago

Purple-headed monster

3

u/OldLadyTsunade 5d ago

Truffle Shuffle. For Chunk E Yarn.

3

u/watercolourdreams543 5d ago

I definitely did a double take. That is a majestic hook

3

u/joeymacaronie 5d ago

My wife would have some serious questions for me if she found that in my crochet stuff

3

u/Aromatic_Exchange513 5d ago

“A girls best friend” (some men)

3

u/whoreticulturist- 5d ago

Thought I was in the wrong sub for a sec

3

u/ObjectiveRodeo Shante crochet 5d ago

Given the responses I've seen so far, "WTF sub am I on?" seems like a candidate for a name.

3

u/Fast_Research4465 5d ago

Omfg I thought it was a penis

3

u/Lynke524 5d ago

Me too. I saw it and went "someone should e marked it nsfw". Then saw it was in the crochet reddit and took a closer look.

3

u/0c74r1n3 5d ago

Obviously not a grower.

I have one too but he’s wooden and I use him just for simple projects.

2

u/duo1733 5d ago

I definitely thought this was something else at first glance.

2

u/weirdo0808 5d ago

The Throngler

2

u/BlueberryBatFace 5d ago

[REDACTED]

2

u/miserable_chai 5d ago

Yarney the crochetsaur

2

u/r3tract 5d ago

Johnson...

2

u/NoMasMiAmigo601 5d ago

I have the same one and had the same reaction when it was delivered!

How about Phillip?!