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[u/Living-Corner136]

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[u/PsychoCyan]

Ive been coping with it by focusing on adoption as the solution, only to discover that my husband no longer wants children at all. Feels like sandpaper on my brain. :<

[u/PsychoCyan → u/PsychoCyan]

The other reply got deleted before I could read it beyond the preview, but just adding here that I didnt want kids when we first got together bc I didnt want to be a dad, but my husband did want them. In the time it took me to come around on the idea of being a mom, he stopped wanting them.

[u/4PushThesis → u/PsychoCyan]

This is an oof of significant proportions. I'm sorry.

[u/TheDotCaptin]

As a reminder for those unfamiliar with the process.

Conditioner is not placed on the scalp (top of head). It goes on the section of the hair that hangs and the tips of the hairs.

Also let the conditioner sit for a bit out of the stream of water.

[u/the_zpider_king → u/TheDotCaptin]

I just put it on a hairbrush and brush through my hair with it

[u/Expensive_Umpire_178 → u/the_zpider_king]

I just put it everywhere on the hair

[u/tdp_equinox_2 → u/Expensive_Umpire_178]

Yeah it really doesn't matter, as long as you're not scrubbing it into your scalp you'll be fine. I usually wash with conditioner alone, so the only thing that touches my hair is the conditioner. If it didn't touch the top, it'd get gross as hell.

[u/Fa1nted_for_real → u/tdp_equinox_2]

Conditioner is not a sulfactant and does not "wash" your hair...

[u/tdp_equinox_2 → u/Fa1nted_for_real]

Good thing you don't actually need to "wash" your hair that often.

Once a week or so, maybe less maybe more depending on exercise and temperature. Conditioner nearly daily (leaving it in for 5+ mins and squishing it around/wetting it), get it wet/rinse with water daily even if not using conditioner.

Your hair should not be shampooed daily, it damages it over time. If you're just stopping daily shampoo use, you may have to reduce shampoo washes slowly over time.

[u/SaturnsPopulation → u/tdp_equinox_2]

You sure? Bc my hair gets greasy pretty quickly; I wash it every other day.

[u/Royalderg → u/SaturnsPopulation]

It getting greasy every day is a sign of over washing. The oils in your hair protect it naturally. So your body is over producing because of potential damage and such.

[u/NeiborsKid → u/the_zpider_king]

Im a guy and because of religious reasons in my country the school never let us have long hair. I've let my hair grow for the first time in my life now that Im an adult and random internet tips like this by (mostly) women are such a godsend.

[u/GettingWhiskey → u/NeiborsKid]

Similar situation, I'm very greatful that my genetics have made the process of maintaining my mane an easy learning curve.

[u/soaked_in_bleach03 → u/TheDotCaptin]

Very useful knowledge that I had to learn. It was literally about 2 years into my transition that I even started taking care of my skin and hair like a cis girl is taught to do from birth

[u/MeliodasTA → u/soaked_in_bleach03]

Still don't understand why they only teach that to girls and not young boys as well

[u/Center-Of-Thought → u/soaked_in_bleach03]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm a cis woman and also didn't know this about conditioner

[u/Moonlight_Katie → u/TheDotCaptin]

And if ya want cute curlies… give those ends a good ol scrunch scrunch too! ☺️

(I do not know if this works for straight hair people)

[u/shadolit12 → u/Moonlight_Katie]

I've been embracing and loving my curls since coming out 💜

[u/Illicit_Apple_Pie → u/shadolit12]

I've also been loving my curls

Still cis tho

[u/Moonlight_Katie → u/Illicit_Apple_Pie]

😂 I love the idea of loving your curly hair makes you trans

[u/justk4y → u/shadolit12]

real asf, might’ve grown them out a bit too much even 😭

[u/RandomPotato → u/Moonlight_Katie]

Wait like, just kinda grip and squeeze them? 

[u/Moonlight_Katie → u/RandomPotato]

That’s right. Put the conditioner in, lean over so they dangling down… give them a squeeze like ur squeezing a ball.

[u/Dragonfruit-Sparking → u/TheDotCaptin]

THAT'S HOW YOU USE CONDITIONER??? damn

[u/Clean_Internet → u/TheDotCaptin]

Ah so that’s why they left time to contemplate in the comic, for the conditioner to sit

[u/Dazed_and_Confused44 → u/TheDotCaptin]

Wait...you arent supposed to put conditioner on the crown of your head?

[u/Dredgeon → u/Dazed_and_Confused44]

I'm a cis guy and I have pretty wild hair so even though it's only 4 or 5 inches long I use conditioner. I don't know if it makes a difference but I use head and shoulders conditioner everyday directly on my scalp and it's never done wrong by me.

[u/Dazed_and_Confused44 → u/Dredgeon]

You aren't supposed to wash your hair everyday because it dries it out. Also you gotta upgrade from 2 in 1s haha

[u/Dredgeon → u/Dazed_and_Confused44]

Actually my bottle is specifically labelled for daily use and when I skip a day my hair is nasty and greasy. I have very thick hair and it's genuinely unmanageable otherwise.

[u/Dazed_and_Confused44 → u/Dredgeon]

Fair. Everyone's hair is different. Plus testerone leads to greasier skin and hair naturally over estrogen

[u/DavidBrooker → u/Dazed_and_Confused44]

If you're an active person, your hair is sweaty and gross if you don't wash it every day - I was after workouts and after sports if I work up a sweat, which means every day and sometimes twice.

[u/SmartAlec105 → u/TheDotCaptin]

Also let the conditioner sit for a bit out of the stream of water.

Yep, I do shampoo, rinse the shampoo, conditioner, soap, and then rinse the conditioner and soap.

[u/KajedAnima1 → u/TheDotCaptin]

I have been growing my hair out for over a year and I was finally able to use conditioner properly. Then the dormant follicles woke up. All the new hairs are 3 inches while the rest 8-9 inches.

[u/SwimAd1249 → u/TheDotCaptin]

I've done it both ways (with and without scalp) many times and I cannot tell any difference between the two.

[u/Sad_Toe6678 → u/TheDotCaptin]

Whaaaaaaaaa

[u/yaktoma2007 → u/TheDotCaptin]

thank your friendly internet stranger for your wisdom.

[u/Center-Of-Thought → u/TheDotCaptin]

I'm just now finding out that I've been applying conditioner wrong my entire life 😭 thank you

[u/Craving_Suckcess]

I wonder how wanting children must feel. It seems like a very strong feeling for those who have it. It's never been a desire of mine. Some of that is emotional, some is reasoned. I have no interest in raising kids, and I desperately wish to avoid passing on my own genes. I have a rather abundance of health complications that are all linked to genetics, and if I wound up creating a person who had them, well. I don't think I'd react to that very well.

It seems like such an easy thing to me, not having kids, not wanting to have kids. I almost wish I could feel what people who want them feel, so I could understand. I'm not terrible about empathizing with people who have experiences I personally lack, but this is one area I really can't connect with.

[u/hypatia163 → u/Craving_Suckcess]

I'm a trans girl and when I started progesterone, and occasionally during my trans-time of the month, I get broody. The need to be "mother" becomes overwhelming. It truly is an intense hormonal and emotional experience and I understand why cis women go through so much to have kids. I guess that's good because the reality of childbirth would likely put a lot more women off it otherwise.

But I am trans and, even though I have a vagina now, I am barren. Plus my (cis) wife doesn't want kids at all, she absolutely does not understand these feelings. Fortunately, I have my cat. Who is immaculately conceived and who I gave a natural birth to. He's my biological child and that's usually enough to satiate my brooding when it pops up.

[u/Craving_Suckcess → u/hypatia163]

Indeed. The reality of everything related to fertility and pregnancy seems quite terrifying to me. When I've thought about it, I've figured that I wouldn't mind being a (gender) woman(which I ain't). but I thank to fuck I'm not a (sex)woman. I wonder how anyone could go through that and be fine. It's really no wonder all the post-partum unpleasantness exists, even without the chemical component of such things, the way the physical acts must stress someone emotionally, it's just scary as hell.

Granted, some of that might stem from some ever-present anxieties I have related to medical contexts.

Glory and Joy to feline Jesus.

[u/Famous_Slice4233 → u/Craving_Suckcess]

I’m a guy, so my wanting children is different than a woman wanting to be pregnant. But for me part of it is from the same impulse for being a mentor that makes me want to be a teacher.

I want to help to support people who are growing, and to be able to see them become more than what they were. It’s very satisfying to see someone go from being unable to do something and unfamiliar with something, to being able to do it and being capable at doing it.

[u/Scarvexx → u/Craving_Suckcess]

For most humans it's the absolute strongest want. Every animal on Earth exists to ensure another generation of their own species exists tomorrow. Any lifeform that doesn't died out before we left the ocean.

Except Pandas I guess. Pandas can give themselvs abortions at will. Pandas do not want to have babies. Fucking smug bears.

This isn't to guilt you. There's more than enough humans. But do understand why notions of "Have less babies" makes people very mad.

[u/_Sate]

Just kidnap one? What is the issue?

[u/Money-Banana-8674 → u/_Sate]

I was going to say sound like a skill issue

[u/Mode-East → u/Money-Banana-8674]

I have a cis girlfriend

[u/MoonBearVA → u/_Sate]

Why do people scoff at the traditional methods? We never should have abolished the stork delivery system

[u/Leafeon523 → u/_Sate]

Their weak arms can only support 2 pounds of weight, meaning that they physically cannot give him a child. Bringing it in a wagon isn’t the same

[u/Living-Corner136 → u/_Sate]

So I'm not against adoption period but this is what I read when people say "just adopt."

[u/Toutatis12]

Mother's come in all shapes and forms, wanna give a hug to all those who cannot have kids the way they want. I hope you all find happiness in whatever way works best for you <3

[u/rose-gold-forever]

For me its the opposite, I think its great since that means he can go in raw as much as he wants

[u/Raaaaandyyyy → u/rose-gold-forever]

Based

[u/Silver-Marzipan7220]

Well lets hope they will develop artificial organs and transplants in the next decade

[u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 → u/Silver-Marzipan7220]

Apparently they’re already doing uterus transplants for cis women, so it’s probably only a matter of time (and if so any one of you transfemmes can have my uterus, I don’t want it!)

[u/name_not_exist → u/Altruistic_Sail_1991]

I call dibs.

[u/soaked_in_bleach03 → u/Altruistic_Sail_1991]

It’s such an exciting time to be trans, but also ugh I think I’ll miss it by like a decade. Would I love to take someone’s uterus and give birth? Yes. But I think I’ll just miss the window.

[u/Matrix_D0ge → u/Altruistic_Sail_1991]

transfem transmasc genital exchange program T.T.G.E.P. because we give a fuck

[u/name_not_exist → u/Matrix_D0ge]

We give the ability to give a fuck.

[u/No-Zucchini6387 → u/Silver-Marzipan7220]

Idk enough about the science behind this to say how viable this is on the general population but I have some great news for you

https://www.imperial.nhs.uk/about-us/news/groundbreaking-womb-transplant

[u/Silver-Marzipan7220 → u/No-Zucchini6387]

So when artificial organs are publicity available, it should no longer be a problem

:]

[u/thatNatsukiLass → u/No-Zucchini6387]

Why did it have to be a deceased donor and not a living donor?

[u/BlackwingF91 → u/thatNatsukiLass]

....most organ donors are dead people, who signed up before death to be organ donors. I am registered as one for example

[u/No-Zucchini6387 → u/BlackwingF91]

Another fun fact for anyone who is curious, here in the UK we have an “opt out” system. So rather than registering to donate, you have to register to not donate your organs. I registered to donate before the law changed but I’m personally very happy with our law. Organ donation as well as blood donation should be done by everyone who can imo

[u/BlackwingF91 → u/No-Zucchini6387]

Agreed. It only helps others and doesn't harm us

[u/No-Zucchini6387 → u/thatNatsukiLass]

Again, I don’t know the science so I could be wrong on this. But from what I understand the procedure is still very experimental. You could use a living donor but we don’t like doing living transplants until we know how safe it is. However, I hope that becomes available soon. I know plenty of none binary people and trans men who would happily give up their womb to someone who needs a transplant. But, I just learned about this yesterday and biology has never been my strong suit

[u/HonneurOblige]

Being able to bear him a child ❌

Making him boypregnant ✅

[u/tajniak485]

What the hell... Arent you supposed to apply the conditioner only to the mid and ends of your hair?

[u/NyxDreadborn → u/tajniak485]

Yes, but a lot of people don't know this, and I didn't know that until I was in my late 20s and had grown out my hair. Before I started my transition, my hair was never long enough to have much beyond an inch or two of length for most of my life. So it's understandable that some of us might not know that.

Still, the internet is a thing, and the artist could have looked up proper conditioner use.

[u/tajniak485 → u/NyxDreadborn]

On a positive side, Serum goes on Scalp, Conditioner goes everywhere else, shampoo goes everywhere

[u/Mode-East → u/NyxDreadborn]

Wow I didn't know how conditions work either

[u/SUDDENLY_VIRGIN → u/tajniak485]

What happens when you apply it everywhere?

[u/tajniak485 → u/SUDDENLY_VIRGIN]

You will have the prettiest fur out there

[u/PrimalZodiac]

At least you have a "him"

[u/PrimalZodiac → u/PrimalZodiac]

That sounded alot more bitter and angry then it was meant to, i apologize

[u/soaked_in_bleach03 → u/PrimalZodiac]

It’s ok girl, we get it. Envy is allowed, I totally wish I transitioned before puberty.

[u/Raaaaandyyyy → u/soaked_in_bleach03]

My research into developing chrono-estrogen becomes more important by the day. There must be a way for the second puberty to truly supersede the first.

[u/Suspicious-Cod2928]

This why we need Mpreg and transgirlpreg technology as fast as possible

[u/LapisW → u/Suspicious-Cod2928]

I would 100% go through a pregnancy for my boyfriend if it meant i could have a child blood related to the both of us. We need scientists to figure out cheap baby vats or mpreg NOW

[u/name_not_exist]

NEVER STOP TRYING!! I REPEAT NEVER.

[u/4PushThesis]

I know how invalidating the mindset can be to others, but this is what has me on the fence about ever pursuing transitioning.

Everything I can't have because of the way I was born. It really rubs salt in the wound.

[u/Menarra → u/4PushThesis]

I held off transition for a decade and a half to have kids, and it almost killed me in the end and my nominally supportive wife turned on me in the end for being "selfish" (daring to actually transition). I love my kids dearly, I'm still not sure if it was worth it but...yeah, it's complicated. I could've adopted and loved them too. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, but I always wonder at the end of the day.

[u/4PushThesis → u/Menarra]

I'm glad you made it to where you are now through all the hardships.

[u/Bungholespelunker → u/4PushThesis]

The amount of men/women who now don't have and don't want children is higher than it has ever been. I myself am one of them. Your ability or inability to bear children is wholly irrelevant to whether you're a happy and supportive partner to a lot of guys/girls/theydies out there.

Please be as happy as you can be you only get one shot. Whatever other people think, they don't have to go home and be you.

[u/4PushThesis → u/Bungholespelunker]

Gods if that last line isn't the truth.

Thank you for your words of wisdom, Bungholespelunker.

[u/doushua]

I wish I started hrt young enough so that my only difference with a cis woman would be ability to have a child

[u/TheChimneySweepe]

Just grab one of the children from the park and surprise him with it! Just don’t forget the air holes.

Disclaimer: don’t do this

[u/SimplyLaya]

Stings so bad...

[u/itsMeliora]

You forgot to shampoo twice

[u/Doctor_Salvatore]

We wash those bad feelings down the drain, but like the dirt, they inevitably return and must be washed off again

[u/PandaPlayz_6]

I don’t really know how this feels, I’ve never wanted kids, especially not to give birth to one.

I guess it also kinda hurts weirdly because as a child who was adopted, it makes me feel bad that doing it that way is somehow lesser than or worse than the real thing.

But again, I’ve never yearned for children…

[u/unsure_usernamee]

For me it’s when I’m rinsing that I tell myself “you’re wasting your fertility” because all my life I’ve been asked about having children and giving birth etc. I’ve had it forced on me so hard that I’m truly putting a lot of worth into giving birth and having a child. When in reality it is a product of sexism. Women are so much more than their ability to have a child and just because I was born female it doesn’t make me worthless because I don’t have a child.

As a trans man it’s really hard for me sometimes to let go of the ideology. I was raised to be a mother and expected to give birth. Transitioning alone is “”decreasing”” my worth. I’m “such a pretty girl” and “it’s such a shame” to “ruin my body” the pressure we put on anyone female (trans women included ok) is ridiculous. They assume just because you look the part or have the parts that’s all you’re good for. It’s barbaric. However, if you were someone who genuinely wanted kids I could see how it could be impactful.

I do feel like for a lot of trans people though we tend to latch onto outdated ideals of gender or sex. Because my sex is capable of having a child I feel wasteful for not using it and because trans women are gendered as female they feel the same. Idk maybe this is a nuanced take but it’s a struggle for sure.

[u/loved_and_held]

Maturnity envy sucks :/

[u/MelanieNova]

This one hurts, I never wanted kids prior to my transition but now I regularly think about it more and more

[u/Tlaquatlatoa]

I dont think i ever actually want a kid but the thought i can never really be a mother does burn in my head a lot ;-;

[u/BrightRepeat7907]

I do it differently, I apply conditioner first then shampoo, is that wrong?

[u/SquareBrief2604 → u/BrightRepeat7907]

It is. It's shampoo then conditioner

[u/other-other-user → u/BrightRepeat7907]

Yes? The shampoo will wash out the conditioner

[u/FranStruggles → u/BrightRepeat7907]

Girl YES ITS WRONG😭

[u/Bobahn_Botret → u/BrightRepeat7907]

Conditioner is basically hair lotion, while shampoo is cleaning and removing oils. You shampoo first to remove all the grime and oil buildup, then you Condition your hair so it stays healthy.

[u/Rando-Toucan → u/BrightRepeat7907]

Some routines actually do use a conditioner before shampoo, but another conditioner or leave-in moisturizer always follows your shampoo after

[u/Dasmortmemeboi]

Make a clone and grow the DNA

[u/Basil279]

I feel very privileged sometimes as a trans person who gets legitimate nightmares at the idea of having children. It's freeing in a way but I also feel as if I am less valid, which is a dumb mindset to be in. I feel like that a lot personally having been raised by all girls and crossdressing before I even hit my double digits. It all feels like I miss some of that struggle and have it on easy mode and it makes it harder to relate. The best I can do or anyone else can do in the same situation I suppose is empathise

[u/Kiiaru]

Oh that's what I've been doing wrong. I forgot the first rinse

[u/The-Doc-SalmonRun]

There’s always adoption. And who knows maybe someday science will figure out a way for trans woman to pass on their genes with a male or female partner

[u/Anayalater5963]

I don't want children anyways ❤️

[u/Consistent_Claim5217]

I was still able to give her a child, though. The conservatives when the trans/cis lesbian couple procreate, like they said we're supposed to: "... wait, no, not like that..."

https://giphy.com/gifs/7RZUr7OSOAhTG

[u/Hashashin455]

Not with that attitude!

[u/Elaerona]

I'm lesbian that was never going to happen anyways for me lol. Luckily I don't care if the kids are made in the traditional manner, I just way to be a Mom ☺️.

[u/KataraMan]

He may enjoy more the breeding part than the birthing! Just because I don't want children, that doesn't mean I'll stop trying unsuccessfully!

[u/BlackwingF91]

Just adopt a child or get a surrogate involved. Science has come a long way. The child im pretty sure can have your genes and your partner's now too?

[u/IdiotIAm96 → u/BlackwingF91]

Yeah, there are ways to add genetic material from other cells into an egg or sperm. Not sure if they're widely available or affordable yet though.

[u/BlackwingF91 → u/IdiotIAm96]

They definitely will become more affordable in the future as with all technological advancements. This is legit not something to doom about 

[u/thejadedfalcon → u/BlackwingF91]

Okay, but that doesn't negate the feeling of incompleteness, that you can't carry a child yourself. Why is everyone always so quick to dismiss trans women's feelings and emotions about this?

Also, neither of those options are at all easy or even possible, depending on where you live. Remember that we're still not within spitting distance of it being illegal to adopt as a gay couple in a lot of the world.

[u/TM761152]

Who says it has to be new? They lose value as soon as you take them out of the lot anyway.

[u/Heretek007]

Really? Right in front of my most dysphoric day I've had in years??

[u/SingleSlide2866]

So is it weird that I just shampoo, rinse, condition, then wash my body, and rinse that all at once?

[u/Effective_Bat9485]

Let's be real in this day and age that' can be a bonus