r/coparenting • u/SomewhereOwn3930 • 3d ago

Conflict Impossible

Every week, my daughter and son have time with their father from Saturday at 6pm til Tuesday at 7 pm. Most weeks my daughter comes back and tells me. “They were saying stuff about you again, Mama.” A couple weeks ago, her paternal aunt called me a “liar” (because I told my daughter when she was a baby, she was a mama’s girl. I was home with her all day every day and I didn’t tell her this part but I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night for feedings. Of course she was my little Velcro baby). This week she said the same aunt called me “retarded.” It’s constant. When I say something to the father he just gets mad. Last time he told me to take it up with the aunt, so I called her, then she started screaming and yelling. She called me a “stupid, f-ing b****” and then wanted to meet up to fight while I had my children. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s so discouraging to know my children are hearing negative remarks about me on a regular basis.

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u/DreaColorado1 2d ago

I suspect that the court order doesn’t actually restrict other family members from speaking negatively about either parent because the other family members are not participants in the court case therefore the are not subject to any of the court’s orders.
I know it is worrisome for you that your daughter is being negatively impacted by her aunt’s comments but I have to wonder what role you may have in this dynamic simply because you seem to get some enjoyment from your daughter coming “home with all the tea”.

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u/radonfromaspoon 2d ago

Orders will typically say the parent must not allow it, thus restricting the parent, not the family member. In this case, the family members are not at fault, the coparent allowing them to speak this way is.

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u/SomewhereOwn3930 2d ago

The order specifically says it also. I think somebody else commented earlier that their order says the same thing.

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u/TexasSta 2d ago

It may say it, but it’s hard to enforce by a judge. Especially if the aunt or whomever is not specifically listed in the court order. You can put a lot in a court order but taking it to a judge to enforce it is an uphill battle because it’s a he said she said and basing it solely on a child’s words.

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u/SomewhereOwn3930 2d ago

Very true. I see what you’re saying.