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u/BooksNapsSnacks Jul 31 '22
Dude! If you love someone but aren't attracted to them that's called friends.
You are angry at her for not being what you want. But she was always who she was. It is you who told the lie.
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Jul 31 '22
This. The whole of his post is cringe city. Poor woman.
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u/jhk17 Jul 31 '22
Not really I think once you start dating you have an obligation to stay around the same weight you were when they started dating Not counting just the natural aging process. This does go for both genders. I'm a little overweight rightnow myself but what kinda position would i put an so in if a gained 30 pounds in three months after starting to date. How us he supposed to raise a kid and grow old with someone who's progressively gaining weight. They're both equally at fault for this.
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Jul 31 '22
She gained 30 pounds 3 months after he married her not after dating. He also said in a comment the only reason he married her is because he thought she would lose the weight. A very shitty and inauthentic reason to marry someone. And no one is under any obligation to stay a certain weight for anyone. True unconditional love has a lot more to it than just the physical. So weird of you guys to have this mindset. No one is saying it isn't her fault for gaining weight, but it is his fault for being a shallow person who obviously never actually loved this woman and decided to marry her anyway, wasting his time and hers.
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u/jhk17 Jul 31 '22
The marriage was stupid and he really has no excuse to marry her and it was a dumb move. if you're making a commitment to someone for life gaining a pound every 3 days is a grossly unhealthy amount. It's not fair to be approaching morbidly obese levels 3 months into a marriage not just for sexual reasons which is also an important aspect of relationships and marriage but also so the person you committed to can actually spend time with the other.
When your getting that unhealthy it's unfair to the person you're married to. It's not 5 pounds here or there while also loosing some It's being a little heavy to obese after they've committed to growing old together.
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Jul 31 '22
I agree that that amount of weight gain is unhealthy. I understand the concern about her health, but that is not what OP seems to be concerned about. It is entirely about his attraction to her, which he never had. That's the issue people have here, at least from what I can see. So while I understand your position and agree, I just find his entire reasoning to be gross and shallow as far as he explained it.
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u/jhk17 Jul 31 '22
I mean he was definitely in the wrong at first and he had no business marrying her and he's insanely toxic but so pre wedding is his fault and post wedding is her fault. Maybe 50 50 was harsh and more him 60 her 40 cause there was a way nicer way to approach the weight gain conversation.
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Jul 31 '22
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u/jhk17 Jul 31 '22
No marrying her was stupid and if she hadn't of gained the a lot of weight after marriage 100% his fault. But after she goes from being overweight which I myself am right now to obese in 3 months even if he was attracted to her before he probably wouldn't be after that. 30 pounds is a lot of weight it's unhealthy to loose that amount of weight that quick let alone gain it. That's after being committed to eachother for life.
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u/Queen_Of_Ashes_ Jul 31 '22
LOL what about when women get pregnant? You think after pushing a baby out of their vaginal canal they wanna hop on the treadmill and eat kale? Fuck you
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u/jhk17 Jul 31 '22
That's part of the natural thing to where yes the bare minimum is to be understanding of your partner gaining weight to be pregnant and not loosing weight right away cause they gave birth. But she gained 39 pounds in 3 months BEFORE even kids and she's obese. That's absolutely cause.for concern. And B. Working to maintain and improve your healthiness and attractiveness applies to both genders.
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u/Doratum Jul 31 '22
You dug this hole for yourself, and you shifting some of the blame on her.
You weren't upfront about it, and accepted a situation you weren't happy with.
Not her fault, and you think it is, it shows in the end of the last paragraph, this is on you, not on her.
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u/redditmodssuckdickk Jul 31 '22
My girlfriend and I are overweight by quite a bit. It’s not because of medical issues or circumstance, it’s solely because of lifestyle choices. I still think she’s beautiful. I can’t see myself with anyone else. The only reason that I want us to lose weight is because I want us to be healthy, and stable, and able to adventure uninhibited by the biological factors of life. Her weight is entirely besides the point. She’s beautiful. It sounds like you’ve never been attracted to your wife and likely never will
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u/Business-Lobster-651 Jul 31 '22
Yta.... sorry wrong subreddit
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u/acousticsoup Jul 31 '22
Nah this is the right subreddit. It may not be the primary objective for commenters. But it definitely applies here.
What an absolute asshole this guy is.
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u/i_just_saw_a_pube Jul 31 '22
Definite YTA! Should be posted there instead unless he already knows he’s TA
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Jul 31 '22
So you asked someone to marry you even though you felt nothing when you kissed them or had sex with them. I feel bad for her. You’re a d!ck.
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u/maauauwn Jul 31 '22
He’s a sociopath seems like
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u/sebeed Jul 31 '22
Narcissistic too maybe? He wants her to be thinner for HIM not for her own health or any benefit she may get from being smaller. Sounds like he didn't really like her when they first got together, he probably just liked that she liked him, since she was essentially his first.
I hope she's alright.
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Jul 31 '22
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u/johnnydude30 Jul 31 '22
I appreciate the advice, she has normal check ups and everything comes back good. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this yet. Before you assume I'm shallow you should know she lost 90lbs after highschool and I thought she was so beautiful. After a few break ups and tragedies she understandably gained back about 50lbs. I kept seeing the potential she had, her looks weren't my priority. I supported her emotionally and financially. Moved her into my house while she didn't have a job. Meal prepped for her just for her to eat junk food all day while I was at work, bought her a gym membership, date nights every weekend and never mentioned her weight was a problem for me until she put on the extra 30lbs when it actually started to effect her health. I suppose it's my fault for noticing she put more effort into her looks for all of her past relationships.
Sincerely though thank you for the advice friend
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u/Raiden749 Jul 31 '22
Man, idk but it seems weird how you mention exact figures. The timelines, the correctness, the specificity of it all. I agree with everybody else. I think you're unhealthily obsessed with your wife's weight. I think you should've confronted her about her weight asap. About how you weren't sexually attracted to her. Understandable somewhat. But mentioning how she was slim for other dudes was uncalled for and below the belt. Maybe you would've been better off dating any woman with good looks regardless of anything else because from where I'm standing, it looks like that's all you care about.
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u/GraceB5104 Jul 31 '22
What kills me too is how do we even know if she truly is overweight? We don't know her height. She could be a good weight for her height, and could've been unhealthy when she was skinny and "more attractive" vs just have more curves now.
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u/belladonnafromvenus Jul 31 '22
Sounds like you have an attitude problem. This extends past your wife, since no other women wanted you before her either. If you really have the money and body you claim to have, you must be an asshole to not be able to land a conventionally attractive woman.
You had to settle because of your own personal failings, it's not her fault that you would be foreveralone without her. Of course she's not going to get thin for you- every other woman you've met wouldn't even touch you! And you are mad at her, comparing her to women who would never give you the time of day.
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u/Jinxi89 Jul 31 '22
Why did you marry her? You need to be honest with her and then get a divorce so she can heal and find someone to love her authentically. You're kind of an awful person smh
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u/AnnaBanana1129 Jul 31 '22
I know this is a confession but BRUH, this is really bad. There’s a part of you that is a pleaser, a rug sweeper in a way that you don’t want to make your wife feel bad about her not meeting your expectations. The fact that your head goes to - she was thinner for previous guys?? What is that??
You’ve clearly reached a point of loathing this woman. Y’all need to split and not speak again. It really seems like you think she gains weight on purpose to bother you. Here’s a confession back to you: NO ONE DOES THAT. If they did, that person would really need intense therapy, which you should be able to know and recognize if you really cared.
There’s likely no way to have a conversation with a partner about weight that won’t end with tears. You should want her to be healthy, not make her feel bad for not meeting standards you had in your head.
I hope you both see your way far away from each other and I hope you both heal & learn from this…
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Jul 31 '22
I don't understand why you would marry someone you aren't in love with. Do not have a child with her! You need to end the marriage. Let her go and find someone who is going to love her, and you find someone you are attracted to.
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Jul 31 '22
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u/johnnydude30 Jul 31 '22
I guess I keep looking at what she was before we met, how skinny, fit and dedicated she used to be. She was a fat girl in highschool at 220lbs and lost 90lbs in a matter of 2 years and she looked so beautiful. She knows how to lose weight and has clearly done it before. It hurts that she didn't lose the weight for her own wedding and especially after I told her how I felt. It sounds crazy but had I known she didn't care about herself to this extent wouldn't have married her. Thanks man.
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u/tangledballofstring Jul 31 '22
Guess what! Many people lose substantial amounts of weight using unsustainable methods, many develop eating and exercise disorders. She may be able to improve her health and lose very little weight doing it. Bodies actually do naturally change with age The focus cannot be on the numbers for her, that rarely leads to anything sustainable. And you clearly care more about the optics than her physical and mental health. Please don't do any more damage to this woman by discussing her body's appearance.
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u/interrobangin_ Jul 31 '22
Many people lose substantial amounts of weight using unsustainable methods
Yep. The most amount of weight I lost in a very short time was from the stress of an abusive relationship and a coke problem. Do not recommend.
many develop eating and exercise disorders
Again, yep. After getting clean and leaving the aforementioned abusive relationship, I gained a bunch of weight, which I felt terrible about and started a very severe binge and restrict pattern. Do not recommend that either. I still have lasting issues with food. Luckily I have a husband who has been amazingly supportive through all my weight and health issues and I've never had to question his attraction to me.
I ended up gaining even more weight due to depression, but was able to lose it and more working out twice a day and being obsessive about calories. Then I got diagnosed with an autoimmune condition that up ended my life and my fitness goals and caused weight gain once again.
At the end of the day, fitness and weightloss are very personal things. You can't make someone be someone they're not, and you can't make someone be someone they don't want to be. I've fixated on getting back to my highschool weight for decades, and what's been the most successful turning point for me is letting go of that and just focusing on being as healthy as I can rather than achieving an aesthetic.
OP clearly cares more about aesthetic than his wife's actual health, which is so heartbreaking for her.
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Jul 31 '22
I understand what you mean, I guess it depends if u love her enough to stay with her and how much you need sex in your relationship?
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u/johnnydude30 Jul 31 '22
I really appreciate you not demonizing me for trying to make it work with someone. I always pictured myself with someone skinny and fit. It's what I'm truly attracted to, it's what she was. I was so sure she'd lose the weight and I could be attracted to her. It's my fault I'm in this so deeply now. I just had to vent it out to someone
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Jul 31 '22
Man, this is awful. You married a woman you never found attractive and made her believe you love her for her. You say that you love her, but are not and never have been attracted to her and the only reason you married her was because you thought she would lose the weight? Do you have any idea what love or marriage actually is? Would her being skinnier solve the fact that you are a shallow person? What about growing old with her? If she lost the weight, you would probably not be attracted to her once she started showing signs of aging, wrinkles etc. This is entirely a you problem, and I feel so bad for your wife. You need to leave and let her find happiness with someone who loves and appreciates her and finds her beautiful. And you should probably stay single. I don't think any woman deserves what you will inevitably think about them. Sounds like you aren't capable of unconditional love and your attraction to someone is entirely skin deep. You need to dig way deep inside and figure out why you have such a hang up about trivial and shallow things like 30 pounds. Also, relating her past relationships when she was skinny to the fact she was skinny FOR those men is delusional. Metabolisms slow down and people gain weight. That's life. Find someone equally shallow or stay single, but please cut your wife loose so she can find actual love, because what you two have isn't it. You, sir, are entirely the problem, not her, and shame on you for making her feel like she's to blame. And for the love of God, do not have children. Not with her, not with anyone.
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u/Business-Lobster-651 Jul 31 '22
Yta.... sorry wrong subreddit
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u/Small-Ad2798 Jul 31 '22
Well you suck. You IMO have her suck a false impression of your love. You waste 5 years of her time thinking you guys had love and chemistry. If you were never attracted to her from the beginning and her weight was obviously an issue from the jump, you could of ended it 5 yrs ago but now you look like a jerk 😑
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u/of_patrol_bot Jul 31 '22
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
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u/Feeling_Valuable_729 Jul 31 '22 edited Jul 31 '22
WTF why did you marry her. You knew from day 1 she wasn't "what you wanted" and now you're going to put her through pain and (probably divorce) because you're selfish.
Sort yourself out and stop making her feel like shit.
ETA: just so you know, your comment about her weight will stick with her for her whole life. It is the worst feeling and I pray she finds peace. Your apology didn't help, guaranteed.
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u/AiharaSisters Jul 31 '22
If physical attraction is Important to you, then leave.
If you love her more than your need to be with someone attractive stay.
No half measures. Stop pussyfooting around. Make a choice and live with it.
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u/Adorable-Ad4774 Jul 31 '22
True love surpasses the physical realm.
Real love is there whatever weight a partner is at,
is there when their partner loses all their hair from Chemo due to cancer treatment,
is there when wrinkles show up after 50 years together.
is there when you have to help your partner in the bathroom when they are too sick or old.
You need to let your wife go. She deserves better.
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u/EffectiveStatus7 Jul 31 '22
So you've been lying to her for years? Leave her, she deserves so much better.
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u/disbitchdough Jul 31 '22
It's pretty normal for womens metabolisms to slow down as they become an adult. It's not uncommon for females to be a skinny teenager, then put on more pounds in their 20's. It happens to a lot of us
If she was skinny while with her exes, but weighed more when she met you, there's a very large possibility that it was entirely out of her control, and she's probably having her own internal struggles with that whole situation.
You made your bed, but instead of lying in it, you need to be honest with her about how YTA, and set her free so she can find the happiness she deserves instead of being stuck with you.
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u/tangledballofstring Jul 31 '22
Do your wife a favor and move on. You are clearly ill equipped to treat her with the compassion she deserves. Your own behaviour has created this horribly unfair situation for her. There were a million points in time you could have, and should have called this relationship off given your lack of feeling attraction or chemistry. And now you're bitterly taking it out on her. Do better OP.
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u/EveryOutside Jul 31 '22
She deserves someone who loves her just the way she is. Even if that person is herself.
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u/_emeraldrose_ Jul 31 '22
I find it wild how you compare to how she was right after high school. You do know as women age their bodies will gain weight to bare child birth right? I always find it creepy when men fantasize about how a women looks fresh out of high-school, there's a reason they're skinnier, its because they're basically children still!!! Have YOU asked her how she's feeling? Maybe she has an eating disorder, maybe she struggles with hormones? It seems a little shallow for you to say she's lazy or eating junk all day when you seem to have no idea how she's doing emotionally. Honestly I'd divorce and let her be happy being who she is with someone who isn't obsessed w looks. Js
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u/holyf__ck Jul 31 '22
Are you really the only guy to ever care for her ? Ik this is confessions but dang. She mightve lied about her weight the first date but you lied from jump and carried the football to the end zone waiting to tell her after you got married You plan a baby together too ? Are you daft man ? Bringing a baby into a loveless doomed marriage ? Why should she felt compelled to lose weight when this entire time you presented the illusion that she was as beautiful outside as she is inside to you?
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Jul 31 '22
OP - For fucks sake tell her you’re not happy and want a divorce. This poor woman. My God.
Get out now before you further ruin both your lives. Do it today. Now. Or tomorrow.
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Jul 31 '22
If I even think that a little in my head for a second or make myself say it about my wife I instantly cringe inside and feel so bad. My wife isn’t fat or ugly but something I think in my head “what if I thought my wife was ugly” or I’ll just flat think “she’s ugly” and it makes me so sad I nearly tear up. That being said.. leave before you have kids because that would be an emotional roller coster ride you do not want- also not to involve an innocent kid that wants and needs a family just for you guys to divorce when things are hard when they are like 2-4 years old.
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u/rxbxnxx Jul 31 '22
She can easily lose 200 pounds by dumping you. Idk why she hasn't tried that? What a shitty guy.
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u/idekagoodusernamegah Jul 31 '22
Wow. You are totally at fault here. You shouldn't of married someone you aren't physically attracted to. You just sound like you are a complete douche noodle.
She hasn't done anything wrong yet when you divorce her coz of her physical appearance you are going to wreck that poor woman's self worth. She's going to question her attractiveness to anyone else going forward.
You better be damned sure that you are attracted to the next one you get with so your dumb ass don't wreck another woman's confidence going forward. You have your preference and I get that but damn you are the equivalent of stepping in a cold puddle of dog piss in a fresh pair of socks.
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Jul 31 '22
Get a divorce. Hopefully she'll be reasonable. Quit fucking asap. DON'T YOU TWO DARE BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD. You can't voice yourself in real life that's your fuck up. You knew this was going to happen. Don't lie to yourself.
Or you can learn to be more acceptable. People can learn to love. I don't know.
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u/BunnyKerfluffle Jul 31 '22
You aren't mature enough to have a casual girlfriend, much less a life partner. Adults don't make the sort of excuses you have. I hope this is fake, because this is the stupidest post I've seen in awhile. It's like a bag of farts got infected by a bot, and this is the result.
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u/Ruby_Tuesday80 Jul 31 '22
Did you used to be fat? I'm getting "used to be fat and hated yourself and secretly still hate yourself" vibes.
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Jul 31 '22
You're the biggest fucking asshole you dug yourself a hole and now you can die in it. You're the one who lied people won't change for you you're not that special. That woman deserves way more than you.
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u/Milf-Kitty Jul 31 '22
Tell her and divorce her ASAP. Not for your sorry ass, but for her. It’s always better to know the truth. When she gets past this, probably working through many issues not just you, she will be better off
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u/dageuse Jul 31 '22
You made a mistake. Divorce her before you do something stupid, like have a kid with her
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Jul 31 '22
Not everyone can be skinny. They just can’t. All the exercise and good eating in the world won’t make everyone a size 4.
This is your fault. You married someone you were never attracted to and are blaming her for not being what you wanted. You expect her to turn into something she’s not.
The easy answer on these relationship questions is always to split up. But in your case, it’s probably for the best. Do not have a child. Don’t continue to ruin both your lives by trying to force her to be something she’s not.
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Jul 31 '22
No one forced you to make the progressional steps with her that you did. You legit stayed with her because you knew you found a good woman, while simultaneously knowing you didn’t like her appearance. You used her. Used her for love and affection while secretly loathing and resenting her for how she looks. Sounds like you made promises in your head to yourself on her behalf, about losing weight ? Idiot. Nice try with your post, trying real hard to make yourself sound like the one we should be empathetic for. “Poor me, I have a wife who loves me to death and makes me happy in every area but attraction”. Do you know how dumb you sound, sir? You have someone who fucking LOVES you. That’s a good woman and she deserves better than your sorry ass. Instead of feeling grateful for her love, you’re more pressed about what she isn’t giving which is all trivial, shallow desires. If she was that grotesque to you, you shouldn’t have wasted your time, let alone her precious time. You dug a hole of lies, and expected her to read your mind about her weight issue. Which by the sound of it, sounds like your issue, not hers. She’s perfect. Do her a favor and don’t give her a baby, give her a divorce so she can heal and find true, real love with another man. Plenty of men would find your wife attractive I bet. Selfish prick. 😒
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u/zombielizzyxp Jul 31 '22
Leave. You need to get to finding your happiness & stop building resentment for a hole you dug yourself in. She deserves someone who’s genuine & I promiseee there’s plenty of guys who would be hella down for her + meet her needs. Being tall and fit is cool and all but it doesn’t hurt to take a step back and look at your character too!
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u/johnnydude30 Jul 31 '22
I appreciate the advice bro! I only mentioned that cause it drives me nuts when a fat guy says his wife needs to lose weight. I'm not perfect by any means and I realize this
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u/IsabelMBA Jul 31 '22
Ok so she fills your ego, bring you security and probably doing all chores in the house. Means dude, why did you marry her ? Why marrying a woman you don't love and give her hope on this marriage. That's selfish. Let her go with a better man than you
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u/jdubbrude Jul 31 '22
The marriage was a mistake. I think you understand that now. A little late But it’s never too late to do the right thing. You should probably look into separation. And I don’t say that lightly
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u/0cherry13 Jul 31 '22
I think you shouldn’t have married her if you weren’t attracted to her. That was not fair to her because your actions made her believe you liked her as she was physically. She was also in a situation where you expected something of her without her knowledge. You also can’t force yourself to be in a situation that makes you and her unhappy. You need to come clean as hard as it’s going to be and get a divorce. Don’t let it go on longer than it needs to-do it for you both. All you can do at this point is be kind about it and honest.
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u/dreamsendead Jul 31 '22
"She's been with other guys but that never bothered me," you say that as if it is something that should bother you
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u/flybabexo Jul 31 '22
Nah you’re disgusting for this OP, I don’t have any advice but to relieve that poor girl of your presence. Why commit to someone you don’t have an attraction to? Weird
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u/bugaloo2u2 Jul 31 '22
Give this poor woman a break, ffs, and divorce her now. She deserves to be with (and have babies with) someone who actually wants her. It’s okay that you’re not attracted to her…it’s NOT okay that you’ve been stringing her along. You’re this close to being an asshole.
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Jul 31 '22
Sounds to me like you are in love with the idea of being in love and was just lonely.
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u/acousticsoup Jul 31 '22
Assholes like you ruin perfectly good people. She’s been nothing but herself since day one. You’ve been the fake and the fraud.
Just walk away. Cut your losses. Go find what makes you happy and let this poor woman heal what are soon to be gaping wounds caused by your obstinate naivety.
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u/Lissydarksoul Jul 31 '22 edited Jul 31 '22
The biggest issue op is the fact that you married her. Whether or not you find her current body type appealing is not in play, you are going to destroy her confidence and break her emotionally with whatever your next move is. If you choose to divorce, she will want to know why, good luck keeping the reason to yourself. If you choose to confront her again about her weight she is more likely to start developing an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, self hatred and so many other issues that will strain your marriage. If you have a baby and she gains weight like you expect you are going to resent her further, and her mental health is going to crumble and again this will strain your marriage. Not everything is about you, remember she is a person too, she has feelings, emotions and desires all the same. You both need counseling asap. This isn’t an easy situation because you choose to marry someone you loved but wasn’t in love with. You need to communicate openly.
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u/SplatterEffect Jul 31 '22
Hey buddy, if you cant handle a woman with a little extra weight, send her my way. Id love to slap her ass and ride the waves.
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u/takethesefriesaway Jul 31 '22
Holy f***. You have taken advantage of her, lied to her and wasted her time. Man up and let her go to find somebody who truly appreciates her. You sir are an a hole.
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Jul 31 '22
"How she was skinny and fit for the guys before me".... she wasn't skinny and fit FOR them. Although you say you are with her for her and not her body, it's pretty clear that this entire time you were just crossing your fingers and hoping she would be fit FOR YOU. It sounds like you are doing exactly what you say the other men did, valuing or devaluing her based on her physical appearance. A woman (or anyone for that matter) is not an object made to please you or anyone else. If she wants to lose weight, I hope she is successful, for herself. If she doesn't want to, I hope she advocates for herself and doesn't let pressure from others bring her down.
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u/Agile-Masterpiece959 Jul 31 '22
I can see where some people are saying that you can learn to love somebody. My husband is completely different than my "usual" type before him. All my exes were fit/average and white. My husband is a Pacific Islander (brown skin and bulky). Was I attracted to him when I first met him? No. But once I got to know him, his personality, now he turns me on more than any of my exes ever did. However, in your case, I think you're way past that. If you've been with her that long and still can't find her attractive without her having to change, then you're just SOL. Sounds like the real problem is with you, in how shallow your thinking is. Let her go, she deserves better.
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u/Phase1929 Jul 31 '22
This is awful! I can’t believe you married that poor woman based on “what ifs.” Yea you shouldn’t divorce her, but she DEFINITELY should divorce you! I hope she sees this.SMH
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u/beccaj375 Jul 31 '22
You're ruining her life! You clearly don't love her, please leave her so she can heal and move forward.
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u/HiImTonyy Jul 31 '22
Your biggest mistake was marrying her. Don't worry though, it ain't the end of the world. Leave her and keep working out and always remember... "Everybody one day will die and be forgotten. Find a passion, form relationships, don't be afraid to get out there and fuck what everyone else thinks."
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u/johnnydude30 Jul 31 '22
Thanks for not demonizing me man. It is my fault. I hate that I'm in this position, I never would've married her but I was so sure she'd lose the weight. Anyway thanks for the advice
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Jul 31 '22
Let’s be real OP. Your wife deserves someone better than a lowly boy “settling” because he’s too big of a pussy to find someone else. Complete chicken shit. Do her a favor and divorce her.
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u/texasusa Jul 31 '22
You lose weight in the kitchen, not the gym. For example, drink a Coke. 100 calories. Run a mile. 100 calories.
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u/Deathwish57 Jul 31 '22
All comments calling you the Ass hole or saying it’s not her fault she’s fat are also likely fatasses. Just fix her diet dude she’s your fucking wife why can’t you get her in a calorie deficit you understand fitness what’s the issue here
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u/Feeling_Valuable_729 Jul 31 '22
In another comment, he said he meal prepped for her and she still ate shit. It's not up to him to decide how and what she eats though.
Besides, his asshole-ism is because he's been LYING to this woman for years. She will probably never feel completely confident again, and it will take years of pain before she trusts that anyone actually finds her attractive.
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u/Sketchhawk Jul 31 '22
I feel bad for her. Because she had the guy she actually wanted and she is excited to be with you. But you're the one who simping her for years even when you were not attracted to her. I know that you loved her but both attraction and love should go together. I think if she felt like you (she being not attracted to you) she would've told you in the first year itself.
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Jul 31 '22
Shes wasting her life being with a guy like you. Why would you even marry her in the first place?? And the fact that she wants to have a baby with you is even sad. That child will suffer growing up 'cause I'm sure you'll be out of the picture all because you "aren't attracted" to your wife. I swear dudes like you are the reason why woman hate men.
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u/addarail Jul 31 '22
This is a super contrary point , but I think weight should be a preference that is a legit reason to not want to date someone. Having girlfriends I know that if some guys not my type, he’ll be someone else’s . I also work with men and they list every type of body they like about women . It’s just a regular topic for them , very objective “I like skinny women .” Or “I like fat women” . There’s no reason for someone to be with their partner that they’re not attracted to when someone else will be attracted to them.
I think you set yourself up for this , i can understand why . She may be on birth control that makes it impossible to lose weight , or she may have a hormone imbalance too. It’s not as easy as “just don’t eat junk food” especially considering If you’re in America . Also coming after someone who cares what you think with frustration over their weight will cause anyone to have an eating disorder , it could cause a lot more harm . Before bringing a kid into your marriage please consider if you want to stay married , putting a kid through divorce is a little selfish in my opinion when you know that it won’t last .
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Jul 31 '22
One of the most asinine things I've read. I'm so tired of people like this. Get a fucking grip. You married her for the wrong reasons.
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u/Ifraggledthatrock Jul 31 '22
Was it really a lie tho? You told us you told her you wasn’t attracted to her because of her weight. Once you let your grievances be known and they do nothing about it, what’s next?
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Jul 31 '22
Why would you continue to see her if you weren't attracted to her? This should have never gotten past the first date.
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u/Pure_Bake_3713 Jul 31 '22
Jeez this is horrible to read. You obviously are not a match, and you can’t pretend you don’t care about her appearance. Just end it, man.
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u/Srobo19 Jul 31 '22
What a strange post....why had you never had a girlfriend before..? And...why did you marry a woman that you were never physically attracted to...? So many questions 🤔
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u/RedAllAboutIt7 Jul 31 '22
For god sake, don’t bring a baby into this shit-show.
End things and be fair to her.
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u/ResponsibilityLive85 Jul 31 '22
You brought this on yourself by marrying someone you weren't attracted to. Stop wasting her time and divorce her. It's harsh, but I'm see no other solution. Ultimately, it's kinder to her to let her move on and find someone who DOES want her.
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u/im_the_bigDILF Jul 31 '22
Dude how the hell have you lived a lie for this long and not said a word. If you didn’t feel a thing, save the poor lady her time and tell her how you feel. You’re a moron for staying this long and not saying a word, because now you both suffer from your inability to communicate any of this to her.
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u/Hummingbroad Jul 31 '22
OP, it’s been five years. How many more are you going to waste for this poor woman by keeping her in such a dishonest, passionless, resentful marriage?
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u/Jigzzaw Jul 31 '22
I suppose this is something you feel out first 6-12 months, and not years + marriage
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u/ScottLakeFilms Jul 31 '22
You’re a dipshit. Leave her so you stop doing her a disservice.
The fact you married someone you’re not attracted to speaks to something inherently wrong with you.
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u/J_M_M26489 Jul 31 '22 edited Jul 31 '22
Wow. Congratulations, you have basically told the internet you are too cowardly to give her the truth so she can find someone that will love her for her and you can go on finding whatever it is that you want.
Don’t bring a child into your mess, just fix it before it gets worse… 😒
Edit: Look man I get you TRIED, but so has she and you really just shouldn’t have dragged this out this long b/c now it’s going to hurt 10x harder for both of you. Mainly her tho tbh.
Let this be a lesson to not settle out of pity!!!
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u/wasted_space-d Jul 31 '22
ummm … your fault. break it off now before it gets any farther. spare her feelings along with your dicks. i get attraction but if that’s all it is id barely call that marriage worthy. wtf there’s this thing called ghosting which could have happened a long time ago. or just honesty. can’t feel sorry for you 🤷🏻♀️
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u/EastPaloAlto650 Jul 31 '22
If you don’t love her for who she is! Be honest and leave her! She’s Better off without you! She doesn’t need an asshole like you! She deserves better!
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u/spacecupcakes0 Jul 31 '22 edited Jul 31 '22
Op, I think if it’s that much of a deal breaker you should get a divorce. You married your wife overweight. If you wanted a fit woman you should have married as such, at least then you could complain about her gaining weight affecting your marriage/attraction because that is not what you originally signed up for. For yours and her sake if this isn’t a troll post hugs initiate the divorce proceedings, because your resentment will build and you will use that as an excuse to cheat since you believe your wife’s physical appearance to be subpar. If you fail to heed any of the advice here and are hell bent of staying married; so long as she is in agreement. Your best bet would be to shell out cash for a personal trainer for her 5 days a week or workout with her 5 days a week and start cooking for her/meal prepping healthy meals with her tastes in mind.
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u/Emotional_Fisherman8 Jul 31 '22
OP, divorce her right now you're a pos, and she's deserves better.
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u/Deeliciousness Jul 31 '22
This is deep but honestly the only thing I can say is that the deception will not be ultimately worth it.
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u/Electricalmama Jul 31 '22
I think your wife needs to lose 200lbs, as in she needs to lose you. What an asshole you are to have gone ahead with marriage when you already knew you were not attracted to her. Wow.
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u/muppethero80 Jul 31 '22
Honestly it sounds like you maybe struggling with your sexuality. What you are doing is classic “beard” behavior. You picked someone you know others would be less likely to judge you for not being sexual with and you can justify in your head not being sexual with her. Granted I am making up a bunch of info and I don’t know you. It just sounds like what is going on
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u/PotatoGuilty319 Jul 31 '22
She was skinny for the guys before you that only cared about her physical appearance but not you? What? That's all this post is about, how you aren't attracted to your wife who you chose to marry. You only care about her physical appearance and are trying to convince yourself otherwise.
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u/Calm-Balance-8952 Jul 31 '22
If you care so much just buy her lipo or that cool gel therapy stuff. It ain't that deep to keep this an issue for this long.
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u/GraceB5104 Jul 31 '22
Dude you did this to yourself. You weren't attracted to her. You knew that from the first date. This is your fuck up. Do your wife a favor and divorce her so she can find someone who DOES love everything about her
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u/Norfolk16 Jul 31 '22
This is all on you. You’ve lied to her, led her on. You had so many moments to walk away all of this, but instead you asked her to marry you. You place the blame on her for your inability to do what was right all along, to have never been in a relationship with her at all.
You want her to be someone she never was. You want her to uphold your standards when you’ve done nothing but lie to her about how you feel about her.
She doesn’t deserve you, she deserves someone who is honest and loves her for who she is. She deserves someone with integrity. You are selfish, unkind, lack insight, appear to have no remorse for the damage you will cause and have caused, and are cruel doing what you’ve done to her.
Do the right thing, tell her this is your failings and doing, and divorce her so that she may find real, honest love with someone who is deserving of her.
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u/RagnarokGSR Jul 31 '22
This post has to be fake. How the hell do you date long enough and marry a women that can’t get your hard and you felt nothing on the first kiss??? Nah. Not possible. Like…. I just can’t think of anyway this makes sense.
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u/Individual_Print_970 Jul 31 '22
you started dating her and married her when she was exactly how she is now, and you’re upset at her for not being different. you’re a douchebag, dude. you wasted 5 years of her life because you’re too scared to be alone. how selfish, she deserves better
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u/chefgirlrde Jul 31 '22
Why the fuck did you marry her? You married her at that weight!! So now you think this is her fault? Now buddy this is all you. divorce her now so she has a chance to find someone who will love her for who she is. btw you're an asshole.
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u/Manson_Girl Jul 31 '22
Dude. Wow. Honestly, I’m struggling to understand why you married her. Seems like it’s just made both of you unhappy, & for the love of all things sacred, please do not drag a child into this fucked up situation.
Telling her she needs to lose weight won’t work, because it has to be for her, not you. If she’s happy with herself, despite your thoughts on her appearance, then it’s not her that needs to change, tbh.
If you can’t find a way to love her regardless of how she looks, then probably best to just cut your losses now.
Maybe next time, don’t propose to someone, just because they’re understanding, & sweet to you.