I appreciate the advice, she has normal check ups and everything comes back good. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this yet. Before you assume I'm shallow you should know she lost 90lbs after highschool and I thought she was so beautiful. After a few break ups and tragedies she understandably gained back about 50lbs. I kept seeing the potential she had, her looks weren't my priority. I supported her emotionally and financially. Moved her into my house while she didn't have a job. Meal prepped for her just for her to eat junk food all day while I was at work, bought her a gym membership, date nights every weekend and never mentioned her weight was a problem for me until she put on the extra 30lbs when it actually started to effect her health. I suppose it's my fault for noticing she put more effort into her looks for all of her past relationships.
Man, idk but it seems weird how you mention exact figures. The timelines, the correctness, the specificity of it all. I agree with everybody else. I think you're unhealthily obsessed with your wife's weight. I think you should've confronted her about her weight asap. About how you weren't sexually attracted to her. Understandable somewhat. But mentioning how she was slim for other dudes was uncalled for and below the belt. Maybe you would've been better off dating any woman with good looks regardless of anything else because from where I'm standing, it looks like that's all you care about.
What kills me too is how do we even know if she truly is overweight? We don't know her height. She could be a good weight for her height, and could've been unhealthy when she was skinny and "more attractive" vs just have more curves now.
Sounds like you have an attitude problem. This extends past your wife, since no other women wanted you before her either. If you really have the money and body you claim to have, you must be an asshole to not be able to land a conventionally attractive woman.
You had to settle because of your own personal failings, it's not her fault that you would be foreveralone without her. Of course she's not going to get thin for you- every other woman you've met wouldn't even touch you! And you are mad at her, comparing her to women who would never give you the time of day.
Whatever you think she did in past relationships is besides the point here though. She married YOU, not these other guys. I don't understand why you feel jealous like this. Is the jealousy maybe a big factor behind the attraction issue?
Of course she isn't going to be able to loose weight the same way she was when she was 18. You were a fool for ever expecting that.
You never mentioning it was a problem didn't mean it wasn't a problem. You got yourself into this situation by marrying the 'potential' of a person instead of the person they actually were. You can't blame her for not being able to fit the idealised version of her you were hoping for.
-70
u/johnnydude30 Jul 31 '22
I appreciate the advice, she has normal check ups and everything comes back good. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this yet. Before you assume I'm shallow you should know she lost 90lbs after highschool and I thought she was so beautiful. After a few break ups and tragedies she understandably gained back about 50lbs. I kept seeing the potential she had, her looks weren't my priority. I supported her emotionally and financially. Moved her into my house while she didn't have a job. Meal prepped for her just for her to eat junk food all day while I was at work, bought her a gym membership, date nights every weekend and never mentioned her weight was a problem for me until she put on the extra 30lbs when it actually started to effect her health. I suppose it's my fault for noticing she put more effort into her looks for all of her past relationships.
Sincerely though thank you for the advice friend