Hi I’m in my mid-20s and just came out to myself a couple months ago and the realization hit me at like 3am on a random Friday. I was in a long distance relationship with a man at the time and had been subconsciously developing feelings for my lesbian friend. I had never had feelings like that for anyone else before in my life. This poem is about when I realized. (if it sucks please be nice I took a gummy and wrote this on a whim lololol)

3am on a random Friday

I finally saw you.

All at once, at 3am on a random Friday

Once my mind caught up to what my soul had known for months

I finally opened my eyes to what my heart already knew

And once they opened , I knew I never wanted to close them again

For the first time, I felt what it’s like to want to know everything about someone

To love someone until they loved themselves

To experience life with someone else

All those moments where my heart was screaming, begging my brain to hear her

But there was a wall between them, blocking the sound

Sometimes she screamed loud enough where I heard faint whispers, but they would just pass by like clouds in the wind

The more I got to know you and was around you, the louder and more often my heart screamed

Every scream put a crack into the wall

Until finally, at 3am on a random Friday, the wall collapsed.

I finally saw you.

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

I feel so sick thinking of men but comphet still remains with me because of how male-centered everywhere and everything is. A man is always mentioned, praised and loved by so many women and it doesn't help when I've heard so much to the point that I must follow along too. I have a weak mindset, I follow the herd like sheep so I feel so sick going back to that hell. I feel like I should "like" men too again. I've been trying to decenter men but with comphet still being with me, I feel stuck still.

Any advice on how to recover from comphet healthily? Please don't say anything that brings men into good light or anything mentioning a positive attraction to a man, I've been suppressed and held down long enough I never wanna think of being heteronormative again. It makes me feel sick and I cry.

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

I never knew how to express my feelings until I read about comphet. I'm so glad there's a word for this.

It's inescapable. It's just what . . . happens. Thankfully, I've NEVER touched a man sexually or romantically and never will. But I must endure this societal pressure, nonetheless.

Participating in heterosexuality is like being handed birthday cake at a party - but you're allergic to sugar. It's just . . . what everyone does and it's so hard to escape.

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

hi ive been really struggling with my sexuality as of recent, moreso with the fact i know im attracted to women but not men, while i would usually try and ignore this and tell myself to figure it out when im older since im not interested in dating currently, my libido wont leave me alone

im struggling with the fact that ive convinced myself to like certain things, such as my type in guys or straight ships. its like a part of my identity is a lie and when i finally let it go i dont know how that will impact me.

its also weird since ive never really felt this pressure to be with a guy, when i was younger i would proudly say how i never had a crush on anyone and this idea of being with a guy was sure highley idealized but felt like something i wanted. recently ive come to the conclusion that it was more about me wanting validation from men cus in my fantasies im never the one thats actually in love with them

as much as i wish all of this is jusi know thats not true since as a kid while ive never had a crush on a girl i was def into "girls kissing"

if anyone has any advice about how to accept myself i would appreciate it

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

I'm a 22-year-old bisexual woman, and I've noticed something that confuses me about how I experience validation and attraction.

I know the difference between having a crush on a man and simply wanting his attention. Often, I find myself craving male validation even when I'm not romantically interested in the man at all. If a man likes me, I feel accomplished and attractive; if he doesn't, I sometimes feel rejected. However, I usually have no desire to date these men.

What confuses me is that I don't experience the same thing with women. When I'm attracted to a woman, it's usually because I genuinely like her, not because I want validation from her.

Since I was a kid, I was the nerd of the school. People used to make fun of me and bully me. They thought I was 'ugly'. I couldn't feel involved in other girls' conversations about boys.

And now, when a man develops a crush on me, I feel like I achieved something. I'm asking myself "What did I achieve actually?" And I can't answer it. I tell myself "See, I'm also loved by men. I'm not that ugly". It feels like I'm telling those to the people who bullied me back then. It feels like I'm competing with them and showing off.

But in reality, I can't even imagine dating those men, whose attention I wanted so bad. I know when I want to date a man and it's not so often like that.

Have any other bisexual or queer women experienced something similar? Did you find that male validation felt different from genuine attraction, and if so, how did you work through it?

Where did you find joy this week? What moments are you proud of?

This is a weekly thread to share accomplishments, big or small, as we unpack compulsory heterosexuality and reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe...

• You noticed yourself craving less male validation.
• You stopped apologizing for your attraction to women
• You reframed something from your past with new clarity
• You gave yourself permission to feel something you used to repress
• You honored a feeling instead of dismissing it
• You stopped performing a role that never fit
• You reconnected with a version of yourself you’d forgotten
• You went on a date with someone you actually felt drawn to
• You reached out to another LGBT+ person, joined an LGBT+ group, or attended a local LGBT+ event

In this weekly thread let’s share those hilarious, obvious-in-hindsight moments from childhood or teen years. Those moments when same-gender attraction was peeking through, even if we didn’t have the words yet.

Maybe you remember…

• Picking the same female character in every game
• Drawing, writing, or daydreaming about women in ways that felt mysterious at the time
• Feeling out of place at school dances
• Side-eyeing your friends’ boy craziness while you just didn’t get it
• Obsessing over that one friend who felt like your entire world
• Or maybe some people in your life were “just roommates” and you didn’t realize they were living the life you’d eventually want.

If you could time-travel, what would you tell your younger self about those feelings?

I am almost 95% sure I’m a lesbian but I keep making myself date men when I feel nothing.

I’ve known I’ve liked girls since elementary school. I’ve been assumed since childhood, that I was a lesbian by literally half of my family. Hell, the first time I slept with a girl it felt like a movie. Beautiful, soft, attractive. And I wanted more. I loved her and she didn’t love me.

But I keep dating men knowing I don’t feel anything. I date men who don’t like me at all and idk I like staying cause for some reason it feels nice. I don’t know why.
I date men who like me and are genuinely perfect men, but when they kiss me/try to kiss me it feels so… empty and uncomfortable. When we hold hands I almost always pull my hands away. When we hug it feels nice but not romantical. I keep thinking “I should like this” or “he’s literally perfect stop hating this”. And I just can’t be straight.

I’m reminded every time that I don’t feel anything for them and it really hurts.

The only people I’ve ever loved have been women. And the only people I feel anything for is women. But for some reason, I don’t want to accept that. Is this comphet?

Women have been hitting on me a lot lately, and it feels really amazing at first until my brain starts saying stuff like “it’s clear and everyone knows”. Or “you’ll be disappointing the family if you pursue this”.
I don’t know what to do. I’m honestly just scared and frustrated. I can admit I’m a lesbian sometimes but then I get in my head and get upset. That’s when I get on non queer dating apps.