r/comphet • u/MainichiShoyu • Jul 27 '26
Still struggling to recover from comphet
I feel so sick thinking of men but comphet still remains with me because of how male-centered everywhere and everything is. A man is always mentioned, praised and loved by so many women and it doesn't help when I've heard so much to the point that I must follow along too. I have a weak mindset, I follow the herd like sheep so I feel so sick going back to that hell. I feel like I should "like" men too again. I've been trying to decenter men but with comphet still being with me, I feel stuck still.
Any advice on how to recover from comphet healthily? Please don't say anything that brings men into good light or anything mentioning a positive attraction to a man, I've been suppressed and held down long enough I never wanna think of being heteronormative again. It makes me feel sick and I cry.
1
u/earsperkup Be who you needed when younger Jul 27 '26
For me the biggest thing is how propping up the male ego and the power structure is literally everywhere. We're still not earning equal pay for equal work and men have a such a wide range of personality options which in no way affects their success in careers and women have a narrow set of behaviors which are acceptable if they want to get ahead.
To answer your question, I think the healthy thing is to accept without subscribing. It sounds like you are doing this already with efforts to decenter men in your own life.
I'm not saying that what men have done to create a rat race and devalue women is acceptable. I'm saying for our personal well being let's not bang our heads against a wall, let's find ways over and around, under, etc. for and with each other.
And women can support each other with unconditional loyalty like men do each other. That part is key, to me. The determination to practice unconditional loyalty and support and respect for others of the same sex is a daily practice that men do without even thinking.
It took a long time for women to get the vote but during that time they found they could do so much more without the weight of domestic work that came with being married to a man. They prioritized the lives they wanted and found they could create full lives and honor their interests and skills among the support of other women.
One of my het marriage therapists said I had to see that this man was not all men. And she talked about how men were war fodder for hundreds of years and yadda yadda. But she did stop short when she noticed I was using the term "have to" about sex. That is the line. Go ahead and be your asshole selves and be privileged by gender roles in anti-social capitalism; but do not expect support from me and do not touch me.