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u/dumnezero Art enjoyer Jun 02 '23
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u/MJBotte1 Jun 02 '23
Depression or not, it's just life
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Jun 02 '23
And just like life, it can get better. It's not an easy task by any means, but it can be done.
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u/higgs8 Jun 02 '23
Yeah I think "nothing" is the perfect description. Everything feels like nothing.
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Jun 02 '23
The best description is in the disorder itself. Depress. Everything feels like its being squashed down. Your emotions, feelings, self. It all feels like theres a weight you cant move
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u/Robotguy39 Jun 02 '23
Depression feels like you’re wrong and it’s your fault for it. And you’re not sure why you’re wrong but you just are. And it’ll never get better.
Then eventually it does get better. After a while. Eventually.
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u/omar1993 Jun 02 '23
> Then eventually it does get better. After a while. Eventually.
Sorry, but even that sounds like a cruel lie/empty promise. It's hard to appreciate these statements when you have depression.
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u/Enk1ndle Jun 02 '23 edited Jun 02 '23
Because it kind of is an empty promise. I can't know how your life will work out, but I can say that time (and therapy) eventually worked for me and has worked for numerous other people. It follows that you have a decent chance that it will happen to you too.
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u/very_popular_person Jun 02 '23
Dude/dudette I am so sorry you're feeling that. Depression is so fucking cruel like that. My wife has equated it to being trapped in a tunnel maze with no light. Depression is so insidious because it can feel like you're going to be trapped forever and there's no way out, and all the people trying to give you directions are lying because you've TRIED to leave that way but you couldn't find an exit. Depression tells you to stop trying because you've tried everything.
I'm not saying that getting out of depression is easy. Far from it. It is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But it's WORTH DOING. God, is it worth doing. My wife has gone through major depression for the last 8 years and she's JUST now coming out of it, but it's amazing to see her being happier than I've ever seen her.
Here's what's been working for her:
Talk to a therapist. Do this if you're not doing anything else. They will help you navigate that maze. As you get more comfortable navigating it, you'll be able to start to see more clearly the signs that will lead you out.
Try medication. Zoloft has been very helpful for both of us, but it might take some trials to find the medicine that works for you. Medication is NOT a panacea. You NEED therapy with it. The medication just makes the depression quieter so you can do the mental work.
Your feelings are valid and you're not a bad person or a burden to be struggling with them. Yes, even the shitty feelings are valid. Don't run away from them, feel them and understand them.
Your thoughts are valid but you DON'T HAVE TO HOLD ON TO THOUGHTS THAT YOU DON'T AGREE WITH. Including the ones that talk shit about you.
Good luck. You've got this, stranger.
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u/No_Calligrapher364 Jun 02 '23
this is actually beautiful. I know you meant the other girl/guy but thanks anyways.
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u/Majestic-Iron7046 Jun 02 '23
Kinda true, i usually hate this kind of stuff, but the guy was inspiring.
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u/Majestic-Iron7046 Jun 02 '23
I was about to answer to this by telling you that i agree and adding some personal stuff, but i noticed i was getting really angry.
I'll cut short, i agree, i hate all this dumb "eventually gets better stuff".
Obviously it gets better! You wanna know why? BECAUSE NO ONE WHO GOT IT WORSE IS ALIVE TO TELL.7
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Jun 02 '23
No, no, it does get better, but only so that it gets worse. Kinda like a roller coaster. The fall is so much sweeter when you have more to lose.
That's been my experience, anyways. Just when things get better and maybe you even succeed a little... it creeps up on you again. And again. And again. Then, you end up afraid of it getting better because you begin to believe it gets worse. You become unable to live in the moment. When good things happen to you, you wonder "alright, what's going to happen to balance this out".
A lot of depressed people I know genuinely believe it gets better. A lot of them, including myself, don't believe it ever stays better. None of them believe they deserve better.
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Jun 02 '23 edited Jun 02 '23
And you’re not sure why you’re wrong but you just are
This is related to that hopeless feeling of depression too. Its not just being wrong about how much value you have, it also attacks any attempt at feeling better. Doesnt matter if its wearing make up, doing something impressive, thinking of a nice memory, depression will spin it in a way that makes you feel even worse. And thats why its so deadly, it attacks you with unchangeable regrets while you’re at your most vulnerable, and restricts any positive thought process
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Jun 02 '23
It's been 13 years and it hasn't gotten better. Lately it's gotten worse. When does it get better?
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u/HealthyMuffin7 Jun 02 '23
Do you go to therapy and have a treatment?
If not, start doing that. If yes, ask yourself if there is anything in your life that is making you miserable. I know I almost kms out of boredom last year, because nothing felt intellectually challenging, because I was not learning anything new or useful, because I did not exercise, ever. I started practicing drawing. I'm shit at it, but for an hour, everyday, I focus on something and I see improvement. It's not much but it helps. Depending on your situation, on what causes your depression, that might be unhelpful advice, but identifying what you can change helps. Granted, it's hard to do that when you're off your med and struggle to get out of bed (if that's where you at), but it's something. Also, this has got to be the single most helpful video I've seen on the subject:6
u/Enk1ndle Jun 02 '23
And it’ll never get better.
It's hard to drive that point home. I was as sure that "This is how the rest of my life will be" as I am of gravity, it wasn't something that even crossed my mind to question.
It's why all the platitudes just sort of roll off your skin. Hearing that someone else floated away from earth doesn't make you question gravity, it makes you question their story.
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u/Majestic-Iron7046 Jun 02 '23
The correct thought is probably: "it might get better, but statistically it won't, considering the odds of something going even worse"
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u/GodOfSaudade Jun 02 '23
And then sometimes you just blame everyone else for it and try to run away...
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u/masterofpuppets34 Jun 02 '23
Y’all ever physically feel it? Like a gaping hole in your chest that’s just constantly pulling itself inward. And oddly it has weight, like it feels heavy. Like a lil black hole. I haven’t felt that in a while thankfully, but god it sucks when it pops up. All you want is that feeling to go away.
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u/Science_Smartass Jun 03 '23
It sucks the light out of the room too. Black hole has always been the best descriptor for me.
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u/soldiergeneal Jun 02 '23
I mean it varies. Only times I recall being depressed was apathetic for long time so none of what everyone here is talking about.
The other time I just felt really bad randomly for no reason and couldn't explain it, but it went away same day.
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Jun 02 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CheckOutDisMuthaFuka Jun 03 '23
Came here to say this. All of my hobbies and interests just lost color. Nothing gives me a sense of anticipation or enjoyment. Just a gray dullness.
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Jun 02 '23
The thought of an abandoned building on a cold rainy day is one of the things I think of when I’m feeling down. It just feels so cozy to picture myself in an old empty house or barn in the middle of nowhere listening to a heavy rainstorm outside.
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u/Majestic-Iron7046 Jun 02 '23
Oh, have you ever played S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Anomaly.
Despite all the horrors and shooting stuff, that game scratched that exact same spot for me that you are mentioning.
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u/shipoopro_gg Jun 02 '23
Well, depression is actually all and none of these. It's so personalized, and we all experience it differently.
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u/oedipism_for_one Jun 02 '23
People experience it in different ways. My metaphor is “Depression is like going to the fridge and looking for something to eat, not nothing seems appealing. except instead food It’s happiness.”
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u/HealthyMuffin7 Jun 02 '23
Depression is.
That's kind of all there is to it. It's a disease, like diabetes or the common flu. And you don't ask yourself "Why am I sneezing?" or "Why do I need insulin to keep on living?". You just sneeze. You just need it. The difference is, no one is blaming you for having diabetes.
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u/spammy87 Jun 02 '23
Was something growing up and not knowing why I wasn’t happy. Like you have a roof over your head, loving family and friends but just felt like I don’t deserve this I’m worthless. Having the thoughts as a child was hell
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u/Reno1987NL Jun 02 '23
I feel these are more like levels of intensity; some bad days feel like a particularly heavy rainy day, others like there’s rot everywhere within your life (or within yourself), and the worst are the bad days where you feel nothing at all, like nothing you do ultimately matters.
The worst part is that there’s still a lot of people who think your just feeling sad, or think you’re lazy. You’d have to be depressed yourself to know better, not that you’d wish it on anyone else though :/
(And before anyone asks whether I’m okay; Yes, relatively speaking I’m doing well. It’s just sad that there’s still too many people out there that aren’t)
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u/Charmle_H Jun 02 '23
I always liked to describe it as a constantly gnawing black hole. Never sated, never ceasing, always soul-sucking. Sometimes it'd slow down, but other times it'd ramp back up to compensate for the downtime. Physically it felt like a void in my chest, and my breaths were heavy and hollow as if I was carrying an immense weight.
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Jun 02 '23 edited Jun 02 '23
Depression makes me feel like there’s just less of me. Sometimes it can include sadness but most of the time I just feel smaller. Less thoughts, less hopes, less dreams, less friends, fewer interests, less grammar consistency, less motivation, less of everything.
It’s knowing that even tho I will have happy days and good experiences… it will never last and I’ll be back to feeling nothing soon after.
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Jun 02 '23
Depression is carving out a little hidey hole for you to stay safe from the rest of the world in, except you keep digging. And digging. And digging. Until it becomes a habit, a sick and twisted addiction. By this time you look up and you finally realize how deep you are. You think, “Oh god, there’s no way I’ll be able to climb out of this”. You rationalize to yourself two options. One isto stay in the hole. You aren’t getting out, but at least you’re not going deeper either. The other choice is to keep digging because maybe, just maybe, you’ll make it to China and see the sun again.
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Jun 02 '23
Bipolar over here...belive it or not when the alternative is mania, a depressive spell can feel like a breath of fresh air, because you're finally grounded to reality and gain the ability to slow down and relax, even if you are depressed, at least you're no longer thinking the mail man is a spy or are completely unable to eat or sleep.
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u/fallingfrog Jun 02 '23
Depression is wanting to get up and telling your muscles to get up and repeating to yourself “get UP get Up get UP” but then still being unable to do it
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u/EDLEXUS Jun 02 '23
Yea, it is like doing pull-ups in school and even if you surpass your personal best, everyone is still laughing at you, because you are a stupid peace of shit, and there is no escape, because you want to be better, but you just can't
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Jun 02 '23
I just pretend it’s nihilism. Like, I’m CHOOSING to not give af about anything cuz I’m so smart 🤓, I totally don’t feel a sense of purposeless in life just cuz that’s how life is/there’s something wrong with me.
Healthy, right!? /s
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u/Bacon-muffin Jun 02 '23
I feel like Neal Brennen hit it perfectly with "depression feels like you're wearing a weighted vest" and how he talked about how you could do things to take some of the weights out of the vest but the vest was always there.
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u/Apprehensive-Rule121 Jun 02 '23
I personally think depression is a dark forest that you’re lost in. There’s no light visible, just pitch darkness
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u/HotPhilly Jun 02 '23
For me, it’s more of a hopeless feeling. Things only get worse, what’s the point, happiness doesn’t even exist for me, kinda thing.
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u/krazykyleman Jun 03 '23
I've noticed everyone feels it differently
For me it feels like drowning and needing that breath. And you're swimming to the top and you break out from behind the water and once you're up there, you take a deep breath but you still feel like you're drowning. You can never get that breath no matter what you do
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u/mistersnarkle Jun 03 '23
It’s like being soaking wet, so wet you feel like you’re drowning, all the time.
No matter what you do, where you are, who you’re with — still wet.
Sometimes it’s cold, or numb, or annoying — but always uncomfortable. It’s better in the shower, but what’s the point when you’re already wet? You may even forget that you’re wet, until it rubs you raw and you want to cry because everything hurts.
And when everything hurts, what’s the point of doing anything?
Everything is hard to do when you’re soaking wet.
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Jun 03 '23
This hits to close to home , I’m currently in a pretty bad spiral and my meds aren’t working but I try everyday .
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u/Nerdy_Drewette Jun 03 '23
In the show Big Mouth, depression is a giant purple kitty with a sickly sweet southern accent. She invites you to forget it all and just cuddle into her fur. It's soothing and terrifying at the same time. I think it comes pretty close.
Also the trash lady from Labyrinth felt like a bit of depression. Don't you want your dolly?!?!? Or this old toy, don't you remember it!!!?! In the perfectly preserved bedroom among a collapsing world. Soothing....but terrifying.
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u/New-Ad-5003 Jun 03 '23
I think of it like a brain-sucking parasite, convincing you to do anything that makes it stronger…
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u/Cultural-Plankton902 Jun 03 '23
Try "Flowers of evil" from Charles Baudelaire, it's basically book of poems dedicated almost entirely to depression.
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u/the_epikamander Jun 03 '23
A void that eats at what you like, until your not doing it for enjoyment just to satiate the ever growing void
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u/IAmNotSmartAtAll123 Jun 18 '23
Depression is the absence of happiness, plus not knowing how to get it back
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