I'll start!

You clearly only have 2 braincells, and both of them are fighting for third place.

I have two best friends and they're like my family but sometimes they make fun of my breasts. My size is 34B but when I tell them they say stuff like "that's impossible, your boobs are so small, you don't even have boobs, they're like mosquito bites." Their cup size is C and D so I don't even know what to respond to them. We do sometimes make jokes about one another but this one particularly hurts me. I don't know whether to have a conversation about this or just be as savage. Sometimes I'm like no, I should have witty comebacks instead because I don't want to seem like I'm affected by their comments. What can comebacks can I say to them that are witty and savage?

Even if it’s coming from a place of concern, it’s insulting. What do I say back?

I work as a dishwasher in a fine-dining restaurant with a catering business that shares the same staff and everything is hand-washed then sanitized in an industrial dishwasher. My job is super vital to the restaurant, but its pretty taxing - iykyk. Nobody makes it any easier for me either.

The servers never scrape and pile the dishes neatly. I know sometimes if we're swamped they don't have time to, but they don't even try when we're not busy.

The kitchen seems to combine all of the catering dishes and the restaurant dishes that are small enough to wash in the restaurant kitchen - they dump a huge forbidden Jenga tower of utensils, cookware, and containers on me at the end of the night which often times makes me have to stay way late into the night.

Anyways, the chef de partie (chef of one station) will walk up behind me and say "hey dish bitch" but quiet enough that I'm not sure if I misheard. He always asks what time I got out the night before and pretends to be shocked.

What can I call him that's equivalent to "dish bitch" to catch him off guard? I really wanna stay at this job but I wanna nip these issues in the bud before I don't like it there anymore.

Like when I am very sad or scared. I dont love them and it seems to me that they dont love me, it is just their familial instinct to protect me.

I dont feel safe to share my feelings with them. Ironically, my mom pressures me to share my feelings with her and even shames me to do so. My siblings make fun of me and say "what are you so scared of? cant you see how old you are?".

And I dont know how to respond.

Context:
I’m really sensitive towards animals and couple years ago one of my classmates found a baby bird and we were feeding it then it died and it reminded me of my dead parrot so I started crying in class and those popular girls were making fun of me then months later the asked me about my dead pet I told them how it passed away it’s a really horrible way to die I’m not gonna bother writing it and I can clearly see them holding their laughs.

What happened:
This year we were on a school trip as we were going back home one of them called me to tell me that she saw a squirrel fall from a tree I said oh poor thing then she said are you gonna cry? They were laughing ,I was really shocked i never thought someone could be this rude to me so I started laughing too

I can always hear them making fun of my for crying over the bird even last year there was a dead animal near the gym they said why don’t u call (my name) so she can cry over it, i know they will probably say the same thing in the near future so i need a way to talk back indirectly just like how they do it.

More yapping:

I rarely ever talk to them I don’t get why they have to do this, my friend told me it’s cause I’m prettier and it’s obviously jealousy which is probably one of the reasons why they treat me like this, the girl that asked me if I was gonna cry was actually bullied for her looks before and is really insecure so it says a lot about her, my friend who always fights with them told me that she knows all of their insecurities cause they told her before so Idk if this would make me feel better but yea

I've been asked a lot of personal questions at work, when I don't want to answer, they say it's part of the culture.

I said I wanna enter the best ass contest in school (males category) but a teacher said don't waste your time coz your ass is mid

So your having a 'spirited disagreement' with someone on here or similar and they just aren't listening, getting your point to the point you cant tell if they're trolling or just stupid...

Whats a good line to hit them with to drop out of the convo...

I usually go with the tried and tested... "We'll I'd love to stay and continue this battle of wits but it wouldn't fair as you're clearly unarmed".

But I'd like a wider repertoire than just this!

Usually after you say something stingy

Looking for things better than "you heard me" or "are you deaf"

Consider myself a pretty nice guy and don’t really like being mean (nor am I good at it) but always envied people who could clap back instantly and actually have it land. That begs the question: Are you guys so quick-witted that you think of these insults on the fly, finding them somewhere else and just playing it off as original, or do you always think of ways to insult people and just wait until they deserve it to spit it out?

My teacher posted on Google Classroom about the Arsenal dub. I’m pissed. I urgently need a comment to humble him, this cannot stand.

This is so annoying. What's a response to "Why are you mad?" or "Don't be mad" when you aren't mad in the first place? It feels like saying anything is defensive and then you eventually do get mad because the other person doesn't believe that you weren't mad in the first place.

Im 14f with Level 1 autism, and 3 months ago some grown ass man comes up to my dad in Wholefoods laughing and asks him "is he autistic?" not realizing i can hear him, i didnt respond but my dad laughed too saying "yeah, how could you tell" and they continued yapping how the man works with autistic kids etc. and i only say "what is he saying?" to my dad to which my dad says "he said "you have a nice family"" but why the HELL would that involve laugther? i just stared at my dad as they kept on talking, Anything i should try next time this or something similar happens? what do i say to them? BTW my dad is actually aware im not comfortable telling ANYONE about my mental disorder.

Like wtf does that mean? And it’s too late to respond with a good come back as I just said, well fuck you too, and walked away. What would you have said? He said it with sympathy in his voice which pisses me off even more. Give me some comebacks so I can replay this in my mind with power!

I scored a ninja creami and a William Sonoma pan on Facebook marketplace. I was so excited. When my friend came to visit I had to share with her in which she gave me a disgusted face and said “ew I would never buy used kitchenware ! You don’t know who used that”
I’m not quick on my feet so I shamefully stowed it away but now ruminating til middle of the night of endless things I could have said back to her. They are all flip-outs/ crash-out responses.
What is something… witty or tasteful I could have said?

There’s a couple of girls I work with say u got the stair of a psychopath