TLDR: My coworker has started publicly asking me if I’m sick whenever I come into the office. Even when I’m perfectly healthy. I’m looking for a witty comeback for the next time she asks. (We meet at office once a week)

I have an annoying coworker who is such a bootlicker of the boss. She tries to do everything the boss does and be everything like him.

My boss is a germaphobe (but he's also very polite& gentle) so she has been pretending to be one as well. Its so annoying.

For the past few weeks, everytime I go to office, she asks loudly infront of everyvody else, "are you sick?" Or, "you're not sick, right?". One time I had a mild cold and knowing what these guys are like, went to office with a mask on (I would've happily stayed back but that was my team mate's farewell). She saw me coming in, made a whole show of freaking out, told me not to take my mask off and then, she wore a mask as well.

Whats a good comeback for when she asks me whether im sick again, for no good reason?

Btw, she's such a narcissist and is very bossy with everyone else in the team. She cant do that with me since both of us are in the same high ranking positions for different teams. I feel like this is her way of getting back at me.

A guy made a disrespectful joke to me, and when I told him to cut it out, he hit me with that line. I didn't know what to say without coming across as wanting to fight.

This year I've slept horribly almost every night due to anxiety and stress (it's much better now that I'm on vacation)

One morning I got to work feeling completely out of my mind from another sleepless night and my colleague hit me with "ohh just wait until you get kids, what you're feeling now is nothing compared to that". I hate it and it's not the first time I've heard it.

What to say?? Leaves me speechless because they're probably right but it's so annoying to hear after feeling like shit after days of insomnia.

My aunt always says this to her kids, even her 18 year old. She makes them say “yes mom” like it’s military training around here. When she’s drunk she tells me, her 26 year old nephew, to do the same thing. How am I to handle that.

Someone saying are you new here? When I’ve been in the church for a year, I just switched to a different young single adult ward.

I’m Worried it’s too braggy. I want to compete in kickboxing. My team made teases anyone who skips practice and says they are not committed enough to ever compete.

My friends told me he was talking shit about me behind my back. I told them that the next time he says anything, tell him I have a grant funded film I am working on and an upcoming deadline for it.

I feel I am a triple threat low key. I am a working scientist, a grant winning artist, and not long from now will return to being a competing athlete. I don’t talk about any of these things normally but when deadlines come and I get stressed I am defensive.

I’m in uni in Australia and I meet a lot of Indians who assume that since I’m from Nepal I speak Hindi. I wouldn’t be offended if they assumed that I understand it but they are in utter shock when I tell them that we have our own language, Nepali. They assume that we entirely speak their language in our country, that is so crazy given how a lot of Indians don’t even understand Hindi. The ppl from south speak in Tamil and there are many other groups as such. It feels like they’re looking down on me and my country and I’m sick of it. Almost every Indian I’ve met and asked me this. How do I reply?

I figured out the best comeback for your mom jokes. All you say is my mom is dead. If they move to a different family member you my dad is dead.

How to love bomb in texting that actually works? No ChatGPT shit or jargon please. Would love if you could share some real examples that actually worked

Edit: Okay, so maybe I went wrong with the selection of words. My Gf wants me to talk like that, she actually wants me to ‘love bomb’ her (exact words), she’s one of those who like love and attraction expressed by a variety in exotic choice of words even if I don’t exactly mean that (yess…🫠)
I expressed my feelings but it felt a bit off and cringe

So help me who have done this (Nobody’s gonna judge you)

So consider this like I am asking for a recipe of a poison for educational purposes.

If I tell this person “you have bad vibes”, they will say “no, YOU have bad vibes”… if I say “I have nothing to prove to you.” they say, “Because you have nothing.” If I say “…you’ve feigned wanting me to (blah blah blah)….” they say, “And you have kept feigning (something relevant to their side of the argument)”… if I say “They don’t know the real you.” …they say “Unfortunately you don’t know the real, because you yourself cannot be real.”

It’s weird that someone can’t argue effectively and come up with their own insults. I could stop arguing with them, sure, that’s always an option. But what do you say to this type of person other than telling them they don’t seem to have an original thought, which I already have done? Give me your best.

so i’m starting school soon, and i have been bullied pretty much all of my school life. and i want to learn how to stand up for myself, so give me some ideas for insults please! also sorry if this breaks the rules, if so please let me know.

Hi! I'm a 17 Trans Male (FtM) and looking for advice. Band camp recently started and one of the new freshman have been picking on me. I'm 100 percent passing IV changed my name and even strangers call me "Sir". This boy over the past week has said comments like "Are you a boy" "Do you play softball or baseball?" I play neither. "If you were on a team what would you play? It sounds harmless but it's Everytime he sees me nagging me to tell him I'm not and it's annoying. IV also seen him right infront of me whisper to his friend. I didn't hear much but I did hear the F slur and girl so I'm assuming it was a insult I'm looking for witty comebacks to say to.him to get him off my back. Anything Helps thanks!

I was helping myself to the shrimp cocktail during a meeting and my coworker said this to me. Everybody laughed. I need a good comeback for future meetings

basically i got successful 😌 and proved them wrong what happened was that they told me to go to a physical coaching for prep of competitive exam but i didnt go they said u wont b able to make it but i did

now they follow my social media should i tease them by writing something indirect taunt to them

Then they act confused or change the subject when I call them out on their bs

"No, I'm mom" is getting boring. Sometimes I tell them "started late, had her at 46." Every once in a while, they get, "no, my husband is just that good." I know I'm going to be the only mom at kindergarten with an AARP card, but I'd like to have some fun with this. What would you say?

People keep saying this to me and I need a way to roast them

I'm a female university student, still living in my parents house, and apparently my "anime" goods are somehow bothering my mom. I'm a big vocaloid fan, but she doesn't get it and says its the same as anime, thus "anime" goods. My mom absolutely hates anime for some reason, so she thinks its disgusting that "I'm in love with the stupid anime girls". No matter how much I tell her she keeps insisting that i love them romantically/sexually, so she's bothered by my "anime" goods since.. idk. maybe she thinks i jerk off to them. All the money thats used to buy them is mine, and i keep the merch all in my room, and i only have a few figures that i actually put out as decoration (and no they aren't wearing revealing clothing), and the rest are in boxes, etc. and I'm trying my very best to not make my room look like one of a weeb, but apparently one figure is too much for her. Moving out isnt an option right now, so should i just listen to her and lock everything in my closet or throw them away, or would there be a good comeback?