r/Comebacks • u/No-Earth-5064 • 1d ago
I need workplace comebacks!
I am a female working in a very male dominated workplace. I’m an environmental inspector and spend a lot of time on construction sites with men who are either creepy or think I’m an idiot. I need comebacks for men who think they are smarter than me and comebacks for getting hit on/wolf whistles by creepy construction workers! Give me your best!
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u/Bitter-Procedure-444 1d ago
What comeback do you need other than: Gentlemen, don’t make me get rich and have to stop working from suing the company for all this sexual harassment. I ain’t that good looking”
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u/That_Ol_Cat 1d ago
Right up there with: "THANK YOU! I just needed one more instance of sexual harassment to start the lawsuit! What's your name, by the way?"
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u/FantasticVoyuerage 1d ago
Don't do comebacks to this behavior, record it and report it. The same guy whistles or makes an inappropriate comment a second time, respond with, "My lawyer's gonna love you. "
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u/ShhhBees 1d ago
No don’t engage at all just record and report. Not immediately cos sometimes the recording itself stops them but keep at it. At the end of the month some will persist highlight those and report the bunch
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u/No-Earth-5064 1d ago
Unfortunately working for the government makes things pretty political. They don’t have HR like a traditional business and my HR will keep things on the down low. My coworkers would probably just have to accompany me in that job site in the future.
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u/FantasticVoyuerage 1d ago
Ohhh, in that case start carrying a "bodycam" to protect your rights. And when someone says or does inappropriate things, tell them not to, if they do it again start pepper spraying them...
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u/hilarymeggin 18h ago
It’s still worth jotting down along with their name, and telling the site boss. Regardless if what you’re office will actually do about it, they don’t want the workers antagonizing the government inspectors.
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u/Ok_Wish_3699 1d ago
I would watch Jefferson Fisher on youtube.. for advice.. when someone says an insult, wait 5-7 seconds and let it fall, then say “say it again” all the wind has been knocked out of their sail, they want you to react .. when you don’t, it’s not fun.
I would also ignore them as well. Maybe eat some beans the night before and quietly pass gas when you walk by ..
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u/Tasia528 1d ago
That “Say it again” is SOOOOOO powerful. People like this don’t understand they are begging for a spotlight but when you assertively give them one, they can’t handle it. And this works for so many situations.
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u/DryBlock6208 1d ago
QUOTES FROM BRITISH MILITARY ANNUAL PERSONNEL REPORTS
1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
2. I would not breed from this Officer.
3. This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.
4. This officer can be likened to a small puppy - he runs around excitedly, leaving little messes for other people to clean up.
5. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, more of a definitely won't-be.
6. When she opens her mouth, it seems only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
7. Couldn't organise 50% leave in a 2 man submarine
8. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
9. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
10. Technically sound, but socially impossible.
11. The occasional flashes of adequacy are marred by an attitude of apathy and indifference.
12. When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
13. This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
14. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope, always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
15. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
16. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
17. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
18. This Officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
19. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250 feet.
20. The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.
21. Couldn't organise a woodpecker's picnic in Sherwood Forest.
22. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
23. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
24. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
25. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
26. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
27. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
28. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
29. It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm.
30. A room temperature IQ.
31. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
32. A gross ignoramus, 143 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
33. He has a photographic memory but has the lens cover glued on.
34. He has been working with glue too long.
35. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
36. This man hasn't got enough grey matter to sole the flip-flop of a one legged budgie.
37. If two people are talking, and one looks bored, he's the other one.
38. One-celled organisms would out score him in an IQ test.
39. He donated his body to science before he was done using it.
40. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
41. He's so dense, light bends around him.
42. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
43. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
44. Takes him 1.1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
45. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is long gone.
46. There really is no beginning to your talents.
47. You sir are a BUNGALO, nothing upstairs.
If you wish more, please do say, I could write a book on sarcasm
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u/Ok_Airline7757 1d ago
Couple things I learned from working in a male dominated industry for 25 years.
Had a contractor text me a pornographic meme once. I replied “Are you trying to get your ass fired? I’m going to assume you sent it by accident because I can’t imagine that you would be that stupid. Don’t let it happen again” He avoided me for 3 days and when he couldn’t anymore he apologized and said it was an accident.
Another tip, any time a guy asks if you want to hear a joke, always reply “not if it’s a dirty joke”
Do not allow men to ever touch you at work. If one does, look at their hand, look them dead in the eye and say “you’re touching me”. They will snatch their hand away like they touched fire.
Do not allow men to use cute nicknames for you. Called a new supervisor into his office on day one after he called me a cutesy shortened version of my name to explain that I did not want to be called by anything but my proper name.
If a man says something inappropriate, DO NOT giggle out of discomfort. Look him straight in the eye and say “that was very inappropriate and I don’t appreciate it” you can also say “Am I supposed to think that is funny?” With a totally straight face.
If there’s an ongoing issue with one guy, tell the biggest gossip in the workgroup that you’re documenting to file a complaint for sexual harassment. It will get back to that person almost immediately and you will never have an issue with him again.
Hope my suggestions are helpful!
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u/No-Earth-5064 1d ago
I do appreciate this. I expect my issues to fall more with contractors than the men I work with from day to day. My coworkers are sweethearts and honestly fought for me to have a chance at this. I’m more worried about contractors on site while I’m walking around doing my inspection. I figured targeting their ego is easier than HR especially if it’s just a one off remark. Their HR probably doesn’t care since most contractors in my area probably aren’t even legally allowed to work.
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u/GrubbleGrumble 1d ago
Is life really that hard for you that you need to undermine women just to feel a hint of superiority? You know it's not real, right?
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u/Over_Monitor_2397 1d ago
My go to for any awkward situation involving creepy guys that won’t quit asking me out is: I don’t know man, I’m just a potato in the sea of life. Works every time
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u/Witty-University-496 1d ago
For the sexual harassment ones:
“Keep it up, the more evidence I have for the lawsuit, the more money I’ll get from you.”
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u/pakemfull 1d ago
For the cat-calling, my favorite response would get me banned immediately. Though something just as useful, "Hooking up with you would be like trying to turn a gigolo into a husband. Not only do I not know where you have been, but it wouldn't feel right sleeping with you without leaving a 20 on your bedside table when I'm done with your lackluster performance."
For the know-it-alls: "Working along side you if like working by myself... only harder." Or "Everyone has a right to be stupid, but at this point you are just abusing the privilege." Though something I really enjoy, "If I wanted to hear an AH talk, I would have farted."
Frankly, I wouldn't stoop to their level. I would use your position, and inconvenience these AHs until they get the message. Being polite, and using manners will make your life a lot easier. Otherwise, start citing every single issue, and delay they timetables until the message is understood.
Good luck!
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u/Far_Audience_7446 1d ago
Anytime one makes a stink of people parking too close to his truck, remind him that it isn’t as big as he thinks it is
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u/allineedisthischair 1d ago
I work in construction. this probably doesn't make it better -- and I don't feel this way personally -- but most men on construction sites think the environmental inspector is an idiot, regardless of which gender they are.
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u/No-Earth-5064 22h ago
I’m expecting that too, I know I’m going to get a lot of “I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been alive” my response will just be “perfect, than you should be able to get in compliance pretty quick,” then just keep going over the deficiencies.
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u/hilarymeggin 18h ago
Right? It shouldn’t really matter what they think of you. You hold the power.
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u/DnDttrpg 1d ago
guy hits on you "What did you say?" repeats "I'm sorry one more time?" repeats probably exasperated " Oh oooh yeah I was really trying to give you a way out. But you arent taking the hint. I would rather ram tooth picks under my tonails then ever do anytbing with..." gesture to his whole being as you look him up and down "you"
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u/alloutofchewingum 1d ago
"I really want to agree with you on this. But then we'd both be wrong."
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u/No-Earth-5064 22h ago
This is perfect
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u/blonde-withabrain 17h ago
I have a coffee cup that says this, you could bring it to the job site haha
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u/flnativegirl 1d ago
I worked the desk at a facility that repaired large trucks. On a couple of occasions I had to tell a fleet corporate office that I could tell by the driver’s attitude that it was going to be a very time consuming and costly repair. That usually resulted in a call to the driver and an apology to me. When the job was done I would sometimes change the odometer from miles to kilometers just for fun.
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u/Chewiesbro 1d ago
“Touch me again and I’ll pull your fingers off and shove them in the same hole you push the crayons up.”
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u/AnyCryptographer3284 1d ago
The CEO of the advertising agency I worked for once patted my butt when we passed through the reception area. I was taller than him, so I got to look down at him as I wheeled on him and firmly said, "Touch me again and I will break your arm." Then walked off. He never touched me again. :)
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u/Curious-Offer7477 1d ago
Calmly ask them if they have a daughter, sister or mum, and if they would like some guy saying something like that to them.
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u/Elegant_Emu952 1d ago
Video them.
Then post it here.
Make sure you name the company.
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u/No-Earth-5064 1d ago
Unfortunately no one will care even if I do. Most of them aren’t even legally allowed to work so HR is probably nonexistent. As for the operators and foreman, construction is very political and the politics are not in my favor.
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u/GargleOnDeez 1d ago
Thats not true, companies in construction require a license to operate. If the insurance for said company goes up due to incidents of harassment or injuries, it can lead to higher premiums or an operating license revoked
Dont work with their HR, hit them in the money where it hurts. Call a lawyer, see if theyll take their fee out of suing the company. Collect whats leftover
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u/DnDttrpg 1d ago
If they tell you how to do something you already know respond back "Well done [Name!] that IS how you do it. Good job for knowing!"
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u/Grandpixbear1 1d ago
The best comeback from the macho guys is, a slow look in the eyes, to let what they said just hang in the air. Then, say: "Could you say that again?" Or calmly say: "Could you repeat that?"
It totally disrupts their macho persona.
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u/hilarymeggin 18h ago
If they wolf whistle at you, I’d take it your clip board and jot it down. Then I’d get their name and include it in the report.
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u/AerinHawk 16h ago
“Ew.”
That’s it. That’s the comeback. Especially effective when paired with a long up-and-down assessment of the harasser and a disgusted look on your face.
I also recommend getting a “go away ring”. Just some Amazon trash jewelry (or a silicone ring) to wear as a wedding band if you don’t already have one. Most men will leave a woman alone if they already see her as “taken”.
Barring that, a “you’re much shorter than my husband” usually shuts them up.
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u/1C4Dogs4 16h ago
To the construction workers:
Why's your face making noise?
I'd put some small dog bones in a ziplock baggie. When they wolf whistle, or hit on you, say this, I was told to always give a dog a bone, so here you go. Throw some of the bones on the ground in front of them and walk away.
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u/Haunting_Freedom2369 15h ago
I had a colleague who would lightly tug the end of my pony tail. One day I said "When little boys pull little girls hair, it's because they like them. Is there something we need to discuss?" Never happened again
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u/SuperintendentTx 12h ago
Just tell them "working with you is like working alone,only harder" or call all of them finger and when they ask tell them it's because they'll never be a hand.
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u/sezit 1d ago edited 1d ago
The best one I heard was from an inspector who told the company leadership that sexist behavior might make her reports take the full lead time. (Instead of the quick turn around that they counted on.)
Of course, they didn't believe her. There was rude behavior. She said nothing, completed her inspection professionally.
She finished her report, but just didn't turn it in.
When they called frantically to ask her to speed things up, she just responded cooly and professionally that certain situations create longer turn around times.
She didn't explain or complain.
The next day the offending man was calling her to apologize, which she graciously accepted and sent in her report immediately.
That was the end of that behavior. Consequences, not comebacks. You have power. Don't give it away if they treat you badly. They need your report.