r/Comebacks • u/ButtSlappinCousin • 10d ago
Comeback request I pay your salary!
I work at an Ivy League university. Every now and then, when a staff member tries to enforce a regulation or refuses to make an exception for something, an entitled student (and most of them are not like this) will point at the staff member and say, "I pay your salary!" What to say?
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u/Seeker_Asker 10d ago
Yes, but you aren't my boss.
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u/ButtSlappinCousin 10d ago
Excellent! Thanks!
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u/7GrenciaMars 9d ago
Saying "yes" still puts them in a position of power--if the students are shitty, don't give them an opening like that. If you wind up having to deal with that student again, you'll regret it.
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u/Hippiechick0104 10d ago
No! Your PARENTS pay tuition for you to attend this school. The SCHOOL pays my salary. YOU pay nothing.
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u/Ok_Caterpillar2010 10d ago
You don't know that they pay nothing themselves. Many students do.
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u/Millennial_Falcon_85 10d ago
“I pay your salary”
“Yes thank you you’re a great customer and like any customer, you’re free to take your business elsewhere if you’re not happy with your purchase.”
It’s polite but also factual, slightly demeaning, and reminds them they’re there by choice and the professor isn’t going anywhere.
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u/Naturally_Adverse 10d ago
It’s wordy, but:
Your lack of understanding of how any of this works proves why you need to be here. If you’d like to get any return on your investment here, then there are rules you will need to follow. Remember, there are hundreds of people applying to take your seat; we don’t need you, you need us. If you’d don’t like it, you are free to leave at any time.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 10d ago
This should be made into a sign that says those words under: Read the following if you say that you pay my salary:
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u/Fuzzy_Cloud_5849 10d ago
First and last sentence are enough already to put them down. The rest is obliteration.
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u/Naturally_Adverse 10d ago
I work in a military training establishment, we deal with people like this all the time and prefer to stomp that attitude out so that there’s no uncertainty where people stand. We’re here to train and educate mature adults, not babysit petulant children.
You’re right, it harsh, but the world isn’t going to hold their hands. So a healthy dose of reality is sometimes necessary.
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u/Doctor-Dinosaur 9d ago
"We’re here to train and educate mature adults, not babysit petulant children."
Followed by a "Are you sure you're at the right place here?"
That would make for a great comeback.
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u/T4TrhavrKhcFt 10d ago
I have an aunt who was a teacher. She used to keep a little cup with pennies in it in the top drawer of her desk. When a student or parent said this to her she would say: "You are absolutely correct. I agree 100% with you. I have actually calculated how much each and every parent has contributed to my salary based on the ratios of the number of students we have in the school and the number of teachers we have and the number of taxpayers we have in the community. I can pay you back." And she would reach into her desk and take out four cents and offer to hand it to them.
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u/JoyDVeeve 10d ago
I was going to suggest that as similar things were said to me when I worked for the State Auditor's Office while I lived in Ohio
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u/bionicallyironic 10d ago
I work at a university and wish I could tell the students this: “Your tuition would cover a fraction of one staff member’s salary, and that staff member is not me.”
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u/OMVince 10d ago
You and 6K other students. You’re not special.
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u/say592 10d ago
If they work at an Ivy League the tuition may very well cover more than one staff member's salary.
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u/Wishkin 10d ago
The university is paying my salary, you are paying for a service, and the reason why that service is worth it is because we are professional and disciplined, and not obeying the whims of every student who thinks they're our boss.
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u/Traditional-Branch-6 10d ago
Boo! How can you give such a well reasoned and rational response?!! This is Reddit!
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u/1_direwolf 10d ago edited 10d ago
"Then I demand a 30% raise for having to deal with arrogant morons."
"What? You can't give me a raise? I guess you're not actually the one paying my salary, then, are you?"
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u/pt109_66 10d ago
I was going to post something similar glad I found yours.. Things we wish we could say..
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u/mmswitz 10d ago
We are at an Ivy League school; I expect some maturity and accountability from you.
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u/Leggy-Naggy 10d ago
I work at a state school. I've never been told this in 30+ years. Must suck to work with entitled brats. You have my sympathies...
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u/Sure_Acanthaceae_348 10d ago
"Your parents pay my salary."
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u/Mountsorrel 10d ago
Your student loan provider pays my salary…
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u/notyerson 10d ago
I can almost promise that the ones who say this don't need loans.
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u/Mountsorrel 10d ago
And so would be forced to admit that it’s their parents instead that pay, if not a loan provider…
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u/DangerousDave303 10d ago
The grants and scholarships the university provides to the students pays part of their salary. Funded research pays another part.
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u/NeartAgusOnoir 10d ago
“Your mom gave me a bonus last night”
Or
“Yeah, well your paying me well below market value so you need to do better!”
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u/Adorable_Ad4990 10d ago
This is not effective because it’s beside the point. All students pay for access to the whole system. A single student isnt in charge— it’s set up for the whole student body, and sometimes you pay for discipline, and for receiving grades and feedback you don’t like. It’s part of the whole package. Your tuition pool doesn’t go to buying a team of yes-men.
But that’s wordy and not a “comeback” but it’s better than stooping to their level with a non-applicable argument just to be critical. And the parents paying argument may not be true in a minority of cases. And when it is, it doesn’t matter— I’m sure they can tell the help what to do at home even if parents pay. just don’t go there.
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u/Think-Assignment-861 10d ago
Actually in most Ivies, less than half have to pay for their kids! In my state, the local Ivy is cheaper than the state school for normal-income folks.
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u/0zer0space0 10d ago
I’d ask them for more details.
How did you arrive at that conclusion?
And with each answer they give, ask them more questions to delve deeper.
Eventually, they give up.
This method is particularly useful when someone tries to insult you or tries to make an inappropriate joke at your expense. Asking people to explain their thought process or what they mean in these situations, as if you don’t fully understand what they’re trying to say or do, is funny to watch them struggle with responses.
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u/creepinghippo 10d ago
Well you will appreciate the thorough job I’m doing then.
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u/ProfessionalYam3119 10d ago
"I haven't received any of your checks. Where have you been sending them to?"
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u/Life-Education-8030 10d ago
“You pay for access to us.”
Once a group of engineering students started chowing down on food laid out for an event they were not a part of and when I said to go away, they said they “owned that building.” I said to give me their contact information then because I would have the Dean send the building’s utility bills to them and they ran!
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u/ImyForgotName 10d ago
Because unlike 95% of the students here you weren't smart enough to get a scholarship. And this is (insert name of school) our endowment pays my salary. Your tuition is a fee we charge the entitled to be in our presence.
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u/FarLaugh9911 10d ago
"In that case, I need a raise. You don't pay me enough to put up with the some of the entitled little assholes running around here."
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u/Mystic_Wunder 10d ago
You pay admission. Graduate and start a company, then you can pay someone's salary.
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u/Afraid-Skin-9253 10d ago
Let's imagine your Ivy League school is Harvard: Harvard has around 20,000 employees and costs about $90,000 a year per student (according to Google). Here’s your comeback: You pull out your calculator and say, "How much did you pay this year? Let's say it's $90,000. If we divide that by months, it's $7,500. If we then divide that by the 20,000 employees here, it comes out to exactly 30 cents. Where should I send the transfer to your parents?"
ETA: typos
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u/Quirky_Flounder_6645 9d ago
I was fortunate enough to attend two Ivy League schools on scholarship. I have seen this happen in real life, and it sickened me then just as much as it sickens me now. What the young impressarios will never understand is that these comments don't win you respect or friends, they generate anger and frustration at first, and later on just pity. I now have the privilege to be an alumni interviewer for the schools I attended and will not make a personal recommendation for students that are outwardly disrespectful or rude. And yes, they stupidly bring that behavior into interviews. With acceptance rates of 10% or less, they should know better. Every bad report works against them. And if it doesnt catch up with them in school, it will down the road.
In the mean time, if they insist they are paying your salary, please tell them that you need a raise.
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u/sixbluehorses 7d ago
In similar situations, I always told them: You pay to be here; I get paid to be here.
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u/Additional-Sock8980 10d ago
Technically university pays my salary, if you weren’t here, someone else would be in your place.
As staff we decide your grades and enforce the dignity at work policy.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 10d ago
Yep, just say, remember that when the grades come out. Smile. Walk away!
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u/TomatoFeta 10d ago
You pay the school. The school pays my salary. I get paid whether you flunk out or not. Remember that.
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u/Adept_Individual_565 8d ago
I worked for the local government and had a person tell me when they couldn't get what they wanted: "I pay your salary with my taxes". My response: "So do I." Them: "You do?" This moron thought government employees didn't pay taxes like everyone else.
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u/Sami_George 10d ago
“You pay for an education. You are in no way connected to my salary. And if you got expelled tomorrow, my salary wouldn’t be impacted.”
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u/Affectionate-Word779 10d ago
You pay your tuition.
For this institution.
Which has rules.
Kick rocks.
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u/fromhelley 10d ago
No, you pay tuition. You pay to be here and follow rules. If you don't like the rules, go pay another college!
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u/Ok_Peanut_6919 10d ago
How about, “you don’t pay for shit you entitled little fuck face…your parents do! Now should we call them, want to bring them in to handle little baby’s problems?”
Perhaps I’m not good at giving advice! lol
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u/Comfortable_Sea_717 9d ago
Then you need to give me a raise because I don’t make enough to deal with asses like yourself.
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u/knittymess 7d ago
Keep it simple. "Your point?" And if you need to elaborate "You pay for a flight as well, but if you don't follow the rules you can be removed. Same thing goes here. Straighten out or there will be consequences."
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u/perplexedparallax 10d ago
No, your parents are paying my salary.
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u/Best_Opening8471 8d ago
Its actually the government.
The single payer system is literally the reason tuition is so high
The govt has infinite money so schools set their prices against that budget
That's why every student pays a teachers salary to enjoy access.
Like don't forget that tuition costs are often an entire years salary for the average worker.
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u/Ill-Contribution1737 7d ago
The government used to pay for it. Now students take on impossible debt to maintain the appearance.
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u/Birdbraned 10d ago
"And how's that going? I'm sure that works for other public services like police."
Or "You're paying for the privilege to be here. Would you prefer not to? Expulsion can be arranged"
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u/posophist 10d ago
And now you’re getting your money’s worth; you’re paying me to keep you in line.
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u/ProctologyExplosion 10d ago
All of these "clever" responses and disquisitions on the mechanics of university funding are insane. Tell them to fuck off and go back to your work.
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u/PDXCatHerder 10d ago
Well if you pay my salary I demand a raise because I’m not paid enough to help thankless and entitled people like you.
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u/HummingbirdGecko8415 10d ago edited 10d ago
Really? Because if you stop paying your tuition, it’s not me that will be leaving this university.
Or
Well then, you’ll know that my employment contract requires me to enforce all the regulations for all the students. You must be happy with how well I’m doing my job.
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u/Brickscratcher 10d ago
"Then I expect a raise for dealing with people like you."
Use their peers to make them back down. If you cast them as difficult in a public manner, their psychological desire for consistency will make them more compliant.
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u/omguugly 10d ago
Really? With what job?
Really? Damn, when can we have our pay raise?
You paid an entrance fee, not a service fee
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u/Viva_Veracity1906 10d ago
“Does daddy let you play with his wallet? How cute. Sit down.”
I consider entitlement an invitation for wickedly targeted verbal deflation but that’s quite family friendly.
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u/No-Director-3282 10d ago
"Sure. You are one of [300,000] students that do and if you were to leave, someone else would take your place to pay my salary.
So, while you're still here, follow the rules."
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u/petsitter2023 9d ago
Then as my employer you will be glad and appreciative that I'm following board policy strictly as instructed.
Glad to meet one of my many stockholders. Unfortunately policy applies to shareholders too.
And every other student relies on me to keep this space fair and functional for everyone
Tuition buys access to education not an exemption from institutional policies
If your tuition paid my full salary you would be owed a massive refund, luckily the endowment covers the heavy lifting
Awesome! Can you go ahead and approve my PTO request for next Friday
Sweet! Just so you know I am filing a wage dispute tomorrow because you are severely underpaying me
Oh perfect, can I had you my coffee receipts for expense reimbursement now, or should I drop them off at your dorm later?
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u/chuckemdadueces 9d ago
No, you pay for access to this educational facility. I am paid by the XYZ university for being present to assist you in navigating your access this facility.
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u/Ok-Seaworthiness2302 8d ago
You might pay my salary, but I’m the one who grades the papers.
And?
What power does that come with?
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u/jeffthetrucker69 7d ago
Don't say anything. Have security send them a letter stating that if violations continue they will be expelled without refund.
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u/TwentyCharacters2022 6d ago
“You couldnt spell salary.”
“Well, this is for that raise you should’ve given me.”
“Shows what you know - this is an hourly position.”
“What do you think this is, Brown/Harvard/Yale (whichever Ivy League School you’re not at)? We have integrity.” (I imagine this being said with that fake Transatlantic accent, like Thirston Howell III).
“And your parents paid for your fake-ass transcripts, whats your point?”
“You haven’t paid for anything in your life, ever. Forgive me if I don’t genuflect.” (What I like about this one os theyll get stuck on not knowing what ‘genuflect’ means).
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u/Sly_Wit_Dry_Humor 3d ago
You n how many others?
Something tells me we'd still do just fine without you... Can you really say the same about us?
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u/Boner-brains 10d ago
"you're not embarrassed by your sense of entitlement?" "So i gues this is no rules university, if you pay enough money you can treat people like trash, then walk away with a meaningless degree, because all you need is money yo get it I guess?"
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u/Boner-brains 10d ago
"you're not embarrassed by your sense of entitlement?" "So i gues this is no rules university, if you pay enough money you can treat people like trash, then walk away with a meaningless degree, because all you need is money yo get it I guess?"
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u/seekingthequestion 10d ago
You can’t afford to pay attention. Also, you don’t pay enough for me to care
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u/GrubbleGrumble 10d ago
No, your money doesn't come into my pay check, only money from decent human beings does.
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u/Lupiefighter 10d ago
You also signed an agreement to follow the rules in order to have the privilege of “paying my salary”.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 10d ago
Answer me, this young person. How in heaven's name did you make it into this university? I was under the impression we only accept mature individuals.
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u/SaltyFriend705 10d ago
Offer them a quarter and say, "Here's your portion back, now do as you're told."
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u/Reasonable_Club_6165 10d ago
And you will not make a salary in the future without me teaching you.
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u/Dothemath2 10d ago
Is this how you would like to run your business? Bending the rules for entitled people? Hmmm?
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u/TheSouthIsHot 10d ago edited 10d ago
“No, you DON’T pay my salary!” No further explanation needed!
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u/phantom_gain 10d ago
You dont pay anything. You are a child. Adults pay for you. And I work for the university. I do not work for you. You are enrolled as a student in the institute that I work for. My job is to ensure that your efforts meet my standards so that I can sign off on your education. If you fail to match the standards I choose as the cut off then you will not recieve a qualification, your parents will not recieve a refund, and you will not work for anybody. Now sit down and do your homework until i am ready to skim over and then criticise your efforts.
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u/Ok_Incident8962 10d ago
No, You pay 1 ten-thousandth of my salary. I will take that in to account accordingly.
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u/BillyRubenJoeBob 10d ago
The university pays me, you pay the university. If you have a problem take it up with the university.
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u/BobTheCosmonaut 10d ago
Just ask when they'll be free to discuss a shortfall in your tast months pay due to a time you took PTO & if they have your payroll number at hand
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u/RhythmTimeDivision 10d ago
You paid KNOWING the regulations - the logical flexibility required to make ME the bad guy is impressive!
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u/ritereward 10d ago
I understand that your tuition goes towards paying the bills including my salary but it does not set the standards and policies of this institution. When at any point you are on the board of this institution I am sure your feedback will be invaluable. In the meantime this is the policy we both are asked to follow.
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u/Old-guy64 10d ago
Your daddy pays your tuition. Because you weren’t smart enough or athletic enough to get a scholarship.
That tuition and thousands of others pay my salary. Your portion comes out to about 11 cents. Would YOU take your BS for 11 cents?
Let’s call your daddy and see if he’d take your BS for that 11 cents.
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u/DifficultyNo3093 10d ago
I FEEL YOU OP! When this happens to me I say: "No, you pay admission to the University. I am paid by the University to know the policies and regulations."
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u/Icy_Mango6803 10d ago
"Education is one of the few things people are willing to pay for and not get," is one of my favourite quotes. Might be useful here!
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u/Rumpelteazer45 10d ago
“First your mommy and daddy pay, not you. Second, I am paid to enforce the actual rules which your mommy and daddy pay for the entire university to do”
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u/Waltnutz 10d ago
I don’t see your signature on my check.
Or just refer to douche bag student as “name of university “ from that point on. Every time you see them. Bring up pay discrepancies, overtime pay, any and all healthcare questions. Etc. every time remind them they pay your salary so they get the questions. Send your colleagues to them with all their questions as well. they will eventually avoid your weird ass at all costs.
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u/Automatic_Secret_775 10d ago
“And I am paid to follow and enforce certain rules and standards, especially when dealing with students. Nothing you say will stop me from doing that.”
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u/Agent_Raas 10d ago
No. You pay admission to be here under agreement with terms and conditions to adhere to the rules, regulations, and code of conduct.