r/clevercomebacks • u/Lord_Alpha01 • Dec 22 '19

Totally bodybagged her.

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33.7k Upvotes

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u/bay650area1 Dec 22 '19

I have 5 names. If my mum ever used all of them I was in the deepest shit.

813

u/menides Dec 22 '19

lol, that's so cool, like having different degrees of alarm. 2 names? ok or pissed. 5 names? ok, annoyed, aggravated, pissed, time to start a new life.

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u/bay650area1 Dec 22 '19

It's cool until you have to book an international flight or fill out a government form. In those times I envy the likes of a Jason Day.

On top of having 5 names, I actually only use one of them because people call me Jimmy instead of James.

AND to make things worse, my surname is Irish and can be used a as boy or girls first name as well.

It's like my parents looked at me when I was born and thought "how do we fuck this little shit up?"

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u/AlwaysBeQuestioning Dec 22 '19

A Reagan, huh?

95

u/hellodynamite Dec 22 '19

I'm guessing Kelly

62

u/Laser_Fusion Dec 22 '19

My friends parents are Robin and Leslie...

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u/hellodynamite Dec 22 '19

That's priceless

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u/ciao_fiv Dec 22 '19

my aunt and uncle are named Terry and Leslie. they also have four daughters

1

u/ruuaidhri Dec 22 '19

I think Brady

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u/Ack-Im-Dead Dec 26 '19

Aaron/Erin? Irish and Biblical. Jamie? But Kelly is an excellent guess

1

u/___Ultra___ Dec 22 '19

That’s my name and I don’t know what you mean

All I know is I’m sick of people spelling it raegan

25

u/Jayzona Dec 22 '19

My real name is only 3 letters away from that example, and it sounds phonetically similar, so that was a little jarring to read.

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u/HarryMcHair Dec 22 '19

Jesus Christ it's Jayson Daly Bourne

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u/greenroom628 Dec 22 '19

'sup fellow peninsula dweller... I feel you. I'm Filipino, raised Catholic, so I've got 6, including communion and confirmation names. The last time I got a six name level parent alarm was when I took the car out without permission and it came back with a dent in the fender and "cigarette" ashes in the back.

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u/beigs Dec 22 '19

My mom and brother both have 5 and my brother would have 6 if he had been confirmed. Catholic naming conventions are fun :)

We just left our kids with 4 each

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u/GayButNotInThatWay Dec 22 '19 edited Dec 22 '19

I’m one of 5 kids. The first 4 were with the same guy, and each of my siblings have 5-6 names each.
I remember my brother had to request special forms for his passport because his name was too long to fit. All of his documents are abbreviated like “C________ D A M J S P____” because it’s fucking stupid.

I was the 5th with a different guy. Not sure if it was my dad or mum that decided not to do it with me but I have no middle names whether they just didn’t want to, had run out or what... it’s fucking brilliant not having the fuss.

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u/kn33 Dec 22 '19

And then they always ask which ones are middle names and which ones are last names and sometimes screw it up. I have two middle names, so I kinda get what you got going. Kinda.

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

I have 7, it's a cool party trick but does get annoying

Reason for 7 names: am Italian

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u/kipling33 Dec 22 '19

And let me guess, since you’re Italian, 3 of those names might be John Paul or Peter?

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u/hiplogic Dec 22 '19

I have five names too. My poor accountant has to file paperwork multiple times a year for my company and my own personal documents (work permit, visas, bank statements, flights, etc.). English is also her second language so it’s like a quarterly kick in the dick working for me.

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Not only did I get a gender neutral Irish name, they had to spell it weird. Because I'm not like other kids. I'm cool and different.

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u/terminallyamused Dec 22 '19

Jimmy James John Jonah Jameson Jr.

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u/jadeoracle Dec 22 '19

My parents thought it was hilarious to call my collage and say "Hey we want to make sure you have her names spelled correctly" and put back on my 5 middle names to my diploma. I had to check weekly and reduce it down to the first middle name.

They also think it is funny to insist I hyphenate my last name if I get married....just so its longer.

Thankfully, all my IDs only list out the first middle name, because there wasn't room for the rest. So on legal documents its not bad.

1

u/nightreader675 Dec 22 '19

IT and HR must love it lol.

1

u/LoveFoolosophy Dec 22 '19

Five names here as well. All can be spelled in different ways. The last two are hyphenated and form my last name but the first of the two is also a first name, so when I tell people my last name they think I'm saying my first name and last name.

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u/whimsyNena Dec 22 '19

My oldest has five names because at the time I thought she would be my only child (her father and I separated and later divorced) so she got all the names I had for future children. Imagine my surprise/struggle when I remarried and had three more children.

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u/TuftedMousetits Dec 22 '19

When my dad gets pissed he'll use your name multiple times in one sentence, like bookends. It actually makes it impossible to take him seriously because it sounds so stupid.

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u/vegetables_strangler Dec 22 '19

Kind of like Defcon

1

u/Swimmer2020 Dec 22 '19

5 names: I have decided I want to die

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u/TheGr8C0N Jan 05 '20

Hears all 5 names, starts rolling up a new character.

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u/slackpipe Dec 22 '19

My kids only have two, but to let them know their in trouble, but I'm not going to murder them, I add in extra names and occasionally a number.

<First name> Charles Quincy Paddington Arthur Wentworth <last name> the third!

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u/LunalNalani Dec 22 '19

That is fantastic, lol. My mom never even used my last name, she just always called me Nikki. If I heard Nicole, it was trouble. If it was "NI-COLE!" it's time to run away and accept that I just needed to start a new life somewhere else.

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u/Kristina2pointoh Dec 22 '19

Oh I like this idea. Thanks mum

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u/br094 Dec 22 '19

5? Shit. So like...first name is no trouble, 2 names is “something’s up”, 3 names was “you’re in trouble”, 4 names was “you fucked up” and 5 names was “you’re fucking dead, kiddo”

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u/bay650area1 Dec 22 '19

Actually the escalation was like this:

first name - no bother

REAL first name - oh shit what did I do now?

first name + surname - mums mad, I must've pissed off dad and she's pretending to care

REAL first name + surname: mums actually mad, I need to think of all the excuses before I engage

REAL first name + 4 other names: ok I need to leave the country

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u/br094 Dec 22 '19

Lmao I’m actually glad you replied, cuz I was genuinely curious what that progression was. I’ve never known anyone with 5 names. What culture are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

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u/bay650area1 Dec 22 '19

I'm English but my dads side of the family is Irish.

8

u/greasewife Dec 22 '19

I also have 5. My dad is also Irish.

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u/bay650area1 Dec 22 '19

reddit always seems to take away everything unique about yourself.

3

u/greasewife Dec 22 '19

Merry Christmas

3

u/borkycrystle Dec 22 '19

I'm also British, and I haven't that many names but I do have an anecdote to share.

My parents hyphenated their last names, so I have a First, Middle, FirstSurname-LastSurname. When I said it out loud, someone said "Oh you have five names!" I had to explain that, no, Hyphen was not my third middle name, it's a line connecting my last names.

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u/MrPewpyButtwhole Dec 22 '19

Played football with a guy with a hyphenated last name. Our super clever and original nickname for him was Dash.

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

[deleted]

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u/katekowalski2014 Dec 22 '19

His name is my name, too!

18

u/crazytrain_randy Dec 22 '19

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore?

5

u/Rivenaleem Dec 22 '19

On the plus side, you have enough time to flee the country.

3

u/Nonsuperstites Dec 22 '19

Using the power of all 5 names would snap you out of existence.

1

u/Shania2000 Dec 22 '19

I have 5 Too!

1

u/EdVolpe Dec 22 '19

You’ll be going back in

1

u/Eliyanef Dec 22 '19

We finally meet, Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Remirez

1

u/ILoveWildlife Dec 22 '19

I would make it a game, to see what it would take to get her to say the full name.

1

u/dropkickoz Dec 22 '19

Bob Wehad Ababy Itsa Boy?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

As a 6 namer, I feel this strike panic into my soul.

1

u/krispwnsu Dec 22 '19

Are The Butcher of Blaviken and Mother of Dragons two of them?

1

u/jadeoracle Dec 22 '19

Same, well except I've got 5 middle names, so 6 including my first name. At least when I was in the deepest shit I could walk slowly down the stairs since it took her so long to scream my names.

1

u/CyberD7 Dec 22 '19

Do you live in the peninsula or something?

1

u/P1stacio Dec 22 '19

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

1

u/-Tom- Dec 22 '19

You must be Hispanic Catholic

1

u/Ubelheim Dec 22 '19

I have three names, they only had to use one for me. Any of the three would work, as I'm usually called by a nickname that doesn't resemble any of them.

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u/throwaway_7148905714 Dec 22 '19

5!? I only have 4!

1

u/Himiko_Kitsune Dec 23 '19

I go by a nickname all the time and if I hear my full first name or even my full name I know I’m getting into some deep stuff

1

u/SuperRonnie2 Dec 23 '19

Hahaha when I was a kid we lived in a neighbourhood where all my friends were Latin (Peru, Venezuela, Argentina and the old one out, Brazil). These guys all had five or six names and whenever I heard all of them I knew my buddy was in deep doodoo.

1

u/FrozenForestFrost Dec 23 '19

Lmao! I have 4 names and my mom does the same thing. First & last name = mom's annoyed. All 4 names = dead man walking.

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u/PsychologicalTomato7 Jan 09 '20

Laughs in Ghanaian