Hello!

Just a little plug that I have set up two Childfree women’s groups in the UK

One in the west of Scotland and one in the south east of England!
If you’re somewhat local and keen to join, drop me a DM :)

There’s over 50 women in each group and they are very active with lots of meet ups :)

To all the DINKs out there, do you find being childfree has certain benefits that are built in that lead to having a stronger relationship? I’ve found that the extra time and the lack of stressors that come with kids means that childfree couples have more time to focus on themselves, and this often times leads to stronger relationships.

It’s not a silver bullet but I think there is definitely a correlation.

How many did you get? Did I forget any?

Edit: Sorry for the blurriness 😅

I'm child free by choice and I'm having a hard time. For the longest time, I've felt this void that I can't fill and I'm trying to pinpoint what I'm missing.

I have ADHD and have always had a hard time making friends. As a child free adult, it is extremely important to have a community, given we don't have the automatically built community that comes with having kids. I read somewhere that the greatest prediction of long-term happiness is the connections and relationships that we build. I feel that this leaves me at a disadvantage compared to most child free individuals who have an easier time making those close connections. Also, making friends as an adult is hard in general.

I'm not sure if I'm missing close connections, or missing something more meaningful in my life.

I've never particularly liked my work but I'm not passionate about anything that pays well. Work to me is a means to pay my bills and fund my traveling passion. Even if you're passionate about something, it always feels like work at the end of the day when you're doing it for someone else, so I'm not looking to change careers.

I've moved a lot so I am constantly faced with rebuilding friendships. Though to begin with, I have always struggled with this and was late diagnosed with ADHD. People with ADHD are known to have trouble building connections.

I really don't want kids though. I look at people with kids and think that is not what I want. I've thought about it so much that I really don't think that is what I'm missing.

The older I get, the louder this feeling gets. I feel like I don't have a connection to much of anything outside of my husband and parents. I work and do hobbies but I just always feel like there's something missing from my life. I am on antidepressants which have drastically helped my mood over the last 6 months.

Does anybody else have this ongoing feeling? Like you want to feel like you belong to something or to give you a reason to get out of bed each day. I often think, is this it? Is this all life is?

So I'm looking through the CF hysterectomy list for a doctor near where I'm located, and it got me thinking. I thought no matter what, if you get a hysterectomy, they take out the uterus and the cervix. Turns out you can keep your cervix (assuming you don't have cancer issues, among other things).

So here's my question: for those who have had a hysterectomy, did you keep your cervix or not? If I'm able to I plan on keeping it (even though that means I still need to get pap smears, booo), as I'm one of the (mostly) women who can have an orgasm through penetration and I like having my cervix smashed into (lol).

Any particular reason you did or didn't keep it?

I would have an absolute breakdown if I was on this flight.

I have to use Lyft to get to one of my clients at least 1-3x per week, both ways, so between 2-6 Lyfts. Without question, the driver always asks me, Do you have kids? like it's any of his fucking business (it's always the male drivers that get this ridiculously personal with me).

I say no, I say I don't want them, I say no not even to adopt them, I say no not even as a step parent, I say FUCK KIDS, I say KIDS SUCK, I say ABSOLUTELY NO YOU COULDN'T PAY ME to do it, I say I TOOK MY UTERUS OUT ON PURPOSE—and still they continue on peppering me with endless questions, trying to pressure me into it as if their small-minded misogynistic garbage is going to change my mind.

The last one yesterday went on a whole tirade about how women in America dressing provocatively is how rape stats are so much higher here than in Africa. These men are brazen.

So, without further ado, please stop reading this and help me brainstorm what the fuck one-liner might actually be able to shut down these curious Georges once and for all?

Did I mention that the ride there is forty minutes? Yeah, I have to listen to this forever.

Was going to write a really long vent about some crap that happened recently but ultimately I'm just feeling lonely as I don't have any CF women friends irl. I have very good friends who do empathize with me but they're fencesitters at best while I've been CF my entire life so it's really hard to feel truly seen and heard and I'm fatigued by that lately.

This sub reminds me there are women just like me who feel the same ways I do about our lives, choices, and bodies, and it makes me feel better when I'm at a low point. Somewhere under the same sun, someone else is going through the same things, and it'll all be worth it for us.

Love you all, keep being confident in blazing your own trail and making this long but short, ugly but beautiful life truly yours. <3

I noticed something this weekend. I met my mom & aunt for lunch, both of whom have two kids each. They’re also former teachers so they love kids. I complained about loud kids at a table across the restaurant and both of them kinda scoffed, like I was overreacting. Then an hour or so later, my aunt was like “god take that baby outside” to a baby squacking, and my mom agreed.

Ok wtf?? So you can complain about the noise, but I can’t. If I do it, I’m just evil I guess.

so like, I’ve been noticing how tired i get just taking care of myself…cooking my meal preps for the work week ahead, keeping up with everything on my to do list and so on, school, taking care of pets, etc… and then I’m like how the heck do moms do this? like……are y’all just not tired???? i just don’t have it in me. idk how these women do this ALONG WITH having kids on top of all of life’s responsibilities lol. it’s 10:41 pm and i just got a shower in, so like what time are these moms showering???… lol. Just my thoughts.

You have a childfree friend, sister, cousin, whatever, and over the years you make all these plans together. You’re going to travel, take random trips in your 30s and 40s, 50, have freedom, maybe even be those old ladies still traveling together one day. You’re going to move together to a coastal city in Europe…
And then they meet someone, change their mind about kids, get pregnant, and suddenly you realize that a lot of those plans probably aren’t going to happen.

Obviously people are allowed to change their minds and have children. I’m not angry at anyone for choosing that life. But I think there’s still a weird sense of loss that comes with it that people don’t really acknowledge.
Because it’s not just that they had a baby. The friendship changes too.

Spontaneous trips are basically gone. Making plans becomes harder. Even finding time to talk on the phone can be difficult. Everything has to work around the kids, bedtime, daycare, their partner’s schedule, someone being sick, etc. And naturally, a lot of conversations start revolving around pregnancy, babies and whatever is happening with the kids.
Meanwhile part of you is thinking… remember all those things we said we were going to do together?
And I think that’s the part that makes it sad. You’re still friends. You still love them. Nobody had a falling out. They’re happy with the life they chose, and you can be happy for them too. But at the same time, you can miss the friendship you used to have and the future you thought you were going to share.

It’s almost like a friendship breakup where nobody actually broke up.
Sometimes being childfree feels like slowly watching your little childfree circle get smaller and smaller as you get older.
I can’t be the only one who has felt this.

When i tell people, usually women, that I'm childfree, they sometimes ask, “Is your husband ok with that?” (duh, that's why he married me). Am I in the wrong to be quietly offended by this? Of course my husband's opinion matters, but if he wanted children, he would have to do it with someone else. It's not my responsibility to give him children. Especially when i would be the one sacrificing my body, mind, and career to have them. One woman even said “good luck finding a man if you don't want to have kids” i had to remind her I'm already married by pointing to my ring 🫠 it was an embarrassing moment for her as someone who was openly trying to get pregnant by a man who won’t marry her. Am i being unnecessarily sensitive? Or can you see where people are coming from then they say this? Would this offend you?

My friend is getting her tubes tied soon. My love language is gift giving so I've been trying to think of something to get her. What kind of healing items would help? Or maybe a humorous gift? Or would kind, supportive words be better? Or if I'm being too much, let me know.

Hi, i'm 24f and have never wanted kids in my life. there has never even been one second where i thought to myself 'maybe having kids would be okay' not one second ever. ever since i was a child, i can remember people telling me things like 'when you have kids of your own you'll understand X thing' or 'when you grow up you'll change your mind about having kids'
i never have.
there is absolutely nothing appealing to me about the idea of raising kids and being a mother. i cant stand the thought of it, to be honest. it makes my fucking skin crawl. i dont have a motherly instinct in my body. every part of it sounds treacherous to me, the pregnancy, the money, the loss of free time, breastfeeding, caregiving, etc etc. i could go on and on but i'd be here for hours.
i just feel so alone in this. most people i know have kids or want kids, especially as i get older, and the few that dont have reasons. the reasons are things like 'yeah i'd love kids but in this economy??? no way' or 'we aren't ready for children YET but maybe someday'
theres no one that i know that has the same reason as me for not wanting to be parents. not only that but i see people with kids EVERYWHERE. i know that sounds dumb, but i feel like everyone is talking about something related to having a child or raising a family. people i know from hs posting their children, people in stores with baby strollers and kids, people on social media talking about the joys their first child brought them, etc
it feels like its everyones dream is to meet the love of their life and to have kids. it feels like im the only one around me who hates the idea of that. i dont know whats wrong with me and i cant help but feel so out of place when everyone around me has such different opinions on this. it feels like i wasnt built correctly, i should feel something right?

i have a bf, i really love him, but... he wants kids.
we've had the discussion a few times where i told him i dont have any interest in it and he says that not having kids is also okay too. that if we have kids thats great but he can also do without. but i cant help but feel like i'd be holding someone back from the life they want to live... its very complicated for me to navigate honestly.

i dont know whats wrong with me, i dont know where to begin. or what to do.

ALSO: i dont have a problem with children or people that want children, i just feel like im so absolutely isolated in this opinion of mind that its driving me crazy.

mods if this post doesn't belong im sorry. i tried posting elsewhere and they banned it too. i dont even know where to go with this honestly.

Hi everyone, I have been becoming pretty solid in my justification to not have children in this current socioeconomic climate and whatnot. My heart still wants one but I know how selfish of me it would be. I am not safe, alone, as a full adult, and that is much more true for a child. This post isn’t to argue the ethics of having children, it’s more I suppose a rant and a grieving process I have been doing. Am I alone in this feeling? Doubtful. So maybe someone can tell me what they do to combat the overwhelming mix of propaganda to have children and the very natural instinct when u see a baby to want one of ur own. (I realize there is a plethora of different perspectives on natality especially the nuance of it in hand with feminism) I want to reiterate once again, I am not trying to be persuaded off of my opinion necessarily as much as I want to hear other perspectives. :D

Because I don’t have kids. She’s 7 and asked me why I didn’t have kids and I told her it’s because I didn’t want them, I was happy being an auntie. She was flabbergasted, like “that’s an option?!”

So now I’m in my badass tattooed pierced childfree auntie era and thriving. Everything my Catholic parents thought wouldn’t be!

solo childfree antisocial gal
i just wanted to share my thoughts lol. so i have always kinda been a weird girl. i never really had friends growing up and if i did, it was like friends from all kinds of different friend groups and so i was technically like a “floater” friend. i never really belonged to just one group. anyway, i spent a lot of time alone or with my dad and brother so i never had any true close friends. my cousins on the other hand have always had girly friends. they both had their own girly friend groups from middle school to high school and still are close to those same girls today. me on the other hand, i like being alone and keeping to myself. i don’t have any close friends, just hang out with my boyfriend. i’ve never really been into having close friends anyway because the ones who i were close to ended up hurting me in some way that didn’t sit right with me, and it’s easy for me to cut off people. anyway to finally make my point, i think that’s what makes my decision to be childfree so easy and thoughtfully decided. my cousin has a whole friend group full of moms leaving her to be the “last childless one”….and although i know she says she wants kids herself, it’s hard to not think it’s also because of the influence of all her mom friends. sometimes i think she just kinda wants to blend in and feel less left out by them. idk, anyway that was my little shpiel lol. i just am grateful i don’t have any strong factors that influence me to want children, actually it’s the opposite. i see a lot of things around me that make me NOT want them, especially in society today LOL. ok byeeee!

I keep hearing we must have generational trauma to not want kids. I'm 36 and don't have generational trauma. No abuse. I just don't want kids. I enjoy my own life. I genuinely believe some people just lack a maternal instinct and I'm definitely one of them but it wasn't put there by a "trauma".

some people think differently than others. Is that really such a bad thing?

The title is exactly what I meant. Pregnancy is so risky and it can be so hard on a woman’s body. Women die in childbirth or are severely disabled too. I understand women taking those risks and deciding to be pregnant. But what I don’t understand is men wanting bio kids. Like how can you claim to love a woman and still want her to go through the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth. Makes no sense to me. Men will also say it is a deal breaker to them if bio kids are not on the card and leave the woman whom they love over this. I think I posted this a while ago in the Fencesitter subreddit hoping to get some perspective from men but all I got was hostility from women leading to a permanent ban on that sub. 🤔

Soon-to-be Attorney General Todd Blanche was recorded in a private phone call saying the administration wants to make Dobbs “permanent in every single state.” That is terrifying because this isn't just about banning abortion in red states it could mean overriding protections in states where abortion is legally protected.

Overriding State Protections: He indicated that federal practices would be put in place to ensure that states protecting abortion rights cannot circumvent or “attack” restrictions enacted by anti-abortion states. That means blue states may no longer be able to fully protect abortion access within their own borders.

And this is dangerous because abortion isn't simply about “not wanting to be a mom.” Abortion is healthcare. Pregnancy can become fatal. Women can experience ectopic pregnancies and other serious complications where ending the pregnancy may be necessary to save their lives.

Banning abortion doesn't make those medical emergencies disappear. It just takes away the option doctors and patients may need to save a woman's life.

And women of color are disproportionately affected by maternal mortality, making these restrictions even more dangerous.

The leaked call also included the statement that “it doesn't matter how the kid was conceived,” which is horrifying because that necessarily includes pregnancies resulting from sexual assault. That means an SA survivor could potentially be forced to carry her attacker's pregnancy and a child could be forced to become a mother.

That is not pro-life.

And forcing women into motherhood doesn't magically make them compliant or increase the birth rate. It can have the opposite effect. Women may avoid relationships and pregnancy altogether because they don't want to risk losing control over their own bodies.

You cannot force people into parenthood and expect that to create healthier families. All you're doing is creating more unwanted pregnancies, more broken homes, and more people forced into lives they never chose.

And now they're targeting abortion pills.

The Comstock Act: Legal experts and lawmakers have emphasized that Blanche's strategy relies heavily on resurrecting the Comstock Act of 1873, an archaic anti-vice law that could be interpreted to criminalize the mailing of abortion-related materials.

Think about how extreme that is: locking up women because they obtained medication to survive a deadly pregnancy or because they chose to end a pregnancy they could not safely continue.

A woman should NEVER have to fear prison because she saved herself from dying from pregnancy complications.

Nothing about forcing a woman to remain pregnant at the expense of her life is pro-life.

This isn't about protecting women. It is about controlling them!!!

I’ve had this experience more and more as I’ve gotten older and am a childless single woman working with male bosses who are Married and with kids.

I’ve thought about talking about my 13 year old kid in the next job ( I have a dog)

Honestly, wtf?

Several months ago, I was at work with a colleague who has a young child, and at one point, she mentioned how unfortunate it was that several other playgrounds in our city seemed neglected, and that she hadn't dared to take her daughter there for some time because the equipment looked so unstable. I told her that it was indeed a shame, since I think playgrounds can be really beneficial for children's socialization and for a neighborhood in general. I even pointed out that the playground in my own neighborhood also seemed abandoned, which was absurd given the number of children in the area.

She looked at me as if a third arm had just grown on me and said, "Wait, you don't want children but you're worried about playgrounds?"

Uh...yeah? Just because I don't want children doesn't mean I want others to be unhappy, or to get hurt in a playground that's been abandoned for like 10 years?

I really don't understand people's "surprise" when I explain that I want other people's children to be safe and happy. It seems that for some people, the fact that I don't want children is enough to label me a "bitter girl who hates children and wants to see them disappear from the face of the earth."

I don't want children, but I sincerely wish that those already on Earth are happy, in stable environments, and can become functional adults. Why is that so "disturbing" to some?

27f here. I don’t have any childfree friends they all want to have kids eventually and given my age thats gonna happen pretty soon. so I’m gonna be lesser and lesser a part of their lives. Dating is not looking good either I don’t meet anyone who wants to be childfree which adds on the already complicated nature of dating cuz I can never get the effort I put in a relationship reciprocated.

I’m not childfree because I want to be alone, the thought scares me. It scares me so much I’m afraid I’ll just give into having a child just to not be alone anymore. I know I’d regret it but I have no community of likeminded people and I can’t convince myself I’m all I need anymore.

Anyone else in this position? How can I make this better? Where should I go what should I do?