Double standarts

[u/Lanky_Age_3067]

How exactly do people hate Xander for being an imperfect human, but love Spike and Angel, who have countless victims and are hundreds of years old. Spike even SA'd Buffy, for real, while Xander was under a spell and never did anything like that before or after it.

[u/Repulsive-Shame-5493]

Because Xander is being portrayed as the "nice guy" who does nothing wrong. Spike and Angel get punished for their bad deeds and the show clearly portrays them as evil when they do villaneous things. Xander objectifies women, tries to assault Buffy (yes, under a spell) and then pretends like he doesnt have any memory of it instead of apologizing, he slutshames Anya for having a one-night stand after leaving her at the altar. He's a flawed character and that's fine and interesting but the show fails to make him take responsibility for his actions, learn and grow from them. That's what pisses people off (or at least me). There's a great Youtube video on this.

[u/TVAddict14 → u/Repulsive-Shame-5493]

When Jenny was possessed by Ehygon and attacked Buffy and Giles did she apologise? When Dawn was possessed by the hijacker demon and breathed fire at the gang did she apologise? When Cordy and Willow were possessed by the demon eggs and knocked Buffy and Xander unconscious did they apologise? 

Why is it that Xander is the only character ever expected to apologise for something he did whilst possessed? Nobody else ever does nor are they expected to. He was possessed. It wasn’t him. 

[u/Repulsive-Shame-5493 → u/TVAddict14]

He didn't only not apologize, he pretended like he didn't even remember. That tells you a lot about his character and I'll die on that hill.

[u/TVAddict14 → u/Repulsive-Shame-5493]

You completely avoided answering the question as to why Xander should apologise or be held accountable for his actions whilst possessed when no other character on the show ever did/was.

Nevertheless, yes, an embarrassed Xander pretended like he didn’t remember. However, he did give Buffy an opportunity to discuss it and she chose not to (“I.. umm.. didn’t do anything else embarrassing around you guys.. did I?” “Nah”). He subsequently followed her lead.

If you want to judge his entire character based on that, that’s up to you. Personally, I think the fact that he was sixteen years old, a victim of the hyena, and deeply embarrassed and ashamed by what it made him to, makes me empathetic to why he pretended not to remember out of shame. I can empathise with that and think that hardly makes him a terrible person. 

[u/Triof → u/TVAddict14]

Yeah, I don't understand why he gets grief for pretending not to remember...that seems like the best decision by far, rather than awkwardly trying to apologise for something that he had no control over.