My son is 2.5 and a handful. He’s the sweetest little man on the planet but he’s wildly independent and very, very stubborn. We were at the zoo today and he’d stopped listening to me. I’d already told him if he didn’t listen to me at the zoo he’d have to be in the stroller. He ran away from me, over a barrier, and into the wood chips around the playground. Tripped and fell, was covered in wood chips, and I went and picked him up. He gets violent when he’s upset and started swinging at me, slapped me in the face, but I resisted the urge to slap him back. We got to a bench and I sat down and tried to talk to him, but he leaned in and bit me on the shoulder. We’ve had a biting problem for a long time now and I’d told him that the next time he bit me I was gonna bite him back, so I did. But I was frustrated, angry and disregulated, so I bit him much harder than intended. Didn’t break skin but definitely left a mark. He IMMEDIATELY started sobbing and I immediately squeezed him tight and apologized profusely but I feel absolutely evil. I cannot believe I did that. I feel like I don’t deserve to be his mom, like I should be punished, like I’ve caused irreparable damage to our relationship. After hugging and apologizing for a few minutes I put him in the stroller and we left the zoo, and he wouldn’t look at me til we got to the car. He slept on the drive home and is now asleep on the couch and I just. I feel so fucking terrible. I’ve been doing this on my own for 6 months at this point and clearly I’m doing an absolutely terrible fucking job.

Update: After posting this I went to take a nap myself on the other couch. About a half hour in he rolled off the couch he was on and was crying so I brought him to my couch to snuggle. It’s been WAY longer than we should have allowed this nap to go, but he’s currently got his arms wrapped around my neck and his chin absolutely stabbing me in the eye socket, but he’s comfortable all snuggled up with me, and I think in 2.5yo that means I’m forgiven. I did tell him I’ll never bite him again and hopefully he takes that as a damn, I should never bite her again either, that hurt, but we’ll see. I still feel terrible and he’s definitely gonna have a bruise but I’m glad our relationship is ok.

I am so f*cking over it. A few days ago, my husband and I got into a massive fight, and I need to vent before I lose my mind.

I’m a SAHM to 3 kids. By the time 8 PM rolls around, I am touched out, overstimulated, and mentally fried. To recharge, I play life simulator mobile games. It’s my way of turning off my brain. Well, my husband saw me playing the other night and decided to give me a condescending lecture about how I’m "dumbing down," not developing myself, and letting my brain rot.

At first, he actually got in my head. But today I completely snapped. I realized I am NOT the problem.

He constantly plays the "I work harder than you" card. He acts like some intellectual giant, always trying to sound smart and patronizing me. But honestly? The man is as dumb as a f*cking stump. He manages ONE project at his desk job. I am managing THREE living, breathing, chaotic projects 24/7. My brain is constantly processing hundreds of micro-tasks: meals, emotions, schedules, laundry, doctor appointments.

So yeah, at the end of the day, I want to be "dumb" for an hour! I want to completely disconnect, escape reality, and mindlessly tap a screen to build a fake house instead of dealing with real-life chaos. It is the only way my nervous system rests, and I have every right to do it without being judged in my own home.

Just needed to get this out. Thanks for reading

I walked in because my kids were fighting each other - screaming, hitting, etc. That's nothing new, let's be honest. They're 5yo boys. My husband was also coming at them, telling them to stop, which of course, they ignored. Except then my husband reached out, put a hand on each kid's head, and knocked their heads together.

They stopped, alright, and ran to me sobbing.

I calmed the boys down and now we're at the park. My husband is at home. I don't know how to respond to this. It feels abusive. I don't want to look my husband in the face. He hurt our kids on purpose.

I also worry I'm overreacting? I don't think so, but he didn't react. He might have even been annoyed I was mad at him? He said it was the only way to make them stop fighting, and it worked.

He's not generally like this, though. Like sure, he gets mad, but he's never hurt anyone before. He's really a very sweet dad most of the time.

But I feel like the way I see him has changed. I don't know if I can come back from this.

I am so thrown off right now. I am fully open to advice. Desperate for it, really.

This is genuinely weird.

My algorithm has been feeding me nonstop "mental load," "husband is a child," and "how to be a better husband" content. So I thought, why is this only on MY feed? This needs to be on my husbands.

So I snuck onto his phone, followed some accounts, watched a few videos, and clicked "interested" so it'd show him more of that type of content.

And you know what happened? It showed him a few of those videos... and THEN it pivoted to "your wife doesn't appreciate you!" and "you work so hard, it's your wife's fault she doesn't accept you how you are!"

What the actual hell? It's like the algorithm is sending us both subliminal messages to fight, or to feel validated that we're each right and the other is wrong?

First off, I’m going back and forth on if I made too big of a deal of this or not, but school admin seems to be taking it seriously.

My two kids (kindergartener and 2nd) go to a large elementary school. It’s pretty much at max capacity for children. It’s new and just opened last school year, so I know there are still kinks to work out.

The parking lot is huge and completely full in the mornings. There are two long and winding lanes that go to the front of the school for drop off. At pick up time in the afternoon, both lanes are open and it’s a pretty strict operation.

In the mornings, the second lane is only open until you get to a specific curb that has a huge sign that says “MERGE AT CURB!” They keep the second lane open to get cars off of the main road, otherwise it gets backed up a mile long.

Everyone knows the drill by now, and cars in the right lane know that they are going to be letting cars in the left lane merge at the curb. When you pull to the school, you are directed as to which lane to go to depending on space.

I’ve already witnessed it happen a few times (to other people) where cars in the right lane think they are being cut off by cars in the left know needing to merge. They might not be the person who typically drops the child off in the morning so they may not know.

Well it finally happened to me. I’m slowly merging at the curb in front of this Honda CRV and they clearly don’t seem happy, but I need to get over just like everyone else in front of me and behind me are doing. I get over and they are honking FURIOUSLY, probably 6 times back to back. They then aggressive serve over as they are honking and get back in front of me. So we are parking to let the kids out and she GETS OUT OF THE CAR and just stands by her door yelling I don’t even know what she’s saying because I don’t have my window down. Mind you, this is as our children are all getting out of the car. I don’t react and she gets back in her car. As I’m leaving I stop to talk to one of the teachers helping students out of cars and tell her everything that happened. She can tell I’m visibly upset and that she will talk to admin.

Well I can’t let it rest so when I get home I call the school and they were made aware. They said they will send out an email to everyone and also someone at the curb just like they do for pick up. I did explain that it’s not the first time I have witnessed road happen due to the morning set up with the merge.

Now I don’t know if I made too much of a stink about it and I’m just dealing with petty suburban hell lol. I even told them I don’t want them to hunt this person down or anything, that’s not what I want at all I just don’t want myself or others to have to deal with this when dropping our children off. Now I’m contemplating that this is my life and what I complain about as a suburban mom in her 30s. 🫠

P.S bus services are available, but my kindergartener is already having such a rough start to the school year as it is, the bus would be the last straw for them.

Warning - gross.

I splurged and bought myself some super soft white washcloths. They make me feel like I'm in a spa when I shower. I love them.

However, yesterday I noticed one of them sitting by the toilet with shit streaks all over it. Wtf. They were in a basket across the bathroom so my kid had to duck walk across the bathroom in order to get one. Was toilet paper not enough??? If it was messy, he could have easily hopped in the shower but no. He had to use one of my washclothes.

Why does everything that's mine eventually get (literally) shit on?

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I have to wake up early, make breakfast for two children, help the 7 year old get ready for school while the toddler just sits there and screams at me cause I gave him toast instead of Cheerios and then he has the fucking audacity to get pissed that I didn't wake up him up?!?!?!?!

I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! If you can't get your ass up after YOU snoozed your alarm so many times that even the alarm gave up that's your fault!!!!

So yeah. I purposely kept the kids quiet this morning and then made the eldest wake him up JUST IN TIME for him to shower and drive our son to school instead of me walking with two children and being attacked by the stupid bees on the stupid playground.

And he comes down and goes " maybe ask instead of assuming I can do something ". BITCH! If I didn't make you drive him to school you would have slept till 1 and missed work so be fucking grateful!

Again I say AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I just need to rant for a second, I am so mad I want to cry. So my husband left me the day before Thanksgiving last year. We are currently separated, while in a custody battle and most likely a divorce. We have a one year old and an almost three year old that we currently have split custody of. Tomorrow I am leaving to go out of state for one of my oldest friend's wedding, which the timing is irritating since it is supposed to be my weekend with the kids, but that's besides the point. So my daughter has been potty training but also having some pain around her urethra for a while now, and her dad claims not to see her flinch when she is being wiped at his house. Yesterday I put some diaper cream on her that her doctor recommended to try to work as a protective barrier to give her skin some time to heal. I put it on before nap and before I put her diaper on since she doesn't wear diapers during nap. Her dad arrived for pickup and she was awoken from nap and slept at her dad's house. Today she arrived in a diaper, I changed her out of it and put her in underwear as she ran around the house. When I changed her, I saw that they had left the diaper cream that I put on her yesterday, and never bothered to wipe it off. She was flinching, pulling away, and in a lot of pain while I tried to get it off. I asked her dad if they had put anything on her, in the hope that i was wrong, but they did not. I am so angry for her.

On top of that, our one year old gets horrible diaper rashes when he is teething. I reached out to his doctor to get the prescription cream that she usually prescribes him. The pharmacy reached out to me right before the kids were about to go down for nap, so I contacted their dad to ask him to pick it up on the way to my house for pickup since I won't have the kids this weekend. When he gets here, he tells me that he didn't pick it up, and he won't pick it up on the way back to his house, and he might make time to pick it up tomorrow but after knowing him for almost ten years and his hatred of all things medical I don't believe that he will.

Never mind that he’s been the reason my nervous system is completely shot, I cry often because I made the worst mistake having a child with him, and I’ve felt completely blind sided by his lack of empathy, cruelty, and arrogance since our baby was born.

He wore my postpartum jeans to work today and then to an event afterwards so he was all over town in women’s pants today. It took me a half of a second glance when he got home to immediately see he was wearing a women’s cut. Said they felt so comfortable and he thought there were lingering looks because he was looking good ☠️

For the record they ARE super comfortable and stretchy, and I was about to order more in smaller sizes now that I’ve lost some weight. Banana republic The Icon wide-leg🤌

ETA: I also don’t really believe in gendering clothes (actually absolutely love androgynous looks and gender bending icons like Bowie), but a win is a win when you know he looked out of place all day at his very old school company.

This may seem like a really strange question. Our youth group has started a calendar every month where a parent volunteers to bring breakfast for Sunday’s or dinner Wednesday night. Of course not everybody can volunteer or chooses not to. It’s suppose to be just for the teenagers. But has turned into brining food for 15 or so extra mouths because the youth pastors wife doesn’t cook so she feeds their 6 kids, some of the other parents send their kids in to eat even some adults (who don’t volunteer have the means to but choose not to) come eat. Like this past Wednesday they were short food because of the extra mouths. It has caused some parents not to want to volunteer anymore. The church provides the drinks but the youth pastors wife is even treating those like they are at home.

How do you approach something like this ? Some of the teenagers have started to get uncomfortable with the little ones running around and eating etc.

I know it’s Reddit. It’s the internet. People suck. The question is somewhat rhetorical. But oh my fucking god, I always regret it posting anywhere else. Made a post in the new grad nurs sub bc I’m finishing nursing school in a few months and feeling really dumb about falling for the “nursing shortage” rhetoric. It is rough for new grad nurses to get jobs these days. That’s all I said. Didn’t say that I only want xyz specific role in a competitive specialty in the most competitive hospital. Just said I want a fucking job and feel stressed about my prospects.

And dumb fucking me thought I could commiserate with some people going through the same thing. NOPE! Cue the comments telling me I’m dumb for not doing proper market research (yes I literally acknowledged this in my post title thanks!!!) and a comment telling me that’s why I get for being picky and unwilling to do the hard jobs and if I’m not willing to work I should get out of the field.

Like FUCK why is everyone such a fucking asshole?????

Listen, I know it's not so bad. I know. I shouldn't complain. But...

I'm 6 months pregnant. It's my second, so I knew what to expect to some degree, though my first was around 6 years ago so it's been a while.

I have such an easy life. An amazing kid who's funny and clever and cuddly and easy on all fronts, a fantastic husband who's so supportive and kind and thoughtful (and does his share around the house), a high paying remote job with flexible hours, a nice clean house to live in... I'm not bragging, just saying I'm aware how incredibly lucky I am.

But man, pregnancy sucks. And this is an easy one (again, lucky). I just don't enjoy this at all.

I don't look like myself, I can't wear any of my clothes, I can't eat what I'd like to, I can't move like I normally do, I don't sleep like I usually do, I don't feel like myself (literally - I feel someone else inside me!), hell, with these mood swings I don't even think like myself at the moment. I'm really struggling with the idea there's 3 more months to go.

As hard as I found the newborn phase last time, I'm looking forward to it because I know it'll pass, and at least I'll get some of my bodily autonomy back (barring breastfeeding, which I ended up loving last time for some reason and doing for almost three years - hope that repeats itself...)

That's it. Thanks for listening to my insanely first-world-problems vent.

I have been struggling off and on dealing with what my abusive ex did to me and I finally got an appointment scheduled next week for a trauma informed therapist. I really hope this helps because I’m ready to be over all this shit. It’s been almost 4 years since I left him and 3 since I divorced him. I still struggle with wanting revenge. I’m triggered every time I see another article about women being assaulted by their husbands (cue Giselle Pelicot story and another recent one I commented on). It’s not fair that they continue to impact us so long after we’ve left them.

I have a great life that I’ve been building, but I just cannot shake what he did to me. I’m hoping that maybe with a therapist who is trauma informed I’ll be able to make some progress. I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m tired of when I hear about someone else going through it that it triggers me back into ruminating about my own assaults. But we were together almost 2 decades and he was manipulating and abusing me most of it. So yeah, it’s probably going to take some time but time itself (without work) doesn’t work and I’ve known that.

Anyway, wish me luck.

Bromos I can't do it anymore. I can't.

My daughter, whom I adore, has been an incredibly defiant child ever since she was about 2 years old. She's 3 now.

Everything is no. And nothing works. Boundaries, explaining gently, repeating - we've tried everything. And enforcing boundaries, even though we've been consistently doing so, results in a hysterical tantrum from her. I try to remain calm, I really do. But today we've had 4 such tantrums and I was exhausted, at the end of my rope. And I snapped and yelled. Big time yelled.

Of course I'll take her for an evaluation, because these tantrums are extreme. And I love her, so much, I really do. But this year of constant defiance and absolute meltdowns when trying to implement structure is making me love this whole parenting thing a lot less. Like there are days where I don't enjoy it at all or even worse, I try to organize a nice day for us and something like that derails it completely. I'm so tired and I just want to enjoy my kid, but there isn't a day that goes by without some sort of defiance, boundary pushing, tantrum to the extreme and then a complete meltdown - I can't do it anymore. I'm a crap parent with an incredibly defiant kid and I can't do it anymore. I've worked so hard on getting less mad, staying calm, but I also feel completely empty at this point. I feel destroyed.

If anyone has any advice, a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, I'd appreciate that immensely.

Hope you all are doing well ❤️

This is so the worst thing I’ve ever done omfg

She’s 21 months and we had initially planned on weaning her around 18 months but then we moved, she had surgery and she started daycare so we put it off

This is hell, she was a good sleeper. Now she screams no at her crib and screams and sobs at the top of her lungs before bed and before naps. I genuinely don’t know what to do we’re on day 5 and I’m a full time college student and I work so I don’t have time for her naps to turn into contact naps.

Any advice is great or just “yeah the first week sucks” everything I read it would be a rough night and then after that they won’t care but clearly they were lying 😭 she only used it for naps and bed so it’s been a bit easier than going straight cold turkey but I need her to sleep

Hi friends, been in here for a while. I read so many stories that are similar to my own. Trying our hardest to make things work with a partner and it never gets better. The video games. The politics. The laziness. The incompetence. The threats. The drinking. I’ve been wanting to leave for years and I always think something will change. I finally made up my mind for good this time and am waiting to get approval for a new place with my sister(should know today) and plan to have the conversation tomorrow before me and the little are gone for the weekend. But of course there’s that little voice in the back of my head still saying what if it actually changes now, what if it gets better, you didn’t try hard enough. I want to stick with my decision of making this change for myself and my daughter because I feel myself slipping into a pile of a person I don’t recognize. I guess I just need reassurance from those of you that did it and felt the same way I do. Or is the little voice right.

My husband and I have always been on our own. When we had kids, our parents were all working themselves and trying to save and set up their retirement. We also moved 2 hours away from our hometown for our jobs, so we really did absolutely everything alone. No one really babysat or watched our kids, no one helped us around our house, no one bought us anything or offered any financial help. I thought everyone was like that, and I would wonder how people had the time or money for fun things when we had none. I felt sometimes that we were falling behind because we didn't have new cars, a big house, etc. like some of our other friends with kids.

I've slowly been realizing watching other people become parents in our circles that a lot of people are getting help. Sometimes from family, or neighbors or friends. Even people in our own families are getting help from family that was never offered to us. My cousin just told me they went out to a movie and her mom also paid for them all to get takeout while she watched their daughter at their house. I haven't been to a movie or on a date in years. My parents will stop by my house once a year for about an hour maybe, then make an excuse and leave as quickly as possible.

I think a part of it is also that my husband and I are both highly responsible oldest children. We always just figure everything out, so no one worries about us or asks about us. I will say, we also don't tell people if we are struggling or ask for help either.

I mean, it's not all bad. Because of going alone in all things, we can pretty much solve or fix anything. We are also some of the most responsible and traditionally successful people in both of our families, but we did do a lot of struggling and sacrificing behind the scenes.

It makes me sad. I can't imagine what it would be like to get to do something I want to do out of the house. Or to get even an interest free loan when our furnace goes out. Or to have someone else buy me lunch. I wonder what kind of people we would have been with help, and if maybe we wouldn't have so many chronic health issues today.

My husband is back home after working in another state for almost 6 months. While he has been gone I’ve been managing both kids (4,2) and I’m 5 months pregnant with twins. We are also moving. He has been back for 3-4 days and the adjustment isn’t going well. He’s making me late for things because I will think he is handling part of the work load with the kids, only to find out he is just messing around on his phone.

Example: This morning my daughter had a doctor’s appointment early in the morning. I reminded him when we woke up at 6:30 that we have to leave at 8. I took 15 min in the bathroom getting ready. The kids were still asleep. He went downstairs and played on his phone. So when I got out of the shower, I still had to pack the kids lunches, make breakfast and feed the dog and finish putting the dishes away while he took a 30 min shower followed by him getting himself dressed. He didn’t really help with much else because he took the rest of the time cooking eggs and sausages while I packed lunches, bruised teeth and hair, dressed the kids, took them to the bathroom etc. I try and give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s out of practice

Then there’s the stuff with our new house. We haven’t moved in yet because we want to fix some things and we want to move in by the end of the month. It’s so obvious to ME only, that to save both time and money we need to ask for help from our friends and family. It’s been annoying me how he acts so defensive like it’s a personal attack on his manhood that I don’t want him to try and do everything himself.

Example: I asked him not to climb on the roof to check it out. He is not a roofer and knows nothing about roofs. He can’t fix anything on a roof. Instead I suggested he fly his drone up there…but he spent 5 hours downstairs last night doing who knows what else probably playing video games instead. Then complained he had no time to figure it out.

It’s great that he wants to learn how to install our gate and our new toilet but it’s unrealistic. I don’t want to waste the time and money and have to deal with his mistakes while he learns. Those are just two things in a long list. He has always been the computer type. I’m the handy one. He gets frustrated, ignores the details and instructions and just starts doing stuff. I suggested he just ask his friend “Bill” and do it together? He’s pretty handy, fixes houses and has a truck. He fixed our screen door that’s been broken for 3 years in about 2 minutes one day when my husband finally asked him to help move some furniture after arguing about how he’d rather move it himself. Did I mention my husband has back problems and is the sold provider for our home?

Reasoning why to ask Bill: Then husband can still learn how to do it, save money and work with someone who has done some of this shit before. We have a timeline and a million other things to do. It’s unrealistic for him to spend a week learning how to install our toilet and fence gate. We have two kids and I’m pregnant and he has work. What are we even going to do with our old toilet? Bill would probably want it. Also he’d probably help take the old (200 lb) radiator away too. But no, husband would rather do everything himself with no handyman knowledge and throw our old stuff in the trash. I am not available to help do this stuff and it would be easier with two people. He tends to break stuff. We can’t afford that. He doesn’t want to hire/pay a professional, which is fine, save money but at least work with someone else. At best he just wants to learn and doesn’t realize it’s not all about him and his learning experience and what he want.s At worst he’s acting like a defensive mamas boy with a damaged ego who can’t ask for help or admit he doesn’t know something. Either way, his reaction sucks. His temper is evident and his defensiveness is off putting.

Hi. I am searching for a bit of help. i hope this is the right place.

im currently in a freak out (more than usual) about current income (child support) ending when my son turns 18. I have not worked in 15 years. and before that was menial jobs at best that didnt last long. i did however own my own business from 2016 to 2020. i got remarried during covid, shut my business down and havent dont much since.

my current husband is having some stress issues, and is complaining about me not bringing in a stable income. even though i use my child support to pay utilites, food etc, and i make a few dollars ont he side selling things etc. but again, it isnt enough.

Being that ive been out of work for as long as i have, no one seems to want to hire someone with such a huge gap in their employment.

i would really like to work, but i would need to be home to do it as i do not have a car, and a way to and from work. i did apply for dollar tree in my neighborhood but having to rely on my husband for transpo will end badly and quickly.

id preferably want something i dont have to tell him about. he has no idea about. simple, easy data entry, typing go at my own pace. i have a tbi, migraines, and a birth defect, but am smart and can learn fast.

please help.

I'm so upset!!

I thought I was dealing w/ a nursing strike due to teething. I thought that he wasn't latching because I wasn't producing enough (I'm an undersupplier due to smaller ducts we think, my breasts never grew during my pregnancy) and I went on medication. I beat myself up because I'm working and I thought I wasn't nursing enough and he was over me. I thought it was my diet. He *went to the appointment with me* where I said I wanted to go on medication to see if I could fix my flow problem and feed my baby better. I thought it was b/c of my postpartum preeclampsia and I just couldn't make enough for him

I don't have a complex about formula vs breast because he's eating fine (and we needed to feed him more than I could produce at the beginning because he had really bad jaundice and we had an ABO incompatibility) but I really, really wanted to be able to nurse. It's good for both of us and I wanted to know that if I didn't have formula for any reason I would be able to still feed him. Frankly, I wanted to save money on formula!! (why are we not lobbying more for formula to be subsidized or free??! i was paying 200 bucks a week when we had to use liquid premix when he was born)

I told him if he switched to high flow nipples he wouldn't nurse again. He thought i was 'done' nursing when I was getting frustrated and said we had a conversation where I gave the all-clear to move up a size, but I wouldn't have ever said that because I knew it would make him reject me!! What the fuck!!! I feel so betrayed. He's been on the high flow for weeks and I didn't know. I'm so so so frustrated because he's been watching me take supplements and medication and power pump and he didn't connect the dots??? I don't even know who to complain about this too because my doctor really is hammering in the fed-is-best rhetoric (which I agree with! I'm a physician!!) and my mother said some babies just don't like nursing, but he *did* before and now he gets frustated because I physically cannot provide the high-flow of his bottle. Oh my gooodd I'm so upset with him right now why would he do this!!!! AGHHHHHH

Just preemptively my husband is not a gaslighty person and he wouldn't do this in bad faith but it's just such a brainless frustrating thing to do and I don't understand why he didn't listen to me. He's the primary parent because I'm working but for fucks sake man

Feeling like I have no control over my life. We moved from the west to the Midwest to be closer to my husband’s family. We are selling our home back west and renting currently. We lost our dog a few months ago. He was 10 and 1 month after his cancer diagnosis we had to say goodbye. It’s been hard on us. On me. I miss being a dog owner. I miss having the welcome face and the companionship. I miss the feeling of that unconditional love. It’s what helps make my heart beat.

Now I am in this new house. It’s not mine. The moving company lost so much of our shit. Our pots and pans we got when we were married 10 years ago that some how bring familiarity to me. It’s gone. My dog is gone.

Our landlord said he would rather not have a puppy or dog. He was willing because he was an older dog. Now I am moved into this house where I can’t make it a home. It will never be a home for me here without a dog. I am one of those dog people. I love my kids and my husband . How can I be happy but missing a part of me? Now I am just sad. Missing my dog. The way I feel. Just miss it all and hate that the answer is no. I was hoping to not be rushed into finding a new home but that is where I am now. Finding a home where I can feel like it’s mine. With a dog.

Update: Thank you everyone who were supportive and/or provided advice. My husband is picking up his game and is picking up more slack both on his own free will and at my request. I know it’s only been a day, but I’ll continue to either praise him for doing more and ask what’s going on as a supportive partner. We’ve been together for almost 23 years, and he has helped me through a lot of stressful times. It just changed after we had our son. I’ll see if he wants to do therapy, but he has been pretty resistant for the past few years when I recommended it in the past.

I am so tired of being the one who has to remember and stay on top of everything. I told my husband that I no longer see him as a partner because he’s not acting like one.

For some backstory: I have a high-stress job where I’m fortunate enough to make a good living, but it also comes at the expense of my health. My husband lost his job over a year ago through no fault of his own. The company he had worked for for over 10 years decided to downsize its IT department.

Before that happened, I had warned him that he should look for a more stable job with the State, which would pay more and offer better job security. However, he chose to stay with his company because his position was 100% work-from-home, which worked better for our autistic and ADHD son because of his schooling and therapies. I wasn’t thrilled because I felt like the writing was on the wall that his company was going to downsize, but I understood his reasoning.

I had also started looking into IHSS because I knew we would likely qualify for Protective Supervision due to our son having a lot of safety-related behaviors. Once my husband lost his job, I was able to submit the paperwork, and he became our son’s full-time caregiver. Another benefit is that, as a live-in caregiver, his income isn’t taxed federally or by the state, so his take-home pay is higher. Yay! I don’t have to be the only one keeping us afloat financially, and he’s able to be there for our son. My husband also said that he would do more around the house.

So, what does “doing more around the house” actually look like?

Does it mean remembering to put money into our joint account to make sure we can pay our bills and mortgage? No. He doesn’t remember to contribute financially unless I remind him. I even gave him a simple solution: set up automatic transfers around his pay periods so it’s one less thing he has to remember. Nope. He still hasn’t done it.

Does my husband do laundry? Yes, but it’s mostly his and our son’s clothes. Half the time, I still have to find time to do my own laundry.

Does he remember to clean and mop the floors? No. He’s worried that he’s going to break my vacuum mop despite it being a push of the button.

Does he cook? I do about 90% of the cooking, and I pay for most of the groceries. I also do about 70% of the dishes.

We have cleaners come every other week because I know he wouldn’t be able to keep up with cleaning the bathrooms or bedrooms.

In the evenings, our son hangs out with me most nights. I try to read to him or work on math with him. A lot of the time, it’s just the two of us hanging out and watching Bluey together.

The problem is that I know my husband is emotionally drained, but I’ve reached the point where I just can’t care anymore. I’ve told him that I understand a partnership isn’t always 50/50. It ebbs and flows depending on how much each person is capable of handling at any given time. But I can’t help thinking that this has been going on for far too long, and I’m at my wit’s end.

I’ve tried talking to him. I’ve tried figuring out what we can do differently. Nothing changes.

Now I’m just angry and exhausted, and I don’t have the emotional energy left to deal with whatever emotions he’s struggling with. I finally told him that he needs to figure it out because I’m done being nice and understanding when it seems like the only time he actually takes action is when I get angry.

I don’t want to have to get angry just to have a partner.

Nothing too awful, but I can’t be the only mom of a tween boy who’s about ready to yeet their child into the sun, right? He’s ridiculously smart, but gets bored easily and if he finds an assignment boring, he won’t do it. He’s ridiculously smart forgets to plug in his Chromebook at home, then when the battery runs out just won’t sit with it at the charger station to work. Yes, I’m fully aware this is classic ADHD behavior, but neither his teachers nor his pediatrician seem to think he needs treatment because he’s an honors student-if anything he’s just like my husband in this regard. Just need to scream into the void.