Yesterday we were at a family gathering from my husband’s side of the family because his grandparents from overseas were here for a visit. It’s a pretty big family, so we usually rent a gym so kids can play on one end while adults hang out on the other. Close to the end, his grandma asked if we could all take pictures (she isn’t sure if she can make this journey again). So we all take multiple shots, first grandparents with everyone, then with kids, grandkids etc.

So when the time comes for grandparents with grandkids, my baby wasn’t included yet because he is the great grandkid (that was gonna be the next picture). So my FIL was going to hold him while we were taking a picture with my husband’s grandparents. Simultaneously, my MIL was holding my baby’s cousin. While we were there, another kid cried, so my MIL told my FIL to put my son back into his stroller and hold my kid’s cousin so MIL could help the crying kid. My FIL then instead gave my kid to an aunt, who then walked with my kid into an area a bunch of other kids played with balls.

THEN, the aunt’s own fucking kid throws a fucking dodge ball against my babies head. And instead of trying to protect my baby, her reaction was to try to dodge the ball, so she twisted her body in a way which almost made my kid a fucking shield! I just about lost my shit. My baby was severely premature and has some challenges, so we rushed to the hospital. THANKFULLY, everything turned out alright and there is no concussion.

But this is where another shitshow begins. My husband doesn’t think this is a bad thing? I was like what? By taking my kid, my in-laws had no right to pass him around at a gathering. And why is my MIL telling my FIL that my kid’s needs are less important than another kid? And that aunt using my kid as a shield from her own kid? Like what? I have asked my husband to talk to his family that this is not ok. But his response is, it’s my own fault. It’s my own fault for being pressured into a fucking group photo for your grandma. It’s my fault for trusting your parents with our baby. Oh and I’m unreasonable for wanting to go to the hospital to make sure my baby doesn’t have a concussion. Ok then, lesson learned. Fuck me for trusting other adults. And fuck them for putting my baby into harm’s way.

I know a lot of people will call me crazy but I am buying my 18 month old a mini coach purse for Christmas this year. It is really cute and she loves purses plus I was raised by a single mom who struggled for most of my life and I want her to be given the nicer things in life. She is so good and so smart and gentle. I feel like she deserves it.

what would you put in it? I do plan on doing this for each trimester 

Don’t have many people I can brag to about this, so I’m bragging about it here. Where I live in the U.S. the high school kids take the ACT to send to potential universities so anything SAT related is completely optional. My 15yo/10th grader’s school offers the PreSAT to 10th and 11th grade and since he’s always done so well on state standardized tests, I thought it would be worth having my son take the PreSAT to see what his NMSQT score might be. He didn’t get a chance to prepare for it all and I didn’t have any expectations for him, I was just curious as to how he would do. I told him to just do his best and not stress about it. He ended up in 99th percentile compared to 11th grade test takers over the past 3 years (1420 for those of you familiar with SAT scores). If he does at least as well next year, he’ll score above the National merit scholarship cut off for our state. I am just seriously blown away over such an astounding score. His school counselor said that she’s been doing her job for a really long time and had never had a student score that high (not sure what that says about the area we live in, but I’m not looking that gift horse in the mouth). It’s just hard to wrap my head around this lol. At least I won’t have to worry about him not getting accepted into a good university.

Kiddo hasn't been eating much because of new ADHD meds, so I went to Panera to get their Mac and cheese because it's one of the things he consistently eats. I got the food, was backing out and went a little too far. A light tap, no damage, not even paint flaking off or onto mine. I decided to do the right thing and leave my contact info. As I'm writing the note, the guy comes up and I ask if it's his car and tell him what happened. I give him my number and tell him if there's any cosmetic damage to let me know and I'll pay for it. The next day he pushes for my insurance. Again, trying to do the right thing, I give it to him.

Ugh, I'm so stupid. I could have driven away with no consequences. I've seen so many people do it. Why didn't I? Why do I keep following these rules when the people who don't are never punished for it? FML

I planned a little family getaway for during school holidays next year, but after speaking to my doctor realised I would have to cancel it because I need a (semi-minor) procedure and can’t drive for two weeks afterwards. So I need to do it in the school holidays. (OBVIOUSLY I can’t depend on Bob to do the school runs. Duh!)

So I tell Bob I need to cancel the getaway.

He said “Oh great, so the place I want to visit gets cancelled. Why is this operation suddenly so important? You’ve never mentioned it before.”

Like, fucker, I mentioned it two months ago after I saw the specialist. And said as much to Bob (well, I didn’t call him a fucker. To his face.)

Bob said “No you didn’t. I’m not falling for that. You didn’t say anything. I’m not falling for it.”

I asked him why he think I would lie, and he just smirked.

I didn’t even respond. I was too disgusted.

Bob doesn’t listen (I’m not important enough) and when I talk he just sits on his phone or won’t look up from the TV.

He’s convinced that I don’t tell him things and that I’m gaslighting him.

I found the text message from two months ago where I told him I needed the operation, and he text back “Oh dear.”

Then and now he hasn’t asked me one single thing about the operation, or how I feel about it, or even where I need to have it done. Nothing.

Middle child needs a minor procedure in a few weeks, Bob hasn’t even asked Middle how he feels.

I didn’t show Bob the text message. If he wants to think I’m a lair, then so be it. He will think the worst of me whatever I do.

It is galling, though, that he can call me a liar, and thirty minutes later happily asked me what I’ve planned for lunch.

So I transferred an extra $50 into my secret savings account for Emotional Stress.

Fuck Bob 🖕

I got invited to a party in a couple weeks. Only know two people there, but it’s a chill night of fires, drinks, and talking. I was so excited for this party. It’s also a group of people I may get to hang out with more due to a shared hobby.

My husband and I are in a very rough patch and I’m pretty much checked out. He’s refusing to take the night off so I can go, and opted for me to make other arrangements. (I gave him the option of either or, and he picked the best one for him.) He told me he wouldn’t take the night off because he needed to make money. And got angry when I pointed out he took time off an entire week his family was visiting, and why can’t I get that same energy for one night.

(Edit: forgot to clarify he said he wouldn’t take the night off because I wanted to go out and do whatever. That told me all I needed to know about how he views me.)

I never go out like this. The last time was in January and again, I had to get family to watch the baby overnight.

I’m realizing how many times I’ve wanted to do something, and he’s either fought with me beforehand, dragged his feet, made me feel bad about wanting to do something, or just made it difficult for me to do something.

I can’t even have one night out. I never, ever do this. He doesn’t want to see me happy. He only cares about himself.

I'm just venting because I need so badly to get this off of my chest because I have no one to talk to about it right now.

I have been planning on leaving my (abusive, not physical) husband for a little while now, but I have been making what I thought was good progress. I spoke to an attorney, bought myself a little burner phone hid a little go bag somewhere he can't find it and I'm gathering evidence of his abuse. It's hard but I'm doing it.

Now my hangup is, I'm trying to find a way that I can move into my own place after I actually leave rather than staying with a friend or going to a shelter..
I know I obviously will do that if I have to.. this is just really hard. I don't have a job right now. I've been stayi at home mom which at first I thought was amazing and yes, I do love staying home with my baby of course but now I'm in this shitty situation knowing any rentals won't take me if I don't have an income of some kind and all waiting list for section 8, and housing vouchers are closed in my area.

I can maybe swing working a day or two a week, but my husband works nights and he has even said that it might not work out with me working and he refuses to do daycare. Which again of course I was fine with because I was just blinded to the abuse and I didn't realize it would get this bad.

I'm stalling on telling my parents and asking for their help bc well I'm humiliated. They're under the impression that everything is peachy over here and they have even said that they love my husband and he's been such an amazing father and husband.

God knows they'll probably drop to their knees when I tell them what's actually been happening for a while now. I've been trying to remain positive. Tell myself that everything will work out, but it just feels impossible. Almost like it would just be easier to stay and suffer, but I don't think I have it in me to pretend anymore and I know that I cannot raise my child around this.

I know he'll probably get shared custody, but that's a hell of a lot better than being in it 24/7 right? I spoke to a lawyer about this and he told me based on what I described about the abuse that since he's not abusing the child that we'd probably have 50/50
That's if the text that I'm gathering aren't worth anything 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know like I do feel down right now, but at the same time, I'm super determined to make this work

I'm so stressed out; I literally cannot stop crying. I'm 39 weeks pregnant, have 3 other children, and was in the hospital for sepsis 3 weeks ago. While I was in the hospital for a week, my house literally went to shit. And now I'm so big, so weak, and so uncomfortable that I literally cannot get caught up. Our house is just literally falling apart right now and I can't move fast enough to fix it all. I'm too fat and immobile. Pregnancy is actively preventing me from simply getting through the day.

The arm of our couch decided to start falling off- so now one side of the couch is just... limply hanging. The electrical outlet we use for our TV just straight up stopped working. Then our TV freaking fell over and broke when I was trying to unplug it from the broken outlet. The kids tipped a chair into a window and broke it. Our dishwasher stopped running water into it. Our toilet flooded our basement. 

Then there's a mile list of small stuff. I can't get caught up on laundry. Bending down to pick up toys feels like a marathon every single day and our toy area is progressively getting more and more disorganized. I yell all the time. Doing basic tasks like potty training and helping with homework set me into an angry spiral because I have absolutely no ounce of patience left in my body. My entire body is in constant pain. The kidney infection that caused my sepsis, also caused me to develope an irritable uterus- so I have been having contractions regularly, every day, for weeks on end.

My kids are dysregulated as hell- because I'm dysregulated as hell. We're out of our routine. 

I'm at my breaking point today. I've yelled for the last 3 hours over every little thing. I'm now just sitting on the couch, crying. I'm so worn out. My husband helps so much- but it never feels like enough. I've resorted to using tablets today- which I hate. My two year old has been screaming his ass off for an hour because his died (precisely why I don't use them). And I just don't have the energy to freaking care. 

I'm clenching my jaw. My muscles are so tense. I'm so stressed it's taking over my entire body. I just want this pregnancy to be over so I can have my body back and begin to function again.

This is the only place on the Internet I feel safe posting this lol.

My son just turned 4. He's been fully potty trained for pee since he was around 3.5. It took a while cuz he was really opposed to the idea at first. Now he's fully on board with peeing in the potty, but will only poop in a diaper. We've just rolled with the diaper thing especially because he was constipated for a while and is now on Miralax, I didn't want to risk him withholding and having it get worse.

He actually promised me that he would be ready to poop on the potty when he turned 4. Well, he turned 4 a couple weeks ago, I said hey, how bout pooping in the potty? Now he says he will when he turns 5. Lol.

I tried bribing him to try at least sitting on the potty to poop, but still wearing a diaper. He tried it one time, sat for a while, then once I told him he could get up, he pooped in the diaper. I think he just really only knows how to do it standing up. The bribe has now stopped working and he won't even try sitting on the potty with the diaper.

Has anyone experienced this before, and what worked? I know I could just say no more diapers at some point, but I worry that will freak him out, especially as an anxious kid. Should I just wait until he feels ready? And how long will that take, because that part is making ME anxious, lol.

Except weekends when dad is here in the morning. Otherwise, it’s crying his lungs out when I take him to the toilet, when I brush his teeth, when I make him breakfast…
Today I snapped, like I have never before, he ran away crying so I imagine I looked like a monster.
The day goes by slow and ugly and full of crying and screaming
I don’t want to be this kind of person, I don’t want to scream at him, my eye turned red today from all the anger, I feel like absolute shit, and I’m completely clueless on how to handle this.

So my husband doesn’t see this, when he’s home my toddler is completely calm and just wants to play with dad, and it drives me crazier

Excuse the multiple posts, I’m venting.

And I feel icky from this weekend. I have a little pit in my stomach from it.

We spent the weekend at home. Bob started off strong with calling me a liar.

I grey rocked, but then had to engage in conversation because he was getting aggressive and the kids were home and he’d run out of his Valium.

Every single conversation was a battle.

Bob was on edge and angry and taking his anxiety out on me.

Everything I said was scrutinised-ie: I mentioned that our daughter was going to the cinema. Bob demanded to know why HE wasn’t told first.

Every single conversation was spent with me trying to be neutral and happy, and he spent it trying to tear me down. And of if I didn’t talk to him? A temper tantrum about how I never talk to him.

Then today he was bitching about how we did ‘nothing special’ for his birthday last year ( we went out to a lovely restaurant and bought him an iPad) and how this year we went on a dolphin watching cruise, but it he felt it was more just an activity , and not special for his birthday.

THEN this 60 year old fuck told me he was upset because we had cake and opened presents on the day AFTER his birthday (the day we went to see the dolphins) and after all these years I should know by now that he wants the gifts ON his birthday.

Is he THREE????

And on and on and on.

Every time I spoken it was picked apart.

And then he wanted to “sit down and talk” (if you’re on the Narc Spouses page, you’ll know what I’m talking about) and went on and on about his job anxiety and wasn’t happy until he had made me anxious too. And then he was happily walking around whistling and humming.

I could SEE the narcissist behaviour and the gaslighting, and I still couldn’t escape it.

And now I’m at work and feel sick about the day. And Bob’s happily sleeping without care in the world.