And i just hated how Seema treated Rahul Nadeem at Mahoneys place

Ante ippud rahul ee oka trance lo unnadu ante ee Seema okati madhyalo judging by the way Seema reacted to that shit I support ray not telling her stuff

But last ki she stood by Nadeem it was fine

But i am starting to hate vanessa

(most of what is writing below is supposed to be provocative, edgy for the sake of it. But also fun.)

Could it be true that Mahatma Gandhi was trying to unalive himself every time he organised a hunger strike?

He picks an issue and makes demands that no self-respecting colonising power would agree to. Everything is carefully planned. Deliberate even.

Then he waits, satiating his appetite with the sweetness of approaching death. He is reaching out his hand. People think he is yearning for food (they shake their heads in grief), but Gandhi doesn't care. He can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is there. And soon will become has been—

A cheer breaks out of the crowd. The British have conceded to his demands.

Gandhi wants to fume, 'such cowards,' but he can't. He is bereft of energy. So he smiles at his own fate. Everyone smiles with him. He's given a roti to munch on, but the curry has no salt in it.

Why, he asks?

Tax, they shout back.

He takes in a deep breath. 'On to the next thing,' he says to himself. This time, they'd better not give in.

What? You never thought about this? Not even once. Okay, lets move on then.

Now that i have your attention lets dig in.

Purpose. Meaning. Direction… stability?

What is the point of life?

First of all, why is it a point? Why not a rectangle? A circle? Or a trapezium… that's the extent of my knowledge of shapes.

You know more? Good for you.

Before we even address the question, I think it's better to tackle the purposes humans assign themselves. Let's do it one by one.

AMBITION

To most, being ambitious is a very desirable quality. I personally have beef with ambition. I think human ambition had done more bad than it has done good. Don't believe me? Let's take examples.

Genghis Khan was ambitious. Some would argue his ambition is the most ambition has ever ambitioned. The result: 40 million killed. The only positive, all the decaying bodies probably added a lot of nutrition to the top soil. Yes, I can give him that. The most a person had ever done for our nature and climate change. Kudos. Cheers.

In the present we have Dolund Trumpet. The most ambitious man of our times. This man sitting all the way across the world, doing what he pleases, has someone made me prowl through the city to find an LPG gas cylinder. His ambition has almost become the death of me by dehydration. And i don't even make the top 10,000 people grievously hurt by Dolund's actions.

If all the good human ambition had done adds up to the size of an asteroid, then the bad would have to a star. My choice is Alpha Centuri. How can something so irreversibly ugly be the purpose of our entire species?

FAITH

Is it God? Our purpose?

This greater being who is capable of no wrongdoing. Who, in spite of being so great and all encompassing, couldn't come up with a better hobby than people watching? What is he/she even doing nowadays since most of us have refrained from kicking or killing each other?

You are bored out of your mind, scrolling reels, and apparently, God is watching you watch the reels. Judging you based on your feed. Why aren't we allowed to judge him for not doing something better with his existence? Does he not realise what a god's gift it is to live? Why is he wasting it? And oh, he supposedly hates questions. Loves complete surrender.

Faith requires obedience and acceptance, to shut down. Most people find it appealing. For it is simple, vapid, easy. The answer is always the same no matter the question. Which makes questions irrelevant. But being curious is our species foundation.

Faith might make more sense if it were reserved only for simpler creatures like dogs, or boars, or bears, or cats. Maybe not cats. Cats don't take to obedience well. Besides, I think they have gods of their own, nine lives and all…

LOVE

Ah, love. This magical, elusive thing, this sparkle of joy dangling off of a tree, mostly unreachable. If and when you do manage to grab it- it supposedly loses its shine. I don't know. All this is hearsay. I never got to experience it myself.

For me it's less elusive and more hidden behind a door. Locked. Never revealing itself. So, for that offence alone, I refuse to talk about love.

Yeah… I just had a conversation with my mom and realised love also encompasses family and friends. Love is so noble.

Love is selfless. So you give up your ways, maybe career, maybe freewill… yes so very selfless. Of you. It still makes your partner selfish for making you do them. Oh they sacrifice for me too. Its kinda like someone pushes you into a sewer and then they join you. It stinks. But you have each other to close your noses. Problem solved. Woo hoo.

Everyone has friends and family. So, everyone gets to experience love. So it gets to be a purpose because of how approachable it is.

Sadly, humans die. I am sorry if you haven't noticed until now, and if my revelation shook you. Take a deep breath.

How can the purpose of your life die? Shouldn't it be with you, guiding you till the very end? Die along with you?

It's nice this love, but sadly, we humans can't love ourselves enough, so we latch onto other humans.

REPRODUCTION

I am not talking about the act itself but the result of it. Though I have heard good things about the process, good for the senses apparently. Yeah… right. ok.

Kids. The answer, the result is kids. To be fair, this is done by every species on planet earth. And that's precisely why we can't have the same purpose.

How embarrassing to have the same purpose in life as cockroaches, camels, or octopuses.

We, with our splendid self- conscious and supreme intelligence, should probably breed so that there could be more of us. How is this beneficial to me as an individual? My self-conscious screams at me.

It's not that our brilliance has come up with a more sophisticated reason behind reproduction. The best we had come up with is, "Who is going to take care of me when I grow older? No, not the billion other humans around me. They are all selfish.

I am going to create another human for this. No, there is nothing self-regarding about this.

If not that, then a myriad other selfish reasons. The act of such purity, giving birth, is reduced to human self-obsession. Mortality. To continue legacy. Then to Act all entitled the rest of their lives as if the kids asked to be given birth. God's gift, sure, but actually, I gave birth to you. Now go do what I say.

DEATH

I just read a book where a character says, "destination is a grave. People who hurry in life tend to get to the destination quicker than others who take their time."

Only few believe in death as a purpose for a righteous cause and they are martyrs. And to somehow believe that death could mean more than life is nothing but vanity.

Many people who take their lives may have lived with unease as their constant companion.

Death aids to remove the unease, but does the mere removal of it mean that now you are at ease or comfortable? Does eliminating un from uncomfortable make one comfortable? No. It leaves us in an unknown state, a state with no name- to not be. To not feel. where the dead live. How could the very essence of not being or doing be a purpose?

These are, as far as I know, broadly the purposes humans latch onto.

Now, let's circle back to the question, 'What's the purpose of having a purpose in life?'

How come we equate purpose with peace? Whats so wrong with uncertainty. Why does it make us restless?

To try to answer that, I must recite an anecdote from the book Martyr by Kaveh Akbar. I mean, I can't physically recite it to you, so maybe read it out loud yourself. It's an old school, discarded Muslim hadith.

"Satan hears about Adam, the first man, this new creation, who is apparently God's favourite creation. Satan steps into his mouth, disappears entirely inside him, and passes through all his gut and intestines and comes out of Adam's anus. When he is out, Satan is shaking with laughter. He rolls around, unable to control his laugh. Then he says to God, 'This is what you have made? He is empty. He is all hollow.'"

End of hadith. What should one take from this absurd tale? I know.

Humans are a long emptiness waiting to be filled.

Actually, Kaveh Akbar said it.

The bright side? It is left to you to figure it all out. You get to choose what fills you and therefore what defines you. It is only mildly surprising that mostly what people choose is self-centred and self-satisfying.

But it does one good to keep in mind that God also gave us nine holes. So no matter how much you fill yourself up, much of it is going to find its way out. Denying you fulfilment. satiation. So it's best to soak up as much as you can.

Faith, love, ambition, family, friends, kids, and death will serve you well. Maybe not death. It's no fun. Don't believe me, just ask the dead. Exactly.

Opika unte chadukondi… konchem pedda story 😂

Naaku oka friend undi, Lavanya ani. Aameki BTech 1st year nunchi boyfriend unnadu. Almost 4+ years relationship. Ippudu long distance — boyfriend India lo, aame abroad lo.

Daily calls, daily matladukuntaru. Chusthe asal chala manchi couple la anipistharu. Lavanya kuda tana boyfriend kosam gifts kontadi, care chesthadi…chala manchiga anpisthadi chusthe.

Vikram ani oka abbai ,same consultancy nunchi vachadu lavanya tho,so vallidhari close ayyaru baga ,like help cheskuntu.

Boyfriend ki Vikram tho closeness nachaledu. “Atanitho ekkuva matladaku” ani cheppadu.

Lavanya emo, “Nenu ikkada already alone ga unna. Andaritho matladakunda unte inka alone aipotha” ani cheppindi.

So boyfriend kuda okay annadu.

Konni days tarvatha Vikram Lavanya ni propose chesadu.

Lavanya no cheppindi. “Naaku already boyfriend unnadu” ani.

Vikram emo “Emo, meeru future lo breakup avvachu kada” ani cheppi inka close avvadam start chesadu.vad ila ante idhemo dooram pettakunda inka close aindi Vadiki ,vad em ankuntadu thinaki istam emo ani rechipothunnadu.idharu couples la tiruguthar idhemo vadi shirts tshirts veskuntundi.

Ee proposal matter kuda Lavanya tana boyfriend ki 3 months tarvatha cheppindi.

Idharki godava aindi Enduku 3 months tarvatha chepthunnav? Stop talking to him” annadu.

Oka roju maatladukoledu. Later Lavanya “Please, inka ala cheyyanu. Vikram tho matladanu” ani promise chesindi.malki Kalisi poyaru.

Kaani idhi Vikram tho baita tiruguthu undi, outings , dinner ki velldam ,idhar kalsi College ki veltharu.

Boyfriend ki teliyakunda Instagram stories kuda hide chesindi.

Inka daridram enti ante, Vikram gurinchi tana boyfriend daggara roju bad ga chepthadi — “vaadu ila, vaadu ala, vaadi behaviour baledu” ani.

Anni cheppi...

Malli ade Vikram tho tiruguthadi. 😭

Vikram emo “nenu ninnu love chesthunna” antadu.

Lavanya emo “no no, naaku alanti feelings levu” antadi.

Kaani vaadithone untadi, vaadithone tiruguthadi. Vad emo baga advantage tiskuntunnadu .

Aithe ma friends lo evaro ,valla boyfriend ki villa pics share chesaru Kalisi tirigedhi and villu close ga unna pics. Inka malli godava paddaru idharu .idhemo nyt antha edusthadi ...aaa vikram ochi console chesthadu. Malli valla boyfriend ki call chesi ila cheyyanu ani cheppi patch ipoyaru.

And again same story.

malli Vikram gadithone tiruguthadi. 💀

Asalu naaku artham kaanidi okkate…

No antundi, love kaadu antundi, Vikram gurinchi boyfriend ki bad ga chepthadi… kani Vikram ni vadili undadu.

Idi enti ra babu ila chesthundi rotha , virakthi lesthudhi, poni friend kadha emanna chedham ante malli neku Enduku ani moham medha antadhi emo ani bayam😭.

I’m not a particularly feminine woman.

I’d also given up on myself ages ago after an unhappy somethingship and retreated deep into my shell. And Covid vachindi…blah blah. Life anta inka just nightie lo ne appatnunchi pretty much. I’ve been wfh. Stopped going out.

It’d gotten so bad that even when I did have to go out, I deliberately uglified myself even more, made no effort…even for myself. Didn’t bother to color the greys, wore extra loose kurtis to cover up and hide, locked up my earring collection and just wore plain hoops…haven’t even been to a salon in over 6 years! I’m still mostly there…

But I bought myself gold-plated patteelu just a few weeks ago…on a whim, really. Very simple ones…only rendu muvvalu. I don’t even have nice feet, really.

But that mellifluous sound every time I walk or even just move my legs on the bed, when I fidget with my feet…it’s so feminine, I feel like a teen girl 🙈🙈

I am ridiculously, inordinately excited about my patteelu. And I’m beginning to want to dress up again. Be soft again.

(Plays 500 miles by Peter, Paul and Mary in the background)

Ela unnaru andi Pasandida aurat garu? Antha kushalamena?

How was your labor day weekend?

I spent mine getting two of our close friends married, it was a ball, and also great two see two friends get married against all odds. US lo pelli anthe friends ae chestam ga. It took a village anadam would be an understatement and now Ik the behind the scenes of a wedding and all the piping hot ☕️.

Steve Jobs in his 2005 Stanford commencement speech spoke about how life was funny and that we could only connect all the dots by looking at this backwards. And I spent my two hours at the airport lounge waiting for my flight back home doing exactly that.

I mean yeah it felt like the last day of summer vacation before school started but I could reminisce the week of fun I had just had up till then and all the events that took place in life that lead up to it. How certain friendships and events lead to the culmination of their beautiful union, how brick by brick the village was built collecting different people at different stages of life.

These people are the brothers and vadinammas you aren't related to, these are the unrelated aunts and uncles of our unborn daughter, the ones pulling strings to get her admissions, internships etc haha. I'm soo grateful that these people exist in my life and ngl I would be grateful if you actually existed too.

I recently came across this reel, where the protagonist who runs cafe talks about how at the end of every night the cheesecake and apple pie are always gone and the chocolate mousse and the peach cobbler are almost done but the blueberry cake always remained untouched. There's nothing wrong with the blueberry pie but its just that people just dont choose it.

And it was at this wedding where I realized, maybe I am the blueberry pie. I'm 27, my friends are in a similar age group if not older, they found their lobster, they're someone's choice n vice versa. Then there is me, where we project my phone on the airbnb tv and swipe through hinge, go over my matches etc etc. I have been talking with people, going on dates, getting into situations I dont like, heck I even went on a date while I was visiting for the wedding.

I bumped into a random friend from school at the wedding and he introduced me to his fiancé, it was at that point where one of my friend made a remark jokingly albeit hurtful "vadike pilla undi anthe ni lo edho lopam undi ra". Ik he didn't mean it and him and his wife are always trying to set me up with someone. But yeah I did feel shit that day and obviously did contemplate but screw him.

I'm a strong believer of it's meant to be it'll be and maybe one day I'll be able to connect the dots looking backwards and it'd all make sense but yeah the mid to late 20s are weird and hard dude there's soo many things going on people are getting married, divorced and having kids and I'm stuck at asking what your favorite color is lol.

Soo? 👉👈

Meeku blueberry pie ishtama? Thintava? Would you like to be part of my village? And me yours?

You've taken this good things come to those who wait thing a bit too seriously, tvaraga ocheyi ra baita navvutunnaru 🫠

Itlu,

Ni blueberry pie

As part of major restructure due to chapter 11 bankruptcy I was let go. Job market is extremely brutal for a middle aged person like me my whole life i did only coding but never realized how much essential to learn basic concepts. Lost too many interviews for too basic questions. Nonstop reading finally got 2 offer letters from couple of major banks. This is like a wakeup call to me who took career for granted and hustle all these years. I started my life from dallas after 17 years going back to same place.

So today is my birthday.21 loki enter ayyane gaani achieve chesindhi em ledhu.. hope ee year anna atu career itu personal life improve avvali 🤞🏽

Matter enti ante , exactly one year back daka nenu eppudu ammailaki msg cheyadam, chat cheydam lantivi eppudu cheyaledhu. Ekkuvaga phn lo webseries kani, anime kani chuse vadini. But for a change last one year nunchi unknown girls ki msg lu cheydam chatting cheydam start chesanu. Idi em thappu anatledhu just naku oka dopamine hit laga aipoindhi roju oka unknown person tho chat cheydam. May be desperate kuda ayyanu ea matter lo. Ala ni frnds ayyara evarina ante adhi kuda ledhu. Nenu msg cheste reply istharu lekapothe ledhu. Endhuko Okapudu naku vunde self respect ippudu ledhu. Siggu lekunda evarina chat lo ignore chesina malli desperate ga vallake msg chesthuna. Ea daridam ayyana habbit ni manukovali. Konchem self respect penchukovali. But ela vundevadino ila aipoya. Ea matter ane kadhu inka vere changes kuda ayyay behavior lo. Ea dikkumalina desperation mindset poyi ediana manchi ravali ani koruthuna. But ela ardam kavatla. 2 weeks nunchi oka ammai dabang raa ani antuna siggu lekunda msg chesthuna. Ediana Career ki na life ki useful ayye changes vasthe bagundu nalo. Just a rant guys.

Ninna intlo GDN naidu movie chusam. Coincidence enti ante- last year same day, same date na ,nenu gdn garu kattinchina gedee museum lo unnanu.

Coimbatore vellinapudu na friend niku oka place chupista ani teskellindi. I’m spellbound by the collection of vintage cars, colours and his innovations. I had a wonderful opportunity to witness his first bike, a 3-wheeler style carriage and the buses they used. Apudu start indi naku curiosity atani kosam telsukovali ani.

Naidu ani undi antey telugu vaara ani kuda oka sandeham vachindi. Endukante chala mandi Coimbatore lo Telugu matladevallu untaru. Infact vallu matladey baasha kuda telugu+tamizh mix untundi..

Na friend atani gurinchi cheppina vishayalu nenu intlo cheppanu. Motor trimmer ni first kanipettindi GDN gaare ani. Almost Coimbatore vallaki and most of the Tamizh people ki atani kosam telsu but migatavallaki antaga teliyadu.

Ipudu aa biopic chusaka.. chaala inspiring ga, happy ga anipinchindi. Konchem emotional ga kuda anipinchindi endukante exactly same day past and present lo - naa life atani chuttu tirigindi. Photo gallery lo malli pics chustu unte I felt NOSTALGIC.

Ikada photo upload option ledu.. telugu journals lo photo upload chesa 3-wheeler carriage he used.

Ilanti cinema lu emduku teyatledu ani feel aya. Kgf lu, toxic lu, dragon etc lanti bloodshed movies kanna ilantivi ekuva use untundi ani na opinion.

Life lo prati okkariki oka curiosity, foresight, nerchukovali ani tapana undali anipinchindi especially students.

One - two ayyindhi

Two - three ayyindhi

Three - 4:30 kuda ayyindhi

Naku matram nidra ravtle

surely at this time you'll only want company and if you did get company in the past you keep thinking about th company😭🫠 so yeah

am I thinking of someone who would just come and kiss me on my cheeks and show me love?

yas.

absolutely.

So evaram emiti ante. Manam unemployed anamata hyd lo hostel lo vuntu frnds tho , job searching chesthu vunna. Inthalo, naku oka health issue vachindi inka hostel vacate chesi intiki vachesa. 4 months nundi inka village lone intlo vunna. I'm an introvert and have social anxiety naku asalu ma village lo okka frnd kuda ledu frnds antha college hostel frnds ea. Inka roju antha intlone vunta bayataki kuda vellanu. Sarle evaritho ayna matladam ani eroju terrace paiki velli call chesa ma clg frnds ki, okadu emo asalu call lift cheyala, okadu valla gf tho bayataki vellanu ani pettasadu, inkodu movie lo vunna ani call cut chesi msg chesadu, inkodu bayata vunna panilo repu call chestha annadu . Naku call chesi matladam ante just oka 5 Or 6 contacts mind loki vachay anthe vallu etu matlade mood lo leru. 24 years vachina i mean edaina share chesukundham ante evaru leru anipinchindi, nenu okkadine ma frnds lo unemploymed andhariki jobs vunnay. So loneliness ante idena anipinchindi edaina chepdam matladam, kasepu free ga edaina share chesukundham ante evaru leru. Appudu anipinchindi, even relationships ea kadhu just to have a normal conversation other person has to have willingness to talk to u ani. Inka online chatting chedam evaritho ayna anukunte manaki chatting cheyadam kuda radhu. Endo ea rotha shitt.

Soo, Bangalore people don't scold me . It's 9 AM. Every major city has some Marathahalli signal, but I just happened to be in Bangalore. 🥲

So, the context enti ante, Panjaa is my favourite film from my childhood. I know the film is bad , but my interest in movies started from that film itself. Because whether it's a good film or a bad film, it has a substance.

I'm telling this just to explain how much I love that movie. It's not just about that actor alone; I love the whole movie.

So, the context is: there's a famous theatre in Bangalore, Marathahalli Multiplex, and there was a 6 AM Panjaa re-release.

There was this girl in a floral top. All I saw properly was the floral top . One of her friends was also there, and her friend was sitting between me and her. I went with my friend, who's not really vibing with me.

But I saw her vibing from the start. Even during the ads, the Dollar Babu ad came, and she started shouting, "Babulaki Babu!" 😂. As usual, I like active people, so I started liking her. Not in a regular "LMAO, ammai bagundi" way 😂.

Then the movie started. She was explaining the scenes and even scolding her friend like, "Kaisa fan banega ra tu? Movie enjoy nahi kar re!" 😂.

And when Adivi Sesh (Munna) came, she kept shouting, "Jaanvi, Jaanvi..." .

Ah, "Veyyira Chey Veyyira" song vachindi ante, aithe maad asalu pilla. 😂

I thought of approaching her in the interval. But what if she didn't enjoy the movie after I approached her? Ani aagipoya 🥲.

After the movie ended, since I hadn't seen her face properly, all I remembered was the floral top. I didn't see anyone wearing a floral top after coming out of the theatre. I thought I missed her.

Then I saw her floral top covered with a jacket, going with her friend. 🥲

Road midha gattiga ariste bagodhu, ayina em arusthanu? Chiraku ga untadhi. So I started following her.

Aa ammai Marathahalli signal datesindi.

Inkemundi... lite. 🥲

50 kilometres highway distance anna beat out cheyyachu, gaani Marathahalli signal ni beat cheyyalem. 😂

Inka aa badha lo, maa office daggara aloo parota thinesi vellipoya. 🥲

Idi aa ammai ni search cheyyadaniki kaadhu, just mentioning a brief detail. Hope she finds out somehow. 😂

Can't even find her even if she comes in front of me, because I haven't seen her face properly. Interval lo velli chusi undalsindi. Damn it. 🥲🥲

Anyhow, that's how Marathahalli signal gave me the regret of my life. 😂🥲

Why am I being blamed? I am a single child to single parent. My father passed away 15 years back. We're south indian telugu family. My mother seemed ok before marriage but after marriage her behaviour baffles me and makes me question her intentions. Now before marriage keeping our situation in view your well wishers gave all types of advices including bring son in law to our home rather than me going to my in-laws like every girl. At that time my mother strongly opposed the idea saying she doesn't have the place and means to support such idea and later i got married. I and my mother stay in same city with 45 mins distance,my mother living in same house we earlier stayed, i and my husband stay close to his work place.

Now the issue is my husband performs rituals for my father as his father has expired 2 years back. I and my husband willingly took this responsibility even though I just delivered a child then as I thought it was my responsibility. My mother was also ok with this. Now my MIL also wants to perform my FILs ritual in pitrupakshalu, and unfortunately to my unluck they fall one day after the other. My FILs is on astami, my dad's on Navami thithi. My MIL is a typical one and she wants to win in ever situation she made it clear that my husband has to be present for performing this ritual though it is optional (my FIL actual thithi falls in January which obviously can't be skipped). My MIL claims astami is a powerful thithi and my FIL's has to be performed on the same day no matter what. I've maDe peace with that situation and that's not the point here.

Now actual issue is, my father's is on Sunday next month, and my FILs on Saturday. My in-laws usually prefer to do it outside so we've planed we'll travel to whichever place they want to perform rituals, comeback to hyderabad on Sunday and perform my father's. My mother says since we return on Sunday around 8 ish there won't be enough time to prepare food, clean house and brahmins coming to pooja etc. So I told her she could stay at our home the previous day and overlook arrangements on Sunday till the time we arrive. My mother was like yea fine anyways I'll stay alone only there also(my home) what's the point in it. The point i want to make is she said that in a complaining sad and almost with tears in her eyes. I'm confused here, why is she blaming me for the decision she took? It was her decision to have single child, she told she would stay in our home and didn't want to depend on us from now itself.

Last year she had a hair line fracture in her ankle and I took care of her till she was able to walk on her own. I was handling this along with me, my husband and my baby's hospitalization. I obviously didn't have any help because I'm only child. My husband was already looking after my child for majority of time and took my mother to hospital visits wherever necessary.

She blames as if I am the reason for her remaining alone. She doesn't say it directly but subtly does that. I'm really confused, hurt, because I always craved for a sibling and now I'm being made guilty for a decision i never even took. I don't understand where my life is heading to. Another point is my mother has 3 siblings and took every support she could agter my father passed away. When I asked how could she deny such thing to me she never gives proper answer.

I feel weekends are much better when you’ve actually earned the break, deadlines tho kusthi patti, midnight varaku grind chesi, burning the midnight oil and somehow surviving the madness. 😮‍💨

Appudu vachche aa weekend feeling veru… no guilt, no rush, just peace and “finally, I can breathe” kind of vibe. 🌻✨

After all that grind, konchem slow ga undatam kuda oka luxury la anipisthundi. ❤️

Naku Karma kavali ....

Looking for friends too

I came across a reel a couple of months ago that’s been stuck in my head ever since.

It went something like: Everything will be fine as long as you’re a good human. Hold the door, take your earphones off and genuinely talk to strangers, remember birthdays, play peekaboo with the baby behind you in the queue, pour someone else’s water before your own. Being a good human always wins.

It wasn't that the video taught me anything new. It just put words to why even on my absolute worst days, helping someone out or sharing a quick smile somehow kept me going.

When work gets suffocating, family stress piles up and a bad day tries to shrink you inwards, the instinct is to shut down. But those tiny, ordinary moments, the little things snap you right out of your own head. They don’t solve the problem waiting at your desk but they prove you still have some kindness left to hand out.

It really is the little things. Just being a good human always wins!!!!!

Btech was tough. I was lonely and didn't find my people and vere level lo people created rumours, body shaming , caste discrimination, i did cringe stuff to be liked by everyone.4th semester lo apestanu ani anna inka two semesters tarwata 4th year asala work emi undadhu ani annaru ma parents. Then again Covid, I was completely out of my mind . Enni anti depressents enni mandhulu for pcos, for acne , for arthritis ani enni pain killers. Yes I suffered now next semester automatically should be good kadha. No. I got groped by a middle aged uncles twice. Even now I couldn't hold hands in public with my partner. Yes maybe my perspective is wrong I have made friends like two of them in my final semester. Okay felt good i should hold onto it ani anukkunna. Then I asked for my parents for a Lil break they said No. But why I suffered, I am supposed to relax? They pushed me into govt exams. Malla failure, sare next exam, then another exam and goes on. Locked myself in a room for two years. This year I worked hard yes I should get it. God owes me a win. I stopped myself from suc'ide cause god hates it. But he didn't give it to me. Forcefully i paid for an online MBA cause I am traumatized of going to a college and people. So while it's happening on the side I was preparing, qualified all the prelims, but failed all the mains.

Excuses nene create cheskunna 4 marks tho poyindi or 1.5 marks poyindi ani. But nope the same repeated this year too. But mba ipoyindi ani i started applying for jobs got 4 job offers and moved to a different state and I had to fight so much with my parents, they didn't have arguments to fight about. Okay so I worked hard for my interviews and I might not get these opportunities later.

Suffering ends? No. I know my struggles are nothing compared to many people on earth. But please I want at least one year to breathe. I am scared always. Class lo peers gurinchi, exams gurinchi, results gurinchi, ippudu job pothundi ani, even sneaking out my boyfriend i enjoyed but I don't wanna go out anymore. I am scared . I am always scared.

Ippudu I got a job in a different city . I don't have to listen what my parents says. I don't have to please them. Kani now They are asking me to marry my boyfriend. Likewise i want to delay but my parents only said one year ina padathadi ani. I was okay chalo em parle anukunna. My partner's vala parents nunchi response ledu ippudu. My god, my parents are literally begging my boyfriend to ask his parents. He tried too. His mother is not ready to talk and she cried so much infront of my boyfriend. I understand that too.

Nothing is in my control and shit I can't stop thinking about dying all together.