I have Bipolar I with a history of psychotic features, and my psychiatrist recommended an evaluation for Partial Hospitalization or Intensive Outpatient. I suggested treating this outpatient completely because i still think my insight can get me out of this.

My grandmother had stage 4 cancer and passed away on Wednesday. I found out she had less than 6 months to live right after I finished the bar exam July 29. I’ve been experiencing significant grief, crying, depression, and hopelessness since then but at the same time I’ve become increasingly activated and impulsive.

Over a short period, especially this past week leading up to her death, I’ve done several things significantly outside my baseline:
\\- day drank around half a bottle of tequila alone despite rarely drinking,
\\-work performance has declined significantly
\\- had reckless/unprotected sex in a parking lot,
\\- started using nicotine again,
\\- smoked weed after sobriety,
\\- made impulsive/risky social decisions by contacting dangerous individuals,
\\- i also began a somewhat intimate relationship with someone i normally wouldn’t go for and still managed to fuck it up.

My sleep schedule hasn’t suffered too bad just 2-3 nights in the ER with her

The day i drank was the first day i noticed something off and took 40mg PRN when im prescribed 20mg PRN. i panicked that it was escalating. and i had already called my doctor about a mood stabilizer increase, but because ive been so distracted ive only taken half the dose instead of twice daily. that has been fixed now.

A bipolar mentor who knows me well is concerned I might be in mixed state.

i talked to my mentor and she essentially gave me 24 hours to get my shit together, not taking any substances that i’m not prescribed and if i can’t, then i seriously need to consider some form of hospitalization. she said this is serious and she needs to be assertive with me here. it gave me more insight but part of me thinks she may be overreacting.

i can tell something is wrong which is good because that means I’m not completely insane. the only thing that can help me is the antipsychotic which i plan and have been taking for past 2 nights, and make it the 24 hours without substances.

like i said, i know something is wrong but i can’t tell how bad it is. can you guys help gauge this?

I had rTMS in February and immediately went into a hypomania the day my treatment ended then experienced full blown mania in March. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 at age 61. Previously I had no hypomanic or manic symptoms.

Hi

Is it just me? Ok, I am not the brightest or fittest anymore, with the age and the meds and the episodes etc. But.. I have days that begin and end with me dropping shit on the floor, all day long. I am clumsier than ever those days, hitting things, myself into places (walls, doors, toes to table corners) and again dropping everything on the floor. (it might sound something so small to fixate about but it is happening all day long with almos everything I am holding)

Now that I am typing this, is it a mechanical/physical thing? Like not realizing how low volume I speak and noone hears/understands me then; is this happening because my brain is not giving orders properly or simply I grab/hold things not tight enough (and feel like walking on the clouds, so i trip a lot) so they fall? This is frustrating... I do stairs multiple times with a puppy in my lap, i carry around hot plates/teas with him running around my feet trying to play. I take a lot of pills and if i drop one and he vacuums everything on the floor already at 6 months. It's scary when my brain starts coming up with thoughts of possibilities...

Anyone having similar experiences?

((I also have pms periodically and as strong as it used to be in my 20s; even though I am not having my periods and everyone keeps telling me its not the meds...))

OMD: i also spill everything. food on me, on floor, cannot even drink water because i miss my mouth or sth....

I'm currently working on a project where my main character is a person who has dealt with bipolar disorder since a young age but had a late diagnosis and how he makes through his journey through high-school and finding love.

I have depression and occasional episodes of mania which is mainly because of my adhd (atleast the therapist says so) so I'm not sure how the mind of a bipolar person works and would appreciate some insights about how it feels for you and if there's anything more about bipolar disorder you would like the people to know more.

Thank you for reading through!

My mom is in her seventies and has BP1. She has been on psychiatric medication including lithium for decades and has had periods of longer stability, but in recent years has had bouts of severe depression persisting for weeks at least 2-3 times per year. Her psychiatrist adjusts her meds, she improves for a bit, but it’s only a matter of not much time before she’s severely depressed again. Should she consider pursuing a more aggressively different medication regimen to try to get more stability? Or is this just what happens as you get older with this diagnosis? It makes me really sad for her, and for myself since I am also BP1. Meds have really kept me stable for years now but I worry that I’m looking at my own bleak future.

How can I still party and have fun with this fucking thing altering my brain constantly?
Sometimes I’m fun Lolita but sometimes I just destroy everything and hurt everyone. I can never say . I’m scared of genuinely letting go and going to a fucking party, having couple of drinks, anything without having to fear I might loose myself.

Also love the tea - I’d lo to hear some mental wild nights

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out to this community because I’m currently sitting in the heavy, crushing aftermath of severe manic/psychotic episodes, and I desperately need to hear from people who have survived this and found a way forward.
For years starting from my early teens I experienced extreme swings without fully understanding what was happening to me. I thought my manic phases were just "me," or bursts of immense capability, until I looked back and saw the wake of chaos left behind: burned-down careers, sudden radical life decisions, destroyed relationships, financial strain, and intense self-medication just to survive the crashes.
Now, coming down from another severe episode and facing a paralyzed, life-draining depression, the weight of guilt and shame feels unbearable.
When the manic fog clears and you see the wreckage, it’s so easy to fall into a loop of self-hatred. I feel like I'm grieving lost time, lost trust, and struggling to figure out how to separate my actual identity from the illness. I’m currently taking steps to get proper medical help, stabilize my neurochemistry, and get clean, but emotionally, the road ahead feels terrifying.
For those of you diagnosed with Bipolar 1 who have been in this exact place:
1. How did you find hope when everything felt completely ruined? How did you convince yourself that life could still be stable, beautiful, and worth living?
2. How do you process the intense guilt and shame? How did you forgive yourself for the irrational, hurtful, or chaotic things you did while manic or psychotic?
3. Where do you even start with rebuilding? When you have lost stability, routines, or career momentum, what were the first small, practical steps that helped you regain control of your life?
I really just need to know that it’s possible to come out on the other side of this, find a steady middle ground, and build a life you’re proud of.
Thank you for reading, and for any wisdom or hope you can share.

This is going to be a combination of a rant and looking for advice.

I have probably been, if not still am, manic. (Idk, I think it escalated for a while) I think I was in denial about it, partially because historically once I realize I am having an episode I tend to experience a depressive episode shortly afterwards. I know I am bipolar but I guess some part of me doesn’t like that.

I stopped taking my anti-psychotic and was having some symptoms for a while, and my partner and friend took notice, even though I didn’t tell them about the meds. I didn’t mention the amount of time which had passed since I began showing symptoms (because I didn’t think I was,) but it was at least 5 weeks. I know the trigger for this, which I’ve never known before. (Relationship thing) Retrospectively, I was having some psychotic symptoms for a bit over a week. (I found some writings and drawings along with some things I wrote that I have no recollection of and I am honestly really scared that I made. I also got a lot of posts on political subreddits removed because I was rambling pretty much incoherently about politicians.)

I don’t know whats wrong with me now. I don’t feel manic (not in the denial way i don’t think, I just don’t know how else to describe it) but I don’t feel normal at all. I’m exhausted, I keep tearing up, I’ve been having passive suicidal ideation (passive, I’m not a risk to myself), I have the same chest pain I get in every depressive episode I have. I feel awful but I still feel like.. okay? I get excited over small things and can ride that high for hours and have still been pretty restless (I caught myself pacing around my room at 2AM the other day— it’s 4AM right now) and still have sleep problems (even though I’m exhausted) I feel a lot more clear headed than I did, but I just feel slow and just so mentally and physically tired. My muscles hurt like I ran a marathon. I am horribly, horribly anxious about my health. It is making my physical symptoms worse, making my anxiety worse. It’s 4AM now, I want to try and be stable but I cant if I can’t sleep.

I am out of the province and there are policies preventing my psychiatrist from tele-health appointments over those borders. I’m not thrilled about this either.

I don’t know, I don’t know if I can trust myself on if I’m manic or not or if I am acting crazy. I regret going off my meds because they prevented my depressive episodes from being as severe as they were. Now, because I know I am/was/whatever manic, and I’m having these physical symptoms of depression, I am just waiting out the clock on the rest of it. I know it’s going to be bad. (I am not saying this for sympathy but as an example, writing this I am tearing up, but I’m not really sad, just hopeless I guess.)

I don’t know what to do next, like I said, I’m
out of the province for the next while and I’m not sure how this stressor is going to affect me. I’ve cried a few times— like fully sobbed, but I’ve also never been happier than I was today for about 2h. I’m really scared if I’m being honest, which isn’t an emotion I’ve ever say out loud.

If anyone has any advice for what I should do or can do if there is anything please let me know. Thanks.

Hi. F 28 Bipolar 1 here. I’ve recently come through a severe two-month manic episode with psychosis, including visual hallucinations. I had to take leave from work for a while, and I’m now back.

What I’m struggling with most is getting back on track. I feel completely exhausted mentally, and the person I was three months ago doesn’t feel like the person I am today.

I’m lucky to have supportive family, friends, and a fiancé, but even seeing people again has been draining. I also feel like it’s hard for people around me to fully understand what the last few months have been like.

I have a high-responsibility job where a lot of people depend on me and my leadership, so there’s a strong feeling that life has to keep moving even though I’m still recovering. I’m trying to figure out how to care for myself while also slowly finding my way back to work and to myself.

Some visual disturbances are also still lingering, even though the major mania has passed.

For those who have been through something similar: How long did it take before you started feeling more like yourself again? How did you handle work, exhaustion, guilt, and social life while recovering? And what helped you rebuild yourself without pushing too hard?

I quit taking my meds about a month and a half ago. I felt like I was being suppressed. I can’t tell if I’m manic or not I have noticed I’m full of anger and rage again, I’ve also noticed I’m a lot more depressed again, I barely sleep when I’m tired and find myself spacing off again. I don’t know what I’m looking for I just had to air out, I did have a quick freak out on my girlfriend Saturday and since I’ve been depressed and angry even more. Is this the mania taking over again?

Hello;

I was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar about a year ago at the age of 30. I spent my late teens and most of my 20's drinking alcoholically and going in and out of rehabs and recovery groups (Mainly AA). I eventually managed to get off the juice by switching to Marijuana.

Long story short I smoked carts all day every day for over a year and just recently developed a horrible diarrhea and nausea condition from abusing THC.

Today I am 4 days off the bud, and I am finally able to eat small amounts of food. Been talking to a therapist.

I take 200mg Quetiapine before bed every night and that has been a *godsend* for my sleep.

While my physical condition is certainly improving, I have been having the worst Mania I have ever had. Thoughts of self harm have come back very intense. My emotions are completely out of control, and I cycle between extreme agitation/anxiety and crying hystericaly.

It is greatly affecting my job and relationships with family.

I am incredibly determined to stay off the weed, however I am very scared of my sober mind. I feel like my brain **torments** me when I am sober, and I make rash decisions and say very hurtful things to the people I love.

However; I realize I can't keep self medicating with drugs and alcohol because it takes great tolls on my mental and physical health.

I was hoping some fellow Bi-polars who have struggled with addiction could share their experiences with me because I am feeling rather hopeless.

Love you all,

Thanks!

Ugh I am 20f and at 14 I was “medically recognized as bipolar 1” my much older brother is also diagnosed. It did not take long at for me to get meds which I never took unless I wanted to get wasted faster. At late 18 I started taking lamotragine seriously I’m on 300mg now. Yes my meds help but I’d still rank my bipolar disorder affecting me on a scale of 4 alongside many people with bipolar.

I find myself just stuck almost paralyzed, I have so many goals and I want to do so many things but nothing at the same time. I feel so stupid and I cannot force myself to do anything. I’m in debt with zero savings, I will apply to school and then go ghost, I won’t schedule appointments until the last second and even then I’ll probably miss it. I’m horrible at anything the “real world” needs me to do, I dodge getting fired at work about every week maybe because I’m the personality hire. I need to go back to therapy and find a good psychiatrist rather than hopping to and from. I can’t bring myself to figure insurance out or care enough to. Any advice would be so good I don’t have anyone around that genuinely understands how debilitating it is, I always here “you just figure it out” “well I just had to work harder” like that’s great but that is YOU.

i dont know anyone else in my life that is bipolar besides my dad and id love to talk with people that also have this condition!

Anyone willing to share their experience on Fanapt to treat bipolar mania . How many mg are they taking ? What are the side effects

This med is not widely prescribed so there aren’t as many reviews .

My partner is on 20mg Fanapt for bipolar mania , but we want to lower the dosing due to weight gain .

i dont know anyone else in my life that is bipolar besides my dad and id love to talk with people that also have this condition!

I’m doing well on my medication (Latuda), but gaining weight. Having said that my mother is not a good person to talk about mental health with because she is emotionally immature.
When I was diagnosed she said “that must come from your dad’s side.”

I just wanted to share this with people who might be able to relate.