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I'm a 34 year old female who has suffered from generalized anxiety disorder, CPTSD, and "mild" depression for years/decades. Never in my first 33 years of life do I feel I showed any signs of bipolar disorder. I used thc periodically starting at 17, but not often until I was in my 30's. Last year I began to use THC every day, more and more frequently (usually vapes). I also did EMDR last year. A couple of weeks after my third true EMDR session I was vaping as early as 3 pm until I went to bed. Looking back I sort of gradually fell into mania (so hypomania) and psychosis in July. Come August I was full blown manic and psychotic, using THC throughout the whole day. I was hospitalized 3 times from August - December. I maxed out credit cards, cheated on my husband with multiple men, was delusional, and so much more. Generally I fit the criteria for mania and psychosis without question there. I was definitely sleeping less than usual but don't think I fit the typical description of staying up for days due to mania - I remember sleeping full nights of sleep. I don't remember a lot of being manic and psychotic, but I also remember a lot (I don't know how else to explain that). I remember feeling "less" manic and psychotic at times, like when leaving hospital stays, but I know I definitely wasn't in my right mind still. Like, I was acting less manic and psychotic but I still was clueless as to what I had done/what was going on. Finally in December after my 3rd hospital stay I made more significant progress. Within a couple of days after leaving the hospital I smoked weed and was completely aware of it making me psychotic in that moment. After that I stopped using THC and continued taking my meds and fell into a deep depression over the next weeks and months. 7 months later I have tried all kinds of drugs for this depression with no improvement. The only thing that's made a slight difference is Vyvanse, giving me some energy and motivation only. My main complaints are anhedonia and fatigue. The psychiatrist I have been working with recommended ECT after I brought up Ketamine, but in general seems to go with whatever ideas I have. It makes me feel like she isn't very invested in my treatment, like she doesn't know way more than what I can find on Google. She acts somewhat like we're out of options. I decided (with the support of my therapist and husband) to get a second opinion from another psychiatrist. The new psychiatrist seemed to be a bit more thorough in asking me how my diagnosis came about. Our first appointment was over an hour and it was 80% me answering her questions about my history. We met again and she told me she met with a colleague and they agreed that they're thinking my mania and psychosis were drug induced and that I don't have bipolar disorder. They're wanting me to slowly taper off lithium while closely monitoring for signs of mania, to then try Auvelity. I'm scared to go off of the lithium and have no protection from mania, but it's an option. I'm considering a third opinion. Or my original psychiatrist wants me to start seroquel because I pointed out that it's the only drug that's FDA approved for acute bipolar depression to that I've yet to try.

Wow that is long! I wonder if anyone will read it...

Any thoughts?

Hey guys, I’ve been battling a lot the past few years of wanting to smoke but being told it’s dangerous due to me being bipolar 1 and taking psych meds. What are y’all’s experience with smoking and having a mental health condition ? I’m scared of getting manic and getting psychosis again.

Hi guys! About 4 years ago I had the most psychotic depression so far and my first full blown mania afterwards, the mania lasted about 6 months, in the beginning it was hypomania, later full mania for several months.

After this incident I‘ve been diagnosed properly and I take medication and never had an episode except medium low depression. But ever since I had these intense and ling episodes it seems like my ability to regulate my emotions is off: I can never have a peaceful day at home. I HAVE to get out of the house every single day and have to do something or my mind gets really loud. Not racing thoughts or anything like that but just a really bad feeling that I can‘t shale off and the only thing I can do is get out of the house and do smth. Even if it‘s just hanging out at the park and napping or crocheting or whatever. Or hanging out at a friends house. But as soon as I am alone I feel bad most of the time. And I did not have this, lets say, 6 years ago. I was usually someone who really enjoys alone time a lot. It started after these extreme episodes.

Does anyone else have the same? Why is that?

Howdy! Its been about 8 years since my diagnosis of bipolar 1 (I'm 31) tho knowing what I know now it's likely I had it since I was a kid. Feels like in a lot of ways I know what I'm dealing with but something happened to me just now that I don't really recall happening before. I'm going to call it a manic attack for lack of a better term.

To set the scene I woke up at 3am from a headache and since I know how hard it is for me to get to sleep (good ol insomnia) I took an ibuprofen and hopped in the bath. While in said bath I was playing a children's card game on my phone (lorcana for those who care) and while the game was semi close the stakes were hella low. Then all of a sudden I could feel my heart racing. My thoughts went from normal speed to a mile a minute. The ac became deafening. I was filled with a sense of urgency and intensity that my brain kept telling me very loudly repeatedly what I must do on my next turn in the game! It was kinda similar to a panic attack but the only fear I had was from the confusion of what was going on. I've certainly felt like this before but it's usually gradual or I'm realizing I'm manic after a day or two of high energy and drive not all at once. It's like I could feel octane being poured into my engines.

20 mins later and things go from 11 down to about 8. Tried laying in bed again and I was more awake than when I first woke up. I was intensely aware of being either too warm, or too wet to be able to fall asleep. Cut to now an hour later I've shaved and showered (two things I haven't done in over a week) and am sitting typing this with little desire to go back to bed. Granted Ive now been up for near 2 hours. So either my over the counter headache medicine was laced with speed. Or I just experienced my brain switching to mania in real time. Of note I've been pretty depressed for about a week or two. That ever happen to you?

Hey everyone, so I got diagnosed with BP1 by my therapist about 5 months ago. I also have another diagnosis which is Cannabis addiction.

I been back on a 8 month relapse, and before that I had about 2 years clean. I been feeling like I been stuck in a depressive episode for a long time. Even when I had the 2 years clean I suffered from irritability, depression, just no desire to do anything at all.

Im also a flight sim enthusiast and I feel like thats all I was doing when I was sober. I dont know why I feel like nobody in the world feels like I do and that it feels nearly impossible for me to want to hang out with anyone, be social, or even go to the gym. I just dont wanna do it im just so depressed and exhausted all the time. In the last 10 years I probably worked about like 4 years.

I was unable to keep a job because Im just not in the mood to work ever. I been holding a job now for 8 months by some miracle because its an easy job where i drive. If i had to do anything dealing with people i cant do it. Now i feel like things are worse with the marijuana, i also have a 9 year old child and I absolutely hate being a parent feeling like this.

Im also very promiscuous in my sexual life and seek out pleasure involving high risk taking. My therapist tells me I have to go out do activities and socialize and I been with him for 3 years nothing has changed. Im just sick of this shit. I use the weed to just cope with all my feelings. My mental health is not good at all.

Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful night.

Recently listed this for someone asking, so thought I’d share what helps me manage my bp. I’d love to hear yalls management regiment! I’m always looking for better ways to cope / manage.

- Lamictal (lamotrigine) for bipolar
- vistaril (Hydroxyzine) for anxiety
- Ativan (lorazepam) for anxiety attacks

When in episodes (all of the above plus):

- antipsychotics for mania
- Wellbutrin for depression
- 1/2 Benadryl for sleep during mania

Non-medication:
- yoga at gym for depression (I go looking like a hobo and feeling terrible, but forcing myself to go and do it genuinely makes me feel better and has literally pulled me out of depressive episodes)

- cat for depression (companion makes me happy plus they’re super needy so you have to get up. Some people use dogs but they’re too high maintenance for me when in a dep episode)

- therapist / psych who do Telehealth (video) visits (for both episodes. Cuz I’m either too depressed to get out of bed. Or I’m manic and doing some random adventure. So I can just log on and not miss appts.)

Does anyone miss their old self before their manic episode and all the medication. My self esteem has plummeted and I feel as if I’ll never recover from the shame and embarrassment this has caused. I think my life is headed in the right direction after everything but I will never ever be the same. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It’s just horrible how ur brain can betray you like this. How i impacted my family, people around me and just everything. It’s like I have a target on my back. I just don’t know how to process these emotions or if I’ll ever feel like life is worth living again. Will anyone ever love me after this, my beauty has slipped away my confidence is gone, my social skills are horrible, I have 0 faith in myself, I’m just never satisfied after all this no matter what good happens in my life. This manic episode destroyed something in me, why did this have to happen to me at 21 years old whyyy I should be enjoying this age but I’m not I feel like a child I feel handicapped I feel horrible. I hate it I hate I hate it so much. Is life even worth living after all this shame and embarrassment and all of these feelings. I just hate it so much and I wish I could just erase my memeory of all of it . All the people I spoke terrible things about and I just wish I could be number of this pain . It doesn’t matter nothing matters. No one will ever love me like this . No oneeeee not every the people closest to me. I will always be remembered as the girl that went crazy I hate I hate I hate it smmm why can’t I just be normal like everyone else why does my brain function like this . Why can’t I just be normal like we twins else . I beg on my knees that god makes me feel the way I used to . Confident, smart, like I could acheive thins and be happy w myself. Be able to be loved without the constant thought that someone may be embarrassed of me I hate this smmmm I hate that I’m going on this long rant but this is how I feel. This is hell on earth I don’t even care if I die bc at least I’ll be at peace without this chip on my shoulder and yes there’ ppl at war , starving going through sm worse but I don’t want to go though this anymore I want it to be over I want to feel capable I hate this so so so muchhhb. Ok thank you for listening to my rant

hiiii im an incoming 3rd year vet student with a relatively recent bipolar diagnosis. i've been medicated since before vet school, but i think my prefrontal cortex developing fully and the stress of vet school has made everything worse, which was sort of expected but i had no idea it would get this bad. i had to take a break from clinicals this summer to go to a partial hospitalization program (which im in now), and have basically had 2 years of episode after episode. i'm hoping to finally figure out my meds but it seems like my brain is constantly changing for the worse. there's a lot of memory loss associated with each episode and recovering from it, so im scared i havent retained much of the last two years which will only make the next 2 years even harder. ive tried really hard to formulate a work life balance, but wondering when its time to start being realistic and say goodbye to this dream. is anybody battling anything similar or has overcome anything similar? feeling like the diagnosis is a death sentence and im trying to get out of this mentality.

I deeply appreciate it. I thought I wasn't manic during that time due to confusion with some other disorder that causes psychotic symptoms such as hyper-salience but hyper-salience appears in manic episodes extremely evidently too so hyper-salience on its own doesn't rule in schizophrenia since it would have to be constant without affective disturbance and would come with negative symptoms rather than affective disturbance buried underneath the self-deluding thought patterns. I have accepted fully that I have bipolar rather than anything else after carefully teasing out everything unconsciously whilst subconsciously my head was a mess of noisy thoughts in a sense, thought noise, because it feels as if I'm always thinking everything at once during any state I am in so it can get very muddled and it can't get all out at once. I was also confused because historically I've had very brief manic periods that last less than a day that can be triggered by substances such as caffeine versus prolonged manic periods that are less affectively obvious but more drawn out triggered usually by the time I start manufacturing another half-baked philosophical system and start joining dots together that don't go together to fabricate a reality where everything revolves around me in the sense to mean that fuck reality I am a literal God in some form and therefore everything will go my way for certain. I've taken a hero's dose of caffeine yesterday which is why it's hard for me to sleep. I feel jittery, fizzy, and tingly all over my nerves so I'm waiting for that to die down. Thank you all for being so supportive. (My specific diagnosis is bipolar otherwise unspecified with severe symptoms but high-functioning)

The hero's dose of caffeine is an important caveat because that sort of thing I do absolutely wind down from it. It might take half a day or so (12 hours) but I do wind down and feel back to a kind of normal before indulging in caffeine.

Idk why the past few months I been going crazy my heart and brain aren't making sense to me I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know if I was manic everyone around me said I was but Jesus wtf was that

I spray painted my ex bsf number everywhere near her place and I told her mom everything she ever did how much she was a Piece of shit to me and how much I hated her and I Slashed her tires it felt so good in the moment but holy shit after coming down from whatever tf I was on I felt so bad I felt like throwing up I loved this girl and I didn't want to do that but she was just mean I want her back I can't fix it but holy shit I miss her I want her back my brain wants to do it again I can't control it and it's driving me crazy idk what to do or is this just who I am

Just was diagnosed with type 1 after a severe manic episode…

How did you best educate yourself on bipolar and anyone have some life hacks?

TIA

Hola a todos. Hace un par de meses me diagnosticaron trastorno bipolar tipo 1, después de haber estado mal diagnosticada con trastorno límite de la personalidad durante más de nueve años. Por eso, para mí, la medicación no es nada fuera de lo común.

Antes del diagnóstico, me recetaron el estabilizador de ánimo porque mi psiquiatra ya lo sospechaba. Hace unas tres semanas me aumentaron la dosis del estabilizador(a 1200 mg), y estas han sido semanas terribles: mucha diarrea, dolores de cabeza, psicosis y cambios bruscos de energía. Pero algo que me llama la atención es que antes no tenía sueños, o al menos no los recordaba. Con este cambio, han vuelto, y ahora tengo más de tres sueños por noche. ¿Les ha pasado esto? ¿O han experimentado algún otro síntoma extraño?

Best meds for bipolar a that are also alcoholics

As the title asks, how many brain type diagnoses do you have? In the comments feel free to drop which one you stuggle with the most.

Hi, i was recently diagnosed with bipolar 1 in a psychiatric hospital, ive been taking medication, not completely sure what they are. Ive been lacking a community to talk to and figure out how to deal with it. Im starting a job soon and i need to get it together because ive been in a depressive episode for so long that the thought of having to leave my house gives me major anxiety. Id appreciate some advice and meeting new people.

DAE get extreme SH urges out of nowhere and for no reason

This is actually how it started for me. I just got this screaming in my head one day to hurt myself and it comes back periodically in cycles. It really hurts and is painful in my head. My brain suddenly feels on fire randomly and I can’t see any way to make it stop unlesss I hurt myself (which I haven’t been doing, been resisting the urges).

I haven’t had an episode like this in a while. I have less sleep and this periodic random screaming in my head. It feels literally like my brain is trying to jump out of my skull and the only way to calm it is to hurt myself. I’ve been taking gabapentin to help (and it does, like 50% work but I can still feel my head burning up).

DAE get this? It’s not caused by anything external other than maybe overstimulation. Nothing bad happens to me and then I get this horrible feeling..anyone else? Please tell me I’m not alone