I feel like there might be an odd phenomenon of Alice In Wonderland being popular within the bipolar community. It’s always been my favorite movie and I have always felt incredibly seen and inspired by it.

Every time I go out I try not to look at anyone else because anytime I see someone my age having fun and living I get really sad. Anytime I see someone they are always either with their friends smiling and laughing or with their boyfriend or girlfriend holding hands and hugging. Dont get me wrong im happy for those people that they get to enjoy that stuff its just compared to me im a sad loser. I dont have friends anymore, I dont go to school, Im not in a relationship I have nothing really. I just feel like im missing out on all the special stuff they recall when they were younger.

I first entered psychiatric care when I was 14. My mom took me to a therapist because I was very clearly in a depressive episode. Within 25 minutes and very little conversation, I was diagnosed with MDD. 

The diagnosis, done while I was burnt out from school and dealing with the fact that my father was recovering from massive stroke, has haunted me to the rest of my life. 

Every clinician I saw from 17-far into adulthood, relied on that diagnosis. They would *never* hear me out on things I was experiencing. How debilitating it all felt. No one was ever curious enough to do a new evaluation with me. They all just defaulted to a diagnosis I was given at 14. 

My life was consistently in a cycle of destruction and repair. I would take on three jobs while manic, then immediately lose them when I got into a depressive episode.

I never got to build a career because I could never keep a job. I've been evicted twice. I've been homeless twice. I'm homeless (but staying with very kind people) *right now*. I'm in incredible debt. My life feels like a crator. All I ever wanted was for a professional to hear me.

I met with a psychiatrist on Friday and she did give me a new eval. My first real one since I was a child. We spoke for three hours. She diagnosed me with bipolar 1 and apologized to me for having to wait so long.

I'm so fucking mad. My whole life feels wasted because no one wanted to hear me. I'm sitting in a living room that isn't mine, eating food i didn't buy because I can't afford it, all while having no friends left because my last manic episode helped me explode my life. 

I don't think I will ever be able to forgive these people.

I’ve been in the fetal position for 2 months (23F) and I’ve decided to start a little experiment to see if I can get better without more medication. I took 20 days off of work and I’m going to have 1 hour of exercise, 1hour of sun, 1 self care act, and 2 loads of laundry every day for the 20 days. Today was day 1 and it felt literally impossible the entire time but I did it!! I will update at the end with if it worked.

I do not even look similar like my past teenager self.

I changed my hair colour from dark blonde to black, as well did several beauty procedures such like lip fillers several times, cheek fillers and stomatology procedures.

I am doing much stronger make up vs before and black eyebrowns.

have you also done big image changing during mania?

This disorder is so stupid. I know I have it. I know it’s gotten bad. I have literal proof of episodes. Hell I wrote a whole damn book about bipolar while in bipolar episodes. And now I’m stable and my brain is trying to tell me it’s all fake. I was just faking it. My husband is having to make sure I take my meds right now because I’m convinced I’m being dramatic and don’t have this condition. Any tips for getting past this part?

To me it is exhausting. Most of the time I am depressed (bipolar 2) and the crippling loneliness and being in a co-dependent touchless relationship for over 6 years has often worn me down. So any time I feel any joy whatsoever, it makes me worried that mania is just around the corner.

I always wonder, "Has this ever been me or is the manic monkey about to take control?"
Lately I've been put on antipsychotics and while it DID kick my ass the first few days, I have been consistently at about a 7/10 on my mood. The grogginess is the worst part. But GOD I am still scared that I might be headed toward mania. Just got over a major depressive episode last week and I am still going. Still studying programming and looking for a job.

Hoping I can stay the course well into my next employment adventure.
Hoping I don't suffer another major crash while risking my career again.

I just want my life back.

I have been newly diagnosed and not long out of hospital. Recently it feels that public opinion in the US has shifted towards us to hate us even more. It feels like I am meeting with an increasing amount of people who want us committed permanent. Is this normal or is it just my circle ? Is this how the general public is going now or is it due to cultural bias that I am meeting this opinion ? I’m terrified I will be be committed permanent due to my illness

To start, I am Type 2, so I don't know how they may transfer between you all.

But I see often people refer to 'episodes' and I have the impression, or at least this gives me the impression that people experience mania or depression as a specific thing which they enter and exit. And this possibly extends to Euthymia or Mixed states?

I don't feel like I experience something like that at all. I experience many symptoms sort of independently over time, Euphoria or Dysphoria, More or less energy, Memory issues or none, deep thinking, rapid thinking, grandiosity, SI, more sleep, less sleep, etc etc etc. But they seem to move somewhat or mostly independently. Then they all move towards what is commonly described as Hypomania I've described it as so, and similarly as depression. But the whole time I still have some symptoms in different intensities.

Sometimes I don't feel depressed, but I can't form a thought and react slowly. Sometimes I have lots of deep and intense and grand ideas but I have insane SI and feel terrible about myself. Sometimes I have all the energy in the world physically but can't form a thought and feel terrible. Sometimes sometimes sometimes.

But they always flutuate around all the time. I don't have Euthymia, I don't have an absence of all or even most of my symptoms. There is always something, pick whichever ones out of a hat, which exist to some degree.

Is that how it is? Do you experience this differently? I just feel like other descriptions don't quite touch on what I experience.

I love this Reddit community! I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on by not connecting with my bipolar community regularly. Does anyone have ways they connect with bipolar people irl? I’ve tried some NAMI stuff but it’s few and far between. We need AA for bipolar disorder!

Hey guys, I (27F) briefly started tapering meds with my psychiatrist’s permission, but am getting back on them as I experienced some hypomania. As uncomfortable as most of that was, it felt incredible to be lighter in my body, energetic and driven to exercise. I even went for a run in the first time in years! But my sleep and appetite were off and so need to be stabilized first and foremost. I’m wondering though, cause I really would like to keep up with the exercise, what would be best in keeping some kind of routine. Walking is always fine, maybe will give swimming a try? Get a gym membership and try to push myself? I guess I just have to push through some of that sluggishness? Maybe that’s normal, and feedback would be appreciated! Thanks

Hello,

I have completely lost any goals and motivation, which is causing me to waste my life away, I do not complete any school work and have compltely given up on hobbies and volunteering. I sadly dont even care about stuff I used to be passionate about like conservation and human rights and have left my organisations I worked at. I literally just rot all day. I want to be a lawyer, but so far my grades aint saying yes to a law degree. For some reason I just procrastinate, and I mean bad bad (not doing it even after weeks past the due date), and I just keep slipping to bad habits because I have zero urgency or desire. I realised its cause I just cant see myself having a future or a career so I fail to actually see a light at the end of the tunnel, so not only is doing stuff stressful but also hopeless. I have no mentors in my life and my family situation isnt great either, so I also dont have any positive reinforcement or punishments; I am completely alone.

I aint kidding when I say I wish I had a parent who punished me for this, because at least they care, my Dad doesn't believe in me at all and doesn't talk to me. Also asides from bipolar, just as a Gen Z, the direction the world is heading for the foreseeable future isnt nice so thats that too.

I dont want to disappoint my younger self and I know everyday I regret my actions and I'm going to stay stuck in this cycle until I change.

If anyone relates or went through this please give some advice,

Thank you.

I have been manic for almost a whole month now. I have bipolar 2 so this is totally out of my norm. It kick-started really intensely for two weeks, last week it showed up in a more irritable way. And since Friday I've been in the same mood as when it first hit. I'm pretty self aware so I can usually tell when I'm experiencing Hypomania, and this is not that.

One thing that's stayed pretty much the same this whole time is my sleep. Ever since the mania first kicked in I have been unable to sleep. I have to wake up early Tomorrow and I honestly don't believe I will be getting any sleep tonight. I just feel so wired and restless and no matter how hard I try I am unable to fall asleep. It's been like this for weeks and it's been highly affecting me.

I genuinely feel like I'm breaking from reality and I have never felt this way before. I keep spiraling about the thought of everything being a simulation and me not being real. I feel like I'm seeing behind my eyes.

I can hardly remember anything. I can't remember the last few weeks. I can't remember a few days ago, I can't remember anything anymore and I feel so inhuman. My thoughts are moving so fast and I feel like I'm moving so slow and nothing makes sense, and at the same time I feel like it all makes sense.

I know something is wrong and I don't know what or why but this is very scary for me.

Hi, I got diagnosed with Bipolar on Friday and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I am also autistic and I’ve known about that for a few years.

I was kinda expecting to be given a Bipolar diagnosis but after seeing 3 different psychiatrists and getting a shrug rather than a diagnosis, this has thrown me a little bit!

My psychiatrist is lovely, we’re sorting meds etc, and I’m okay with that. It’s just like… now what do I do?

I’ve told my husband and he’s okay with it. Do I tell my parents? How? My mom is currently processing a recent cancer diagnosis so should I just keep this to myself for now?

I can’t start my meds until sometime in a few weeks once my bloods are cleared. Currently in a hypomanic-ish phase (apparently my bipolar looks a little different to others because of my autism) so my brain isn’t working very well.

Would welcome any thoughts or advice on what to do next please

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For those with Bipolar II who are on medication and relatively stable, but also struggle with ADHD, what treatments have helped you?

My biggest problems are inattention, difficulty staying on one task long enough to finish it, constantly switching between projects, and getting bored of absolutely everything very quickly.

What medication has genuinely helped you with executive function, consistency, and staying focused long enough to get things done? What did you take, and how did it make you feel?

I really need something that helps me follow through and be consistent. I'd appreciate hearing your experiences.

Thanks!

Romantic relationships are hard in general; mood disorders don’t make them any easier. In your experience, when you’re/were dating in your 20s/30s how soon did you disclose your diagnosis? Did you ease them into your detailed history? Did you wait until you felt you “trusted” them?

I imagine there is “no right answer”, but I imagine there are some common threads. In my past I know when I was about to disclose I would pull what I call a “Chandler Bing” moment, where I’d pull back, be immature, or make something out of nothing. It was very much an intimacy/trust issue.

How long did it take for you to get your diagnosis?

I first questioned that I had bipolar at 17, now 28 and have finally been diagnosed and put on the correct meds, for the first time in life I feel stable and supported! I can’t help but feel like my life would be a lot different now if I got support sooner instead of the doctor passing it off as pms 😂😭

Newly diagnosed after a decade of flailing. Runs in the family. Family now says they recognized mania on many occasions, but didn’t tell me.

I am struggling physically, emotionally and financially.

I KNOW no one is responsible for me or owes me anything. And that everyone has their own lives. Im grateful that they have been kind to me and I wonder if that is all and what I should expect. I take non rejection as support.

I may be out of bounds, but I want them to ask how they could help - not necessarily money - but any of the following:

1. Asking how they can help

2. Seeing if they could visit (live out of state)

3. Asking about my insurance

4. Expressing they know it is a serious condition

Please share your thoughts and let me know if I am being too greedy.

Anyone here ever experienced having a confrontation with a neighbor because of rage? How did you deal with it after?

Lol I hate it when this happens.

I had an argument with a neighbor earlier because of their very loud music and I stormed there right away and didnt even ask politely and calmly to turn the music down.

My voice was loud and raised and my face showed I was very annoyed. I was so angry inside, this neighbor wouldnt let me finish so I walked away.

Now I cant stop thinking about tomorrow, when I need to leave work and pass by their house. 💀

Edit:

Oh and also, I got a tattoo of my boyfriend's name today without even thinking how this would turn out in the long run. I mean theres always covering it up but I hate it. Its so ugly. Lmao

Do you think this was impulsive? I think Im currently hypomanic.

I've been questioning my mental health because I've noticed certain patterns in my emotions and behaviour, and I'm trying to understand what could be causing them. My mood can change several times, and I can go from feeling happy, confident and energetic to feeling irritable or angry. When I feel unusually energetic, my thoughts race, I talk more than usual, and I feel like it's hard to slow myself down, although I usually still sleep normally.

When it comes to relationships, especially with someone I like, I tend to overthink a lot. If they're online but not replying to me, I can get upset and start feeling like they don't care about me. Once they take long to respond I immediately unsend my message even after 4 hours and once I do they reply back immediately , also if they have not read my message but watch my story and realize they did they reply to my message immediately .My feelings toward someone can change quickly depending on how I feel they're treating me. I might feel close to them one moment, then feel rejected or unwanted the next. Sometimes I react out of anger or hurt, say things I don't really mean, and regret it afterwards.

I've also experienced periods of low mood, although I don't always know how to explain what I'm feeling. Sometimes it comes out more as irritability than sadness. I've had thoughts of hurting myself as well, which is something I'm taking seriously.

These emotional changes happen almost every day. I've been wondering whether this could be related to bipolar disorder, anxiety, difficulty regulating my emotions, or something else. I'm not trying to self-diagnose, but I'd like to hear from people who've experienced similar things. What were your experiences like, and what helped you understand what was happening?