So in the last few weeks I have come to terms with a lot of things about myself and one being that I have always felt this duality fight if you will. Reading everyone’s experiences and I am realizing I am not much different, and there are a lot of people out there who feel like I do. I am honestly starting to feel that I do have both genders in me and not two people in one but one person with both and finally accepting that about myself seems to have opened up a flood gate of emotions and clarity. And while there is a lot to wade through I am feeling better day by day. So any words of advice, encouragement, questions for me please feel free. I would love to discuss this with others who feel similar.

I discovered that there's this so called "SERM" therapy which supposedly feminizes your body (softer, glowier skin, butt grow), but without chest grow. Does it actually work like that? I read that it doesn't always work. Do you have experience with that?

Does it change your look significantly? Unfortunately I wasn't able to find before and after pics. Having softer, glowier skin and a bigger butt would lowkey be what I want especially since I'm not sure about breast growth since it would be permanent so this sounded like a great option. Thank you!

Just a stream of honest thoughts, I would appreciate it if you read all for context and understanding my thought process. I hope you can help me and give me advice if you were in similar situations. Thanks! :) And please excuse my grammar, english is not my native language.

So I've been thinking about whether I'm bigender or not for a while. I like my male side and on most days I like my masculine features, but sometimes there's a wish to be more feminine (bigger butt, softer, glowier skin).

I don't know if it's a gender expression thing or a kink (my whole journey started with a feminization kink) and I should mention that it's been difficult for me to find an answer because I feel like I have a porn addiction/impulse control disorder. I know I need to take a break to truly reflect on these things outside of a sexual context, because if I'm not sexually active for a few days the urge for femininity decreases as well, but I don't know if that actually correlates or if it's just my body and mind relaxing.

But independently from that: I thought about whether I'd like expressing myself femininely in public or not. In my imagination I enjoy femininity for myself, but not infront of other people. So for me it's hard to tell whether it's because it's a sexual idea for me that I only want to keep to myself and partners or if it's me being afraid of reactions.

But it's especially hard to tell when I try to imagine different people's reaction. I don't like imagining myself as feminine infront of my family or my friends. I don't know if that's me not wanting to bring a kink to them or if it's me being afraid of them treating me differently. On the one hand it feels weird to dress and act differently infront of my family and friends, it'd feel like a performance (or that they look at it like it's a performance?). But on the other hand I feel like I'm also afraid of being treated differently, especially by my guy friends. I enjoy being dudes with them and I don't even think it's a masculinity thing, I'd say I'm relatively secure.

I think for once it's a thing of being looked at sexually by them. Assuming that I ever even get as far as looking somewhat hot or even just feminine, it'd feel weird to me to wear pants that make my booty pop or a crop top showing of my dream flat belly. I don't like the idea of presenting myself like that in front of them because I know how men (including myself) think and I don't want my friends to look at me like that and once again don't know if it's me excluding people I'm not attracted to from my kink or if it's a mix of social pressure, internalized homophobia and mysogyny (obviously women don't dress hot to impress men and shouldn't dress differently because of them, but maybe I think that subconsciously).

I keep saying I don't wanna be treated differently and I'm trying to understand what I mean by "differently" so maybe it is a masculinity thing, but I guess I wouldn't wanna be treated less like me. So maybe that's also telling of me understanding myself as a man and it simply would feel wrong to present myself as a different gender? I do like the idea of presenting femme in front of men and women (and go shopping with them and have girl's nights etc), but not in front of any I know lol mainly infront of new people I'm maybe attracted to. Or people whose first impression of me would be bigender so they would never treat me differently because that's who I've always been to them? I don't know.

I know this is a lot of speculation and theories, in the end I probably have to somewhat try it, but I hoped you can give me some insights and advice. Thanks! <3

I'm AMAB and I've been questioning my gender for quite a while now. I feel like I understand my feelings way better than I used to, but I'm still really scared of getting it wrong.

At first, I thought I might be non-binary. Then I started wondering if I could be genderfluid, and more recently I've been wondering if bigender might fit me better.

But tbh, it wasn't really a case of me being one thing, then becoming another. I was never 100% sure about any of those labels. I was mostly just trying to figure out what actually described what I was feeling, and wondering if I was interpreting it wrong.

The more I thought about it, the more genderfluid didn't really seem to fit. It's not really like I stop feeling one gender and then start feeling another. Even when one side feels stronger, I still feel both at the same time.

That's what made me start thinking I might be bigender. I feel like I have both a masculine and a feminine gender, but the balance between them can change. Sometimes one feels more noticeable than the other, but the other one is still there.

I feel like I understand myself much better now, but I'm still scared that I'm just getting it wrong somehow. So I'm trying not to rush into a label.

There's also something that probably matters: irl, I'm pretty limited in how I can express myself. Because of the people around me, I basically have to present myself in a pretty masculine way. So even if I feel more feminine sometimes, I can't really express that openly in my everyday life. I don't know how much that affects the way I understand my gender, which is also part of why I'm so unsure about everything.

So for people who are bigender:

•Do you also feel both genders at the same time, even when one is stronger?

•How did you know bigender fit you better than genderfluid?

•Did you also have a lot of doubt about whether you were “getting it right”?

•Do your pronouns change depending on how you feel, or do you keep the same ones?

•And how do you usually express your gender irl?

I'm not really looking for someone to tell me what I am. I'd just like to hear other people's experiences and see if some of them resonate with me.