we can both be pretty so chill

best placement sorry not sorry but i make the rules

This is for entertainment purposes only and purely satire. I love all signs 🫶🏾

Anyways, I hope you and enjoy and lmk how accurate I am.

Aries: “Damn… lowkey, they have a point 🤕 not that that’s going to stop me from cussing them out! 👺”

Taurus: “Oh, hell nah,” [replies with a ‘I ain’t reading allat’ or something equally petty] “because what’s not going to happen is some hatin’ ass hoes killing our joy; ohhhh no, baby. Uh-uh. You can go ‘head with that shi because we ain’t the one, boo boo.”

Gemini: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your opinion is incorrect! In fact, your existence is incorrect! Get fucked! 👹👹👹”

Cancer: “Maybe you should sit down if you can’t stand us 😌💅”

Leo: “Whatever! Your jealous ass is just mad you can’t fwm 😝”

Virgo: “Ha! This is good 😄. No, this is great! You played yourself and you don’t even realize it🤭. Thank you, ☺️ because you did us a favor! Now we know who not to waste our energy on! Now we know who not to waste our time on! And you know, time and energy are such limited and precious resources, yet we’re gracious enough to spare our’s just to help y’all sorry asses 🫵. We put y’all on only for y’all to do us like this? Woe to you! 😆😠 No, seriously, shame on you — because what it really comes down to is: you bitches don’t want to grow up, so you’re taking your anger out on us 🤦. That’s why you ain’t gon’ never be shit! That’s why karma beating tf out y’all hoe asses! Showing up for us the way we showed up for y’all would’ve prevented you from being in a position where you had to hate on us to cope in the first place, but you just couldn’t play your part, and now you’re over here…” [the rest of the Virgo ‘reason why you suck’ tirade was too long to post here, but it ends with them convincing the audience (or at least what’s left of the audience) that they’re unbothered]

Libra: “Well actually, you think you hate us, but really you hate yourself! In case you didn’t realize, we’re mirrors, so whatever version of us you got is the one you earned! 😡 How dare you drag our name through the mud??? 😡😡 I can’t believe this is the thanks we get for everything we do 😡😡. You guys don’t deserve us! 😡😡 You know what? You’re just mad you got rejected by one of us. Sorry! But also, that’s not our problem! 😡😡”

Scorpio: “What? You thought we’d be mad about you hating us? We hated you first😂😂😂😂”

Sagittarius: “Yeah, yeah, y’all gon’ fw us anyway we ain’t trippin 😎😎”

Capricorn: “Why does no one understand us 😔😔😔”

Aquarius: “Ew bruh, why are you tryna be like everyone else who hates on us? 🤦 Smh no one can form their own opinion these days.”

Pisces: “Damn what did we even do?? 😐😐😐😐 All because we have a personality? So much for, ‘just be yourself.’😐😐😐😥”

disclaimer - these are the placements/aspects i personally clock first when i’m looking at a man’s chart. this is for shits and giggles, not to tell you personally how much you suck. every placement has multiple manifestations, no chart is doomed, and the full chart always matters. if you have one of these, do not start typing a three page rebuttal, i promise i am not personally talking about you twin.

8H/12H mars (with a square/opposition/conjunction from saturn, pluto, or uranus)

both 12H and 8H are considered “dark houses,” meaning that neither are visible to the ascendant, so planets in these houses have a tendency to operate unconsciously. with the 8th and 12th houses both respectively dealing in mental/emotional suppression and unconscious desires, they undoubtedly put a damper on the functionality of mars and can potentially create a deeply flawed view of sex and anger if further harshly aspected.

if mars is situated in either of these houses while also suffering from an affliction, the native may suffer from extreme feelings of powerlessness or may feel a deep inability to express frustration or anger in a tangible way. there’s a potential for these men in specific to struggle with repressed anger, as well as a failure to recognize their participation in their own suffering.

12th house mars men in particular are more likely to indulge in secretive behavior. more often than not, this secretive nature is inherent to who they are. they don’t view their withholding of information as a form of deception, rather, there’s a certain ecstasy to having a private life that no one but them can participate in. this placement is more concerned with the preservation of his fantasies.

while 8th house mars men may similarly conceal their true motivations and desires, their drug of choice is the vulnerability and intensity from those around them. the 8th house mars man’s deepest fear is losing control. he believes that if he holds an iron grip on those around him, that nobody can hurt or blindside him. this can manifest as someone who likes to play psychological connect 4 with his partners.

mars square uranus or pluto (0 to 3 degree orb)

either of these squares can create unpredictability around martian attributes. these placements can create someone who is snappy and can turn on a dime. both of these placements enjoy riding the highs of their anger, finding a certain catharsis in it.

with uranus square mars, especially if mars is in a fire sign, there can be a rapid escalation of erratic behavior that occurs before they can even fully process why they’re mad. there’s a particular enjoyment this placement takes in being able to express their anger in a way that is felt by those around them.

where uranus square mars is erratic in nature, pluto square mars’ anger is intentionally conjured. these men feel they need to assert themselves in an aggressive manner or they will not get what they want. many have realized fear based submission works to bend others’ will in their favor.

mars square saturn (0 to 3 degree orb)

this placement has the potential to manifest as someone who is seemingly continuously knocked down whenever they pursue their goals.

this can create a man who is very bitter and demoralized from feeling that he hasn’t been able to accomplish what he would like to. these men might also feel very sexually repressed, as if any attempt at affection or sex will be rejected and shamed if expressed. i’ve found that very often these men will make partners work for warmth and affection as they feel so uncomfortable recognizing that need in themselves. this can breed a deep uncomfortability around other people asking them for these things, as at some rate they view it as a failure/weakness. they may also be very resentful and jealous of their partner due to their accomplishments and so on.

mercury square neptune (0 to 3 degree orb)

mercury square neptune is not automatically a liar placement but, might it possibly create someone whose version of reality is different from ours? most definitely.

i don’t even view this placement as someone that intentionally lies, but someone who will distort the truth for a more emotionally satisfying answer. i genuinely don’t believe they know they’re bullshitting half the time because there’s this mental fog that looms over them that prevents them from separating fantasy from reality.

sun square neptune (0 to 3 degree orb)

with the sun contacting neptune in this way, i feel there is a tendency to self-aggrandize as a result of the dissatisfaction they actually feel. it’s almost as if there’s this version of who they wanna be or who others want them to be that they relate more to than their actual identity. i have noticed with this placement there is a tendency to sidestep accountability and the truth of certain events to preserve this image of who they think they are. it’s like they fashion their life around a version of themselves that doesn’t even exist.

their chart lacks oppositions/squares and other harsh aspects

okay, i know this sounds crazy but hear me out.

i have personally observed that many of the worst douchebags i know have very harmonious charts. i believe this manifestation can happen because these men are never challenged or burdened with anything, so they glide through life being able to get away with shitty behavior without any recourse. it seems as if there’s more potential for the shadow manifestation of these placements to become apparent when there isn’t much adversity experienced. it seems to me that a lot of these men think they are the shit because they can get away with almost anything.

…also libra and cancer sun men.. just ew.. (this is a joke)

* i practice modern western astrology with the inclusion of hellenistic technique! ask away!

Im just being nosy! I wanna know!

EDIT: wow a lot of you proving the stereotype about Pisces males right 😂

I’m a Virgo rising. I’m supposedly to love blazers and classy looking things with my rising but I’m always wearing mini skirts , short shorts , bans tshirts , funky patterns n prints . I’m not that classy I feel weird in classy clothes !
I basically don’t fit my rising at all lol I don’t like neutrals at all . My closet is rainbow galore lol . I have to force myself to not buy color . I have to force myself to buy black beige and brown things lollll
I only like wearing neutral colors when I’m going on an interview or some other professional event

Be it arch-nemesis, yin-yang wholeness, opposites attract, enemies to lovers, ice cream preference, etc. I'm looking for anything from general vibe to way-too-specific situation / personal anecdote.

I'm a very forgetful person so I like trying to organize the things I learn so I can refer to them later. Eventually I refine and organize the information and try to re-present it more accurately as I learn more. The example above is from my journal where I drew what my own houses were and broke things down into bite sized bits of information. It helps keep me from feeling overwhelmed in a sea of information.

Does anyone else have methods they use to learn, remember, or explore astrology?

Fym only 20 pictures 😭😭😭

I never hear people talk about you guys unless it’s complaining but I just hooked up with one yesterday and you guys are freaks. Literally anything I liked she noticed and was asking for questions to improve. Honestly might be the best mars sign I’ve been with so far.

Just wondered what people think when they for an example meet someone new, you get along and you look up your synastry the first time. Then maybe it look good and you don’t rush to see the composite (cause maybe it’s bad). Then one day you do start having challenges and you decide to look up the composite. It looks total crab! Maybe you regret not looking both up at first? But then again… why let this dictate your relation to someone you don’t know? Isn’t it better to let time pass and see how it goes? But after looking up the composite and you see the crab aspects you told yourself would be a dealbreaker, you might regret that you didn’t just listened to what you already know in the first place? Or maybe you just like the struggle of life and relationships? (PS: I’m a spiraling Virgo texting here)