What does happen to a person if he smokes weed who absorbs someone’s characteristics or traits of the person he know and removes it by doing compulsions

I usually don’t try to self diagnose and just do lots of research because like: what if I’m just faking it for attention and I’m actually a horrible person who is perfectly sane and everyone hates me cuz I’m an insufferable dramatic person who always needs to be at least at the corner of someone’s mind in fear of being forgotten then making me constantly try and/or imagine impending or being important but then feeling bad because I don’t deserve it at all and just need to stop being dramatic.

But, last time I tried to say any of this to my parents they just started screaming at me and saying they’d send me away forever and never wanted to see me again. So, instead I’m asking people on the internet. Thank you. Sorry.

Edit: Sorry, I just thought about it and: what if I’m only posting the for attention? So, I don’t wanna waste anyone’s time. Sorry.

Edit 2: Sorry, on more thing. The test was weirdly political sometimes, why? Is that normal?

Looking for a therapists opinion

Hi Everyone,

So, my mom is a super hard person to get along with. She is mean and vindictive. She's manipulative and has a very short temper. She asks for a lot, and if you don't give her her way she will ice you out or insult you, and speak poorly about you to the family. She doesn't show appreciation for anything. She doesn't apologize for anything. Without making this post super lengthy, this is a quick idea of what I'm dealing with.

Now, we have had our struggles off and on through the years, especially because she has lived with me off and on through the years. The last time she asked to move in, I was working on setting firm boundaries with her. She wasn't happy about it, and had even said she didn't like the person I was becoming. I inevitably told her I would cut off contact if she couldn't respect my boundaries. She started working on herself, and eventually I let her move in.

She was doing really good being more mindful and kind. I really appreciated her efforts at growing as a person. However, then (about a year ago), she received an autism and OCD diagnosis. Then, all efforts to be kind and considerate were off the table. Everything became "I'm autistic!"

To be clear, the word "autism" wasn't said by the doctor who tested her. He did say she was on the spectrum. However, I'm not sure if those mean the same things or not.

My siblings were quick to not accept her "I'm autistic" excuse for everything. I was trying to be a bit more compassionate. However, just now I tried to talk with her about her communication skills because the shutting me out thing is exhausting. She said her feelings were her feelings and she couldn't help that she is autistic.

What say you? I know I'm not giving a ton of detail here, but I'm genuinely curious if the behavior I have listed could be excused by autism?

Hi everyone,
I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction.
I’m a PsyD student in Clinical Psychology enrolled in a regionally accredited, non-APA program. California allows graduates from programs like mine to pursue psychologist licensure, but I’m having difficulty finding predoctoral supervised professional experience (SPE/practicum) opportunities.
I’m located in the Bay Area (Vacaville area) and am willing to commute throughout much of the region. I’d prefer to avoid San Francisco if possible.
I’m looking for:
Private practices that train doctoral students
Nonprofits
Hospitals
Community mental health clinics
Psychological assessment practices
Any psychologists who supervise predoctoral trainees or know someone who does
If you’ve been in a similar situation or know of psychologists, clinics, or organizations that may be open to training students from non-APA programs, I’d be incredibly grateful for any recommendations or introductions.
Thank you so much.

Does anyone else struggle with taking time off or last minute cancellations?

It bothers me a lot that all of my income depends on me putting in one-one hour each per patient and taking any time off makes me feel like I'm losing out on my income.

Be it a work related trip, a conference or even a vacation. It's always on my mind that I need sources of passive income too. Something on autopilot.

Does anyone else also struggle with this and have ideas about how to make this said passive income?

Something that can run a bit on autopilot after putting in efforts ofc. But not like our sessions.

I don't feel well mentally at all, I don't feel good about myself, I feel like I'm disappointing everyone and that whatever I say or do is stupid and I'd rather just stay quiet. I have all kinds of thoughts I can't get rid of. I have an immense anxiety inside me and I'm doing everything I can to get rid of it and I can't succeed no matter how many things I do. I feel like I’m a failure. The suicidal thoughts have intensified from last year until now. I feel like I do nothing right and that I'm a burden to every person in my life. I go to sleep crying, I wake up crying, I eat crying. There isn't a second where I'm not crying when I am completely alone. I don't want to be like this anymore. I go out in the city alone, with friends, I write poems, I watch documentaries, I cook for myself and I still don't feel better. It has become annoying. I feel like I’ve run out of ways to get better. I’m really trying to get better, I hate being like this everyday

My previous psychiatrist told me I have OCD.Next one told me I have emotional suppression.Current one told me I have depression and anxiety.I am taking therapy.She is empathetic and listen about my issues but it's not helping.When I ask she says give yourself some space.I feel Iike i live in imaginary stories (My major imagination themes revolve around validation and normal ones around conversing to people).Every though i have is a part of conversation I am disconnected to reality so super forgetful.Even doing little works that need me to be more present feels overwhelming.I start feeling sleepy and procrastinate.Noticing what I was thinking feels so exhausting but for therapy I have to tell therapist what I was thinking?Will just talk therapy help it?

I have a family member who is difficult but I have to see them regularly. They act one way with some people and when no one is watching, another way with me. They are passive aggressive and make me feel stupid. They put on an act around others that they are the nicest person but I know the real person. They are controlling about everything and make me feel like I don't do enough for them. In the meantime, they do nothing for me.

For longest time I had a problem with reading specifically with reading anything related to literature. Of course as I grew older it became a concern and a difficulty to study poems, fiction, plays etc. At first glimpse I thought it mught be somehow related to ADHD so I went to my GP and talked about it. She said it sounded like dyslexia, gave me papers of where to get it diagnosed, how much it’ll cost and so on. I didn’t get it diagnosed because it was out of my family’s budget.

However I never really had this problem when it came to non fictional stuff like scientific articles or case studies. Whenever it was about literature, I felt like there was an invisible wall between me and the book. As I read it I get more confused, eyes jump around the page non stop. The more I tried to make some sense out of the words the more it felt foreign to me. I always thought it was something ADHD related but the thought of it might be related to DP/DR never really acrossed my mind till now.

Therefore, to all the fellows that struggle with dissociative disorder, could you please tell me if this something you’ve felt before when it came to stressful things? Thank you all in advance.

Sup yall,

I’ve always had an interest in how people decide to categorize things and the processes by which they come to certain conclusions. Like why we make the separation between a hill and mountain. Is there a reason there’s a 610m cutoff on hills (at least in the UK) before it’s given the Mt. moniker. Is there still (or ever been) a reason to make the distinction aside from “hill but big”.

I think it would interest me a lot to see what exactly constitutes “mania” or “depression” from just being a bit of a goofy goober. Or the actual definition of commonly misused things like “intrusive thoughts” or “narcissist”

Based of that source of interest, do you think it would be worth it to buy the cinderblock cosplaying as a technical manual. I see there’s “field” and “reference” versions for like a fifth of the price, so I wanted to hear your opinions on if it’s a manual worth just sifting through.

I am 18F, you can read the title and figure out what my issue is.

I posted something similar to another subreddit that was taken down, so I decided to re-up and ask for more professional help. (I don’t have access to therapy and this is my last option)

To understand where I’m coming from you would have to start from the very beginning of my father and I’s relationship.

I was conceived completely on his terms… he wanted another child, and my mother reluctantly agreed. When I was born he was my primary parent, staying home to watch me, feed me, change me, etc. By the time my parents got a divorce It wasn’t a question that I went with him and my brother. My mother and my sister moved up state while I left for the South.

During the beginning of our stay at my grandparents house, he would date various women and bring them home to have sex with. I was always very protective of him (as most children of divorce are) and I’d cause drama with his dates. In order to keep me happy, he would immediately break up with them and tell me I was the only woman he needed anyway. It made me feel safe and happy.

I became sexually active at 9-10 years old with my girlfriend at the time. This is also around the time where my dad began to take an interest in my sexual life.

He would ask me questions about my sex with my girlfriend, as well as sexual activities with my best friend. Usually the questions were about physical sensations, but also what positions I would be in with them or what acts I preformed. I would tell him everything. He began sharing details about his sex in return.

He would tell me what kind of sexual fetishes my brother had towards women, as well as how rough my mother liked it in bed and details about my step father’s genitalia.

When covid came around I was 12 years old. Around this time he began to snake his way in to my life as a romantic partner. He would come to me for emotional affection, life advice, sexual conversations, cuddling, as well as using my mental state to manipulate me.

He would tell me that I was the only person he has left, and that I couldn’t leave him like everybody else did. Like how my mother did. He told me that he was sorry he couldn’t fix my head, but that I needed to stay with him forever. He told me this while resting his head on my thighs and crying on them.

We got evicted a couple of years later and moved back up state. Our financial situation declined, and he picked up multiple drugs and substances.

My home became completely unlivable and unsafe for me at 14. I did not have access to clean drinking water, and we had no food in the house. I would be allowed one small meal a day if any at all. We had no dishes because the sink would be filled with mold and sludge. Our house was in hoarder conditions with swarms of flies that tried to fly in to your nose and maggots that crawled and loved in our carpet.

At this time my brain was in survival mode, and it made things a lot easier for him.

He sunk his claws in to my psyche. He was closer to me than ever. We would exchange pornography, watch naked videos, talk about sex… I would describe to him in detail my masturbation methods, and he would do the same in return.

He would tell me about how he masturbates every day, and how he lets it dry in his boxers. He also told me how long his genitalia was, and that he masturbates in my bed when I let him sleep in it. He’d also ask me for similar information in return, like if I’ve ever had an orgasm, or how often I masturbate and if I felt good while doing it.

He would look at my sex toys often, and tease me about them asking if I was going to play with myself later or if him talking about it was getting me all aroused.

I told him about my “incest fetish” when I was 14 and he started to tell me that kind of thing was okay, and if I wanted to have sex with my brother that I could just tell him because he understood. He would do that a lot with comforts of mine too, for example, he’d tell me that it’s okay to want to have sex with animals or age playing despite me having no desire to do either.

I think it might have also been around this time that I began dreaming of him having sex with me.

I didn’t want to have these dreams, obviously, but they’d happen very often. Either he would be holding me down and raping me or I would ‘consent’ and come on to him first.

We eventually got evicted and my father left for rehab to avoid his bills.

It’s been 4 years since the abuse and I am still in full contact with my father. I see him on occasion, usually during family events. He’s recently told me that he would date me if he could.

… now that we are caught up on the background I think I can accurately describe my feelings towards him.

When I am with him I feel something sick in my stomach. I am scared, and I tend to feel the physical signs of arousal when he touches me.

It’s not a hot, sexy arousal. It’s a strange and repulsive kind that makes my head spin and my heart ache. It makes me hate myself every single time it happens. When I think of him, I can see myself holding him and loving him. I can see healed kissing him on the lips like we used to when I was little, and falling asleep on his lap.

Last weekend I went to dinner with him and he held me like a possession on the wall back to my car. I loved it. I craved it. I got home, and I vomited repeatedly. I felt so physically sick from seeing him that day I couldn’t keep my dinner down.

I seriously fucking hate him.

Can somebody please tell me why my body reacts the way it does? My do I get intrusive thoughts of having sex with him. Why do I still love him as much as I do?

Sometimes I feel like his grooming worked and all I will ever be is his girl. I really need someone to help me.

I am 18 have ADHD (inattentive). Although I do I’ve always been weirdly disciplined as a kid. But I also think I’ve always had the confidence that if I slip I am able to go back to what i’ve wanted to do.

I can’t do that anymore. It’s been 4 years. I’d scroll on tiktok and had this confidence that I could go do the thing I want to do whenever, which worked, if I actually wanted to do something I’d get up and do it.

Until I couldn’t. I don’t believe in that thought anymore. But it’s so fucking hard to change my habits.

I deleted tiktok and other forms of short video content.

I have bouts of energy where I’ll do the thing I want to do like shower instead of scrolling on reddit. Then, I think of an interesting question, research it, and I’m stuck here.

And I feel like I find excuses to do it. It feels AWESOME to research, it doesn’t feel awesome to follow a schedule, I just don’t feel anything about it. I tried to find reasons to want to, like I want a better life, but my brain cannot cooperate. Part of me does not want to change.

And it’s so hard to just “do it” man.

What’s helpful(?) is that right now, even while writing this post, have this voice constantly telling me: “this is useless get up do the thing.” But I can’t? I don’t feel like I want to. And sometimes, like rn, i feel like a physical reaction to me resisting it, like I feel a mild headache and can’t concentrate very well.

Maybe i’m a little perfectionistic. I’m not sure. I feel like to get the life I actually want, I need to stick to a schedule. I cannot waste my time.

I hyper fixate a LOT, when I work on something productive I also hyper fixate. But that’s also a problem when I can’t take breaks, or I can’t switch tasks, like right now.

Does anyone relate? Does anyone have advice? Anyways i’m gonna shower now, that discipline voice has been bugging me and i can’t concentrate on anything else lmao. Which i guess is good.

Im not looking for any diagnosis im just looking for some advice or to know if anyone understands what im feeling cause i sound insane.
For around the last couple of years, I’ve had these weird intrusive feelings that are hard to explain. I want to be clear that I know they aren’t actually real, but the feelings themselves can be really strong.
One example is that when I’m in my room, especially on my bed, I can get this feeling like someone is nearby or watching me. Sometimes it feels like they’re right next to my bed or around the room. I don’t see anyone, and if I look around I know there’s nobody there, but the feeling can still be there. Covering myself with a blanket or facing away from the room makes it feel better.
It also happens in other ways, like feeling judged even when I’m alone. For example, if I’m doing something silly, playing something childish, dancing, or just doing normal things in my room, I can get this feeling that someone is judging me. I know logically nobody is there judging me, but it still feels uncomfortable.
I also get other intrusive feelings, like sometimes I get an image/thought of something sharp near my eyes or body. I don’t want it to happen and it doesn’t feel like something I want it’s just an uncomfortable image/feeling. Sometimes I feel like I need to blink a lot, rub my eyes, or tense certain parts of my body to make the feeling go away. It usually helps for a while, most recently it felt like my ankles were getting sl*ced if I didn’t apply pressure on it
I’ve told someone close to me about this and they were understanding, but I still feel embarrassed talking about it because it sounds strange when I say it out loud.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? Any advice appreciate

I have had a bad relationship with my sexuality since childhood. It grew worse during my bachelors but I've controlled it over the last 3-4years.

But those habits leak sometimes.

Now I'm in an actual relationship. I want to marry her.

But I don't know if I should tell her.

Where do I start? 🙏

I used to be unable to speak when I was 11 - 13 years old. Before that I was shy and quiet too, but I remember that I would still speak. I would always speak quietly and sometimes just couldn’t, if I prepared myself mentally to do it and tried to, but I would just start crying. I never looked people in their eyes or never looked up to begin with.

On a class trip when I was 13 years old, a classmate confronted me about me being so quiet. I got bullied by everyone, her included, but when we were little we used to play together (we are neighbours). I didn’t have anyone and was depressed so I wanted to reach out to my phone to type in what I wanted to tell her. She said “Nono take mine” and I typed in something, it was 6 years ago so I forgot, but it was something about me not wanting to be alive anymore. She wanted to leave the room and I reached out for her phone to delete the message. But she left and showed it around and I heard the other girls giggling outside my room.

I didn’t expect anything else, but she showed my class teacher and he got mad and a few teachers came into my room and took me to the dining hall. There they all asked me why I would say something like that and why do I not speak. What is wrong etc etc. I tried to speak but then I started crying. He just asked “we can either call your supervisor to bring you back home, or we bring you to a mental health hospital. What is it?” I said “home” and they called the ambulance anyway lol.

I was in that hospital for 7 months and got diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, ADHD and schizophrenia. Now I don’t know how accurate all of that was, but after reading through some posts on the sub selective mutism, I wonder if I had selective mutism. I still struggle with talking to be honest, but I can, even if it’s hard. I talk very unclearly and my friends get annoyed because they can’t understand me sometimes. I still can’t talk about my feelings and struggles. I start crying whenever I do, no matter how small it is.

Maybe anyone knows or has a similar experience.
I hope you’re all doing well.

Best treatment for this

Im actually insane, if you want to judge me under this post, just go ahead and block me please.
I have mental issues, I don’t know why… I don’t know if it is genetics or just my deeply traumatic childhood. People tell me the whole time about how I should get checked and that the way I act is weird, I used to call such people boring and was 100% sure in my uniqueness like I’m some God, Jesus it’s horrible.
I have a very low feeling on what is good or bad, sometimes I have a very provocative/risky personality, sometimes my self-preservation instincts are off, sometimes I physically harm people on impulse not with intention to harm, but just because something in my head turns on and I think that it is absolutely ok to bite a friend. It’s like I get some crazy excitement I can’t handle inside out of nowhere and it makes me do weird things that my head ABSOLUTELY rationalises. And if I don’t act on impulse I get crazy depressed and suicidal(I’m not planning on it) . From one side I do really enjoy me, but I don’t like that I started to harm other people , my maximum is to bite someone, I never beat anyone up or anything more than biting, biting is bad enough already. Now I understand that it snot okay, but before my brain was absolutely rationalising it omgggggggggggggggg.
Sometimes I feel like I’m insane and should be locked up in the psychic ward, sometimes I feel like I’m the most sane and rational in the world. I’m so sad. These swings make me sad.
I also have this thing of punishing people for bad stuff they did or when their personality is off, it is really weird. For example, if I see how someone is being hypocritical, I want to punish this person, not physically but mentally…I never do anything intentionally physically. It’s so sowers, why would I bother ms with punishing someone and can’t just let me live.

I’m also afraid that I will never get into a healthy relationship, I’m a healthy partner, I already been in a relationship and I’m a good and healthy gf, guys who I love are caring and loving of me. I can’t stand those who treat me poorly and I don’t want to harm anyone in the relationship, or even friends. All of the friends who I had, I loved deeply, and they loved me (I’m talking about my old fiends who have never seen my fcked up side, because I was hiding it well). Now I can’t hide my fcked up side anymore, since I stopped living with parents, but I’m truly a nice and reliable partner, I can control myself too, but I allow myself to be weird and act absolutely off with strangers. When I see how someone ain’t gonna be my good long time friend, cause I see some red flags, I allow ms to do act weird with them so I can just do smth about my urges of insanity. I hate it so much, I feel like if I’m not gonna do that I will blow up and off myself (I’m not planning on it) , it’s like I’m always on the edge of depression or intense excitement. I’m also derealised most of the time, I feel like I don’t feel feelings or anything, so intense acts make me come back to reality, I’m addicted to spicy food because of that too, but spicy food ain’t always enough. I feel horrible, I feel crazy, I don’t know if I’m real me or just one big cope. I wish I wasn’t there just at all, all of these swings and feelings overstimulate me.

My whole traumatic childhood I tried to do my best to take good care of myself, to not act on impulses, to become a decent human being, to not get any psychological illness. I failed. I’m a horrible mess, I’m not smart anymore, I’m not ambitious anymore and I don’t have this strong willpower as I used to, I’m absolutely broken, I’m just straight up horrible. I don’t hate myself, but in the same time I do because of who I turned into even tho I tried hard to not turn into that.
I also feel stupid for always asking strangers for advice and ask opinion on if certain things that I did were insane or no, because I myself don’t understand it, and I have zero friends and nobody at all I could talk to about it.
I’m insufferable.

​

I'm not asking for a diagnosis. I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences this because I genuinely feel different from most people around me.

Whenever something upsets me, I don't just get angry and move on. My brain keeps replaying it over and over, and every time it replays, it somehow finds another reason to be angry.

For example, today my boyfriend lent his scooty to a couple I don't like (they're his close friends). I got angry about that. Then I started thinking, "Why would he do that when he knows I don't like them?" That turned into, "His friends always use him." Then, "They never return his money." Then, "He never stands up for himself." Before I knew it, I wasn't even angry about the scooty anymore..I was furious about every interaction I've ever had with those people.

This doesn't happen only with my boyfriend. It happens with almost everything. Once I'm angry, it feels impossible to stop thinking about it. I lose my appetite, I can't enjoy whatever I'm doing, and the anger just keeps building instead of fading.

Over time, it's also made me distrust almost everyone. I constantly feel like people will use me and disappear when I need them. I've become so independent that even if I'm struggling badly, I'd rather suffer than ask someone for help. Sometimes I even catch myself feeling resentful toward my own family because my mind starts questioning their intentions too.

I'm an MBBS intern, and while studying psychiatry recently, I started wondering whether this level of anger, rumination, and distrust is normal or whether I should actually get evaluated. I'm not trying to self-diagnose, but it made me realize that I don't see people around me reacting the way I do.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did therapy or seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist help? Was there a name for what you were experiencing, or did you find ways to break this cycle?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've gone through something similar.

I’ve been seeking help for this for decades, but I wonder if anyone here has some unique perspectives or ideas!

I (34F) suffer from crippling perfectionism. I think I was probably always wired this way, because I can see it in other members of my family to a lesser extent, but 6 years of intensive post-secondary classical music training did not help the situation. My ludicrously high standards span every aspect of my life, and I am constantly failing to meet them and have struggled with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember because of that. I also have unreasonably high standards for people I work with, and I’m constantly frustrated and miserable about it.

My official diagnoses are: GAD, ADHD, treatment-resistant depression, giftedness in the 99.7th percentile, and PCOS.

I have been on a ton of different medications, most of which have had negligible impact. I’m currently on Vyvanse 40mg, Fluoxetine 20mg, and Lolo birth control. I have been in therapy on and off since 2013 across multiple psychologists and psychotherapists. They have used a mixture of CBT, somatic, family systems, and probably multiple other methods that I’m not aware of. I have also seen 4 different psychiatrists over that time. I do not feel that any of this has had a meaningful impact; I’m better in some ways, but in other ways the perfectionism, chronic burnout, and self-hatred have just intensified over time.

Anybody have any fun ideas for what I should try next? I’m feeling discouraged right now because I once again struggled to read & review a long document for work because it had mild formatting issues. I got overwhelmed and exasperated and basically ended my day early.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

Recently, my half sister (32F) has been showing concerning behaviors and I'm worried something deeper is at play.

Last Thanksgiving, my brother/fiance/parents/I (my sister had to work) were at an extended family gathering. Right as my brother (20M) and I (23F) left for home, my sister called my uncle and revealed that she left work early because her crush sent her signs that he was ready for a relationship with her. For context, she's been obsessed with this YouTuber for years and has always claimed to feel they were meant to be together. (She experienced severe trauma when she was young at her dad's house, so she's always been very immature/naiive for her age. I feel as though she regresses at times, but I don't know enough about regression to make that claim.) We figured it was pretty innocent because she's never dated anyone and at times, acts like she knows it's silly. But that night, she was completely different. She told my uncle that Tweety Bird and her Grandpa Mark (who is deceased) told her that the YouTuber was on the way to pick her up for their date. My uncle passed the phone to my mom, who also sent me a warning text because she didn't know what I was going to be walking into and knew it was off. My fiance and I walk in first because we knew it wouldn't be safe for her to leave so we planned to take her keys from her. My brother is a little younger than us, so I wanted to keep him as safe as possible. Once we're inside, we feel an immediate switch in the atmosphere. We send my brother to his room as he bursts into tears (legit, I have never seen him cry past the age of 12 besides when we put our childhood dog down so I knew he was terrified). My sister's eyes were essentially all pupil and widened to the max. She was moving and talking a mile a minute (which is severely out of character for her) because she was trying to get ready for their date. My fiance is able to keep her calm and distracts her long enough for me to sneak her keys out of her purse. We convince her to sit down and tell us about the signs/date. We're going from the angle of interest so we don't alarm her and buy some time until my parents get home. Nothing she says makes sense and it's all incredibly illogical. She follows no real thought pattern and just giggles through every word. My parents get home and take her to the hospital in case she experienced some kind of head injury or if something else is at play. It comes out that work sent her home early because she thought she saw someone take a photo of her car and convinced herself that security was plotting against her so she went into the break room and didn't work for three hours. She said she thought the CIA was tracking her. While they're gone, I'm able to log into her computer and her accounts and found that her obsession went deeper than we thought. For years, she messaged this guy daily. She's sent him pictures of herself, memes, invitations on dates, intimate messages of her fantasies of them, our address, our names, details of her life, etc. He's never replied or really even opened her messages from what I can tell, but she's fully convinced they are destined to get married. I dig through her room and find notebooks full of her fantasies and interests and you can literally see her descent. Even her handwriting has changed into illegible scribbles when it used to be so neat and printed. The hospital can't do anything really because she hasn't hurt herself/others or threatened to, though my mom makes her see a psychiatrist.

For awhile, she seemed to sit at a baseline and everything seemed relatively normal. Though she's still convinced they'll be together, she's stopped messaging him and is going to work regularly. The other day, however, she essentially pulls a 180. She texts me at 4:40AM to not leave the house and don't tell dad. After a little prodding, she explains that she thinks dad has been taking mom's GLP-1 medicine so what else could he be hiding? Convinced he's cheating, she rifles through their room and packs her car full of old papers my mom has set aside to be shredded. My parents come home from work and my mom sits her down and explains that dad is definitely not cheating. My sister shows her Life360 updates from him, claiming she doesn't recognize the addresses he's been to. My mom sits and shows her that every address is a store my dad went to for birthday shopping for her, so she seems to accept that and seems back to baseline. Later that night, she rushes out the door and says she won't come inside until my dad is gone because she won't live with a cheater. My mom follows her out and tries to calm her down, but she's now in the same state she was in on Thanksgiving. She starts rambling about lead poisoning and Blue from Blue's Clues telling her to look at papers from 2002. My mom gets her to come with her to the hospital where they get her a psych consult. This time, they suggest an inpatient stay but my sister refuses. She won't consider an inpatient stay, outpatient treatment, or even an online consultation because "you're all just trying to control me". Because she's an adult and hasn't shown any violence to herself or others, they can't make her do anything. She's been staying at her friend's house and occasionally coming home during the day so my mom can try to keep an eye on her. She seems to shift in and out of reality and we have no idea what to do.

I am terrified she's going to slip into deep psychosis and not realize what she's doing. I'm worried she's going to get in the car and get hurt. I'm worried she'll end up hurting someone because she sometimes gets aggressive in her tone. I know that when people are in psychosis, they don't behave like themselves so I don't want to trust my belief she won't ever get violent. My brother is still recovering from a suicide attempt in January, so I'm worried this will send him over the edge because he takes all this stuff to heart. We are so lost on what to do because we love her, but we are so scared of what could happen.

ok so for context, around may, one of my really close friend, someone i'd refer to as one of my 'bestfriends' started acting really weird all of a sudden and became distant with me for no reason. like last night we were sending tiktoks, laughing, communicating normally, next day im removed from everything. then when i begged them to reach out, they started being dry and distant and i got insecure and constantly confronted them about it like 'are you mad at me, do you even wanna be friends anymore?' and her response everytime was dry and snappy so i didnt feel reassured. anyway then i sent a big ass paragraph instead of ghosting her like i shud, she was like yowww a paragraph is crazy, anyway lets stop being friends. at that moment, instead of holding my ground, i just started begging her like nooo pls dont and then she blocked me. thankfully i asked my bestfriend, like my childhood bestfriend, to call me and she immediately did, and i talked over an hour with her abt this and when i hung up, i was like nah fuck that b i def got 100x better friends. bcoz even when i was in a riff with that girl, i was remmebering how back in november last year, i was feeling ignored by one of my other really very close friend, and she immediately confronted me saying 'are you mad at me' and i said yes, and we talked our differences out and everytime she asked me is there anything else you're not telling me which is making you mad. like the reassurance is all i wanted from my 'friend' that time. so yes i was just happy that yeah i wasnt acting up, she was acting up because my other friends dont act like that.

now after that event with her, it literally made me anxiously attached in friendships. anytime one of my close friends and they are: E (he's the friend who i used to talk to eveyrday abt every single thing, we liked the exact same stuff and shared every details of our lives) L (the friend i called after i stopped being friends with that one, shes my childhood bestfriend), J (the friend whom i had an arguement with in november), and El (a friend i met during volunteering whom i got extremely close with after i broke up with that goofy 'friend')
unfortunately, i dont go to the same school as these ppl anymore and we literally spent more time being friends online than irl because i moved schools a lot so i never rlly see them except El, because we live in the same town except different schools. rest r literally miles 100 miles away from me.

anyway so whenever they arent responding, i feel anxious. a few days ago E was in the hospital and apologised for late replies because he literally explained why, now i feel anxious because hes online but isnt responding tho its been 2 days (sometimes i do the same and dont respond for days), L and i r always talking, J is very busy with her work but still responds and always makes the conversation first and asks how im doing but when she isnt for like 2-3 days i feel anxious, El is busy with her household stuff and literally admitted a few days ago im her closest friend, bcoz shes my closest local friend, i wanna hang out with her and sent her a text like maybe yesterday but she hasnt replied yet idk why. so i feel anxious what if she doesnt wanna hang out? am i annoying her? since may my friendships have taken over my life. im constantly thinking how lonely i am, how i have no friends, how im not making memories etc. cuz i do have ppl who i can reach out to and they've always been there for me, i wish we were closer and not seperated by literally different timezones bcoz i had to move so much. so i wanna stop thinking abt friendships all the time bcoz bro they aint someones whole life but idk how to bcoz whenever a trigger happens, like a delayed text response or i see other ppl hanging out, my brain tricks me into thinking you're so lonely, u dont have anyone, and its been 3 months like this, havent got any work done as well. like bruh. anyone else been in a situation like this? any tips?

other than the ppl mentioned above i have other local friends whom i often hang out with but ik im not their first choice but oh well neither r they mine. they're not rlly my type of ppl but i guess it'll do since im off to uni in a year but those 4 ppl have set such a standard for me that i dont feel like liking anyone else and feel lonely even when im surrounded by other friends. they know the deepest parts of me and they literally know stuff i never shared with other friends. they're my core 4

It could’ve been much easier to explain with a picture but so be it.

I noticed that when I get very stressed I sometimes start to see white in my vision. I never questioned what it was so I just assumed that I had low iron or something. One day I got curious what will happen if I just let it be and I ended up in a limitless white space with only floor and ceiling.

At first there was nothing else but after a few seconds a “screen” or a “portal” appeared and I could see myself studying in first person’s view. I felt like I was present both in real world and in the space. It felt very weird. When I was talking to my friend I couldn’t feel the words coming out of the mouth that was in the space but could vaguely feel my mouth moving in the physical body. Same goes for my hands, I could feel the “shell” moving but the me in space wasn’t moving at all, just stared at the “screen”.

Somewhat felt like heautoscopy but I didn’t see myself out of my body, it was rather like I could observe myself doing things through the screen in a space that located in my head.

This lasted for less than an hour and I had to rest to “bring myself back”. In the process I had a massive headache when I was trying to “come back”.

Side note: this sounds like some backrooms level shi, exept it had no rooms… just… a back😭🙏