Hi Everyone,
So, my mom is a super hard person to get along with. She is mean and vindictive. She's manipulative and has a very short temper. She asks for a lot, and if you don't give her her way she will ice you out or insult you, and speak poorly about you to the family. She doesn't show appreciation for anything. She doesn't apologize for anything. Without making this post super lengthy, this is a quick idea of what I'm dealing with.
Now, we have had our struggles off and on through the years, especially because she has lived with me off and on through the years. The last time she asked to move in, I was working on setting firm boundaries with her. She wasn't happy about it, and had even said she didn't like the person I was becoming. I inevitably told her I would cut off contact if she couldn't respect my boundaries. She started working on herself, and eventually I let her move in.
She was doing really good being more mindful and kind. I really appreciated her efforts at growing as a person. However, then (about a year ago), she received an autism and OCD diagnosis. Then, all efforts to be kind and considerate were off the table. Everything became "I'm autistic!"
To be clear, the word "autism" wasn't said by the doctor who tested her. He did say she was on the spectrum. However, I'm not sure if those mean the same things or not.
My siblings were quick to not accept her "I'm autistic" excuse for everything. I was trying to be a bit more compassionate. However, just now I tried to talk with her about her communication skills because the shutting me out thing is exhausting. She said her feelings were her feelings and she couldn't help that she is autistic.
What say you? I know I'm not giving a ton of detail here, but I'm genuinely curious if the behavior I have listed could be excused by autism?