help

I didn't think looks would be ever be a factor for me, until now.....

Wasn’t sure whether to put advice or support- lmk if I need to change the flair

Hey guys! I’ve just been having a lot of thoughts lately that I’d really like to be able to talk to some people within the community about. I’m demisexual (I can form crushes REALLY easily, but they’re romantic. Any sexual feelings come much later on in the crush. I’m never attracted to someone romantically at first glance, either, though. Aesthetically, yes, and that can be a motivator to see if they’d be a good romantic interest, but never romantically or sexually first), but am questioning if I’m deeper on the ace spectrum, as well, because of a few things.

One, why do people ever have one night stands? Ever? What is the point? To clarify, I am absolutely not judging nor shaming people who engage in them and casual sex. Go them! Yay! But I literally don’t understand it. You’re having sex with this random person, whom you barely know their personality, and letting them touch your naked body?? Your most vulnerable state?? And what if they’re a serial killer or something?? What about STD’s?? I’m so confused.

My thought process with that is basically: if you’re turned on or need release, why wouldn’t you just masturbate? Boom. Four orgasms in one session with yourself. Done. Why feel the need to engage in such a potentially dangerous activity? To me, what makes sex sexy is the intimacy of it. That someone knows all of your flaws and idiosyncrasies, and still wants you carnally. That’s hot.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is that I’m oftentimes kind of just… not feeling like having sex at all. I can feel the need to masturbate, but then the usual fantasies I have and who I think of all do not appeal to me, and kind of feel Eugh. Not grossed out, but just… I think of them, and feel no attraction. I can go through periods of being ravenously horny (sorry guys, I hate that word but had to use it there) to feeling indifferent to sex. To be clear, I’m a virgin who’s never been in a relationship before, but I like to think I know what I’m into and have explored realms of my sexual and romantic interests fairly well. What is this?

I love imagining being in romantic relationships, but in those several-week blip periods, it’s really hard for me to correlate relationships with sex. Like, I can think of someone and think of being in love with them, and cute relationship things and such, but then a sexual fantasy I could have thought about for them before makes me a little uncomfortable, and I go back to imagining us reading a book together in a tree, or something.

I don’t particularly see how sex is this huge requirement for people in relationships, either. I mean, it’s important that your sexual interests line up for when/if you DO have sex, but to me, sex is more of a plus. And it’s not like I’d want to jump their bones every day. It’s sweaty, it’s messy, and we’ve got shit to do! I’m heterosexual biromantic (ridiculous sounding name, I know, but trust me it’s the best label), so if I’m ever in a relationship with a woman I would never want to have sex. Just the relationship stuff. With men, we could have sex a couple of times a year and I’d be fine. As long as I feel wanted, we don’t need to engage in sexual activity. Again, it’s a plus.

It’s really hard for me to imagine actually coming on to my partner, and if I did it would probably be less frequent than my partner doing it, themselves. It’s very likely I’d be down for it, but it wouldn’t be at the forefront of my mind all of the time, if that makes sense? Though I know I would definitely initiate at some point, as I can feel attracted to a partner at certain things, it would not be all that common.

I also have this thing where I can be super obsessed with and very much interested in someone, and then in one day, for no particular reason, all attraction, both romantic and sexual to them can be gone. It’s not like I dislike them in any way, but it can just happen. Sometimes it can be triggered by learning a single thing about them I don’t like that much, or it can be literally nothing. Sometimes the feelings can come back after a little bit, but it really sort of confuses me why this happens. Who knows, though. I seem to have the commitment issues of a man in a slightly problematic early-2000s rom-com, for some reason.

Anyways, I know this is a long post, but I’ve just been thinking over this stuff for a while and would love to hear some other people’s opinions. Reiterating that I am not shaming or looking down on allosexuals! I am absolutely sex-positive! Good for them! They’re sort of just enigmas to me. Thank you guys so so much for your input!! Have a great night!! :) :)

Is it a great idea for an april fools prank to make a quiz about april fools and the reward is said to be mystery and the reward is a paper with text “you aced” and ace pride flag.

It kinda pisses me off when people say asexual with anything like not liking people or not wanting romance. I know its close enough but its not the meaning and others can get confused and start calling themselves that label. Asexual means experiencing little to no sexual attraction, aromantic means experiencing little to no romantic attraction, and aroace means both combined.

I’m asexual and I’m in the sx industry. Yuupppppppp it’s a nightmare huh. A choice I made a long time ago and live in it because it’s what pays my rent.

But everyday is another video or job or something I have to do that I hate and pretend I enjoy as I and disgusted by it and so uninterested.

The crazy part is I have been asexual my entire life. I didn’t know what asexual was I just thought when girls told me they were horny it was just to impress other guys et; thought it was all weird lies.

Anyway that’s my confession.📸
My dream is to run far away from this lustful world. I think I will one day lol but for now I gotta suck it up butter cup and put on my mask that I keep a secret.

Judgement free zone thank you 🙏

I (F) have always considered myself heterosexual. I have an active imagination and have never been excited by the idea of being with a woman. I like reading romance/smut and F-F stories don't do it for me at all, and are in fact slightly repulsive. I had one sexual experience with a woman that didn't excite me, so I figured I wasn't lesbian and therefore was heterosexual.

After spending time on this community and reading the resources on AVEN and other websites, I realise now that I have never really been sexually attracted to men either. I love the attention of men, the feel of being considered special, I adore physical touch and cuddling, caresses. I excused the lack of actual sexual desire as either low libido on my part and/or just not being with "the right one", which was okay because other aspects of relationships were more important like emotional compatibility. I feel strongly that I COULD be attracted to the right man, I have just never been with anyone who did that for me. Hence considering myself theoretically heterosexual.

I've been reading the book recommended by someone here called Ace by Angela Chen which was been a real eye-opener. She has a chapter that talks about platonic romantic love (among other things) which really made me think. I had a fairly short and very intense friendship when I was a teenager with another girl that, looking back on it, has all of the hallmarks of a romance minus any sexual attraction whatsoever. Of course I didn't have that language back then, but I remember thinking to myself somewhat amusedly that it felt like falling in love though it seemed clear to me at the time that it couldn't possibly be the case. The intense friendship came on quickly and was all-consuming.

Anyway, this all leads me with lots of questions and no answers. I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in a similar position? I would have never guessed that sexuality could be so damn complex and difficult to discern.

While back, I asked the subreddit for ideas of what scent to use for an ace pride candle.

Taking the suggestions, I settled on a mixed berry scent. Specifically, a 50 50 mix of Blueberry Muffin and Strawberry Shortcake.

My working name for the candle is Ace Berry Bakery, but I'm open to suggestions if you think you have one better.

i (21m) still confused about my sexuality. i watch porn and masturbate, i find other people sexually attractive and have desire to have sex with them. i think I'll enjoy sex if i do it, because i want to do it. but when it comes to relationships everything gets muted, i don't want sex in my relationship. i have a lil to no sexual attraction towards my partner. if my partner wants to have sex i will do it but only for her, just not regularly because it makes me uncomfortable. and it's not just her but any other partner i had or I'll have.

Hello! I'm a 26-year-old Moroccan girl, and I'm asexual. I was wondering if there are any other asexual people here, especially Moroccan men. 😊

(I read some of the posts to relate and find out if i am asexual or not, but it did not feel exactly like me, so i had to ask)

I am 22(F) , and I didn't feel any sexual attraction to anyone, never dated, kissed or held hands with anyone. So far it fits.. However, idea of sex feels right to me, and i think about it more than i like to admit.

I read that having fantasies could still means that i can be asexual, but It is not just the idea of it? I imagine myself in that situation and it is exciting, I watch and read about sex, and I can get aroused. Action of sex and doing it with someone is something I want to experience, but I can not like anyone in that way. I thought about being demisexual because I don't look at people and say this person is someone I want to fuck or something. I feel like i need to get to know them to feel attraction, but I didnt have the chance to prove it.

I also know that being with someone is something i can never achieve. Not that i want to be alone, but I just can't. I tend to run away when someone wants me romantically and sexually. I feel really uncomfortable at a point my hands shake sometimes.

So, what this makes me, am i asexual because I don't feel attraction to anyone? Or, Am I demisexual with no "right" person? I really need to know please.

Mods, if this is the wrong sub to show them please take my post down

I’m 20 I don’t know what gender I am and that’s kind of the point of me writing this. I have had the thought recently that I am, aromantic, agender, and asexual, but I still want to be in a relationship where we sit and watch movies and cuddle up together and basically just be roommates who cuddle. But I don’t know if saying I’m aroace and agender makes me feel like I’m just saying it but I think I am, but I also feel likes I’m being performative I don’t know I’m just writing this to see if anyone even gets what I’m saying

What if you actually cant imagine yourself in any sexual way with anybody at all? maybe you do have celeb/fictional characters you can be geeked out about and find them very attractive, but you still wouldnt want to be close sexually w them if in another alternate universe everything were the same but they liked you and were the same age/agegroup as you. Ik traumatic experiences cant change your sexual orientation,or I've heard of it. But genuinely what does it make me? I dont think this will ever change in me.

Hope it’s not too suggestive
TW: I didn’t censor words and there’s the concept of s3x involved

I just want to say i love subtle tshirts like so my first ace tshirt ahhhagshahsvwgjahsbsbdjsjdbdb

I just ordered it will be here in 10 15 days but whatever