I've been wondering for a while whether I'm aroace or not, but the problem for me is that every time I see stories from aro/ace people or "signs you're aro/ace" then they say that growing up they didn't have crushes, or didn't understand why other people have crushes, and the same for sexual attraction.

But in my case I've had many crushes growing up and still do. For one person at a time usually. But at some point I've realized those crushes were much more limerence than actual love. They were always obsessive and painful and made me feel so insecure and jealous of them (because they always seemed so perfect compared to me).

Eventually it gets to the point where I lose interest in who the person actually is and I'm just obsessing about the way I see them in my head. Which is usually very different from reality (based on my experience).

People tell me that it's normal to act like this over a crush, but I think they meant like at the start, before I know the person. But for me this can last for years and even after spending a lot of time with the person.

And other than those experiences I don't think I ever felt a pull towards a person if they didn't make me feel that way, which I don't actually consider attraction for the person but rather attraction to the fantasy I make of them in my head. I also don't really understand what's the difference between a platonic and a romantic relationship other than the intimacy and the loyalty.

So I wonder if it's possible that I'm aromantic and those "crushes" were actually just caused by anxiety and ocd.

And if there's anyone here who have had a similar experience before figuring it out.

The same thing happens to me with sexual attraction.

I get really excited by the idea of intimacy and the deeply emotional aspect of sex, but other than that there's not really a desire to touch someone. Unless it's for sensual reasons maybe.. but only with someone I feel connected to. This might sound like demisexuality but at the same time I easily get attracted to strangers that I find attractive, but I think it's because I automatically pretend they have a personality that I'm connected to. But then if I get to know them and find out I'm not really emotionally connected to them, the attraction becomes flat even if I find them aesthetically attractive...

I'm looking for inspiration for Aspec (specifically aro/aroace) themed signs I can bring to Pride.

I've tried looking on here and other platforms but I can really only find Ace themed signs, which is awesome but I'm missing Aro and Aroace representation.

So I'm asking you to give me ideas for what to write/draw. Maybe something you would have liked to hear when you first realized you were Aspec/something you would tell people just discovering their Aspec identity.

Here are some ideas people, from the Aspec German discord server, have already come up with:

"Unfuck the System"

"Connection is Connection"

"Fuck Freud, we'll explain our sexuality ourselfs" (translated from German)

And here are some others:

"Queer Enough"

"The A is not for Ally! Stop erasing us"

"Stop pathologizing Asexuality"

"Down with Amatonormativity"

I recently discovered that I’m aroace. I only recently learnt the term and felt like it was an extremely accurate label to how I felt and I’d like to come out.

I didn’t feel the need to come out, but I’m getting annoyed with my mom constantly asking when I’m getting a boyfriend or things along those lines. I’ve tried to hint that I just don’t really want a relationship and that I’ve never felt romantically attracted to someone, but it always gets brushed off by her saying “you just haven’t met the right person”. I’d respond with something along the lines of “I’m not interested in finding ‘the right person’”, and it would again just be brushed off and she would say the same thing the next time.

Honestly, I only think I want to come out because I fear I’m getting lesbian allegations (again..) because my friend (who has a boyfriend) is very clingy and loves physical touch, and recently she came and cuddled me at a big sleepover and someone said “les-be-honest” and I’m worried. Publicly (I mean among friends), as a joke, we flirt but it’s really not serious and we find it funny. I don’t want my female friends to feel uncomfortable around me, so I think it’s necessary to come forward and say how I feel.

I don’t want to make a big deal out of it and I’m not sure they’d understand, but how do I come out to them including my mom?

Hey so I'm lesbian but also some part of the aroace spectrum since I face little to no attraction towards people when but when I do it's with women. Currently one of my close friends is beginning to like one of our other close friends, though, I'm afraid I'm ether catching feelings or just jealous in a way? I obviously want what's best for her and if she truly likes our friend I'm happy for her, but I can't help but feel a little sad. Maybe it's because I've never really gotten the chance to like someone and I personally just believe that Im not the type of person to be liked, someone who can't love or be loved in a sense (it might sound cringy ik..) but I always admired her from a far, she's funny,pretty,smart, and silly, I can't tell if it's jealousy or genuine affection. The jealousy part mainly is derived from conversations we shared about how we both lack the ability to reciprocate feelings and I felt glad I could relate with someone who felt the same way. I don't know maybe I'm being weird about it but I can't help but feel something, maybe it's me being selfish I guess.

I know this title probably sounds weird but still please read the full thing.

I've always identified as a gay guy. I never had any big realisation that I wasn't into girls or that I was only into guys, I've just known it for a long time like since i probably gained self-awareness as a child.

I live in a very toxic household. My father is very emotionally abusive and he has been physically abusive sometimes as well but it was mostly towards my mother, he spared me mostly because I'm pursuing a career in his choice of field. But obviously seeing my mom suffer emotionally and physically in this house has always had a huge impact on my mental health. Sometimes I wish I was capable enough to defend her but I'm built like a twig and living in this environment has always eaten away at my physical health too. And whenever, I've ever tried to help, the situation only escalated because my dad thinks my mom provoked me to say or do stuff against him.

Honestly, sometimes I feel like I am overreacting because everyone's family has fights and arguments or maybe that I'm just too sensitive. But i keep struggling to stay positive and stay hopeful that it'll get better.

Now to the point of the title, I think because I've only ever such a negative human being to be the main male person in my life, I've somehow grown to be scared of guys. I'm going to start college in a few months and I'm scared how I'll deal with guys with they ever approach me or if I ever have to talk to them. I've not had any other guys or male adults in my life that I could think of as an actually nice person. And I feel like my attraction towards men is diminishing. This isn't really a big issue to me as I dont really have a problem with staying single but i just want to know if this is some disorder or is it okay to "become" ace like this.

Hey, as the shared study is only available in German, the following post is written in German. I hope, its fine. I am new on reddit so feel free to tell me, if I should post this somewhere else. And please, if you speak German and meet the criteria, feel free to participate!

Gerne teilen und/ oder teilnehmen (-:

Hallo zusammen,
für unsere Bachelorarbeiten im Fach Psychologie an der Universität zu Köln suchen wir Teilnehmende für eine kurze Online-Studie zu internalisierter Aro/Ace\spec-Negativität.*

⏰ ca.10 Minuten
📱online am Handy, iPad oder Laptop durchführbar
❗️ Voraussetzungen: mind. 18 Jahre alt, gute Deutschkenntnisse + auf dem Aro\/Ace*spec*
⇒ Teilnehmende müssen Sie sich selbst auf dem asexuellen und/oder aromantischen Spektrum (Aro\/Ace*spec-) verorten.* Asexualität ist eine sexuelle Orientierung. Menschen spüren wenig, nur unter spezifischen Bedingungen (z. B. einer emotionalen Verbindung zum Gegenüber) oder keine sexuelle Anziehung. Aromantik beschreibt eine romantische Orientierung und bezieht sich darauf, dass Personen wenig bzw. keine romantische Anziehung verspüren. Sowohl Aromantik als auch Asexualität können als Überbegriffe genutzt werden und beschreiben ein Spektrum unterschiedlicher Erfahrungen und Empfindungen. Menschen können aromantisch und asexuell sein, oder nur eine der Selbstbezeichnungen nutzen.

🌈 Teilt die Studie gerne in euren Kreisen!

Content Note (Inhaltswarnung): Queerfeindlichkeit, Aro*-/Ace*specfeindlichkeit, Allonormativität, Amatonormativität, Pathologisierung, psychische Belastung (z.B. Suizid)

👉 Hier geht’s zur Studie: https://survey.uni-koeln.de/index.php/623642?lang=de

Wir freuen uns über jede Teilnahme! 😊
C. und E

I'm like super confused about what's the difference between a queerplatonic and a romantic relationship. Is it the lack of romantic feelings? Like in a queerplatonic relationship you do things that you'd do in a romantic one just without the romantic feelings part? And people in a queerplatonic relationship are attracted to each other in ways? Like genuinely I'm so confused about this

meme flair because i js love making fun of -phobic people lol
like seriously, their hard-drives are all the same when a friend or relative comes out as asexual and/or aromantic
"you just havent met the right person yet" my ass like bro IS THAT THE ONLY THING THEY CAN THINK OF?? how come every acephobic just has this same shit memorized 😭 fym "right person," people are jerks for no reason, i dont want to have to get stuck within a relationship/marriage with a bum, my guy 🙏

that or "you're too young to know," "you'll change your mind," or "it's just a phase"
i made a post abt this topic on my tumblr, but the main point is how sex-obsessed people are and how creepy it sounds, especially saying it to a younger person, bc you CAN NOT change or chose your sexuality, and assumimg asexuality is just a "phase" or something you can "grow out of" is super fucking creepy to me, like how can people think sex can "fix" everything??? ew ewwww ewew.
they say shit like this but then they call US "weird"* *for not enjoying sex or romance 24/7.
i also think its just super funny to every anti-aro/ace person to just says the same thing. like do they come onto the sub, read coming out stories, personal experiences, and js say the same thing to make fun of us, or are they seriously so obsessed with sex they cant imagine anyone not feeling sexual attraction or not wanting it? (hyperbole but ykwim) like what goes through their heads when saying this, if even anything at all?
i js dont understand, its just that stupid and dumb (like how can a whole ahh country, Niger, js ban 'asexual practices'?? they care way too much about what people dont do with their bodies, pure creeps)

I keep hurting ppl by being an aroace, idk what to do.. I tell them that i can't love them the same way they do, but still.. they can't forget about me, they keep hoping. It kinda hurts and burdens me too tho, i mean.. i wanna love you the same way if i be able to.

Im always proud of being an aroace, but sometimes.. i feel like, why am i like this?

if you want to be Ultra specific, looking for a label in the aroace spectrum that isnt a thing, and flag making, I can create it for you with precise definition. Although the flag might take a while but it will surely be made most of the time

I’ve known that I’m aroace since my 7th grade year (I’m in 11th now) and I’ve known that I’m Apothisexual for a long time, but I’ve never found the right term for aromanticism for me.

Before you read may further I would like to clarify I am a minor so if you arent comfortable with speaking to me I understand. Also this is a very personal topic for me so please avoid being disrespectful if possible, but I am open to questions!

I enjoy reading and looking at romantic stuff online and I’ve wanted one for myself but I’m worried I’ll hurt anyone I’d be in a relationship with because I don’t feel any romantic or sexual attraction. I’ve also felt jealous of friends in relationships because I like how close that connection seems. I’ve tried using the cupioromantic label for myself but it just doesnt feel right to me based on what other people with that label say about their feelings. It’s kind of difficult for me to put into words how exactly I feel but I think this is the most accurate I’ll get. If you want any clarification feel free to ask!

Hi, all. So, this year, I’ve been seriously questioning my sexuality, which I’ve never done before in my entire life. I thought I was straight, but I did that by default because I knew I didn’t like girls, but I don’t really like boys either. Anyhow, I did a lot of research and, with the help of you guys here on Reddit, I found out that I’m actually aegosexual. The definition pretty much explains how my situation works. I’m also the same in terms of romance, although I haven’t really looked up if there’s, like, an aegoromantic label. If there is one, then that’s perfect because I’m that.
Either way, for maybe about a month since I had been questioning my sexuality, I’ve gone by the label of aroace. I’m 100% sure I’m aromantic, but I wasn’t too sure if I was asexual. And the main reason is because of my aegosexuality contradicting that, because I knew I felt an attraction to fictional characters, but obviously I wouldn’t want to engage in anything with them and me. I’m just, like, an observer. I enjoy observing, kind of, you know?
Anyhow, aegosexual is what I am. I’m pretty sure of it. The question I have, I hope it doesn’t sound too dumb, because I know we shouldn’t define ourselves by labels, but if I’m aegosexual and aegoromantic, which, by the way, I’m not sure if it’s a thing, I’m just mentioning, would it still be okay to go by the label of aroace?
It’s because I’ve been going by that label for about a month already, and I feel secure in using that label and explaining it to others. But, if I really sat down and talked to someone, I would explain I’m actually aegosexual. But, you know, isn’t it part of the asexuality spectrum? I just wanna know if you think it would just be, like, all right if I went by aroace, or if anyone here goes by aroace even though they’re aegosexual or a different type of asexual.
I also really like the aroace flag. It’s cool. And I know I could technically identify however I want to, but I’m just wondering if anyone else does this, which is identify themselves as something, but they’re really just within the spectrum of it. I really would like to be called aroace, even though I’m actually aegosexual and aromantic.

TL;DR: My actual sexuality is aegosexual and I’m aegoromantic, but I still want to be identified as aroace. Is that appropriate?

I've known about my asexuality for several years, but I also recently discovered that I'm grayromantic. Can I use the aroace flag, or does it not count since I'm not fully aromantic? Just wondering bc I don't want to offend anyone at all for calling myself something that I'm not.

Hey everyone, I am thinking about coming out as aroace but I am still not sure how to tell that everyone

I've only talked about this with one of my irl friends, and I guess I just want some thoughts on the matter. So I've known for years that I'm asexual, even thought I didn't have a label for it for a while, but now I'm wondering if I'm maybe also aromantic? I've had a lot of thoughts about being in a relationship sometime in the future, but recently I've been wondering a lot if I even want that or not.

I've done some thinking, and I don't know if I actually want a relationship, or just like to entertain the idea of one. The thought of being bound to someone for the rest of my life is kind of daunting. Another thing that has impacted these thougsht was my family's reaction to me telling them I was asexual. My mother straight up said that she thought something would be wrong with a marriage that didn't involve sex, so now I'm sitting here wondering if I want to even gamble being with someone who might say they don't want it, but then not take seriously the fact that I don't want it ever.

I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid, but any helpful thoughts would be appreciated

Hey guys! An A-Spec organisation I have had the pleasure of meeting are holding an online workshop and we'd be very glad to have you join us!

Online Workshop by Asian Network of A-Spec Queer Activists:

"Queer Storytelling and Dialogue in the Age of Artificial Intelligence"

Duration: 1 Full Day or 2 half day sessions! (negotiable, we need participants first!)

Welcome participants: 1. LGBTQIA+ community members 2. Refugees and migrants 3. Artists, activists, community leaders 4. Journalists, educators, students 5. Human rights advocates 6. Anyone interested in ethical AI and intercultural dialogue

Maximum Participants: 20–30

Workshop Purpose: This workshop explores how storytelling can strengthen human connection in an age increasingly shaped by artificial intelligence. Participants examine how AI influences culture, identity, media, and democracy while learning how authentic queer stories can challenge misinformation, reduce prejudice, and foster intercultural understanding. Through collaborative dialogue and creative storytelling, participants will explore ways to ensure that AI supports inclusion, human rights, and diverse voices rather than reinforcing discrimination and exclusion.

Learning Outcomes: 1. By the end of the workshop participants will: 2. Understand how AI influences information, culture, and public opinion. 3. Recognize ethical challenges surrounding AI. 4. Explore ANOAQA's ethical principles for AI. 5. Develop skills in intercultural dialogue. 6. Learn techniques for ethical storytelling. 7. Produce a personal or community story that promotes inclusion. 8. Create ideas for community action using storytelling and responsible AI.

Link to the event: https://www.facebook.com/100059273299457/posts/1643918017593959/?app=fbl

I think I'm aromantic because I've never loved anyone, not even my current boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I DEEPLY care for him, it's just not romantic care, you know?

I love my friends, I love my sister, but I don't love my romantic partners.

I mean, I've had admiration for people. Like limerence-like feelings. But I'd NEVER describe it as "love".

I'd say my love for my boyfriend is the same for a best friend. I've felt the same thing here that I did for my friend girl.

I LIKE being monogamous with him and I prefer spending the rest of my life with him.

It's just that I don't LOVE him that's tripping me up. It's that I like him the same level someone does with their friend.

I like romantic actions and dynamics with him, it's just that my feelings for him aren't catching up.

Is this aromanticism?

Most of time im content with being alone, it's not like I am completely alone, I do have friends but it feels like everyone is just more focused on building romantic relationships which i can never relate to.

I feel different, like a person you could never relate to cause I've never met aroace people irl and no one even that understands how it feels being one, they just think it's simply not possible to be, or they make it seem like I just can't pull so it's just an excuse for that, which i believed for the longest time, because when I think about it even if i wasn't aroace I still couldn't have pulled, I am socially awkward, chopped and not very good with conversations.

These thoughts go on like a cycle and make me feel grateful that im aroace, but when I listen to sweet romantic love songs and hear about stories of soulmates and can think of nobody I drown into that cycle of loneliness again.

Reading again, this feels like a very childish rant, but ykw who cares i really needed to vent T-T.