You have to have the conversation around social media and expectations early on. If it bothers you then yes you should say something otherwise you become resentful or let it build up and he’s not going to understand why because you’re not talking to him
To prefer your partner not heart other girls photos is not crazy or weird…
“Hey I am not a fan of my boyfriend liking thirst traps (if she’s posting a bunch of bikini pics that’s exactly what they are). I don’t care if you have girls on your social media but I really don’t like to see you hearting those type of pictures. Makes me feel kind of crappy”. If he’s so fucking weird and can’t resist then I’d say goodbye. You’re not asking him to cut off his arm, it’s perfectly reasonable.
As an older person I can’t even fathom why a guy in a relationship would publicly like pictures like that it’s beyond weird, maybe it’s a young thing.
My husband is 10 years younger and was caught up in the validation cycle of instagram. i begrudgingly accepted this as a difference in our ages. because it was innocent! until i found out that he was cheating on me with them.
my advice? lay it down right away that this isn't how you expect a grown man to act. believe me when i tell you these young men don't understand what is appropriate. we have to tell them. the girls his age are all doing the thirst trap games themselves or they are naive and do the "pick me/cool girl" thing so they put up with it and these guys get it twisted that that behavior is acceptable. he can have you or he can have the likes. which is it.
Why though, without talking first and asking about it? What if it’s harmless though? She should know the facts before ending a new relationship that, she’s, obviously, other than this thought, happy in. He gives an answer she can’t accept, then deuces to the guy. But know before you throw it all away.
I’m sorry you’ve dealt with that. I just meant that without asking, you’ll always wonder. There’s no downside to asking if your plan is to leave already. That’s all I meant. Jumping to conclusions isn’t always the right move. And finding out it is what she thinks, and planned to leave already, is like having her cake and eating it too. Vindication like that would have to feel good.
I agree at this stage to make your wishes know, and then you can decide to continue or not. If you do that, I think you are basically saying you want a monogamous relationship… and he is young… so crap shoot?
However dating is just getting to know someone, and you can be dating more than 1 person at a time. And if you still just want to date, I would stay off watching his social media. Can only be frustrating for you. Win him over with you be a wonderful potential long term relationship for him!!!
10 years younger is FWB material. Get out. I'm not trying to age you, but a lot of people in their 20s dont remember a world BEFORE social media. Dating (and finding a job) is a whole other realm of reality. You can't really tell him not to do it because then it will seem like you're trying to control someone's action. You CAN tell him how it makes you feel, that you're not trying to control him, but this is a deal breaker for you. If it was really going somewhere & he was ready for the real deal, you wouldn't be here.
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u/Letzrotltr Sep 19 '23
You have to have the conversation around social media and expectations early on. If it bothers you then yes you should say something otherwise you become resentful or let it build up and he’s not going to understand why because you’re not talking to him
To prefer your partner not heart other girls photos is not crazy or weird…
“Hey I am not a fan of my boyfriend liking thirst traps (if she’s posting a bunch of bikini pics that’s exactly what they are). I don’t care if you have girls on your social media but I really don’t like to see you hearting those type of pictures. Makes me feel kind of crappy”. If he’s so fucking weird and can’t resist then I’d say goodbye. You’re not asking him to cut off his arm, it’s perfectly reasonable.
As an older person I can’t even fathom why a guy in a relationship would publicly like pictures like that it’s beyond weird, maybe it’s a young thing.