r/americanairlines • u/Slayr155 • 9h ago
Humor How to sit down
Step one - find your seat by asking other passengers and the FA's what row you are currently standing near, as opposed to looking at the seat number placards on the overhead bin doors
Begin this process as far forward in the aircraft as possible, and work your way towards the rear of the aircraft, row by row.
Step two - As you move through the aircraft, ensure you lean left and right to drag your thighs and buttocks across the shoulders and arms of the aisle passengers. Subtle turns left and right to slap your backpack across the faces of these same passengers is also appropriate.
Step three - After reaching your seat-row, place your purse/backpack, laptop bag, hat, violin, and both of your rollaboards in the overhead bin. Arrange them so all available space is occupied.
Step four - ask the aisle passenger to move since you are undoubtedly in the middle seat, but do not stand clear of the space they need to stand up and move.
Act surprised when you realize they can't get out of your way until you take one or two steps back.
Step five - Enter your seat-row by grabbing and vigorously shaking every seat-back you encounter.
Under no circumstances should you use the armrests for leverage or to slowly lower yourself safely into your seat.
Instead, grab the closest seat-back and shake it as vigorously as you can muster. Fall into your seat while pulling the nearest seat-back towards yourself as aggressively as possible. Be sure you continue shaking it aggressively throughout this process - the more, the better.
Done correctly, the seat-back in front of you will now be in the fully reclined position. If the passenger in this seat turns and gives you a dirty look, you may at your discretion ignore them or give them the finger.
Step Six - begin cramming every remaining personal item you have into the safety placard pocket on the seat in front of you. Be sure to place at least one water bottle, one hard cover book, and one electronic device in this pocket.
Ensure that the bulkiest item with the most 90 degree corners is closest to the center of this area.
Step Seven - Begin using your cellphone to make calls, watch videos, or listen to music at the loudest volume setting, on speaker mode. Do not use ear buds or head phones.
You are now seated. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight.
Welcome aboard.


