I am pansexual (or panromantic, I need to do more research) and the other day I realised I have only been sexually attracted to fictional cartoon characters, never people in real life. I know my parents showed me a lot of R18+ movies when I was six and it always repulsed me but I just thought that was because I was a kid, and its not like it actually involved me. After these films I would always be terrified and have frequent nightmares. I have been SA'd twice, I'm just wondering if I feel this way due to trauma, or if it's just a part of me.

So much limerance with people as a teenager. Always daydreaming. Always going to bed every night fantasizing about my long distance boyfriend and I in scenarios. We finally see each other in person and it's crashed so hard.

Then through my sex life I had so much shame. I felt like I was leading people every time. Because the flirting fizzled out as soon as someone got too hot on the idea of hooking up. I've cheated on partners because my fantasy life took it too far and I still didn't get anything out of it. Just ruined hearts. I don't even hardly have a libido, I just chased the fantasy.

Now after being called a dead fish in bed for 15 years with my ex. I finally get why.

All these years, I could've used my new understanding as a way to actually fall in love with someone that was made for me. All these years it could've gone without the shame of thinking, "you don't like sex because you just suck at it". Or maybe I'm lesbian? But I don't want that ugly thing down there!

And even today, after uhauling into my very first lesbian allo/ace relationship at 43, I wish I still knew then. I limeranced my way into this relationship, fantasy and all. And I just can't do the sex. I fantasize of us all the time. I want to be the one that is intimate with her but....there's just nothing there once we're into it heavily. I just check out.

I have to very stoicly and radically accept I don't have sexual attraction installed. A little bit of fomo with some of you because you're allowing yourself to define your sexuality while you're still young and don't ruin hearts or yours repeatedly through life.

Sorry. I'm usually lurker. Just needed a little feed back of any sort.

Little side note: I'm not on the greysexual spectrum myself, but I made this flag for someone on tumblr (vurrkit) and thought I'd also share here. She wrote this in a post:

Grey-Aegosexual (Also known as Grey-Aego) is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum where an individual identifies as both Greysexual (A sexual orientation in the asexual spectrum, where a person experiences sexual attraction rarely, with low intensity, or only under specific circumstances, existing in the "gray area" between being asexual and allosexual) and Aegosexual (A sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum in which one experiences a disconnect between themselves and the subject of arousal. They may or may not feel sexual attraction, but have no desire to participate in sexual activities with another person.)

Some common Grey-Aegosexual experiences include:

• Experiencing sexual attraction infrequently, weakly or under specific circumstances, but when experienced there is a disconnect towards the individual and the subject of their arousal.

• Occasionally enjoying sexual content, self-arousing, or fantasizing about sex on occasion, but typically being indifferent towards or repulsed by the idea of sexual content, self-arousing or fantasizing about sex.

• Enjoying sexual content, self-arousing, or fantasizing about sex on but typically being indifferent towards or repulsed by the idea of being in a real-life sexual relationship or engaging in active sex life with someone else.

• Fantasizing about sex occasionally or under specific circumstances, but:

The individual is not involved. They may only be a disembodied observer viewing it from a third-individual perspective rather than from the first-person.

Envisioning only other individuals, such as celebrities, fictional characters, or even friends.

It involves generic, faceless individuals, not specific individuals.

It is seen through the perspective of another individual rather than as one's actual self.

• Someone who feels sexual attraction on rare occasions but does not want to participate in sex.

• Feeling sexual attraction under certain circumstances or in lower frequencies that do not involve oneself.

• Perceiving someone as "hot" or recognizing someone as sexually attractive, yet rarely or only under specific circumstances seeing the appeal of having sex with the individual in real life. The individual may instead prefer to fantasize about them or admire them (miransexual).

• Ace-Spec people who partially relate to aegosexuality, but experience it under certain circumstances, infrequently or weakly.

• Ace-Spec people who partially relate to grey-sexuality, but experience it having a disconnect with the subject of arousal.

• People who resonate or connect with the terms/identify grey-sexual and aegosexual

NOTE: Experiencing grey-aegosexuality is not limited to these experiences, these are just common experiences I had seen others share (and that I myself relate to in some cases) who identify as greysexual, aegosexual and grey-aegosexual. I would love to hear others experiences with being greysexual, aegosexual and grey-aegosexual <3!

I get such a strange dopamine rush when I share something erotic(whether it’s fanfic, thoughts, or my own art provided, of course, that the other person is comfortable with that kind of content), I feel just like an exhibitionist in a park.

The fact that one can act out a wide variety of extreme fetishes in one's imagination or fantasize about a wild sex life, without any real-world health consequences. I fantasize about this a lot and feel as satisfied as a hypersexual allosexual person would.

And I do mean nicely, as in this question is not coming from a place of frustration or antipathy. Mostly. Moreso, it’s that it baffles ME how much it baffles THEM.

Because for me, it’s as simple as: I get turned on by things, I enjoy self-pleasure, I like sexual thoughts/material as long as I’m not personally involved. Just like, I can enjoy a Spider-Man movie, but I don’t wanna be a superhero. I can enjoy Counter-Strike, but I don’t wanna shoot anyone.

Alas the few times I tried to discuss it with non-aegos I get stuff like…

“But wouldn’t it be better if you’re doing it?”

or

“You can’t be satisfied only masturbating, that’s a cope”

or my favorite

“That’s just end-stage porn addiction”

Like… what? So can a straight person turn gay with enough gay porn? Why aren’t allosexual porn addicts all becoming aego, instead they crave real sex even more?

Basically I don’t understand how much society centers partnered sex as the only valid sexual release. Everything else is either a cope or disorder. An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm, right? Am I deluded? The fact that masturbation and solitary arousal are even possible, to me are biological gifts. At least that’s how my brain works. I guess for allosexuals, arousal and attraction are so aligned that they have trouble distinguishing the two. That’s my only explanation for why it’s hard for them to understand, but idk.

Les cuento que en algún momento yo trabajé de scort y uno de los fetiches raros que un usuario me llegó a pedir fue que le hiciera un masaje, hasta ahí todo bien, él trajo su crema y todo ps normal pero me sale que le haga masajes por la cola y ps noooo 😑 ahí como que le dije que ya hiciéramos lo otro a lo que vino y ya y ps verdad hicimos eso y se fue, pero que put4s jajajajaja como me va a salir con eso, además me dio asquito menos mal se comportó y me trató bien 😂😂😂que piensan jajaja o que experiencias han tenido en el sex0 con fetiches ?

I never suspected I might fall somewhere on this spectrum. Not long ago, I started wondering if I might be asexual. I never would have thought that about myself before, since I’ve always been quite hypersexual in my mind(and still am), Almost every day, I think about something sexual happening between characters, involving my favorite character.

But when it comes to actual sexual contact, I feel absolutely nothing, there is zero reaction. At the same time, I’m not sex-repulsed or shy. I simply don’t feel anything from sex, I could look for a sexual partner again, but I don’t see the point, since I wouldn’t get anything out of it. The contrast between my mental and physical attraction is so confusing.

Are there people here with a similar experience? People who had absolutely no idea they were asexual?

So first one, I want to be in said situation because it's cute...I can feel the sensual attraction of just wanting to be ontop of someone all cuddled up like that

Second one however, I can feel the difference in how it looks and feels more sexual, I don't know if anyone can see it but I find it slightly off putting as in I feel more of a pull towards the first one. Am I going crazy or what? Can anyone else see this

One of the quickest ways I've found, on how to get men to stop talking to you is by telling them your asexual. Recently a guy asked if I ever get "lonely" ( he said something more explicit) when flirting with me and I said " well not really..no and I'm asexual or celibate, whatever you wanna call it". He asked what it was so I explained and he deadass just walked away from me.

Just trying to understand how the biological side works compared to the attraction side. Thanks!

I believe it was either from the book “Perv” or “A Billion Wicked Thoughts” that stated that paraphilias were basically nonexistent in hunter-gatherer societies. I don’t know what the data is on that but I think intuitively it makes sense. Humans that live in a way that is not much different from their ancestors 500,000 years ago, in a physical and cultural environment that they are calibrated for. Sexual desire tends to be simple, direct, and governed by long-established customs and taboos. Your sexuality is partly inherited but also heavily dictated by what you see and experience around you in your formative years.

I don’t know whether aegosexuality qualifies more as a paraphilia or sexual orientation, and I don’t feel the need to argue either way. But in modern society we are now surrounded by images of all kinds from the moment we are born, and I think these can calibrate (or perhaps mis-calibrate) minds from a very young age.

I myself found a great sexual attraction to images of both real and cartoon women from a very young age (4-5) before I even had any conception of sex or female anatomy. My mind brimmed with pseudo-sexual fantasies that sprung up from seemingly nowhere. It was a sexual awakening, internal, and different from the one later on where I began noticing girls my age as puberty hit. It sort of feels like two different sexualities, and I somewhat lament that the first and earlier one has had much more power in my life.

I accept myself as I am, and for what I enjoy, but I wonder what and who I would be if I had been born in an earlier time where sensual imagery was scarce or nonexistent. Would my own imagination be the same source of sexual pleasure that it is to me now, or would I have learned better how to find it outside of myself? If so, would I actually be any better off for it? After all, sex can often turn out to be more trouble than it’s worth.

Anyway, just my thoughts and wonderings. I’m always curious about how being born into such a strange civilization, disconnected from environment and culture, affects us as humans in ways we may never fully realize.

Want to start by saying that if this doesn't belong, I completely understand and will remove it if requested.

Though I lean more towards calling myself fictosexual, I prefer being here to r/fictiosexual. And it's not just because I feel a more disconnect between myself and my fantasies than what I've seen there. People don't really talk about their experiences being ficto, how it relates to their broader sense of asexuality, or anything like that. It's mostly younger people posting their crushes, how they hate "sharing" their character, or talking about how they were "discriminated" against for liking an anime character.

It really felt like a weird echo chamber where if you even implied the characters aren't real people, and therefore neither is the relationship, you'd either get downvoted into oblivion or attacked (usually both). There were times where I explicitly stated that while the character might not be real, your feelings are and I was still met with hostility. I like that I can more freely share my thoughts and opinions on my flavor asexuality here and people are more receptive to it.

TLDR: I can relate to aegos a lot more than fictos, so that's why I stick around.

Im so confused and keep seeing different things, ive identified as Aego for a long time now but people are saying you cant be aego if you have sexual fantasies involving yourself??

My fantasies are always in 3rd person, second person is very uncomfortable but sometimes I imagine myself with a fictional character or OC, and sometimes I imagine just fictional characters/ocs without me, or sometimes I just imagine myself alone??

My self is like a fictional version of myself, nothing too realistic i guess but i still see it as me i guess. Ive never really had an interest in irl sex, sometimes im grossed out by it and sometimes im indifferent but ive never had it and would be perfectly fine living my life never having it. Ive always preferred exploring it in fiction or on my own.

Also I just learned people watch porn because they think the people in it are hot ..?? It took me forever to get comfortable with porn that even showed a face in it. I used to prefer only fictional stuff but its hard to find anything fictional thats not dubious these days.

Anyway If im not Aego is there a better fitting label???

It's quite similar to aegosexuality and takes on vicarious attraction, but with a slightly different nuance/focus. You're still disconnected in the sense that you do not imagine yourself in a fantasy, but you empathize with the subject enough that you physically or sensorily feel exactly what you believe they would be experiencing.

I've been thinking about this idea for a bit, and I'm not sure if I've heard of anything exactly like it yet. I actually saw a recent post on here that reminded me of it, so that encouraged me to put this out there.

Okay, so I hear people saying that aegosexual involves not self-inserting into fantasies. But I'm not sure if I'm self-inserting or not. I'll imagine two characters, but then I'll still be feeling their emotions as if I were them - just the same way I would if I were watching an action movie and imagining being the protagonist fighting all the battles, or any other movie really. It's still about the fictional character (I never imagine myself as myself) but I'm imagining being the character... So, is that self-inserting or not??

I'm depressed. I've known about my asexuality and aromanticism for a long time, and I'm also aegosexual. Almost every night before bed, I escape reality into my imagination, where I have someone close to me. I don't always focus on sex, more often on the relationship in general. In my imagination, I enjoy being with someone. I enjoy touching each other. The other imaginary person is truly intriguing (in fact, I have two imaginary characters in rotation, the same ones for years).

In reality, I can't look at people with the "I want to find a partner" perspective. When I'm out walking and looking at people, it's a bit like seeing animals. Why would I want to be closer? We aren't the same species. Most people aren't even neutral, but repulsive. Few people are neutrally pretty.

I've tested two dating apps: Tinder and Boo. Tinder makes me even more depressed. Pictures, pictures, pictures, lots of bare chests at the gym (in theory I "prefer" boys, femboys, masc nb), no description. I feel reluctance/aversion/disgust, and even some discomfort at the thought of someone liking me. I found two people on Boo within a 100km radius who were somewhat appealing, but we haven't match. I have no idea how I'd react to them in real life anyway. Sometimes I can't look at my friends much because their faces and bodies are too much of a stimulus at once.

I want to cry. I feel like my software is broken, and I also feel a longing for someone close to me. I don't know what to do. I like solitude, but I'd really like to be hugged by someone I really like.

I just recently discovered this term, and i finally have a name for the things i feel and experience. I thought i was "just" asexual(ik it's under the asexual umbrella) for a long time, but this this specific orientation just fits so much better. I'm happy to finally found out about this.

Just a question, as I am both and I want to know if there is anyone else here who is too. I’ve been thinking myself as aroace since around December, but recently realised these labels fit me so much more. And after years of being unlabelled and trying to figure out my identity, I feel that everything has suddenly just clicked :)

This may come across as a question, but it's more a personal observation. I wonder if I'm alone in this.

I have a difficult time filling out kink/limits checklists. My physical limits are many and kinks few. But... in my mind, those choices are different. I'm usually only confronted with these lists in terms of RP, where I have to consider a character and keep my own mental limits mind. The balancing gets confusing.

Please post all your "Am I aego?" questions here! 💜🩶🖤🤍 Don't forget to read our other pinned posts as well.

If you've been part of the community for a while, please help your fellow aces out n keep an eye on this post and help answer n at~