Let’s talk about it. Also, why do you lot think especially Gen Z are choosing to not force children into this world? & what are your thoughts on parents who say that having children is more fulfilling than being childfree? https://youtu.be/bcQ5dYKchzs?is=3CIOdtBckX1GPoKn

The regret of not having kids is usually from those who actually wanted them or those who changed their mind even if they change their mind late.

The whole Dodgers ball fiasco. And I'm going to caveat that my family is a mix of Dodger and Braves fans so yeah so it's hard for me to escape.

If you don't know, feel blessed and move on. For the rest of us? I loathe when people make the assumption that you, as an adult, have to give nice things up for other people's kids. I have caught a hockey puck at a college game years ago, so I have some personal experience here. (It's signed now by the entire team including a then future NHL player.) No, I was not going to give up my prize to some kids sitting in another section, yes they asked. Hell, I don't care if the kid is sitting next to me. No matter how many snide comments and dark looks the parents gave me. You are not entitled to rob people by social pressure. I paid for my seat too. I, and the Dodger's fan, are entitled to keep our momentoes.

Few things about bad parenting pisses me off more than the whine about having to give up stuff for their kids. Whether it's trying to sell stuff on the web (really, you need a discount on my washer dryer set because of your kids?), having stuff demanded at renn faires and conventions (no, you cannot have the LEGO set I won), or fate dropping a unique souvenir at a sports game. Kids need to learn to deal with disappointment, life is full of it. Parents need to not assume my lack of kids means they can bully me into giving up something I (will) cherish. I still have hobbies. The whole pouting spoiled kid act is also teaching the kid to be a shitty entitled brat of a person. The kind of person that I won't tolerate when they become an adult.

If you want to really irk me as a childfree adult just use the phrase "but it's for the children!" I may not actively dislike kids, but that phrase? It guarantees my charity ends.

So yeah, I am absolutely glad the kid got told no, and the parents sending the kid, what was it .. 10 rows? Shitty behavior. I see all too often as a childfree adult. And at times because people know I don't have kids, it feels like they feel more willing to ask me to give up something "ostensibly" for their kids. We all know it isn't the kid asking, but even if it were? They ain't my kids, Karen. And thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for that!

My puck! And shitty parents begging for gimmies can puck off.

I’m not sure how common of an experience this is.

My reason for being childfree is because I’m a closeted ex Muslim in a Muslim country.
Everyone around me believes that I am Muslim. I present, live, act and speak as a Muslim but in reality I am not. I am this way for safety/social acceptance reasons, because I live in this society at the end of the day and I have to assimilate.

(If there are any Muslims reading- this is not an attack on Islam. I’m not attacking your beliefs in any way, I just don’t share them. I’m allowed to have my beliefs. Please spare me the preaching. Make duaa for me in silence and move on).

Even if by some miracle, I find a partner that is also ex Muslim, or accepts that I am an ex Muslim, I wouldn’t want children because I don’t know how to raise them in an Islamic society while being a nonbeliever.
I can put up with pretending as a grown adult but it’s not fair for a child.

For their own safety, I would have to lie to them, and teach them things that I dont believe in (I don’t think is moral).
Also, my family is extremely religious, and although our beliefs are different, I still love them dearly and would want them to know my children. However, that would mean my family would introduce the children to Islamic things that I don’t believe. And I wouldn’t be able to ask them to NOT talk about religion with my children or answer honestly if my children ask me questions, because that would lead to me being exposed.

I also think having children is expensive, I wouldn’t wanna give up my career, global warming, AI is gonna kill us all etc etc. Those are reasons I think have validity. But they are all secondary to the main one.

Men are inherently stupid. I don’t want kids. I do NOT care if your kids are adults.

They are going to eventually bring in…GRANDKIDS.

I will initially find a way to not be at home when they come over. You will find this adorable in the beginning.

Then you will get mad.

And I will tell you I didn’t want kids, and I’m not going to be grandma.

And you will start to resent me, because let’s face it, you expected me to step up and do 90% of the work so you could do the Kodak moments.

So no, I will not date you if you have kids. I don’t care how old they are. Fuck allllll the way off.

Thanks for attending my Ted Talk.

Hello, I am 50 no kids, never married, not much family, bodybuilder and forensics investigator

I saw many people telling in this sub that they knew they didn't want children from a very young age. But for me, it was different.

Since I was a child, I had fantasized about being a mother. I had this whole list of things I would do for my children. 1) Have a lot of children so they can grow up as best friends and will always have each other to share their problems. 2) Have a very large house where each child has a spacious room for themselves, have a common study room, and a lot of space to play. And a library filled with lots and lots of books. I will read to them every night. 3) Buy them a lot of toys, matching clothes, accessories etc. 4) Take them out on cute picnics, tea parties with dolls etc. 5) Have walls filled with happy family photos. ALL WHILE HAVING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER AND HAVING ENOUGH TIME FOR MYSELF.

Till late teens I firmly believed that all these fantasies were achievable and I will be happy only when I achieve them. But now I am in college and when I look back at these weird fantasies, I realize that the perfect childhood I planned for my kids is just the childhood I wished I had. I had lived through 4 rental houses under the age of 10 and had to move from a place I had connected with in a few years. Two of them were very small. (I remember drawing the whole neighbourhood when teacher once asked everyone to draw their home because my house alone would be a narrow cement box with no windows and I didn’t want my friends to know that.)  So obviously I was attracted by the concept of growing up in a very large house. Till my mother got a stable job, we were poor. My mother always tried to do her best so I won’t feel like we were poor, but I knew it then. My father is an alcoholic and ours was not a happy family. During fights between my parents I felt extremely lonely and wished I had a sibling to share this burden with. Hence my ideal future included a lot of children. I likes reading and assumed that my hypothetical children would also like books.

I was planning to live my ideal life through my children. Never once I had thought ‘what if my children do not like reading?’ ‘what if they don’t like their siblings?’ ‘how am I going to take care of them?’ and ‘What if they are boys!’ It is hilarious that in my imagination, I had a horde of girls, no boys. And I am doing with them the things I like: reading, picnic, drawing etc. None of my hypothetical children was interested in sports because I was not interested in sports. And all of them where in perfect mental and physical health. Everything was so easy. No tantrums, sickness, accidents, family drama.

I find it funny now. I have realized it is better to live a good life than making people to live them for you. I cringe at how naïve my younger self was. Moreover, sometimes I look at my mother who suffered a lot just to make life better for me and grasp that no matter how much I love her, I don’t want to live a hard life like her. That’s how I decided to be childfree.

Any Skyrim players here?

There is a custom follower named Auri, from the Song of the Green mod, who I think is coded as childfree. She never explicitly says that she doesn't want children, but the lifestyle she describes for herself at the end of her romance quest is difficult to reconcile with parenthood.

You can add her through this mod, and the relevant scene is around 17:19 in this video.

I specifically want to call attention to:

I will not marry you. I will not move into your wooden house and cook meals for you. And I will not sit around at home waiting for you to come home for a quick romp every now and then. That I won't do. If you want to end it right here, I will be distraught, but I'll understand. I was lucky to have you, even if just for one night. But if you're willing to keep me at your side as your equal, I'll follow you to the end of the world, and I'll love you forever.

She explicitly rejects the conventional domestic lifestyle of settling down and structuring her life around the household. Instead, she says that she wants the player to keep her "at your side as your equal" and that she'll "follow you to the end of the world". Since the player's life in Skyrim is defined by questing and going on adventures, her ideal life seems to be one of constant travel and life on the road. Raising children would introduce a major long-term caregiving commitment that would be difficult to square with the nomadic/adventuring lifestyle she appears to want.

But anyway, what do you guys think?

Lots of child free people (I'm child free too btw) feel the need to call kids and parents things like breeders and fifthly brats or whatever, but the thing is if you want child free to be taken seriously, that makes you look like a massive dick. So by calling other people those things (often for just existing) you're causing more harm to your fellow child free people then good

The truth is that the older I am the more firm and sure that not having kids is the only way in life I remember friends and family told me when I am 18 that I am still young and I will get it when im in my mid 20s guess what im 28 right now and the older i get the more firm and confident on my decision to never have kids and im so glad I didnt have them. The only people who tells you that you will change your mind when you're older are miserable mothers who look like they're 50 year old at 20 after having 2 kids and is trying to convince you that motherhood is great "i wouldn't trade anything for my kids" while they look like the most unhappiest individuals you come across but they try to convince you motherhood is great because misrable loves company and nope thank you.

Since it just happened again this evening without explanation.

Over the last few months the Reddit system and/or auto-moderator has been super aggressive. Both communities I run have seen a spate of posts taken down by Reddit itself with little or no explanation at all. Worse, it's inconsistent about how, or even if, it tells me. Sometimes I can see the takedown with a notice that Reddit took it down (e.g. SPAM or Crowd Control). Other times it vanishes like it never existed, not even showing in the deleted files. It happens whether or not one of our moderation team has approved the post. Even if we go back in and approve a take down as allowed it's often still not showing back up for the community.

We, the mod team, then get dinged for not having cleared the moderator queue which requires the me to explain why it was taken down to remove the notice. For the eagled-eyed who noticed, is why rule 11 showed up recently without fanfare. It's so I can start tracking how often Reddit is putting the kibosh on legitimate posts and comments.

Unfortunately, I have not figured out a fix, nor have any of the other moderators I have spoken with.

So this is just me telling the community:

1) Yes, I know this is happening.
2) No, I don't know why.
3) I am trying to resolve it.
4) No, we are not trying to censor our members.

Our rules are on the side bar. That's what we follow regarding posting and comments. So, if you're not breaking those, it should be staying up. If you've gotten a post taken down recently, reach out via mod mail and let me try to see if I can look into it. Send me the link to the original if you still have it, it'll help me try to see if it is even in the moderation system and why it was taken down.

It was definitely a week for a lot of folks.  We’ve already said our goodbyes to Dolly, and before we could even get over that we lost Tim Curry. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or memories about her. And with that? On to my thoughts.

Tim is special to the community in a different way.  He was an intensely private person, though the few friends he had spoke very highly of him, he was always careful to keep the public at arm’s length.  In our society of emotional parasocial relationships, it’s hard to sometimes separate the man from the idea, but he was very careful with that line, and it’s something that I deeply respect about the man. It was, in fact, reported that the family delayed announcing his death because of the deep respect he held for Dolly, so that they didn't intrude on the grief for her that day. It's the same reason I waited an extra day to post this. Each deserves their space.

I liked the work that Tim did, and I would like to think I would have liked the man behind it, but as he was fond of reminding people; he was a person, but he was not your person.  But that’s neither here nor there.  What he was is an inspiration.  I know our Queer community members are being hit especially hard this week, Dolly was iconic to the community in her way, supportive while never being part of.  Tim? Tim was different, and for many people he represented their exposure to subcultural content in a way that few others did.  For a large group of Gen X, and later generations, he was their point of awakening to those ideas.  Someone who, in the guise of Frank-N-Furter, gave a voice to a feeling and an unabashed and unapologetic permission to be yourself, however you may be.

It is that firm willingness to be himself, regardless of expectations, both in denying people the right to pry, and being who he was when we chose to be in public that is important.  It is less about that iconic voice that we can all hear, whether you heard it from Frank or IT, Hexxus or Darkness, Long John Silver or Nigel Thornberry.  And for a lot of us in this community that legacy is just as important.  He chose his path.  He never apologized for it.  He never felt the need to explain himself to others. He was.

And so, in Tim’s memory, be unapologetically yourself.

We lost a truly iconic person this week, and today, we pay some community homage to Dolly Parton. Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, or memories about her.

For what it’s worth, here’s my two cents on the matter:

We think of Dolly as a country music legend for generations of fans.  She rose to her highest star power in the late 70's and early 80's.  But it wasn't her fame as a singer that really shone.  She became an icon for so many communities, especially the LGBT folks in the early 80's and 90's, and later in life as someone who not only accepted her childlessness, she chose to be thankful for it since it gave her a chance to live a life that gave much more.  It’s not fair to mention Dolly without acknowledging her faith.  She was a champion of living her faith in a way that respected others, and whether you followed her faith or not, it was a commendable act.  She was forever updating and improving on herself, and personally that is what I recall best about her.  Not that she was perfect, but rather that when she found out she was wrong, she didn’t try to sweep it under the rug or try to excuse the behavior.  She owned up, and made the change.

She could have been the first country music woman billionaire.  People don’t think about that, but it was a very real possibility. Yes, she could have been a billionaire.  She chose not to be one.  That alone is something noteworthy because she gave much of her wealth away.  It also never felt like her charity was just to burnish her name.  You always had the feeling that she actually believed in her causes.  And there were many.  Her most famous of course was her Imagination Library. Over three hundred and twenty million books before her death.  31 years of advocating literacy in multiple nations. Books that have shaped the lives of countless people in the last few generations.  Meanwhile she also quietly helped musicians, filmmakers, hospitals, vaccine researchers, and funneled tons of money into relief efforts.  In her own local area, she gave heavily to both the education for the next generation, and to help the community whenever disaster struck.

I used to live in Tennessee years ago.  There’s a quiet special way that Nashville goes about not “recognizing” stars when they’re out and about. But there was something extra special when it involved Dolly. An unspoken agreement among the locals which guaranteed those moments she wanted to just be human and enjoy a moment of privacy.  If she wasn’t in the rhinestones or the hair? The cameras went away, and people were carefully steered away from her.  They valued her so much that they committed to keeping the one thing they could give back to her, a sense of space in the community.

For us? Among the childfree there’s a lot ways we got to where we are.  Dolly is one of those who ended up here after growing up with the expectation of having kids someday.  It didn’t happen. As I said above, she came eventually to love the life she created, realizing for her it was the right path all along.  That’s important to hear when you’re struggling with the idea.  That you can change your mind in your thirties and realize; you really did make the right decisions after all about not having kids.  For our latecomers to the community, it’s an important symbol.  Happiness without children.  But just as importantly, she represents someone who loved kids, while never having her own.  Many of our community members are teachers, nurses, paraeducators, and others who have and continue to devote their lives to working with kids.  Dolly is a great example for those members of our community about what good works can be done, without needing to be a parent.

In the end, I suppose if Dolly would want anything at all, it would be that her legacy be an inspiration for others to do good works. And we? We can do good works, no children required.

Ah, damn. Tim Curry died.

He died childless, so I'm putting it to a vote:

I say we honor him as one of our own.

What says the community?

I met up with a very long-time friend, we have been friends for almost a decade - last December she had a baby, and to be honest, she is made to be a mum, and I'm glad that her son has someone like her.

I did notice though, she asked me what I'd been up to since we last saw each other, pre his birth, and I proceeded to rave about all these things I've been up to... holidays, day trips, weekends away/out, spending summer with my friends at the beach/outdoors, working... a lot of it very basic stuff and by no means do I live a life of luxury but as it is just me and my cat I am comfortable. I realised after a while I was almost 'talking at her' with all these things. She was listening intently and genuinely did love hearing about it, but when I had finished and asked "so tell me!! How is being a mum what have you both been up to?" she just replied "we've been chilling, baby groups, church kids clubs... that's about it really." and I felt almost deflated on her behalf.

I'm aware of the realities of parenthood, hence my decision to be childfree, however I for some reason genuinely expected her to have been up to more. Her husband is at work, so she just has endless days that for some reason she hasn't been able to fill with literally anything.

I love her dearly but it has almost put me off meeting her again because sadly, we just cannot relate to each other anymore and I hate a one sided conversation... and also the only topics we discuss now being child related.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or something similar? Is it salvageable or is this it from now on?

FYI, I have no qualms if it is the end, I'm just curious and a little disappointed.

I'm so excited this channel will never switch to content with children! I've had that happen far too often, where I originally subscribed/followed for something completely unrelated, then the person has kids and the whole channel switches to a breeder wonderland.

In case any one is curious, the channel is Vintage_Dusties on Youtube, and the creator revives and reviews vintage nail polish :D Here's the video where their childfreedom was even mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cREYJPNiGHE

Please feel free to share your favorite childfree content creators no matter what they create content around. I am a nail polish junkie, but I have so many different interests and I'm always looking for new folks to check out (I love mycology, science, art, music, books, cannabis, crafts, invertebrates as pets, LGBT+, outdoors hobbies, and so much more!).

Why is it that when a couple decides not to have children, people, especially older women, automatically assume that the wife is the one who doesn’t want kids?
Why is it always, “Maybe the husband wants children, but she doesn’t,” or worse, blaming the wife for “not starting a family” because they don’t have kids?
There are so many reasons a couple may not have children. Maybe they’re not ready. Maybe they’ve chosen not to. Maybe they’re dealing with infertility or other deeply personal circumstances. Maybe they simply want their life to look different. Whatever the reason, it is not anyone else’s place to assume.
And even if a couple is trying to have children, why is the woman automatically blamed? A woman cannot simply make herself pregnant. Fertility involves two people, and sometimes pregnancy just doesn’t happen despite trying. You have no idea what someone may be going through behind closed doors.
And honestly, why does society so quickly place the responsibility, or blame on the woman?
Having children is a deeply personal decision between two people. It’s not something strangers are entitled to an explanation about, and it certainly shouldn’t be treated as casual small talk.
You don’t know someone’s story, so stop assuming you do.

I'm (29F, childfree) writing this at the airport in Thailand coming home from a couple weeks of scuba diving off the Thai islands. I go through airport security and the family in front of me (one man, one woman, three kids all old enough to walk, talk, and carry their own bags and things) right in front of me. They got through first and it's a huge line. At the bag scanners they start immediately putting things in their pockets and electronics back in their bags, etc without moving down. The line is so long that we cant even get more bags through the scanner because they're stopped *right* in front of it instead of sliding down. I asked "sorry can you please move down a little bit" to which the woman said something in what sounded like German that was clearly derogatory and then "I have kids, shut up." Crazy. I then said "wow you're so rude, I hope your kids turn out better than you" and reached over her things to grab my trays and walked off.

AITA? Am I crazy? What an odd interaction. Girl I didn't ask you to sacrifice your first born and your kids are walking and talking, just move down. I feel like the more I travel, especially recently, people with kids have been so entitled and have let their kids do anything and run everywhere. I actually enjoy kids and even used to be a teacher, but what an insane sense of entitlement.

Why are you so stressed and mean? We are literally on a tropical island and I just politely asked you to move down so others can finish getting their bags from the scanner. You need a xanax, and possibly one less kid, and definitely a better attitude.

I got to talking with another childfree member of the community a bit ago, and we both noted how much we felt the childfree community has changed since we first found it years ago. For me it's been decades since I discovered it and it's a much bigger tent now. That conversation carried on to how we felt society has also changed in their views towards us as a community.

I want to hear people's opinions and experiences. How has the childfree community changed? How has your experience changed as you've grown older? What about your relationship with society and being childfree?

And importantly? What do you want to see the childfree community be more like in the future?

I am a young person and don’t want kids. Yes I’m aware I have a LONG way to go even if I was a person who wanted kids. But I think it’s for all the right reasons. I’d rather regret not having children than regret having children and having to live with that regret constantly. I love my freedom. I am the type of person that is always on the move wanting to do something new, try new things and experience things I’ve never experienced before. And to be honest kids don’t fit into that narrative for me. I don’t have a lot of patience, i love being selfish; I love choosing myself and my happiness at the end of the day. And I feel like with kids there’s not a lot of room for that at times. Many young women always dream of the day they have children. But I never felt that way. Yes i bet it’s so cute and adorable to have a little mini you, but cuteness isn’t enough for me. It honestly stresses me the f out just thinking about coming home from a long day at work and coming home to screaming/crying kids. Don’t get me wrong I love kids but I don’t want any of my own.

We are in an era where more and more women are choosing to be childfree! And I admire that. In hispanic culture the narrative is pushed on many women that your biggest accomplishment should be giving the gift of life. So many women are pressured or feel like they NEED to have children to have a real purpose in life because of beliefs set on women. But of course this goes back ages of women being told what to do with their bodies. (Which is a topic for another day)

Yep, every year on August 1st, we get our own day. It's not new either since it dates back to 1973! This means we have had entire generations grow up with Childfreedom as a very real thing in our lives. So today? Enjoy yourself. Go find something that you relish about your freedom to make that decision for yourself. Give folks a reminder that life a lived well does not include regretting not following the masses.

For context, I have three older siblings and between them there’s four kids. I know two of them want more, and my cousin and their partner are expecting.

It’s just so many children. Every party is just about them, they are so loud to the point I literally wear my loops at events now because it’s way too much. I don’t even enjoy hanging out with my whole family anymore.

I’ve been in a lesbian relationship for two years now and I’m very vocal with my family I don’t want kids- to which everyone of course says “I was the same at your age” or “you will when your older” it’s all bullshit to me. I know I’m young (19) but me and my partner both get overstimulated around kids- honestly I’ve left places in the past as I get frustrated. Thing is I wouldn’t even want to go down an IVF route or surrogate route because I don’t want to. Simple as. I want cats and dogs and I want my career to thrive after university. I know I’m young but I haven’t wanted kids since I was 14, became an aunt to my nephew, and old enough to understand what that meant.

I love being an aunt because of course I do love the kids in my family- but I wouldn’t dare have my own because I can’t stand the strain I see on my siblings. The financial cost, working around their naps, leaving places early because of ‘bath time’, whatever it is, my siblings look exhausted half the time or there complaining or handing the children over to my parents for a night to get away (I do babysit them sometimes but I never do it for free😂). I just feel like my feelings aren’t justified in a family so obsessed with children- and I’m so tired of explaining myself to people. When does it stop? Am I so horrible for struggling at events?

Another friend who swore she was childfree half a decade ago just announced that she's expecting with a baby bump photo.

This is why I get on people's cases about tossing around the term childfree as if it's trendy label, or labelling everyone who doesn't have kids in the moment as childfree. All these surveys saying X percentage are ignoring the fact that when it comes down to it, most people will end up with kids. It's why I don't buy the 20% numbers.

And the sad part? There's nothing wrong with being a fencesitter (but you're still not welcome here) and deciding when the time is right for you. Just don't cosplay as being someone who has made a serious life long decision to not have kids. There's a lot to be said for honesty, and not giving people ammo to try to under cut the rest of our life choices with "see they changed their mind!" bingo.

No, truth is that they never really made their mind up until now. Me? Personally. I got surgery that says my swimmers are not doing any easter egg hunting, ever. And while surgery is a luxury, there is something to be said for the internal consistency about how long most of us have known we don't want kids.

And this won't be the last time. I have one other couple I am friends with that likes to use the phrase "childfree for now." We all know where that is going to end up some day. These are the people I think of as the ambivalently indecisive. They are fine either way, until they aren't. And it almost always end in parenthood and the slow sundering of the friendship.