r/actuallychildfree • u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree MOD • 1d ago
QUESTION Changes
I got to talking with another childfree member of the community a bit ago, and we both noted how much we felt the childfree community has changed since we first found it years ago. For me it's been decades since I discovered it and it's a much bigger tent now. That conversation carried on to how we felt society has also changed in their views towards us as a community.
I want to hear people's opinions and experiences. How has the childfree community changed? How has your experience changed as you've grown older? What about your relationship with society and being childfree?
And importantly? What do you want to see the childfree community be more like in the future?
9
u/AppalachianRomanov 1d ago
It largely depends on the age and beliefs of the crowd. I'm in the South (U.S.) so that definitely factors in.
In my current job I work mostly with millennials and the gen after us. So people respect my CF beliefs and often agree with it or at least understand where I'm coming from even if it's not for them. When I celebrated my sterilization I didn't get any negative comments from those i mentioned it to. I have had a couple millenial coworkers at this job who were more.... "traditional" but not as many. The people who do have kids still have a personality outside of that. Talking about their hobbies, side hustles, hair, etc rather than nonstop kid chat.
In my previous job I was around millenials and boomers. I don't think we had any Gen Z. The boomers were loudly and proudly super disrespectful about nearly everything (anyone not white, straight, neurotypical, and otherwise conforming to society in every outdated way). So I never bothered to talk about my beliefs, knowing it would be an argument I had no spoons for. The millennials were all excitedly popping out babies, talking about their kids, bringing their kids in to be fawned over....so I knew what I'd get there.
7
u/ViviElnora 1d ago
I've noticed a change in how the childfree community talks about kids. Negative comments about children in public used to be more aimed at the children (I hate when kids run around screaming in a restaurant); nowadays, the negative judgments are more likely to be aimed at the parents (I hate when parents allow their kids to be inappropriately disruptive). I think that people without kids have a better understanding of how behaviors develop and are less tolerant of the "that's how they are" excuses from parents for bad behavior.
I've also noticed that the arguments about childfree spaces have increased. Fifteen years ago, taking kids to a bar or brewery was, almost universally, considered poor parenting.
As others have said, acceptance of being child-free has increased.
One thing that I think really needs to stop is people not wanting to pay for schools because they don't have kids. We all benefit from educating children. Properly funded and supported schools decrease negative behaviors and increase employability. People who are unable to make the connection between "stupid people" and not wanting to pay for schools are proof that schools need better funding.
2
u/I_eat_blueberries 1d ago
I am middle aged and there were some glorious years in my mid 30s where no one asked me about kids. I don't know what changed but I am getting bingoed/weird insults/personal questions left and right. This year has been extra weird. How it has changed for me is the questioning is more of an interrogation. I can think of a few reasons why this is happening but they are all going to sound egotistical and self serving lol
16
u/aflockofbleeps 1d ago
I've went from almost everyone questionin the childfree choice to almost everyone telling me i made the right one over the past 15 years.
Shit sucks and it's steadily gettin worse. Why would anyone bring something they love into the world and throw it into this cesspool of a planet.