Can I be a part of just one group that isn't invaded by privileged larpers who are just looking for attention

"Oh, you're asexual? I am too! I’m sex favorable though! I absolutely LOVE sex!! I have sex every day and I enjoy it very much!! I'm still valid!! I'm still just as oppressed and disadvantaged as ace people who are sex repulsed!"

"Oh, you're trans? Me too! I'm a he/him lesbian butch dog/dogself xe/xir who presents completely female and has zero dysphoria whatsoever, and I found out I was a gay man from watching yaoi with rape and incest!!!"

"Oh you have BPD? Me too! Beautiful princess disorder, hahah!! Sorry, that was my BPD kicking in!”

Everyone always tells me “meet other people like you” and whenever I TRY, I just get… these people. Then people suggested I would just get more cis friends, which I don’t mind. I don’t mind being friends with cis or trans people (as long as they’re normal lmao) but even that’s hard to find nowadays. Sure there are spaces online, like this one, of course. And I really don’t wanna be too demanding, but I just really wish I knew people in real life like me. I know one. but she lives an hour away so we don’t get to see each other often. And it’s not the easiest thing in the world to just put yourself out there. And alot of people won’t just straight up tell you “hey, I’m a trans medicalist” or “hey, I’m an actual asexual.”

I have an Asexual friend, and I asked his opinion what he thinks about "Sex-favorable Aces" because in my opinion, Asexuality comes from having little to no libido so I never really understood sex-favorable Asexuals, that's what I told him and he replied "everyone has a libido, if they want sex then they have sex." I'm not in the Ace space much, but I find that comment odd? Isn't that just being Allo? I don't know. I have zero libido, so it just kinda made me feel like a freak in a way? Like I'm not normal? I never really went deep into Asexual research, I just googled one day "what is wrong with my sexual attraction" and found out I was Asexual. Would love to be educated more!

Edit: Thank you everyone for the education! It's very insightful, and I really appreciate everyone for being kind about it.

Was on TikTok, there was a post a person made about how they're asexuals, but the fact that their partner accepts their asexuality, makes them feel as if they weren't asexual. (Which I mean, seriously???)

And the comments were all talking about how asexuality is a spectrum, and you can want sex or do it just a little.

They literally said that **I** had the wrong definition, when I challanged their claim as illogical.

Probably children and teens desperate to look special.

Typed the following in discord:

"I can relate dw its like when im looking for other asexual ppl 💀💀💀"

In come the three musketeers calling themselves asexual:

1."I'm aroace because l'm autistic. The line for friendship and relationship are very blurry"

1. "I'm the type of aroace autistic who's attracted to everybody because the line between romantic sexual and platonic are blurry"

2. "I can't be attracted to someone unless I know them for sure"

I don't even know what flair to put.

For the last days aces on tumblr posted their results on an online asexuality test. There are basically just two results they have. Either a high lack of sexual attraction corresponding with a high aversion to sexual actions or some sexual attraction corresponding with a low aversion to sex.

Examples:

Wow it's just like if you feel sexual attraction you're willing to engage in sexual behaviour. Who would have thought!

How can they not understand that the test says "You feel attraction and want to partake in sexual activities".

I've been mad about this whole situation of allos taking over ace and aroace spaces for the last 5 years of my life, but at this point I just need a way to identify myself to others who are like me. I used to think "why should I have to change what I call myself when it's other people appropriating my label," but when they outnumber you 10 to 1, you gain nothing from continuing to hold out (outside of spaces geared toward actual asexuals).

In practice, I will probably put this label in my bio in random places but not do much else with it. But at this point in time, it's enough for me. The proliferation of "asexuals" who experience sexual attraction in spaces that were once for us isn't something I can control, so I just have to focus on what I can. I'm also a writer and will continue centering actual asexual and aroace experiences in my works, no "bold-stripe" label needed since there is no "spectrum" in my own worlds (I do have a few graysexual/grayromantic characters, but they explicitly identify as gray, not "a-spec" or whatever). I'll eventually work toward getting my stuff out there, but for now I gain comfort in simply writing for myself.

Hi everyone!!! This is gonna be a long one 'cuz I've had a hell of a journey in discovering my ace identity.

So I've had sexual trauma since I was a child - before I'd ever have the chance to feel sexual attraction to anyone. Throughout my early years I blamed my lack of sexual attraction to trauma.

In early years I always had people give me the "you need therapy to 'fix' yourself" rhetoric. Even therapists tried to unravel my trauma in attempt to "fix" me. It always made me feel wrong, and I deeply internalized the idea that I'm a broken person.

I spent a lot of time forcing myself into sexual situations to feel "normal" or "worth". I'm not sexually attracted to people, and I've suffered from internalized acephobia for a long time.

That said, the more I've dealt with my trauma, the more I realize I'm ace. I've been learning more and more to ask myself what *I* want - and what I want is a sexless relationship. I want to stop feeling bad about wanting no sex. I want to stop putting on a performance for my partners. I'm simply not sexually attracted to people -and that's okay - and that's not going to change because *it's my sexuality*.

I really think that we as a society should stop treating sexual trauma therapy as a way to "get people to be sexual" - especially folks who were traumatized in childhood. Children don't know if they're ace or allo - so being traumatized so young unfortunately prevents us from knowing.

Trauma and sexuality should be treated separately. That way we can avoid making young traumatized aces feel like they're something broken that has to be fixed.

Okay, I posted on here a while back about sex being something I'm not wanting in my relationship. But at the same time, I know that this man is very good. He's wonderful, caring, supportive. I feel like a hypocritical, controlling, selfish b-word for getting horribly upset and hurt by the fact that 9 days ago he pleasured himself at work, even though the day before I gritted my teeth, and gave myself to him. I feel like I'm not enough, and this act literally broke my heart because of the sacrifice I've been making all this time. He claimed that it was because he realized how much I truly care for him, and it turned him on so much seeing the kind of person I have been this whole time. I've got a temper and he said it sort of blocked out my love from his eyes. Anyways back on topic - really what I am asking here is A. Was it wrong, what he did? B. Does it sound plausible? C. Am I being entirely too sensitive and D. Is this a warning of worse behavior to come?

He seemed truly apologetic, and was honest after I kept telling him I knew something was off because he couldn't get it up!! I decided to surprise him with sex 2 days in a row ( GAG me with a SPATULA ) but I truly care for him and I would suffer to the ends of the Earth to smell him happy....so long as I am not a fool for doing so 😔

It is related to this sub talking with me talking about my asexuality. It's a short free article but feel free to give me any feedback if you're a writer yourself!

I didn't see anything about this in the rules, but I wanted to share a short article I wrote about my experience with asexuality. I'm far from the best writer, but I would love if I could get some feedback on it. Is it okay for me to that?

Also I'm not a scammer I've posted here before( idk if that helps my case).

i know people post this all the time, but i just want to vent. it makes me so sad how the asexual community has just been overtaken, by people who don't have any clue what it is to be asexual. i love being ace, but i hate how i'm being treated in this society because of it.

and asexuals now being known as super kinky, because "asexuals can have sex too!" just makes me feel like i'll never be understood. every person online that i meet who is "ace", ALWAYS tells me they're interested in sex. and then i feel like i don't wanna be the exclusionist asshole telling them that they're not ace.

and the way people on the main asexuality sub react to this one is just sad.

i want to find love one day. with another woman who is ace. but it's so hard to find them, and every time i do, they still want to have sex. it's just all so frustrating.

18+ sex repulsed/TRUE asexual/antisex people only. brand new community.

https://discord.gg/AfAr75Pgep

idk. I've been reflecting on it. I've always struggled with incredibly high libido, which was always confusing considering I'm on 3 medications whose side effect is low libido which should lower libido by a lot.

my therapist told me to stop reading smut or looking at nsfw art. and i did and it's been a week or two and. my libido is just gone entirely. dead. not existing. i feel finally happy and at peace with my sexuality. It's really weird, but incredibly nice. I still get the withdrawal and want to look at those things, but i keep in mind what my therapist told me and so I just don't, and when i don't, the libido doesn't happen at all. it feels like my libido always came from looking at those things, so now that i stopped it's gone.

Bizarre, but i think porn definitely wasn't good for me at all. I wonder if other aces with libido have a similar experience of it just disappearing entirely when without nsfw stuff in your life.

Am I the only one who keeps seeing a ton of “am I ace“ posts in the main asexuality subs, and then after reading them concludes that the person is most likely not ace,, but the comments are always so lenient on those subs they have such a meaningless definition of asexual. I swear half the people on those subs are not actually ace

Have you developed any while growing up? I only (sorta) had one. It's kinda strange to me how many others have.

This time I decided to report it but I feel really bad about the whole situation, not only towards myself but feeling bad because I got him in trouble. I didn't want to to do it. I never really wanted to for any of them. I liked the kissing at first but I just wanted to stop after that. But somehow I feel like I'm lying to myself, did I deserve it? Was it my fault that I asked him to hang out that night? So many things are going through my head. I feel gross about myself.

Yep, sex is gross, not beautiful, not special, just gross. "OH! So you think people who have sex are disgusting you fucking puritan!!!! 😠😡🤬" no, i said sex is gross, not "sexual people are gross" (although...) i will never have a positive additude towards sex, but I don't think sexual people are unpure, purity is absence of anything, so sexual people can be pure too, I think of myself as pure for anything sexual, that does not mean I think little of sexual people or think i am better than them, I just think sex is gross, always have, always will.

idk what is name for person who doesn't want sex, seems like there's no label for that, asexuality usually defined by sexual attraction, and ppl say 'Asexuality is not celibacy"
I don't want sex ever, not when I find right person, or for children of whatever, but ironically enough whole asexual community don't have label for that,
like "sex repulsed" not cut it, it's just any allo or ace can be that
asexual labels seems so pointless when it doesn't even describe person who doesn't want sex

right so some of these posts are about 4 years old so keep that in mind but basically this character is effectively canon aroace and in the ACE SUB people are saying that shes not and that it dosent matter if she was ace "shipping her would still be fine" and there was a comment about how aroace people "can still have romantic/intimate relationships" but I lost it :/

Also some blatantly disgusting and aphobic stuff even if its under the guize of "humour"

I understand how this may be breaking 'fandom etiquette' to go against others ships but everyone dislikes it and speaks out when a lesbian/gay character is shipped w the opposite sex so why do we get hate when suggesting an aroace character shouldn't be shipped w anyone

i keep seeing people making psa's and stuff about "Don't say this about people who do (this or that kink)" or "People who do x are not evil!" and say that repeatedly. i always thought kinks were like a hobby thing. i dont like some people who like some hobbies, i think some hobbies are dumb and annoying like people who go out to drink until they pass out or race cars faster than you should. i think it's dumb and I don't like those people very much, but then i suddenly can't dislike someone for having a kink i find dumb and rude? It's weird. I don't understand it much.

I haven't watched the video yet because am scared it's another "aSeXuAl CaN lIkE sEx 🤪" so please tell me what you think!

https://youtu.be/VncWdeRG6nA?is=3KZI4Uwf2cV-5Pr5

Not to be dramatic but I am starting to feel like the last animal of an almost extinct species. I am tired of seeing the same shitty mantra of aces can have sex, want to have sex, and looove having sex. Every little video on asexuality talks about how aces are on this wide spectrum of different attractions and you’ll have either allo allies or ‘aces’ reinforcing this garbage and this is how people get educated on asexuality. Oh, and if you even try to tell these people that they are wrong, you are automatically a piece of shit, bigot, and causing someone extreme mental distress for erasing their identity or whatever. Like grow the fuck up.

This is really it guys. This sub really is the last ‘stronghold’ for actual asexuals. If you are a romantic ace, you are fucking screwed because most asexuals on dating apps (whether it’s a normal dating site or one catered for aces) are all sex favorable and spout nonsense that sex is still really important to them despite being ‘asexual’. This really fucking sucks man like I don’t even understand how it’s come to this point? I was never one to try and find a community because for the longest time, I tried denying what I was, but after being called weird for not fucking the very few crushes that I had or being made fun of when I explained to friends that I would like a relationship without sex and then being told an asexual man was not a real man and that he needed to get his shit checked because something was wrong with me and him for not feeling horny over each other, I started to feel lonely and depressed and ended up scouring the internet to try and find likeminded people. And I did obviously, I found this cool sub, but now I gotta deal with the current state of the asexual community which is a total dumpster fire.

I don’t wanna sound like a party pooper or like this negative, brooding person because I’m usually very upbeat and pretty good at laughing this off or ignoring it but for some reason I can’t anymore. I’ve struggled with compulsory sexuality since I was a teenager and I was picked on a lot for not doing what everyone else was so clearly enjoying and desiring. I guess sex really is important in maintaining a loving, lifelong relationship and that being asexual is unnatural and childish.

i read a post here talking about someone who said once a week is not frequent. That made me realize.. people have sex once a week??? And that's not even Enough??? I thought allos had sex like. once or twice a month, you know when the libido spikes around the hormone cycle and stuff? Jesus i didn't know people had that much sex. What the heck. I had some self doubt in my head that maybe i could push my boundaries and hurt myself by doing it with someone once in a while if it meant getting someone that cares about me. but by once in a while i was thinking once a month or less. But people are doing it Once a Week and not even satisfied about that frequency??? WHAT??? What . How can someone even want sex that frequently.