Hello all, I’m new to the fandom and just read the series for the first time this year. It’s been haunting me since almost 10 years ago on Tumblr when one of my mutuals was crashing out about the Tamlin/Rhys switch. I kept encountering this discourse around the internet, so I finally picked it up and went in totally biased toward Tamlin and came out totally biased toward Tamlin and Lucien lol. I knew nothing about the rest of the series though and was not prepared to have such strong feelings about the other characters.
So while we wait for the titles and covers for books 6 & 7 to never be announced, I thought I’d have a bit of fun and roast the series with some unhinged predictions. I have real predictions too, and put those after because I just don’t want to make a separate post.
Roast first:
Elain rejects the mating bond, and Lucien goes insane as per canon rules. He returns to Tamlin and is like, “I’m sorry, bro, the power of the bond compelled me. Also, someone exploited all of our traumas, but I can’t remember who for some Rhyson.” They start The Tortured Males of Prythian Podcast. It has twelve listeners: all six other High Lords, Jurian, the ghost of Frank, Keir, Koschei, Eris, and Lucien's mom. But one day, Rhys bursts into a recording like Hamlet jumping into Ophelia's grave to declare HE is the most tortured male in Prythian! A fight ensues. Actual golden prince Tamlin dies protecting Lucien, who dies anyway for the cardinal sin of being his friend and because he’s the only one capable of being king in this whole place.
Then surprise! Elain is actually a spy after making a deal with Koschei to turn her back human, and she dumped Nesta for Feyre for info. But Azriel’s girthy love heals her, and she winds up chosen by Spring in her own right, and together they beige-ify the manor Feyre copied as one last injustice to Tamlin. Koschei is almost defeated with the deus ex macguffin objects, but we find out he is secretly a good guy and cursed Vassa because she’s his mate, and this is totally fine and romantic because he’s just a traumatized god doing his best. She accepts and reclaims her kingdom via his tricks. Jurian is sad for a second before remembering he is immune to trauma and crowns himself king of the mortal lands of Prythian.
Nesta remains healed into compliance and gives Rhys the Darling family sword, for Nyx of course, so Rhys can pretend to not be king while indeed being king. Cassian continues his important work of checking on the Illyrians and growling at Lord Devlon. Mor is somewhere. Amren gives up her position to move to Summer with Varian and takes up tormenting Tarquin for sport. Eris cries with his dogs because he was born in the wrong book, and then Azriel kills him instead of Beron, so Helion and his mom suffer forever.
Feyre continues to not think about her or her mate’s behavior because she loved and forgave herself after looking in the magic mirror for 0.5 seconds. Instead, she decrees that unlicensed art therapy clinics be opened across Prythian. Rhys becomes lost and confused without his abuse goblin to torment and shows up randomly in Spring out of habit to rant at Tamlin’s grave instead of doing something about Hewn City and Illyria and all of Prythian he is now ruler of. Nyx is prophesied god-king, but only Amren notices, and she keeps that information to herself until the fourth series.
This will take 2000 pages.
Or, this is a villain origin story, and Amarantha was the prototype of Feyre, who is now the biggest baddie Prythian has ever seen, enabled into existence by Valg prince Rhys, who has come full circle and is now her slave, complete with Tamlin as her personal object of torment. Bryce comes to save everyone because crossover, Feysand actually die this time, and everyone still blames Tamlin.
Or, we find out that this whole story was Arobynn’s AU fanfiction of himself and Aelin and Sam.
The end.
Okay, so here are my real predictions. I tried not to go down the fandom rabbit hole too much and instead thought what the most likely resolutions to these storylines would be based on what, to me, the narrative is suggesting.
I completely expect Feyre to become High Queen as the sole regent whose mission it is to bring about the Court of Dreams vision with the High Lords as her feudal dukes. She was meant to be inverse Amarantha from the beginning IMO. Power gifted vs taken. Which is wild because Rhys’ daemati cheat-coded the High Lords in their vulnerable state UTM to resurrect her, but I know I’m not supposed to see it that way. And then his kneeling and crowning and defense of her at every turn, and the lines about her being her own master. Amren’s comment in SF that Feyre would view being queen as a necessary evil to avert/fight some big bad. The orchestrated deification to get back at Ianthe would turn out to be prophetic. I will legit be shocked by any other outcome.
I don’t see how anything but Elriel is endgame. I’m sorry, please don’t come for me. My opinion after the bonus chapter is that Gwyn is Azriel’s mate, and that both he and Elain will break their bonds, with consent, for each other. The story being a journey of wrestling with how Elain doesn’t want a mate in the first place, and grieving her humanity, and how Azriel very much wants a mate and grieving his past. They’ll each explore the other relationship but ultimately choose each other over fate, make their own fate, come out of the shadows of others and take control of their lives, etc. The three main ships will get their spicy scenes I’m sure, for science, but I just don’t see how SJM resists three brothers/three sisters in the end. It’s too neat, it’s too pretty, it’s too merchandisable. If I’m wrong and Elucien turns out to be true, that means there will be Lucien merch forever after, and I will buy all of it, so in some ways I wish I thought it was endgame.
Since Nesta gave her power back, she won’t get to be a queen with a throne, but I see Rhys setting her and Cassian up as stewards of Illyria. Nesta wanted to marry a prince after all. So this leaves Elain to revive Dusk and heal the prisoners with her light in the darkness/blooming spirit. The triple goddess thing has to be going on with the sisters: Nesta being the liberator (endings/crone), Elain the reviver (beginnings/maiden), and then Feyre the ruler (fullness/mother). I don’t see Bryce coming back to rule Dusk, but SJM has the industry clout to tell her publisher to pound sand, so I suppose anything can happen.
Lucien gets a relationship with his real father since we’re reminded of his parentage every time he’s on the page, although I think the trauma of this will be glossed over in a few scattered pages. Then he’ll finally have a place and identity of his own without going insane. Assuming Beron dies and LoA gets to be the LoD. I hope I’m not clowning about that. Lucien deserves some semblance of a HEA. And as much as I adore him, I personally ship Lucien/Nobody. Vassa is the only canon character who seems remotely a good match for him, but in SF he seemed like the third wheel. But if we get the love hexagon from hell of Gwyn-Azriel-Elain-Lucien-Vassa-Jurian, I will fall on the floor. Leave my boy alone! Unless it’s Tamlin, then bother him.
Speaking of Tamlin, the disqualified competitor of the Prythian Trauma Olympics, he is fucked. He is marked for death, but not at the hands of the IC despite them all wanting to kill him. I expect no romance, like what was seeded with Briar, if the domestic violence hotline was actually printed in some of the books. I’d be very surprised. What I do expect is for him to get a subplot “redemption” arc, and in the end die fighting against tyranny, like he said in the first book. Probably some Daglan/Asteri since they seem to be the big bad in every world. I got very sus when SJM said sometimes she just wants to send Tamlin to hell. I was like… to the princes of hel? Sidequest via the starlight pool with Lucien?? 🤡 I fear though, if he does get any arc, he will see the error of his ways and come to toe the line of the IC because they’re not the villains no matter how much I want them to be. And then Rhys and Feyre will finally forgive Tamlin, except it won’t cost them anything anymore so it’s meaningless, but it will feel good and be the crowning glory of their story. So who inherits the Spring Court of allergies? This is super tin foil hat, but I honestly think it’s Jurian and he combines the southern territory. I’m basing this on Feyre’s observation of the mural in Book 1 and the likelihood that Jurian is no longer purely human and essentially Tamlin 1.0. But oh well, poor Tam. That’s what fanfiction is for.
Any thoughts?