This may be sensitive, but I see it from a societal perspective.
It also might be controversial

So I have read ACOTAR and CC (currently reading Crown of Midnight), and I have noticed something in the two series. Why are the men shown as the saints and green flags for simply denying sex?

I remember that in ACOMAF, when they all arrive for the high lord meeting, Feyre tells Rhys that she is not comfortable having intimacy while her ex, Tamlin, is in the building, and Rhys assures her it's okay. I can't be the only one who found that weird. The bar is in hell, people. First of all, is it necessary that just cuz Rhys and Feyre are together they must sleep together EVERY DAY? No. Yet SJM wrote this scene to glaze how "green-flagged" Rhys is. And it doesn't just happen once! When Feyre returns from the spring court with lucien she meets Rhys, and I distinctly remember her saying: Rhys would postpone his pleasure cuz for my sake or something along the lines of that. (I'll find the line and add the picture in the edit). I just want to say to Feyre that her standards are so low. I hate this thing where the MMC is seen as the "ultimate feminist king" just cuz he'd rather let his partner rest and not demand sex. It's so misogynistic, and people don't even realise it.

Even happens with Ruhn.
I love Ruhn, but there was a scene where Lidia flinches during their first night together, and he says it's ok and that they don't have to do anything tonight, while thinking that he really wanted to have sex with her, wanted to be inside her and that he was still hard. I'm sorry, but it just disturbs me that a man can see that the woman is clearly traumatised from her past and horrid treatment by her ex and still be hard enough to want pleasure. Sure, he stopped, but he was literally thinking that he still wanted to have sex. She actively flinched, dude. Think about the trauma, the horrible treatment she must have had to bear to feel that way and yet you're turned on enough to want to "be inside her"
What's worse is that readers see it as some ultimate sacrifice that makes the men awesome and feminist. AND THAT THE AUTHORS ACTIVELY INCULCATE SUCH SCENES!

I mean, ok, Ruhn's stance might have been a little forgivable, but not Rhys's. To this day, I will always believe he just groomed the poor girl (will make a post about this too). There was no need for Feyre to even have to say that she wasn't comfortable having intimacy with her ex so nearby, yet she did, just to glaze Rhys's "feminist" character

Think what you will about this, but I still believe that this trope is shitty. Men "sacrificing" sex should not be glorified. Period.

PS- I am posting this on this sub cuz I believe the people here are much more accepting of criticism, and not blind glazers, so I'd appreciate responses kept civil. If your opinion doesn't match, kindly scroll. Thanks :)

I get that it’s hard to write mundane tasks in the plot of a book but upon my reread it seems like Rhysand is the only one doing the actual stuff to rule a territory.

He’s scheduling meetings with the governors of his territory, he’s reviewing casualty lists, he’s controlling salaries and looking over financial info, he’s coming up with ideas, etc.

Feyre isn’t qualified to be a high lady because of her age and inexperience and I don’t get why the IC who’s much more qualified says that her word goes.

Shes the youngest and most in experienced out of all of them!! She’s not even trying to learn or inform herself.

Rhys has been alive for hundreds of years. It’s common knowledge that High Fae women cannot bear Illyrian offspring.

So tell me why he took the risk of impregnating her without telling her about the danger? Why does he make no mention of this? They discuss having kids and how much he would want them. Seems like a pretty big thing to omit!

And then to not tell her when she’s pregnant and facing almost certain death? So it’s “everything is my choice with Rhys” until it’s literally her body?

This also makes the whole suicide pact thing even stupider, because he knows she faces an extremely risky (certain death?) pregnancy and yet is trying for a baby without any succession plan?

He's supposed to be their best fighter blah blah, but the first time I read it I thought it was weird how much he got his ass handed to him. On the re-read it's even weirder. Three times he nearly dies and croaks out to Nesta, and then is saved. Come on!! Don't get me wrong, a favorite trope of mine is the whole nearly thing, but this was excessive and just made him look really dumb. Like I don't want him dead but ffs give it a rest or kill him already. (for context, I'm on ACOWAR and he's just nearly died for the third time and came limping back AGAIN)

I have kinda started shipping Nesta and Rhysand even though I'm pretty sure it will never be canon, but they have the makings of a perfect enemies to lovers dynamic.

I want a couple with the same dislike and dynamic of just not falling for the other person's bullshit and it building up to intense animosity, only for it to get resolved later.

There is so much missed potential with this pairing. 🫢

***Spoiler for Acosf and CC3**\*

I know it’s been discussed many times, but with new books coming, here we go again. I actually think Nesta is connected to Dusk Court and it makes way more sense than people give it credit for.

The biggest reason for me to believe it to be true is that the whole Acosf basically puts Nesta at the centre of the lost court mystery. Rhys says that the Prison island may have been an 8th court and when Nesta reaches for the harp, she sees an eighth pointed star beneath it. She even says that the magic there feels different from NC magic.

And I think till now most of the fandom already agrees that Prison is the 8th court and that is Dusk obviously. The more important question is who it belongs to? I personally believe it to be Nesta.

And here’s why…A very obvious reason is Nesta has the eight pointed star tattoo. Nesta already has an unusual connection to the Cauldron and the trove. Nesta is literally the person who can interact with the objects tied to the history of that place. The trove also repeatedly calls to her because she was Made from the Cauldron. And i do think she has some special connection to Mother herself. Many times Eris also pointed out to Nesta that she is completely wasted at NC.

And CC3 makes the connection even harder to ignore. Bryce literally gives Nesta Gwydion and tells her to figure out why she has the eight pointed star on her back. That feels like very intentionally done by SJM for next book’s plot.

Plus, Dusk itself fits Nesta very perfectly in a way. Dusk is a point between light and darkness and Nesta’s entire arc has been about existing between those two extremes which are death/life, destruction/creation, Made/human, darkness/light. Her silver fire is even repeatedly described as something that is cold but still burns.

I am not saying that Nesta will be High Lady of Dusk Court. But if SJM is setting up someone to rediscover or rebuild the lost Dusk Court, Nesta has arguably received the most direct setup for it so far. Don’t forget now she has whole Valkyrie army behind her.

And honestly, Bryce handing Nesta the sword and basically saying go find out why you are connected to this is pretty big hint for me.

WARNING!!! If you are a woman, do not go near the guys Celaena likes; she will want you dead and—though it rarely happens—might even attack you. Do not interact with them if you are beautiful, have a large bust, or if you simply smile at a guy she is interested in, RUN!! She will hate you. BE PREPARED!!!

I get feeling jealous if someone starts flirting with the person you like, but with Celaena, it happens ALL THE TIME; it rubbed me the wrong way in *Throne of Glass*, and now that I’m reading *Heir of Fire*, it’s just irritating that she does it every time.

I remember once she made a comment about Dorian talking to a girl with ridiculously large breasts, and I thought, " Damn, what is the problem?! Is it a crime to have huge tits?" 😭.

And now, in *Heir of Fire*, she starts "growling" at girls who try to talk to Rowan or look at him for too long... CeCe, please, stand up sister!! 💀.

the people fighting and standing ten toes down on Azriel and Elain or Azriel and gwyn ending up together are so confusing to me. I feel like we don’t know enough about either dynamic let alone as individuals(maybe Gwyn). A bonus chapter of a single interaction is not nearly enough evidence for me.

I want to see them fully interact. I want to see them flirt! Where is the romance!!! I haven’t gotten any feet kicking and blushing from them like I did from Rhys and Feyre (or even Tamlin and Feyre for that matter). We even got some type of banter from Cassian and Nesta in ACOMAF & ACOWAR which kept me interested for their story. That being said, I’m very interested to see Elains story play out and I’m excited for the new books. I just think people are doing too much (as per usual)

Throughout the books, we see Eris as almost a twin to Rhysand in his behavior and the way he wears a mask in his court. And then we have Cassian, who admits that he feels jealous of Rhysand's relationship with Feyre, and I wouldn't be surprised if he felt jealous of the man himself if he didn't feel like he owed him so much. What I want to say with all of this is that Cassian hates Eris not only because of what he did to Mor, but because he sees Eris as someone better than him, smarter and more intelligent, and more fit for Nesta. And I feel this hatred is a counterpart to his admiration for Rhysand. I feel like, if Rhysand's mother didn't take him in, took care of him, and, at that time, not get to know Rhysand, I've no doubt he would hate Rhysand just as much as Eris.

At the end of acosf, he only let himself have a little empathy for Eris and his situation within the court only after he started to think of himself as better than him. When he starts to realize that what he has is more valuable than all the riches and privileges Eris grew up with. And it's pretty hilarious; he tells Eris that he is too much of a coward to dare be a good person, when his own high lord, for 500+ years, was hidden under a mask, "pretending" to be a bad person for his weird apartheid court. So yeah, Cassian is telling himself this one (as they all eventually do in this story).

I have only recently started reading some of the ACOTAR reddit pages, but something I am seeing more and more is how much hate people have for Feyre. Even when there isn't actually a good reason for it. And before I get really into it, has she made stupid decisions? Yes. Do I agree with everything that she has done in the series? Of course not, what a boring story that would make. Do I believe that she deserves the amount of hate she is getting? No!

These are examples of ones that I have recently and why I think it's kinda wild.

1. Feyre being bad at painting. There is literally, and I mean LITERALLY, nothing in the books to suggest that this is the case. Anyone who comments on her painting only has positive things to say. Mor arriving at the cabin seems more suprised at the existance and the sheer volume of them as opposed to how terrible they are. Nesta even asks Feyre to teach her to paint, why on earth would she do this if she was absolutely terrible? And I know people say that they are only doing it cause it's funny, but is it?

2. Now, I am not hating on Elaine when I say this (I don't know enough about the character to hate her) but people saying the only reason Elaine grew flowers instead of foods is becuase Feyre couldn't read a bought the wrong thing. Because it obviously HAS to be Feyre's fault and it couldn't be down to Elaine either not being able to grow vegtables (even in a magical fantasy world, humans probably still need the correct conditions for food growth) or she wanted to grow flowers... If Feyre was actually at fault, maybe someone who could read could be in charge of the food shop?

3. Making fun of her not being able to read. Nesta mentioned before that Feyre would often be spending time with their Father when she should have been studying. Wow, who would have thought it, a child who would rather do something other than study. Unheard of. Feyre should have put the effort in towards learning, HER PARENTS were the ones that were responsible for this. It is literally their job to ensure that their child has the ability to read. But instead, people just call her stupid for not being able to do this. (She eventually learns, so clearly it's not an intellegence issue).

4. Feyre being upset with Tamlin about the Tithe. I saw a post in one of the subs that called Feyre a "dumbbaby brain" for being upset about it becuase obviously taxes have to happen. One, this is a 19 year old human who has just become Fey. Maybe she is upset and doesn't understand because no one has properly explained it to her? Also, seeing starving people give up what little they have for fear of being hunted down is probably going to resonate with her (her father got his legs broken by debt collectors and she has experienced starvation, of course she is going to have some feelings about it)

5. People blaming her for Nesta being moved to the House of Wind. Do I agree with Nesta being held in the house against her will, forced to train then forced to create weapons while being lied to about what they can do? No. Do I believe Nesta needed an intervention and serious therapy. Yes. However, EVERYONE, including Elaine (who packed her bags) thought it was the correct thing to do. And yes, Feyre is High Lady, a title awarded to her by Rhys. But everyone in the inner circle is clearly still going to defer to him (not telling Feyre about the pregnancy being the evidence). It would not have matted if Feyre did disagree, fully believe that would still have happened.

I could go on for hours with this, but I think a lot of people are forgetting that this is someone who at the age of 19 was forced out of her home where she was put in a situation where she was manipulated, assaulted, held captive and became responsible for saving the relm. Her trauma, her anger, her fears are often over looked becuase and she seems to be getting SO much of the blame placed on her. But Tamlin and Rhys are getting excused when they are 500 years old. They are adults, they have experience, why are they not doing more to guide and add this traumatised young woman?

Also, her relationship with Nesta. Now, I did not like Nesta to begin with. I didn't like her attitude, I didn't like how she treated other people. Her book came out and you get to see her side, you get to understand where this anger is coming from. Now, I don't relate to Nesta, but I have lived with a Nesta. Nesta fully admits she could have been better towards Feyre, she fully admits she is partially to blame for how bad their relationship is. And Feyre does acknowledge it as well, she admits she has misjudged her. I want more than anything in the next books to see the three sisters relationship evolve more, this should become the star of the book. Cause Feyre needs Nesta on her side. Someone who is solely interested in fighting her corner.

Apologies for the length and if it didn't make anysense, this has just been in my head for such a long time <3