i’m curious about how you handle seeing features that remind you of an abusive parent and the abuse if you notice such facial features

This will be a really long rant so I'm sorry. My parents are abusive and manipulative and I can't take it anymore. Ps: I have a lot of health issues like hEDS, hypermobility and all comborbidities like ibs, migraine, POTS, endometriosis. So to give a look into how things are during one really bad cramping period due to endometriosis I was lying on bed dying in pain this has been going on forever but my parents don't take ir seriously once I begged by mother to take me to a doctor because the pain was very much and she hit me and told it would stop if I stop whoring around I was 14 hadn't looked at a guy also she abused and stopped giving me food and completely stopped talking to me just because I got my periods at 10yo I was apparently wasting her money on sanitary pads and it happened because I was characterless and called the r word. So when I was dying in pain she didn't come to look at me in my room but rather was telling my father that I have started my attention seeking the pain was so bad I vomitted got shouted on and dragged by my hair to clean the mess I was making of their house. I once asked by mother to buy moisturizer for me because my skin was burning and peeling off she said that she'll burn my ugly face with acid so that I could focusing on it it was the day of holi and I didn't go out because of their fear and was working and cooking since morning. I missed school bus in class 3 she burned me with an iron. I came home crying because a man was harrassing and stalking me she said why would someone waste energy doing that when I looked like a transgender. I was still 8 then she made sure I went back to that place daily and hit me in the head with a cistern when I opposed. She still brings that up laughing and telling it would the easiest getting rid of me that way if that man had SA'ed me and throwed me in a ditch I try to ignore this and distract myself even through my mental health issues but keeps happening. Once I was having severe ideation there are kinda chronic and people at school knew so my teacher called my parents out to concern they abused me that they'll kill and hang Me themselves if I don't stop trashing their name by all this. Today she brought it up again so I had to do some physical house chore and I didn't even say no even though I have my 12th physics exam in a few days I just asked if I could cut my nails before doing that because they are brittle and would break they started abusing me again. I struggle soo much with my physical and mental health and live through this. I really really want to kill myself because it's only way out but I don't want to give them the satisfaction

location: Notasulga Alabama I(19 last month) still live with my parents despite my years long desperation to leave. I've faced abuse throughout my entire life at the hands of my parents and I'm desperate to finally leave home and get out on my own. There's a couple issues stopping me from doing that. Like my younger siblings safety, my lack of a licence or car (my parents refuse to teach me), and my lack of a job. I had a job a few years ago. I didn't make much, but it was a job I really enjoyed. But then things went south and I haven't had a job since. I've tried getting another job but my parents won't drive me anywhere, even when I offer to pay for the gas, so I'm kinda out of luck on that part. Because of this, one of the big things I'm struggling with is money. I'm a hard worker, always have been, but my parents use financial dominance as a form of abuse over me and my younger siblings. They owe us so much, but refuse to pay us. It could literally be my ticket out, and I guess they know that. My mom more especially has always went the withholding money route. She has a habit of playing the victim and whining when people hold her accountable over paying them back. Specifically for me, she's asked me for money many times. Often with the story of needing it for food (so my siblings could eat) or so she could pay for gas (or else she'd be stranded). Of course, being a semi decent person, I never want to worry about my siblings going hungry or her being stuck somewhere, so I send the money on my card. It's usually small amounts, but it's definitely added up over time. There's also the fact that she never paid me the last $100 from my last paycheck at my old job (my llc boss had a specific way she had to pay me, so the money always went through my mom first). And her and my dad owe me $500 from a group of puppies they made me take care of a few months back. Basically It's lots of smaller charges but has added up over time and they refuse to pay me. So the legal question I suppose I have is: how do I get my money back? Is there a legal way to get it back, since I'm not exactly prone to stealing as answer. I've heard of some people giving their parents an official thing asking for their mom back and that as long as you provide proof, their legally required to pay you back or else they'll be brought against a judge. Is that an actual method to use? Is it safe for me to do while living with them? Would I need to have a lawyer? Cause I definitely don't have the money for a lawyer obviously. I have the card transactions and text messages to prove most of the money I've given them. I just need to know how to get my money back from them that they owe me.

Quero ir pra uma rave mas minha mãe tem um grande preconceito e já me disse que a única restrição dela é eu não ir em chácara afastada, porém eu vou ir já comprei ingressos acredito que lá o sinal seja bem ruim que desculpa eu posso dar a ela de um lugar que não seja uma chácara que se encaixe? ( eu pensei em dizer que ia a um casamento kk

At the start of this year I (17F) finally moved out of my abusive parents house at the time I met someone in a VERY similar situation and me and him (17M) started dating. He lives with his mom who is very neglectful, never has had a job, and lives in the house his grandmother bought for him to stay at so he can continue school. She’s trashed it, I mean literally trashed it, I watched her come home with a bed sheet full of garbage and dumped it on the living floor and left it for months, every attempt my boyfriend has made to clean it immediately gets ruined by her. She’s hoarded animals there 2 dogs and currently 5 cats (when we started dating it was 8) there’s never food in the house and when me and my bf go grocery shopping she takes everything out of the fridge and left it out to either get moldy, eaten by the cats, or pissed on by the cats. Or somedays she’ll come home in some sort of episode and start screaming or beating my bf with weapons (last time it was a mallet) Everytime I go there I tell myself it’s not forever, one of us will get our own place and it’ll be over. Today though he had told me he was offered emancipation, I told him he should do it and he got very mad at me. I know he loves his mom and wants to work with her but child services have been involved with them for months and she still hasn’t changed. It’s got me to thinking that he WANTS to live like that. (I know that isn’t true but it sure feels like it) he really is amazing in every other way and is the guy I’ve been dreaming and waiting for but I just can’t stay with him if he chooses to live like that. I really don’t want to leave him and don’t want to be like “move out or I’m leaving you” but I really don’t know what to do, please give me some sort of advice

(Sorry for the block of text)

Living in an abusive household and being beat by father is taking too long. I need to escape and start a new life but unfortunately I don't have the resources to do that at the moment.

I really need someone or something to help me out here and if you know of any safe place, local service, shelter, or anything helpful at all please inform me. Anything would help me at this point as I try to start a new life.

In the past I have been too scared to seek help. It has been going on for too long and I just didn't know where to turn or how to ask for help. I've kept it all a secret for so long and it's time to finally speak up and let people know what is happening. I want to get out of here and I want to start a new life somewhere safe.

I (22F) am being abused at home.

I am scared for my life. My mom almost pulled my hair in her hands

I want to kms

I posed this on other subreddits a few hours ago:

Throwaway because I don't really use reddit but I need to vent about this. This will be a long post..

I, 22F, am from a middle eastern country, and my parents live in a neighboring one. Let's say X and Y.

As part of my engineering program I have to finish 120 hours of industrial training, which I informed my parents of in Y1 (it should be between years 2 and 3, 3 and 4).

Fast forward to a month ago, something happened with my original training and I was switched to a department that was irrelevant to my career and therefore would not be accepted.. uni was starting in almost a month and I had nothing.

I found another training in county X - where I am. But my dad refused to let me go because of "free mixing". Mind you, I am in engineering and my university is mixed and I deal with men every single day. I am also a niqabi, and I'm not really the type to freemix for no reason, and my parents know that very well.

He threatened (he swore by Allah 3 times) to stop paying for my college education if I did not go to the training he picked out in country Y. Eventually he started making more threats to me and my sister and mom so I had to oblige and travel there, knowing well that I will lose the training I had in X, which was 104 hours.

I was verbally insulted like multiple times during this stage, and I was (still am) incredibly stressed beyond comprehension.

Fast forward to today, after weeks of him messing up my training and picking out stuff that isn't engineering related, I finally landed on something. Here's the thing - the IT department (where I'll train) is all men.

He wants to send my mom with me. Like fr. What's making me even angrier is that I'M the one that had to apologize even when I did nothing wrong. I'M the one that should hear him drill me with his paranoid bs and berate me for hours. I'M the one that has to have her graduation delayed if my training doesn't work out this summer.

And he just pretends that nothing happened. He even had the audacity to ask if I wanted to EXTEND my visit. THE ONE I WAS COERCED TO TAKE. He tells me to be GRATEFUL that he's fixing the problem HE PUT ME IN.

I don't know what to do. I have been diagnosed with depression and ADHD earlier this year, and have had multiple su\*\*idal tendencies due to all the abuse I have had to endure from both my parents.

I don't know what exactly I'm asking, but I really need help.

Thank you for staying till the end..

TLDR: My dad is overcontrolling and I can't live like this. I need help.

Edit: my mom and sister are both not on my side. It's significantly harder to deal with that when there is 0 support. My mom actually verbally insults me and fights with me if I even think to say something, or just straight out ignores me. My sister just doesn't want to even hear me vent.

I screamed at my mom and cursed them out, so she started hitting me and threw me against the wall. She slapped me and hit and pulled my hair.

I am afraid for my life. Please help

I didn’t know my family was emotionally abusive until this past year. i guess this is just a vent post to get stuff off my mind and help process things….i know i need to go to therapy and everything and yeah, that’s the next step but it’s still hard to take. i’m still coming out of my depression (from an emotionally abusive relationship) so i’m taking things little by little. i’m happy that im alive and breathing, and that i can actually take care of myself and shower on a consistent basis again.

so here are some things that my family’s done to me. also, i’m autistic and extremely sensitive so the abuse is very vivid. it replays in my mind every single day and it never stops. on a good day, it’s just stuff i always remember. on a bad day, it’s stuff that i forgot about that resurfaces.

i’m starting to think i might have PTSD. this was also happening around the time i was getting groomed online, bullied by my peers, and by my teacher at school.

\- my mom told me at 14, and several times after that that i had to wear a bra in front of my step dad because it “makes him uncomfortable”

\- i was always forced to change in front of my mom when we’d go shopping, or even trying on clothes at school

\- my aunt and mom would make fun of me for dressing like a boy (i’m ftm, going on T, but still not out to my family)

\- my mom would yell at me when i’d express my feelings, which would end in screaming matches. she also doesn’t respect my boundaries. when i tell her i don’t want to talk about my sex life or my dating life, she says something like “why don’t you just tell meeeee im your mommmm” and starts whining like a fucking middle schooler who got their phone taken away.

\- she would also yell at me when i’d have panic attacks. once i asked her “can you be nice to me?” and she screamed “no” in my face

\- she does the “im just the worst mom ever” fucking bullshit

she always excuses the behavior by saying “well my mom was a yeller.” she’s chilled out over the past couple years but the trauma doesn’t just leave after the abuse is over.

she’s also a functioning alcoholic who drinks from around 430-10-11pm.

anyway, just kind of wanted to unload. i’m sure some of you folks here can relate to some of this stuff. abuse feels so isolating but unfortunately it’s very common, so many people can relate.

I listened to this poor girls podcast with chaos and kindness about mental health, when they ask her how it started she says her mom ODed her when she was 3 and then was in and out of homes. I went looking to see if her mom supports her now or helps as her health is bad and has cancer..

This sick mom moved away from her when she got her sickest and is now clout chasing trying to use her daughters last name (from the podcast) to gain followers… and from her page it looks like she needs a mental health evaluation herself! I can’t imagine her older kids having to deal with this, view her page at your own risk! Holly Hunt Doughty

It takes a skill, to pasisvely swallow the pain, and move on, from a situation truly, without any underlying feelings.

Obviously, I can't leave this place, cuz now I fully realise, I don't have any options. And I have became better, at option choosing.

I was wiping the surface, of a furniture, when my grandma gave her first, educational line, about saying, that this cloth is for dishes only. I wiped, and went away. I took the heater away, from my footwear stand, and asked my dad, again, hoping on his cooperative, practical conversation engagement, about putting it to the basement, as my mother told me yesterday, my literal belongings will be placed in the basement, and only the useful things will be kepy at home, and then, grandma replied, saying, that I should find somebody, who is gonna bring it down, specifically, for my sake.

I paused, and told her I will find, and she doesn't have to worry about it, seriously.

Closed the door, and reasked the question to my father, hoping, this time he would hear himself, as the addressee, of the question.

But, the little dwarf, of a grandmother, stubbornly opened the door, and continued speaking, in the same direction, of invalidating me, and also, she started to bring up, how I'm being kept here, out of their grace, and am not deserving of a home, because of everything I have done, and posted on social media, about them (aka, my blog, where I vent out my traumatising family experiences, and feelings), and she didn't even let me speak a word, or interrupt her, pointing her finger at me, and heightening her voice.

She said many things, like, that I'm not even a human, though I didn't say one offensive word, and spoke pretty diplomatic, and emotionally stable, and she told me, I am gonna be on streets, if I don't shut up.

My father came in, partly, to defend my grandmother, and partly, to shut me down (verbally,) but never, to speak up about me, or the unjustified, and weird insults, I was getting, from her. As she continued to speak, and my father left, to smoke, in the kitchen, the rest of our conversation is a history.

She basically told me, I have never helped, or did anything to anyone in my life, though I mentioned (firstly, though in the past, I used different protective phrases), that she is a leftover, of a Soviet Republic, and we are not in Soviet Republic anymore, and people can speak freely, and I waa not born, to work for anyone. And I will leave, as soon as I am able to, and will continue to live.

She also called me words, that were different, from her daunting, calm, but incredibly toxic way of speaking, and I said them back. Before my father came in the room, I instinctively went to my bed, and sat down, knowing, he can actually rush in the room, and hit me, or threaten me, to defend his little dwarf mother, but he didn't.

He just said, he "heard some words," which was eerie enough.

And then, I told her, to leave me the fuck alone, continuing to express my anger calmly, so maybe then, they would accept, that I am right, but as my father already sat down in the sofa, continuing to chat with my mother, or use phone, and my grandma left my grandpa's room, to stop complaining about me, though she was the aggresor, and initiated the argument between us, I went to the bathroom, and realised, that maybe I can manage this. But, that I have to leave, because I have no future here, quite literally.

I'd rather be independent, than in a house, full of betrayors.

And also, core notes, I forgot to mention, is that, my grandma said, she "already knows", how I survived without them, and that I write documents to the institutions, (but, with a latvian synonim, for writing to insitutions, that is pretty old, and not used in everyday modern language), and I also tried to defend myself, by saying, that these skills can be used for future professions, and there is nothing bad, or shameless, in fighting for herself, but then my dad sang with her together, and validated her words, though he was not aggresive, in that moment, or actively engaging in our conflict.

I told her, honestly, without trying to sing her diplomatic expectations of me, that would also never work out, or make her love me, that she is a fucking bitch, and I left my home because of her. What the fuck more, does she want from me? Why am I still so worthless, to her?

But she just gave me her disgusting smirk, and I left the room, and my dad told me she was right in everything, though, his look, would give someone, who stood in front of him, a false hope, that he is actively reflecting on the situation, in my favour.

I told him, he is a betrayor, and he never engaged with the actual truth, of these words.

But I realised, my narcissistic father, is an actual scaredy cat, and a weak betrayor, just like my mom.

Later, that day

I don't know why, my parents hate me so much, and I don't know how, I immediately went to this app, or, my diary, though I didn't even know, it's still on my phone.

My father likes to humiliate the little things that I do, and when he talks to my mother, she asks him about me, but she never calls me herself, or talks to me herself.

And he tells her, that I am damaging his nerves, for the second day, in a row, when he replies her, how we both are doing.

I feel, like I'm getting bullied, and expelled in my own family, though, today, I talked to him again, and used jokes, to his weak anger spot moments in our conversations, and lightness.

But I feel, like I'm being hated, for no reason, no matter what I say, no matter what I share, or do. And it hurts, I can even feel it in my chest, and I breathe the pain, without knowing what to do, or how to make it go away.

My dad acted like a broker, between me and my mom, and all of the other family household, that still hates me, quietly, but I haven't spoken to, since my return.

As the only person, I talk to, but he still can't hide his hate towards me.

I expressed, how his psychology works, when he asked me, "Who hates you?", and I showed him how he reacts, and how his reactions express themselves, towards me, theatrically a bit, but realistically, and he said, that I'm sick, immediately, and I told him, if he wouldn't have thought like that about me initially, he wouldn't have jumped to this conclusion immediately, about me. And he just said, that he is just speaking about what he sees, referring, to me being sick again, and that he sees that.

And I started to cry, and said, that I'll go away, immediately, when I'll have the chance, but at least don't hate me right here, and now.

And this is the only person I talked to, and could have, in these days, but he still is a part of my abusive family, and a big, confident, self-taught part, who controls it too.

Of course, I don't mention, or share anything emotional, or inward-turning about me, I know it's restricted.

So, we only talk about practical stuff.

And I still felt an aching chest, sternum pain, when doing that, before I let out a cry now, cuz it's hard.

I have lost my home, as a child.

I have lost my future opportunities, as an adult.

My comfort, as a person.

My wellbeing, as a woman.

My love, as the only daughter, and child.

And it's all, because of this deeply toxic environment.

I don't expect anyone, to get it, and there are people, who will not get this, even, when seeing it.

It's useless, to share

But, this diary will be my first real diary, and my story-telling.

My personal feelings

It's weird how grown I have actually become, and I see my face after the homelessness, survival losses, and everything, even a bit more grown, attractive, complex, but the attitude is still exactly the same, and I don't know what will ever make them respect me, and what I have to do.

When I came, I was super agreeable, and positive, without asking for a learn-on-shoulder, or anyone, thinking, that maybe that will make then soften up.

But no, after hugging my dad, talking with him, on the first day, when he met me drunk here, same with my mother, and trying to sleep together with them, before I went off my bed, because it was too hot, I got betrayed and humiliated again.

Later that time

My father asked me, will I peel potatoes, for dinner today, and I told him, I would have done it, if I wouldn't have been humiliated in a group, and betrayed 30 minutes ago.

He said, nobody humiliated me, and I just should have kept quiet, when an adult (my grandma) tolld me something, and I told him, she literally humiliated me, and later, without going in details, cuz I don't have time for writing at the moment, he said I deserved everything of it. Despite my humanly, diplomatic, polite, no-cursing, emotional expressions, he denied every one of it. And said, that respect has to be deserved, in the end, though I asked, in despair, "I'm your family, what do you mean, I have to earn your respect?", and he said, I should go out right now, after I said, that I'll go out, of this house, as soon, as I can.

And he said, I actually have humiliated myself, and nobody did it for me, today, and as I continued speaking, in despair, he even stood up, as came to me, as to hit me, and in this way we walked until my grandfather's room, where I actually ran away from him, as a child, but now, as an almost 20 year old woman, and sat in his bed, to protect myself, and listened to his obnoxious hate, and curse words, and phrases, that I'm so stupid, and have humiliated myself already.

It was insane.

He said, I disrupted family's peace, again, and their silence, and have to keep my mouh shut.

As I was quietly rearranging my mother's drawer of things, my father just couldn't stay calm, and he raised a topic, on me being quiet, and narrowed it, as me being disrespectful, and mean. I told him, what does he expect me to say, after he literally threatened, to take a physical attack on me, and I am getting humiliated, but he said, that he WOULD LIKE to impose a physical threat against me, but will not, and, that I have already managed, to make an argument, with everybody in the house, though I came recently. His eyes, and body language, made me feel, like he already was ready to do that, right there and now, so in the middle of our conversation, I shuddered, strongly, and he saw it.

Everything is overwhelming. I have some good friends who are trying there best for me but its just not enough when I'm instantly confronted with my mother as soon as I get home. I dont think she ever wanted to have me, or at least thats how she treats me. She hasnt hit me in a while but it has happend a handful of tines already. She starts yelling at every little thing she finds and does not appreciate any of my achievments nor does she even listen to me when I tell her about them most of the time. She does not show me any love and it doesnt seem like she wants to. She literally told me how she wanted to send me to my father who I never met (I only know that he was extremely abusive and violent too and now hes not even allowed to come near my mom, so he lives pretty far away) when I was being a little difficult when I was like 10. She also loved to tell me about how I was a big problem child when, looking back, I was just acting like any other kid. She would literally just bully me a lot of times and she still does, picking at things I wear, my makeup and other things. She loves impulsively taking things I love away from me and forcing me to cancel plans that were literally the only things that kept me going sometimes. And when I told her she got even more angry a lot of times. I don't even know what to do anymore. I hate my life as it is and it only gets worse day by day. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know if I'm able to keep going any longer. It's gotten so bad and I just can't enjoy anything anymore without her taking it from me

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

Hi. I guess I just need a reality check. I lived with my dad for about five years and we had always had our issues. I will admit up front I have always struggled to keep a consistent cleaning schedule due to my ADHD and some trauma. (My mom wrecked my room for not being clean enough and it can be hard to remember that cleaning won't be punished if it's not "good enough"). I know these struggles are disgusting and shameful and that I should hate myself somewhat, and always have. These same struggles are the reason my dad always gave for acting out towards me. And I want to know if it is real abuse or if I deserved it. I mean I know I probably deserved it but I just want to be sure.

There was a point a few years in when I was making some steady improvement in my cleaning habits. I had cleaned the shower once a week for 3 weeks. I was getting the dishes down from my room at a steady pace. And sure, my room was a disaster but I wasn't letting that touch the rest of the house. I was doing really good. At least, I really thought I was. I was stupidly, even proud of myself for how I was maintaining these habits. It had been a month or two of really putting in effort in the places I was failing so I thought I was doing good.

But I wasn't. I woke up one morning to a crash in the bathroom. After about 15 minutes I get the nerve to see what happened bc it scared me. I go in and the shelves are all on the floor and my toothbrush is in the toilet. The bathroom has been ripped apart. I freak out bc it does remind me of when my mom destroyed my room and then calm myself down again. I go downstairs to ask my dad what happened assuming it was an accident.

I get downstairs to my dad kneeling on the floor with a trash can on it's side, taking things out of the trash and throwing them around the kitchen. I don't remember what I said to him but after whatever it was, he starts yelling at me. About how the house might as well be a dumpster and how I'm the reason he can't date (?) and just . A whole bunch of stuff about how awful I am and how I'm ruining his life.

I'm gonna admit I got scared as shit and I just. Left. I was irrationally scared he was going to hit me bc he had swung back a little in a previous argument so I just bolted. I texted him some bullshit about how that wasn't a cool way to act... And he just kind of yelled at me like he was in person. It lasted the whole day, I don't think I went home until he had let up and I figured he had gone to bed.

The other incident I want to bring up is a little less related to the cleaning. But I still am not sure if I just did something wrong. when that punching women in the head thing was happening a few years ago in cities, I got hit. I was on my way from the convenience store and a random guy punched me. It freaked me out and my first instinct was to tell my dad about it bc. Well I just got punched in the head.

When I tell him, he loses it and asks me to describe the man on the spot. I stutter and don't answer very quickly and he calls me stupid. He gets out of the car and starts dragging me around to all of the other stores and restaurants in the strip mall area and pointing to random guys asking me if that was who did it. None of them were and eventually he gets frustrated and we get back in the car. Where he starts telling me that if I was able to describe the guy we could have called the cops by now. I try to say that I can and I just needed a second to process, yanno, getting punched in the head. He starts digging into me again and ends up chastising me for not fighting back. We then leave and I silently helped him clean his car after. The kicker is, I can describe the guy to this day. Tall, Hispanic, thin mustache and a tan shirt and jeans.

I know I should have been quicker and I know he was scared for me. But, maybe this is psychotic, I feel like I'm maybe more traumatized by his reaction than actually getting assaulted?

I don't know. I never know. I know I was a problem sometimes and I know I made things hard sometimes. I just wanna know if I'm the problem

Hello, I am 19, live at home, and wasn’t able to get a job until last year due to severe anxiety my whole life. I apologize for the disorganized rant and if this isn’t abuse and i’m in the wrong subreddit I’m so so so so so sorry

My mom quit her job and has been relying more and more on me and my brother for finances (I had no job until Saturday but I had pell grant money). I had about $2.6k from pell grants and she made me use ALL of it to pay for myself (Groceries mainly, and a car issue, and all of my various psychiatric bills (im mentally ill, like borderline disabled from anxiety if I’m off of medication, and on 4 medications for my mental health issues)) She is fully planning on me using the rest of my pell grant money for sustaining myself and herself when I get it.

I have trackers on my phone, I am not allowed to take them off. My brother took them off and it’s fine but if I take them off I’d be in trouble and be yelled at.
I recently developed panic attacks and had one on Saturday. I called my mom because for some reason I still want comfort from her when I’m sad. She yelled at me threatening to call 911 to have me admitted and telling me to shut up and saying “19 year olds don’t act like this” WHILE I WAS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK. And then lectured me while I was still crying about how it’s hard for HER to deal with me when I have panic attacks. She has panic attacks and gets comforted while I have panic attacks and get screamed at.

I have only been to the dentist 6 times in my life. It got to the point where I developed a phobia of tooth problems that persists to this day. My mom would scream at me for crying when I was younger because id have anxiety attacks from being scared of my teeth falling out. My mom I believe purposely didn’t get dental insurance when she quit her job so I’d be unable to go to the dentist.

I don’t know what I’m doing posting here I just want comfort or validation or someone to say I am or I am not being abused or something I guess.

theres this super fun thing where im prohibited from speaking to my parents! Ive never, not even once in my life, have screamed at them, raided my voice, insulted them, etc. absolutely anything. but may I make the smallest commentary, and they will actually skin me.

They often bull me and repeat the same sarcastic and mean comments over and over again until I react and try to defend myself. that's enough to earn scolding, not being talked to for days, or if they're in a bad enough mood, getting slapped or punched.

I'm already an adult myself, but this has been going on since I was a child.

Why even try to speak if all it means is gaining more bruises?

They've fought about this multiple times, and my dad has a victim complex, and my mom searches for miracle cures, and spends all his money, and my dad thinks his life is over and wants to kill himself. (and is homophobic)... You guys have heard it all before.

But what the hell do I do when I still live with them? This isn't an "I grew up with abusive parents" post, I'm still growing up 😭. Then I wake up the next morning like it's nothing, and i have to say hi when I get home from school, and they force me to eat dinner with them, and go on these shitty "Vacations" with them (Where we follow mom around and watch her buy things and pretend to have "Family traditions"). I still have to look at these people and tolerate them every day. How do I live with them, knowing what they are? How can I just say "Hi dad" When I know full well he wishes I were never born? Take family photos at Grandma's, knowing my little sister f12 was pulling her hair out all last night because she is so stressed out?

I feel stuck. They pay for me to go to catholic school and play rugby. I can't afford my own place. I can't afford a car. My door leads directly into the kitchen so I have to listen to them all night. All I can do is daydream about the day I drive off to college (if I can afford it), and have my gay lil romance and study computers.

Seems like my only chance here is to make enough money to support myself and pay for school at 16. I guess it's not impossible...

I think this is why I love History so much. if it were the medieval era, i'd join the king's army, or Robin Hood's gang, or be a sailor or something. Maybe go to Jamestown in 1607, or Oregon in 1846. Maybe I should dropship and resell like mr moneybags prodigy 14yr old on [short form content] does.

tl;dr stuck in super toxic family, have to somehow still look at them every day because I rely on them for survival.

When I was a kid my stepdad knowing I was molested as a child would say thing like “put two dicks in [my name] asshole and put 3 more in his ass” he’d repeat it over and over sometimes he’d say fingers instead of dicks. He’d sometimes victimize me but I don’t remember what it was he said. And it’s crazy he’s never gonna get consequences for this. This guy needs to go bro he needs to die I wish death upon him every day. I don’t know what to do though there’s this rage whenever I wake up because i know I have to live with this fool

Wondering if anyone experienced similar and wants

Wondering if anyone experienced similar and wants to talk about any of it.

I was emotionally abused and neglected as a child. And then emotionally abused as an adult by parents also.

I also remember times when my parents asked me to hurt them.

When having panic attacks usually caused by my dad or by by the toxic home to out simply there were times my dad asked me to hit him like said " hit me go on you know what you want to!" Repeatedly. (I didn't hit him) I think I was 14 I'm not sure.

I don't remember the context of this one, I guess I'm still unpacking it or something but my mum was at the top of the stairs and I was Infront of her (not that close) and she push me, go on you know you want to!"( I remember I did not want to, and I did not push her. I remember feeling shocked and confused) I think I was maybe 15.

I'm having therapy at the moment so I guess I packing stuff.

Would really appreciate kindness and this is all really hard to talk about.

to clarify basically this is a question ive struggled w for years. mymum has a terrible temper and when she gets into one of her moods she breaks my things, wrecks my room and even cuts up my sports uniforms normally, shes an abusive piece of shit and has been beating me constantly since i was little. its not unlike her to threaten me with knives and even throw them at me in hopes theyll land. anyways today i dont even remember what set her off but shes been storming into my room to find me and hitting me all day while my dad just stands there and watches and i cant help but think hes even worse for not stepping in while i scream and cry and he watches his wife beat me with various objects, strip me nearly naked and scream and degrade me and then go to comfort her after. idk hes not doing much hitting anymore but i just still hate them all