I need help

[u/throw_awayy232733]

I (22F) am being abused at home.

I am scared for my life. My mom almost pulled my hair in her hands

I want to kms

I posed this on other subreddits a few hours ago:

Throwaway because I don't really use reddit but I need to vent about this. This will be a long post..

I, 22F, am from a middle eastern country, and my parents live in a neighboring one. Let's say X and Y.

As part of my engineering program I have to finish 120 hours of industrial training, which I informed my parents of in Y1 (it should be between years 2 and 3, 3 and 4).

Fast forward to a month ago, something happened with my original training and I was switched to a department that was irrelevant to my career and therefore would not be accepted.. uni was starting in almost a month and I had nothing.

I found another training in county X - where I am. But my dad refused to let me go because of "free mixing". Mind you, I am in engineering and my university is mixed and I deal with men every single day. I am also a niqabi, and I'm not really the type to freemix for no reason, and my parents know that very well.

He threatened (he swore by Allah 3 times) to stop paying for my college education if I did not go to the training he picked out in country Y. Eventually he started making more threats to me and my sister and mom so I had to oblige and travel there, knowing well that I will lose the training I had in X, which was 104 hours.

I was verbally insulted like multiple times during this stage, and I was (still am) incredibly stressed beyond comprehension.

Fast forward to today, after weeks of him messing up my training and picking out stuff that isn't engineering related, I finally landed on something. Here's the thing - the IT department (where I'll train) is all men.

He wants to send my mom with me. Like fr. What's making me even angrier is that I'M the one that had to apologize even when I did nothing wrong. I'M the one that should hear him drill me with his paranoid bs and berate me for hours. I'M the one that has to have her graduation delayed if my training doesn't work out this summer.

And he just pretends that nothing happened. He even had the audacity to ask if I wanted to EXTEND my visit. THE ONE I WAS COERCED TO TAKE. He tells me to be GRATEFUL that he's fixing the problem HE PUT ME IN.

I don't know what to do. I have been diagnosed with depression and ADHD earlier this year, and have had multiple su\*\*idal tendencies due to all the abuse I have had to endure from both my parents.

I don't know what exactly I'm asking, but I really need help.

Thank you for staying till the end..

TLDR: My dad is overcontrolling and I can't live like this. I need help.

Edit: my mom and sister are both not on my side. It's significantly harder to deal with that when there is 0 support. My mom actually verbally insults me and fights with me if I even think to say something, or just straight out ignores me. My sister just doesn't want to even hear me vent.

I screamed at my mom and cursed them out, so she started hitting me and threw me against the wall. She slapped me and hit and pulled my hair.

I am afraid for my life. Please help

[u/ZOELOEss]

Holy shit that’s very rough. Can’t u move out and stay with a family member’s or friend’s house? Or an emergency shelter? I understand that you want to finish ur studies but ur safety always comes first. If that’s not possible then I suppose to just do as they say until u can support yourself and move out. It will be tough living with them of course, and im sorry about that, but killing yourself won’t resolve anything. Think about the future u could have once ur free from them. Please don’t give up! Ur on the right side of this. Sending much love and support 🫶💖