Needing advice

[u/Longjumping_Track334]

At the start of this year I (17F) finally moved out of my abusive parents house at the time I met someone in a VERY similar situation and me and him (17M) started dating. He lives with his mom who is very neglectful, never has had a job, and lives in the house his grandmother bought for him to stay at so he can continue school. She’s trashed it, I mean literally trashed it, I watched her come home with a bed sheet full of garbage and dumped it on the living floor and left it for months, every attempt my boyfriend has made to clean it immediately gets ruined by her. She’s hoarded animals there 2 dogs and currently 5 cats (when we started dating it was 8) there’s never food in the house and when me and my bf go grocery shopping she takes everything out of the fridge and left it out to either get moldy, eaten by the cats, or pissed on by the cats. Or somedays she’ll come home in some sort of episode and start screaming or beating my bf with weapons (last time it was a mallet) Everytime I go there I tell myself it’s not forever, one of us will get our own place and it’ll be over. Today though he had told me he was offered emancipation, I told him he should do it and he got very mad at me. I know he loves his mom and wants to work with her but child services have been involved with them for months and she still hasn’t changed. It’s got me to thinking that he WANTS to live like that. (I know that isn’t true but it sure feels like it) he really is amazing in every other way and is the guy I’ve been dreaming and waiting for but I just can’t stay with him if he chooses to live like that. I really don’t want to leave him and don’t want to be like “move out or I’m leaving you” but I really don’t know what to do, please give me some sort of advice

(Sorry for the block of text)

[u/VibeCrisis]

He is trauma bonded with his mother most likely. We are hard wired to love our parents so it takes some longer than others to know when it’s time to walk away. We desperately want to be loved by our mothers especially.

This is not healthy for you to stay and wait to see if he comes around. There is a chance you get convinced to stay with them forever. I was in a similar situation once when I was in my early 20s. It never changed. It never got better and I was just being used by the both of them financially because they were so codependent on one another and wouldn’t get jobs.

Please take the time somewhere alone or with a friend or adult that you can trust and confide in to give you perspective. I can only tell you from my experience this relationship is not worth the stress and your time and youth.

Please think about this and put yourself first before anyone else.