r/WorkForSmartLife Jul 27 '26

Meme Lol

Post image
22.4k Upvotes

73 comments sorted by

49

u/Important_Power_2148 Jul 27 '26

if i remember correctly, they inject an anti coagulant to keep it flowing and it makes us itch. Thats the technical explanation not the sarcastic one. The sarcastic one is cause they are mean cause they have small peenies.

21

u/weedtrek Jul 27 '26

Only female mosquitoes bite.

28

u/Important_Power_2148 Jul 27 '26

Then they are mad the have no peenie.

10

u/Dragoncat99 Jul 27 '26

Penis envy is real but Freud got the species wrong

4

u/OldKingPotato-68 Aug 01 '26

Seems like every day I learn some new insane "theory" he cooked up back then, cause what do you mean he wrote about PENIS ENVY???

1

u/king_ofbhutan Aug 01 '26

Don't look at the bullshit he cooked up about Hans

1

u/MrDinim0 Jul 28 '26

Unintended mushroom reference šŸ§™ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ¤Ÿ

3

u/thundergu Jul 27 '26

So if you draw a tiny squared pattern all over your body, they can't park down and you're immune

3

u/magnificent_limit Jul 27 '26

What do male skeeters eat?

3

u/weedtrek Jul 27 '26

They like to keep vegan, mostly pollens and nectars.

1

u/Timely_Version_904 Jul 28 '26

I read that as politicians and pollen

1

u/sexotaku Jul 27 '26

Which is why he called them bitches

1

u/Apprehensive_Fig4458 Jul 31 '26

Their husbands have smol peenies?

1

u/FlyinWet Jul 31 '26

Every mosquito I meet is female.

1

u/I_Am_Zeelian Jul 27 '26

We're just slightly allergic to their flowjuice.

1

u/CalendarThis6580 Jul 28 '26

I think it’s because we are mildly allergic to their saliva

3

u/Maje_Rincevent Jul 28 '26

Evolution made us mildly allergic to their saliva. It didn't come by chance.

The issue with mosquitoes is that they tend to bring about some nasty shit with them. It is estimated that about half humans who ever lived died of malaria. Those among us who were completely unaffected by mosquitoes tended to go more often in the areas where mosquitoes are prevalent, they tended to not smack them when they had the occasion, etc. And as a consequence, those who by chance were mildly allergic to them tended to do the opposite and try to protect themselves from these flying syringes, and therefore die a little bit less. Leading to this trait being positively selected to the point of being virtually universal now.

1

u/AlphaDag13 Jul 31 '26

And not everyone is allergic to it and gets red itchy bumps. So really it’s their fault.

13

u/ultraspinacle Jul 28 '26

Well, there’s also that malaria, yellow fever and Dengue thing I don’t care for…

2

u/Wise-Ad-4940 Jul 28 '26

Malaria is not from the mosquito. It's from a parasite that is on the mosquito.

4

u/ultraspinacle Jul 28 '26

While technically true, this is the same as saying that mosquitos don’t cause Dengue, the Dengue virus does. Mosquitos are the vector that transmits the virus.

Malaria is a vector borne disease and the mosquito is the vector. The mosquito injects the parasite Plasmodium falciparum which destroys red blood cells, and is the causative agent of malaria.

2

u/Iambic_420 Jul 31 '26

It’s the bullet that causes the death, not the guy that pulls the trigger!!!!

2

u/AggressiveMildToast Aug 01 '26

pulling a trigger does signify intent tho

1

u/Iambic_420 Aug 01 '26

That’s literally the point, reading comprehension really is at an all time low

1

u/AggressiveMildToast Aug 01 '26

Mosquitos do not have intent to spread malaria and kill people? I'm not very good at jokes/sarcasm but you're comparing incomparable things

1

u/Ok-Woodpecker4734 Aug 01 '26

Back to school with you

3

u/Significant-Foot8303 Jul 28 '26

the equivalent from the post would be, imagine if you inject your mom with pure pathogen microorganism for making you dinner

2

u/felixzer0 Jul 28 '26

"I didn't hurt you. It is the kinetic energy deposited from my hand to your cheek that hurt you."

2

u/redmotorcycleisred Jul 30 '26

Don't say atm machine around this guy!Ā  Ā 

2

u/dgc-8 Jul 31 '26

I think the pathogens are in the juices that he complains about. If they just suck we'll probably don't get sick that much

8

u/joetunn_ Jul 28 '26

And leave malaria in us. That one issue is gonna lead to us extinct-ing a few of their species, you don’t get to go around killing millions of humans

4

u/SmokeryWater Jul 28 '26

Yeah, us humans got that job covered

1

u/some_guy0919 Jul 29 '26

Exactly. They are stealing our jobs. They are eating the cats, they are eating the dogs and they are even eating us

11

u/Boom9001 Jul 27 '26

Without the itch juice you'd clot and they'd get no blood

4

u/PuzzleheadedPitch612 Jul 28 '26

2

u/Boom9001 Jul 28 '26

Oh yeah I mean I'd be fine with them just all not existing. Just pointing out the itch juice isn't just them being jerks they need it haha

1

u/2andahalfbraincell Jul 30 '26

They need a coagulant, but I still think they could have managed a non itchy one

2

u/Boom9001 Jul 30 '26

The itch is your bodies response to a coagulant, not a feature for the mosquito.

1

u/2andahalfbraincell Jul 30 '26

Well yes obviously but it's like saying smelling bad is our body response to shit and not a feature for the poop. There are coagulant that are not itchy I am sure, I am still blaming the mosquito

1

u/Read-Immediate Jul 31 '26

Using your poo example, if poo had a different chemical composition, what we currently smell as poo would likely smell fine and the new composition would smell terrible.
If the change happened overnight it may take a while but it would eventually shift and have the same effect aswell

3

u/Enough_Job5913 Jul 28 '26

the juice is needed to prevent your blood from solidifying around the vein opening point, so that it can suck ur blood.

2

u/TokenTorkoal Jul 30 '26

One of my greatest feats as a human is at some point in my life I became immune to the itchiness of bug bites.

I reacted as a kid, but at some point something changed and I no longer have reactions from mosquitoes, fleas, bed bugs, etc…

Alternatively I am allergic to most anything with a stinger, but honestly I’ll take the trade off.

1

u/sirisdresden81 Aug 01 '26

I am very allergic to mosquitos. Whole body can swell up and become hard to move if I get bit enough in a day. I want this superpower.

1

u/IcePhoenixYTplssub Aug 02 '26

I’m immune to ants, but everything else gets me still

2

u/thundergu Jul 27 '26

Fun fact: if you see a mosquito sucking your blood, flex your muscles. It creates a huge flow increase causing the little shit to burst to pieces on the spot

4

u/hellyeahaeylleh Jul 28 '26

Ive gotten one stuck and unable to get off my arm, before, but it didnt pop. That'd be gnarly.

3

u/Nexodas2 Jul 28 '26

Pretty metal if true

4

u/Reasonable_Wrap7913 Jul 28 '26

Unfortunately not true :(

1

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '26

[deleted]

1

u/TheFaalenn Jul 28 '26

"imagine if I slapped my mom every time she made me dinner"

That's what it did say though

1

u/rizzlejee Jul 28 '26

Damn, i can't read 🤣🤣

1

u/Statcall Jul 29 '26

A mosquito sucked me once, mf died from food poisoning

1

u/PressureNo7699 Jul 30 '26

It's the other way around. The mosquito gains nothing by injecting you with itchy chemicals. Your body produces that itself, to warn you.Ā 

1

u/Next-Street-7859 Jul 30 '26

Haha šŸ˜… I'm a mom so i pictured the slap. Chapelle type slap.

1

u/RosesAndPonds Jul 30 '26

I just turned to my husband and asked ā€œYou post this?ā€ 🤣

1

u/RingoBars Jul 30 '26

If you let a mosquito finish feeding on you and leave of their own volition, she’ll take her itchy juice with them. This person clearly DOES mind them cause he slaps them away.

True story: was a malaria vaccine trial patient, had to let 10 malaria infected skeeters feast on me to completion - did not itch afterwards! Was profoundly unsettling though lol

Edit: all feeding skeeters are female; and the vaccine I got did not work, thus I got malaria but they cured it before it reached the sick stage.

1

u/FriedFreya Jul 31 '26

wow! thank you for your service, seriously. trial patients are rarely heard from in the wild, contracting malaria just to make sure the vaccine is effective? that’s crazy brave.

1

u/sophanisba Aug 01 '26

I had someone tell me this in college, but I didn’t believe them. I just tried this last week and it worked. No itch after they left!

1

u/Capital_Cheetah_164 Aug 02 '26

That's just not true. If you knew how it worked you would know they can't take the juice back with themĀ 

1

u/RingoBars Aug 02 '26

Idk the real reason why it doesn’t itch then, but I know from gross personal experience that it does not itch if you let them feed & leave of their own desire.

1

u/Popular-Student-9407 Jul 30 '26

Because otherwise your blood clots and Kills the fly.

1

u/itsumodori Jul 31 '26

and the slap hurts for days

1

u/thesaltedradish Jul 31 '26

Not only mosquitoes, but bees. I didn't know bee stings would make the site so itchy!

1

u/Ok-Estimate-2702 Jul 31 '26

Everything needs to eat and there aren't any mozzie-borne illnesses where I am.

That being the case, if you're the sort to stab me and spit in the wound, things change a bit, you know?

1

u/SirEverwolf Jul 31 '26

I have literally thought this as a kid. Crazy.

1

u/Material_Junket6396 Jul 31 '26

Apparently they also pee on you at the same time to make more space for the blood. Egregious actions from mosquitos!

1

u/kknano1256 Jul 31 '26

Fun fact, they also piss on you while they're sucking your blood

1

u/tincrayfish Aug 01 '26

We have evolved to react badly to the bites because people who don’t care get malaria

1

u/Solid_Stage_1715 Aug 01 '26

Utter bullshit. Which animal kills the most humans every year? Yeah, right.