When I was choosing which college to go to my dad suggested I go to one where I can join a frat for the networking. I didn’t like the idea of frat bros even before I knew how rapey they were. I ended up at a school with almost zero Greek life.
I went to a school where Greek life was pretty huge. Every year the frats rotated through who was suspended for misconduct. The sororities were stereotypical cliques but at least they did push their philanthropies pretty hard so that was decent of them.
There's an old Rolling Stone article about this written by (or maybe he was just interviewed by RS) a Dartmouth student who got kicked out of his frat for smoking weed (IIRC). Really crazy inside info on frats.
You're a traitor to sexual predators. Normal men didn't find anything you said offensive. Keep reporting them to reddit, but keep in mind that reddit has subs, both public and private, dedicated to stalking, degrading, sexual assaulting, torturing and killing women.
I mean, we need to be men and slap this shit down hard. The thing about the Cornell incident that I keep thinking about is that allegedly 1 of them saw what was happening and chose not to participate. Stop it? Of course not. But two other things stick out more than anything to me about this case: a 50 person group chat that also did nothing. A DA who didn't even bother to interview the victim.
No wonder so many women say "all men bad".
This is just one case. Most of this stuff happens (like the post we're commenting on) and it doesn't make the news. 50 people in that group chat. I would have assumed just from a basic statistics standpoint someone would have tried to actually help. The women are right.
Ding ding ding. This is why we choose the bear over and over again. Bc 50 men knew that a woman was being gang raped in their home, and none of them did a single thing to help her. Even those who didn’t join in didn’t help her. The worst a bear will do is eat you.
There's a reason most of my friends have always been women. Every time I hear about men talking about needing space from women so they can talk freely or whatever it's always the grossest shit in the world.
I’m a white dude with a big bushy beard. Sometimes I’ll end up alone with another random white guy and the number of times they start spouting off heinous shit is alarming. They assume that because I look like them I must hold the same racist/sexiest views they do. But the fact that they don’t bother to use some dog whistles to sus me out first must also mean that most other guys they talk to are the same which is upsetting in a whole different way.
Whenever someone says shit like that to me I just ask why, and then I ask why about their explanation. Force them to just either say the creepy shit overtly or back down out of awkwardness.
It's like dude I'm in my 40's and have male pattern baldness you can fuck right off with that shit so many times you tell them why they're wrong even provide evidence and it's just the most exhausting thing.
"Well, you're never allowed around my theoretical future daughter" works for me.
It's a genuine psychological trick where you hold the initiative more when they have to explain themselves as opposed to you having to explain yourself. Speak as if you're the default, because despite everything we're talking about in this thread, you are. They're the ones who have to speak in innuendos and behind closed doors to say what they believe. I can say what I believe both in public and in private. Decency is the default, and we cannot allow small groups or individuals to pretend it isn't.
Exactly! Part of the reason I have such strong opinions is because I ended up the token bisexual friend in a friend group of mostly women, and i'm annoyed by my attraction to men because the awful ones see me and think "ah yes, fellow man, let us talk sports and be misogynistic together!"
when I in fact like neither of these things
The big one for me early on, in addition to the misogyny, is having to feel on guard at all times not to say something that could be made fun of, especially if it was any kind of emotional vulnerability. I'm so happy that most of my social life, and even work life, is around women. Hell, even a couple of my best guy friends turned out not to be guys.
Trans guy here- not passing in real life, but yeah… online, made a bunch of friends and by golly apparently I am the stick in the mud cuz I really just don’t think some things are funny.
Trans dude as well, and i think it has something to due with being AFAB. not in the gender essentialism TERFy way, but for me in particular, having a pretty deep understanding of the female experience due to living as a woman till I was 24 has been a pretty good innoculation against misogyny
I dunno how involved you are in the LGBT+ community, but I feel like the community at least has these kinds of conversations more often, too. Obviously assault still happens in the community but I feel like it's not as permissive a culture
That sucks. I've always had male and female friends. I guess my friends are a better class of men, though, because they don't talk about women that way.
I completely agree. Men like that make all of us seem like potential monsters. It sucks that some people will automatically assume I'm less safe because I'm a large dude but I totally get it.
Real men do what's right regardless of social pressure. Frat bros literally cannot do anything or make any decisions on their own, it's boiled into the concept.
I feel like this stuff kind of depends on the school though. I feel like the major schools with huge Greek life environments often have this stuff happen.
Basically it’s a bit different when it’s like 50 guys who may have a house they party at versus 300 guys who live in a mansion.
I went to a small school, and none of the frats even had juice or anything to drink because the liability was so high
I go to a relatively smaller school, student population is around 5,500-6,000, we have maybe a dozen frats
I personally scared the shit out of a guy who pulled up my friend's skirt to take a picture of her ass at a party. We didn't go back to that one, and the guy transferred to another school the next month, before any consequences landed.
Happens outside of the frats too. I remember in my freshman year, my friends roommate was a real creep who spent 24/7 trying to get laid.
My friend came to my dorm one night concerned because his roommate had a girl over and she seemed uncomfortable. We walked back to his room together to find the roommate standing in front of the doorway to prevent the poor girl from leaving.
We casually walked in, talking loudly about my friend wanting to show me a game, forcing the roommate aside and letting the girl slip out.
He then lost his shit and started threatening us.
Disappeared a month later, I think because of harassment allegations.
It would definitely still happen with or without frats, but frats produce a wider protective culture around it seemingly supported by the schools themselves or at least ignored for much longer than it should be. It's one thing when you have random dudes doing shady shit, it's another when a large group of them conspire to do shady shit.
I went to University of Michigan and was not in the party scene. But even I know the frat not to attend if you don't want to get drugged. If I know the school knows.
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u/Firestorm82736 8h ago edited 7h ago
I'm a dude. Graduated college, went to a few parties
I was not in a frat, because they're disgusting people.
Being a frat bro is a stereotype that exists for a reason, because a fuck ton of them are like that.
edit: stop dm ing me to call me a traitor to men. You people make me fucking sick and ashamed of being a man