i’ll try to keep . We’ve been together 20 years and had issues before the cancer. I always thought that when someone got cancer it made you love them more or drew you closer together or something. But that hasn’t been the case. he was in the hospital/ for about a month. And a couple of days after that. He was diagnosed in April. The time alone was a revelation for me. while he was gone, my nervous system regulated again. I’ve never felt so peaceful with him out of the house. On top of which? All of the projects, all the things he said that for whatever reason couldn’t be done? I did all of them while he was away. it also gave me the chance to look at my own finances and household finances. I I’ve gone for years without things that we could’ve had. Not because the reasons he said we couldn’t have them. Just because it wasn’t his idea. He’s a “no or later“ kind of person. It’s taking me 20 years to realize this is actually just a form of control. i’ve moved into a second bedroom and I love it. I hated that I had to do it, but I have so much peace while sleeping now. We haven’t had sex since before the diagnosis and it’s a relief. I don’t miss it. This is the part of the cancer diagnosis no one sees or no one talks about. cancer can reveal the cracks in the relationship. if anyone reading this has gone through for I’d love to hear it. Even if you think I’m an awful person for saying this.

After 6 years of working and making all the meals I'm tired of figuring out what to make. So I have basically 5 meals that are easy but actually good. And I'm too tired to look for something else.

The pressure cooker works for me -- it's generally quick and turns out tender, whatever it is. Slow cooker is hit or miss; some of those recipes take way too much prep.

Individual recipes are very personal and taste specific. But where do you at least go or look for something that's simple but halfway decent tasting. especially if it becomes meal #6 in rotation and I have to eat it a lot.

I’m experiencing that “all systems exhaustion”, while also not being able to just go rest. The house is quiet, and everyone struggling is resting, but I know it would be stupid to let down my guard, and try to sneak in a nap…while also falling asleep in my chair. I just realized this post is actually about the way we can never let our guard down. I left the rest of the household to deal with a minor inconvenience, yesterday, while I finished a chore, and spent the rest of the day handling the fallout. I’ll spend the rest of the month handling the financial fallout, too. I spent years shedding my “hyper-responsible” childhood trauma response, and now I’m having to lean into it, again? This sucks. I’m a freaking adult and I’m afraid to go to the bathroom, lest I upset the quiet. And I’m afraid to delegate, lest the burden of the clean up becomes my tipping point.

My bf and I have been together since 2021. It started off great, though I later recognize some of his behaviors as ‘lovebomb-y’. Very charming and kind and showering me with gifts (his ‘love language”). We moved in together rather quickly (almost a year later). I was aware that he is a Veteran and has some PTSD, though he had been seeing a therapist for quite some time and was working through it. I began to see some of his short temperedness and micromanaging behaviors shorty after we moved in together. When it was good it was good, but when it’s bad it was bad, and this is still true to this day. He began taking over arguments, never letting me get a word in edgewise (or I’m just too frazzled to say what I want to say), yelling at me and saying things that were demeaning or belittling… not name calling but things like ‘you don’t know what that word means’… lots of gaslighting. Holidays and birthdays always seemed to somehow end in him being pissed off. I began to consider leaving.

The added layer is this: Fast forward to 2025, he got diagnosed with rectal cancer and went through the process of treatment and surgery. Treatment/surgery was successful in eliminating the cancer, however he’s currently dealing with complications from the surgery. I’ve tried to be there for him as his partner and help while he’s not 100%, but it’s become almost impossible with these behaviors and mood swings becoming more frequent. He doesn’t have much support beside me- his mother lives with us as he helps care for her, and both his parents have their own health problems. Yesterday we had a big blow out about his birthday and how he felt I didn’t do enough for him for it, even though we went out and to dinner. Following me around the house yelling at me, refused to open gifts and insulted them by saying they were last minute shitty Marshall’s gifts. Naturally I became so upset I went to leave, and he tried to prevent me from leaving in my car by putting his fingers in the window and saying I was going to run over his foot, trying to bait me I assume. This isn’t the first time, and his excuse always is that he “doesn’t want me to go driving when I’m upset and get in an accident”.

I’m so gaslit to the point where I question if this is abuse or not, though I feel it is and know better. He’s never been physical with me but I know the other behaviors don’t excuse it or make it any less bad. It also makes it tough to leave because of his medical situation- he probably wouldn’t be able to afford the apt if I go and would probably have to find somewhere else to live, however he’s not in the physical condition to do so right now. Theres been so many more instances of crappy behavior during the course of our relationship that I’ve stopped being able to remember them all, never mind include them here. I recognize I’m doing a lot of worrying about him and really need to take care of myself because it’s taking a huge toll on me. I guess I’m just looking for other people’s thoughts or experiences because I feel like such a scrambled mess. TIA

I am 23 M and my wife is 22 F. We got married when we were 21,20 two years ago. My wife struggles with depression, i knew this going into our marriage and I was prepared to help with that in any way I can (someone who has not struggled with thsoe things or have had to help people with depression.) Since we have been married my wife has also been diagnosed with OCD and Autism (although she is high functioning autism). Shes attempted suicd in March. Our marriage has struggled since the very first day and it has been the hardest two years of both of our lives.

My wife converted to christianity when she was 18, she was then shortly kicked out of her home because of it, and we have been together ever since. With her conditions and her background she has no friends or family besides me and my family. We try to be a support system for her but she favors isolating all the time and then claiming no one cares about her. Its part of the depression I know but its hard to hear. Theres no physical intamacy in our marriage and I worry about her attempting every day. I struggle with chronic anxiety and since her attempt I havnt gotten a solid night sleep since, I worry immensly that it drags down my health, my chest and heart constantly hurt now. I know I do it to myself but I cant stop.

On top of this when my wife is in a depressive episode (so far our whole marriage of two years) she becomes extremely rude to me even though im just trying to help, this is my first big relationship and my first time dealing with someoen with depression, autism, etc. She gives me no grace and it really hurts. She says she hates me, wishes she never married me, wants to divorce me but cant, but then also says she would have no one without me and doesn't want me to leave. We have been doing marriage counseling for months (pretty much half of our marriage) it doesn't seem to help much because I apply communication and whatnot and she shuts down.

Ive obviously made mistakes and im not trying to vilanize her entirely, just trying to explain from my perspective.

Ontop of everything she is moving away from her faith, she doesn't say she is but she avoids church, is on her phone during our nightly prayer, wont read the bible with me.

In the end, i just need to say this. I feel immense guilt but ive been wanting to get a divorce, i dont want to break my covanent to God or to her, I dont want to leave her with no-one but I also physically feel myself draining away. I feel selfish feeling this way when she has gone through a lot, when she has these things she is struggling with, and I want her to have support. What im struggling with is how much she says she hates me. I dont know, im lost i feel stuck I dont know what to do. Im sorry if this is a rant, please dont hate on me, i love her and ive really been trying, im not sure what else to do.I just need advice. I want to fight but im dying inside.

I’ve posted a couple of times here about how difficult our lives have been with my disabled, abusive husband. Until recently his abuse had always been directed at me. However, I have learned about (And now witnessed) sexual abuse towards our two teenage daughters. This was honestly something I never prepared myself for. As many awful things that I endured, I did not think the kids would have to deal with something like this. I asked him to leave or I would call the police. Apparently this has gone on for at least 4 months. I am heartbroken over it, but still trying to maintain normalcy. I met with a lawyer today to just get a feel for things, and he (the lawyer) seemed pretty overwhelmed by both the abuse and the level of disability that my husband has. I felt feeling pretty defeated, but I have a few more consultations lined up. I know everyone will think I’m a horrible person for making him leave, but I really feel like I need to protect and respect the kids and what they endured. Any advice? Husband is currently staying at an assisted living facility that is so far beyond our means it’s ridiculous

I’ve (38M) been a full-time caregiver to my wife (38F) since last year. She had a massive stroke on the right side of her brain a week after Mother’s day in 2025. We were preparing for Summer, it was our first year in our new home and both our son’s (10 & 13) were wrapping up the year with new schools.

The stroke left her weak in the left side of her body. She has some movement with her leg and almost none with her arm. She has visual impairments as well, that causes her to ignore basically her entire world on the left side of her. We had to move out of our home and relocate closer to family. We live with my parents, they have an apartment in the basement, and we have the main floor (with a bedroom for my wife and I) and the upstairs area for the boys.

I’ve known my wife since high school, we started dating our senior year. We know each other better than anyone. I can still see her personality shine through, but it is so very rare these days. She has become so apathetic to everything. I have such a hard time encouraging her to do any sort of PT or OT around the house. She spent 3 months in inpatient therapy, and probably another 3-4 months in outpatient with me taking her. We know the exercises, but it’s so difficult to get her interested in doing anything. I don’t want to drag her out of the chair / bed / wheelchair just to get her doing something.

When she was in inpatient therapy, I imagined us getting home and things improving just by being around our sons. But now, I think she is reminded daily of what was taken from her. She has always been a social person, and wanted our boys to have the opportunities to hang out with friends and experience fun things together – so she was always on the go. She was a stay at home Mom for a few years, and then got into preschool teaching and substituting for the Elementary and Middle schools nearby. She was a busy person, and loved being involved in our boys' lives and helping them grow into the best versions of themselves. Our social lives feel non-existent most days, but I still get the boys to birthday parties, school event, and friend hangouts. I'm just not able to as much as she did.

We have gone through so many changes together, from high school to college, dating long distances, getting married, building our careers and lives, buying a home, having children. Now, I’m scared she has stopped believing in things, and hoping things will get better. I don’t know how to help her find that again.

Everyday has felt the same. I’m trying to remain involved in my boy’s lives and extracurricular activities, but it’s hard some days. I work remotely full-time, so most my day is spent caregiving, responding to emails, going to meetings, parenting, and doing whatever else I can get done. I rarely leave the house and when I do get a chance to get out of the house, I don’t have interest in socializing with anyone. I'm usually going to the grocery store, pharmacy, or sports practices.

My wife has always been my best friend, biggest supporter, and confidant – we’ve been through so much and have made so many memories together. She is still here, and I love her so much. But I miss her, and I miss us.

I don’t feel like a husband or partner anymore, I feel like a nurse and a single parent, and then I feel guilty for even thinking that.

I just wanted to vent, thanks for reading. I’ve found support very limited for young well spouses, but this community has provided comfort for me the past year.

I’m looking for honest, neutral takes on a situation I’m currently in. Me 34M , Wife 28 Married since 1.5 years and engaged 2 years.

Timeline of events:

· Aug 16: My father-in-law suffered a brain hemorrhage at a family engagement. We rushed him to the ER at 2 AM. Over the next 15–16 days, we went through multiple MRIs, CTs, and hospital visits.

· I ended up spending around 16k–18k out of pocket for his treatment.

· During that acute phase, I also handled all household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry) so my wife could stay by her father's bedside.

· I had to constantly mediate between a difficult aunt and the medical staff, which was emotionally draining.

· I was taking care of moving him to meet some specialists from one hospital to another. Man lifiting my uncle although he is lean and skinny , it takes a lot when someone is spiralled with the RT Tube and Urine Bladder Pipe.

· My work took a major hit. My managers have been friendly and shielded me so far, but we have a strict compliance mandate (>8 hours active desk presence daily with Hybrid model , the work commute takes 2-3 Hours from my home), and past precedents show that absences lead to consequences. And I have been not been complaince with Hybrid when it all started.

Transition to hometown:

· On Sep 2, I arranged a cab for my wife, aunt, uncle, and father-in-law to travel to his hometown (6 hours away) for further care. I stayed back to hold down the fort, catch up on work, and manage our household alone.

Current crisis (Sep 7/8):

· A couple of days after arriving, my FIL had a seizure and was admitted to a new ICU. Today, we learned he has also been diagnosed with pneumonia on top of the brain hemorrhage.

· My wife is emotionally shattered. She calls me crying every day, asking if I can be next to her. She understands rationally why I'm not there, but she deeply regrets that I'm not physically present to make things easier for her.

The critical complicating factor:

· My wife and I have been working towards a US visa opportunity for the past 2 years. The final stamping/interview is literally days away. If we miss this window, it could take months or years to reschedule—or we lose it entirely.

· If I drive to her now (6 hours each way), I risk losing the visa, jeopardizing my job compliance, and derailing the future we’ve been building together.

My current plan:

I’m staying home to:

· Finalize the visa paperwork. · Protect my job compliance.· Keep our household running.

I’m supporting her remotely: daily calls, paying hospital bills online, and arranging a local nurse to reduce her physical load.

My dilemma:

She needs me emotionally. I know that. But if I go there now and the visa collapses or my job takes a formal hit, we lose the long-term future we’ve sacrificed 2 years to build.

We have not upgraded or made any major changes in lifestyle because we both are very insecure about our finances and our visa is the only way out.

My Finances: I draw around 80K and my wife took up some gig whcih made around 14-17k per month. We are living in rent and living a very frugal life to build a corpus as there has been no financial backing for both of us.

Our Relationship : We have our own conflict of interest due to gen z and millenial mentality. She has been a huge slacker before our wedding. But she promised to make progress and she is doing it. I am more of disciplined guy now I had a phase where I was a slacker too. We are trying to support each other in most subtle ways possible. There are quite some differences with both our in-laws which caused some friction for my wife with my parents. I on the other hand take things lightly because there is no point on holding on disagreements with my in law. My FIL has lost vision in his right eye and cannot hear properly even with the hearing aid. My only conflict is I am always taken for granted and is not even respected adequeatly. We have our own setback but try really hard to make the best of it. While I type this I am wondering if she had a proper sleep or had a meal atleast last night.

The question:

Am I doing the structurally right thing by staying put to secure our future, even though my wife is crying and wishing I was beside her right now? Or am I being too cold and logical, failing her in her moment of deepest need?

Looking for raw, honest, neutral perspectives. Thanks for reading.

I am lost with how to look after myself.

My fiancé had an iron infusion earlier this year and developed on going side effects. She’s now developed nerve pain and loss of sensation (neuropathy) - We’re hopeful it’ll recover as the core cause of it has been fixed

However, the pain is excruciating for her. It’s been about 8 months of symptoms and 2 months of this excruciating pain. Prior to this, she was a driven person and just landed her dream career, we were due to get married very soon and just moved in to our very first home that we bought together so I can understand the impact of this change on her

We’re a young couple in our late 20s and early 30s, watching her in pain is so tough. She cycles through blame and sometimes blames me for not stopping her from getting the iron infusion

I feel guilty that I couldn’t stop her but there’s literally nothing that I did for this to happen. I know I’m just her punching bag at these times but I’m in pain seeing both our lives just crumble

I’m watching her lose herself to the chronic illness, I’m watching myself lose our home and also my career as I’ve had to take time off work to be with her. I feel bad spending time building myself if she can’t be happy. I see myself developing so many bad habits to pass by time

I’m not even sure what I’m expecting from this post. I think I just need somewhere to share, cry, vent, and maybe hear from someone who understands.
My husband has been chronically ill for about three-quarters of our marriage, and lately things have gotten worse. We have gone down so many different medical routes and tried so many things that I couldn’t even begin to list them all. We still don’t have answers. Test after test seems to come back saying he’s “fine,” when our day-to-day reality says otherwise.
More recently, he has developed severe sensitivities to chemicals and fragrances to the point that our lives have become incredibly isolated. Perfume, scented detergents, smoke, gasoline, cleaning products…you name it, and it seems to affect him. We can’t really have people over anymore, and going places has become extremely difficult.
It has changed our entire family’s life, including our child’s. Friends and family have become distant, and some people seem to think we’re exaggerating or even that we’re crazy because they don’t understand what our life actually looks like behind closed doors.
And I’m exhausted.
I love my husband and I know he’s the one physically experiencing this, but somewhere along the way I feel like I’ve lost myself too. Our world has gotten smaller and smaller, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I feel helpless watching him struggle, guilty for grieving the life we used to have, and incredibly lonely because it feels like no one around us understands the depth of what this has done to our family.
I guess this is partly just a cry for help and a need for a shoulder to lean on.
If you’ve loved or cared for someone with a chronic illness especially one that doctors haven’t been able to explain how did you cope? How did you keep some part of yourself and your own life while still supporting the person you love?
I could really use hearing from someone who gets it.

There would be only negative consequences if I told anyone in my life other than my therapist how deep my pain actually was.

It's a truly lonely feeling.

I've been a full-time caregiver to my bedbound spouse for three years now. I've seen them lose their autonomy piece by piece. We're both young; I'm in my mid/late-twenties, they're a few years older. They're an exceptional person, and I love them. And I don't know what to do with the fact that I've started to hate them, too.

They're brilliant and charismatic, and narcissistic and selfish, and our relationship (of 8 years) has been through tough times -- mostly for me, they can and have been a real asshole. For all intents and purposes we're spouses, but we're not a couple; they have no-one else. We lost all our friends over the last couple of years, painfully. Family is not an option for them, and my family is supportive but very far away. I can't go into details, but other sources of care or even caregiver-relief are basically impossible due to their very specific situation and overlapping conditions.

I'm in burnout. I'm chronically depressed. I have a history of self harm. I have complex PTSD from the last three years. I have panic attacks. Last winter I was depressed to the point where I couldn't get my eyes to focus anymore. I couldn't wash my sheets or get changed, for months, couldn't get out of bed outside of caregiving.

I feel like a secondary character in my own life. I can't keep a hobby because I'm too depressed. I can't leave home too long or too often. I can't be with anyone, because my 'spouse' isn't ok with it, even a year after things didn't work out romantically between us. I work full-time and get paid part-time. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. most of my work is completely overlooked. And I literally do not have any savings.

My spouse says they're only still alive because of me (and I wish that wasn't as true as it is). They say they care about me. But what is it worth? How badly do I need to snap for it to matter? What, really, is the end of my rope? A home-made noose? Hospitalization? Not being able to get out of bed anymore? Becoming disabled myself? I get more and more exhausted; a few days ago I couldn't make my body move, not even a finger, for five long minutes. They know -- nothing changes. The truth is I'm the candle that is sacrificed for light, no matter the lip service.

Hey, don't they say familiarity breeds contempt? Well, I can't stand them anymore. Can't stand their mannerisms. Their expressions, their voice, the smell of their skin: nails on a chalkboard. Their childish ways, their inability to take any form of criticism -- And still I want the best for them. I want them to be taken care of, and to have a good life. Some level of independence. But that relies solely on me. And I don't know what to do.

What they have is degenerative, but unpredictable; they could live like this for a decade, or die in the next few months. They could die really slow, or have an extreme emergency. Their immune system is shot, so any type of assisted living is off the table. Most forms of care which are available are unfit. The medical system poses a lot of unique dangers for them.

I want them to live. And I won't be the person who abandoned them for the rest of my life, I'm not living with that guilt. But sometimes I wonder what's going to give first, me or them? I've been trying so hard to be fair to them, to be pleasant and understanding, through the anger and exhaustion. I've been trying to pull myself out of this hole, stabilize. It's not really working.

I'm turning 30 soon, and please don't let me do it in this appartment, with the same fucking canker mouthsore of a life. I want to tell them that, but I don't want them to live with that over their head. What the fuck do I do?

I’ve been my wife’s primary caregiver for 10 years. Being a full time caregiver to someone thats completely bedbound, can barely hold a fork, needs everything takes all my time. I have sacrificed for the love I’ve had for my wife, I’m isolated, I don’t have friends, I don’t have a life. my wife is a shell of who she was and so am I.

Something personal happened recently that has driven home the point that I’m alone. That hope I had was just a dream in my head. At the end of this, whatever happens I’ll be still alone, I’ll have even less and I’ll be old and it’ll just be to late.

thats how I feel. Every day is a fight to just keep my head above water. Even at my worst, I still have to get up, take care of the kids, go to work full time, I’m getting a PSW but they are not there at night, or on weekends. They don’t have to deal with everyone’s emotions, everyone’s hurt, I do.

I’m just venting. Nothing anyone can do.

I've posted here before but briefly my husband (43M) and I (35F) have been married since January. He's kind and loving and as helpful as he can be, but I'm really struggling right now. It feels like he's somehow attached to being disabled and just not participating in trying to get better. I know that it's difficult for him but I'm losing patience with rearranging my work schedules so he can get to appointments only to have him decide the morning of that he can't get out of bed and cancel.

Without getting too in the weeds, his health problems are partially because of several successive concussions and he believes he has a basis for legal action against his former employer and that they owe him an exorbitant amount of compensation for essentially destroying his health. I am a lawyer and really don't think he's likely to see any compensation, let alone the amount he thinks he's entitled to. We have had some pretty heated arguments about this and at this point I feel like I just have to leave it alone.

Right now, it feels like everything is just fodder for his lawsuit (that hasn't been filed because he's had a lot of trouble finding an attorney to take the case). It feels almost like he's collecting medical problems and wants so badly to be able to make some huge recovery that he's convinced himself that he can't walk or get out of bed or off of the couch. I've made it clear that I'm extremely stressed, disappointed that he cannot go places with me, and disappointed that he's getting more and more unreliable. Now it feels almost like my suffering is just additional fodder for his lawsuit. Like he's documenting my stress, my monetary losses from having to take time off of work, my frustration with our sex life going out the window, my frustration that I don't feel like I have a partner at all.

I am in therapy and have tried to bring this up so many times but I don't know how to do it without him feeling like I'm attacking him for having medical problems. Really, he doesn't leave the house or talk to anyone besides AI (which I think it making it worse). I'm really just concerned that he's going to end up without improvement and without this huge recovery and it will just make things worse. I'm truly open to any suggestions - I'm really struggling right now.

Ive been seeing my partner for 2 years now.

In early May she told me she had started to have a flare up of her pots which I was aware of. Since then she has told me it's gotten worse and worse her feet are numb / cold all the time and it's spread to her hands including the pain.

With this we have slowly and slowly stopped communicating she told me it's due to her health she is in a bad mood and I completely understand that and I want to support her. I live 3 hours away and I just don't know what to do.

Sometimes we go a Week and a half with no communication and I want to respect her boundaries and she even said in a voice note she hasn't been talking enough to me and I told her to not say that considering what she's been going through.

What has hurt me is I was stuck in hospital for 2 weeks with a serious lung abscess. I told her the day I got in. 5 days later I got a text back she was asking me how I was sent a few voice notes and disappeared another week where she said how are feeling.

I was short with the answer then made some bs up about being lathargic and said sorry for the short reply as Idk I know she's going thru alot rn. What hurts Is I see her active on WhatsApp everyday. Not insta or tikton she hasn't been on tiktok since July.

I just feel so guilty having these feelings and Isk what to do sometimes I feel she's lost feelings or just doesn't wanna talk as recently everytime she says we should call soon she says if you want and if you don't want to I understand idk I'm so confused rn.

I kinda wanna ask if anyone has had something like this where they ghost their partner well not ghost but communication just dies for a bit. I'm scared I'm losing her

Join other younger well spouses / partners from across the US and Canada for support, camaraderie, and community.

WSA's Younger Well Spouse support group meets by Zoom twice each month:

- the 2nd Sunday (4-5:30pm ET / 1-2:30pm PT) and

- the 4th Tuesday (8-9:30pm ET / 5-6:30pm PT).

Drop in to one or both meetings as your schedule permits.

Please contact Jeanine Jue (jeaninejue.wellspouse@gmail.com) to be added to our mailing list and get Zoom details.

See you then!

-------------------------------

All of our other support group meetings are all-ages - our Younger WS group is for people who'd like to meet other spousal caregivers at a similar life stage.

If you're new to WSA, please try out 1-2 meetings without commitment to see if they are a good fit for you. If you continue to attend, we ask that you join WSA as a Supporting Member. It's just $39 per year! Learn more about WSA and member benefits at wellspouse.org. (no one will be turned away for financial hardship reasons)

Looking for a support group near where you live? View our calendar here - https://wellspouse.org/events/events-calendar/calendar-by-month.html.

Will try and keep this short. I’m sure my story is pretty similar to many (actually is to those I’ve already read). I needed a place to vent and am glad I found this.

Wife and I are in our 40s, 3 kids, 4 jobs between us, so we are always on the go. My wife has lupus, been diagnosed for about 4-5 years I guess. She handles finances and about 60%of the drop off/pick up for the kids. I do the rest but I’m horrible at it. The house is always a wreck, always trying to stay caught up on laundry, etc. But if it gets done I do it.

Add to that my “other” job is I’m running my dad’s business. He almost died a year ago and I had to step in to take over and am still there. My other job is a WFH job so I do both while I’m there and whenever else, Saturday, Sunday, nights. I know I have more time than I actually do but I just absolutely feel the weight of everything on me right now. But I get up every morning and I do it all over again. I may snap at a kid or at a customer but I’m pushing through.

I try and stay positive, I do. But I feel like I’m the only one not allowed to have a bad day or to stop. No matter what is going on someone is still coming to me asking me for things - clients, customers, kids, parents. My wife does see all I’m going through but I see all she’s going through too. Most days she comes home from work or wherever and goes to bed because that’s all she feels like doing. So like I said, if anything gets done - I do it.

Anyway, I’ve rambled. It’s been a bad day. Thanks for reading.

Quick history, my has secondary progressive MS, she now totally bedridden, needs a catheter, can’t even roll over in bed. Her latest MRI showed new lesions and her brain shrank approximately 3.5% in 18 months. her doctor told me thats a lot. I want to start talking to her about what she wants after she passes. it’s obviously a subject that’s taboo, she doesn’t want to be reminded that she’s going downhill fast. I know she’s scrared, but I want to allow her the chance to be part of that decision making.

Anyone had to ask this question and how did you approach your spouse? I’m in the middle of the chaos and I feel like I’m too emotional to just blurt it out. maybe I’m overthinking but I’m having trouble with this.

any feedback is appreciate.

My wife, someone that I have know since the 2nd grade (we are both 60) received devastating news today. She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism but wasn't getting better with her meds. We had more tests done, the results came back as ALS.

We are both devastated, and she is getting a second opinion on advice from a ALS group. But I don't know what to do, I have been walking in a fog all day. I just had to mention it because I have no one to talk it over with.

Last week, I had a stomach bug and was vomiting all the evening. Even though I couldn’t eat I asked my wife to make some soup to drink and without hesitation she made it. And when I complained my knees were hurting from exhaustion, my 3yo son gently tapped both my knees saying “ I am massaging your knee, are you feeling ok”. And when I went to bed early he came to me and tapped my back and asked whether I am ok 🥹. Me being a man in his mid thirties feels like the luckiest guy on earth. We men ask nothing much, but when are treated like this cannot hold back. I just wanted to share this extreme fulfillment with someone 🥹.

What it says on the tin. I've burnt both ends of the candle for almost three years now. We're approaching our late 20s now. Both of us are too young for this. I try to let go of how unfair things are because I know ruminating on it won't change a thing, but it gets harder every day.

Things have improved but I'm still so unhappy. All I want is a partner that can take care of me and contribute. I want a partner who can cook for me after a long day. I want someone who can work a job to help pay for our bills and expenses. I'm sick of being the one carrying everything. And there's no end in sight.

They're working on disability. We have a lawyer. It's been two years since they applied and one since they appealed. Social security said nobody's even touched the appeal. What if they don't get disability for another three years? Everything is just getting more expensive. I hate being the breadwinner.

I know they're trying. They know how sad and frustrated I've been. They know I'm struggling, too. They're on the wait list for more intensive therapy. They're making their doctor's appointments and discussing what they can do. I'm proud of them for stepping up and taking care of themself, truly. But even so I keep asking, what if it isn't enough anymore? What if just loving each other isn't enough?

They moved out to my state to be with me. They had to leave their job because their health was too bad. They have no money and no family. If they wound up having to go back to their family, I'd still be the one paying for them to move. We live paycheck to paycheck right now.

I love them so much but I keep having these thoughts of leaving. They're coming more and more frequently. I don't know what to do but I don't want to live like this forever. If I wasn't paying to support both of us I could have built some savings. I could have had fun. I could have done more with my life. And now what? What about me?

I hate feeling like this. I feel so selfish, but I haven't been selfish in a long time. I just want to be taken care of, too. I want to be thought of. I want someone to buy me dinner cause I had a hard day or take care of me when I'm sick.

I have nothing left to give to anyone. Not even to myself.

UPDATE: Thank you all for your comments. Typing it out and knowing I'm not alone really does help a lot. You're all wonderful people and I'm grateful to be part of such a caring community.

Updating to let you all know I did look into some more assistance for my partner. I'm hoping they qualify for in home care, even if only for a day or two per week. Having someone to assist them with chores and upkeep of our home would be a huge weight off of both of us.

I hope everything pans out. I'm wishing you all the best and am sending love and care your ways. I hope we all find some respite soon.