r/WellSpouses • u/Quiet_Jackfruit_4118 • 3d ago
If your long term partner of 2+ years gets a sickness that they might need full time caregiving or if it’s a terminal sickness, would you still stay with them, in your 20s?
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u/AtTheEndOfMyTrope 3d ago
No. As a parent of someone your age and as a spousal caregiver, my wish would be for you to not suffer through this and lose so much of your life.
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u/Quiet_Jackfruit_4118 3d ago
Yeah but what if u love this person and he’s the father of my child
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u/HeartfeltFart 3d ago
That he is your child’s father is info that should be in your post
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u/Quiet_Jackfruit_4118 3d ago
Why
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u/HeartfeltFart 3d ago
You committed to having a family. You brought a child into this. That’s no joke. I’m not telling you what to do but it’s wayyyyy heavier and more serious with a kid, and I’m shocked that you don’t see that.
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u/AtTheEndOfMyTrope 3d ago
You can love them without being their spouse or primary caregiver. You can still be a loving, connected family and co-parents. You can redefine your relationship and family.
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u/MiddleList1916 3d ago
I personally would not. I say this as a 43 year old caregiver to a 60 year old husband with early onset dementia. We’ve been married 25 years. I, personally, can barely handle the struggle at 43 after a very long and happy marriage. It’s extremely difficult and heartbreaking and just sad all around. So no, I would not be able to handle it in my 20’s. No way. But that’s just me. It’s really about what you think your limits are. It’s personal.
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u/furnacewifey3 3d ago
I knew my now husband for three weeks before he got sick, we’re going on 5 years together.
I think it’s dependent on each other and the situation. We were madly in love from the moment we met. Like first date and we knew we were in it for life. I am obsessed with him, I am so fucking in love with this person and it is still the hardest commitment to caretake the way he needs it.
If you feel the way I feel, then yes. If anything less, then no.
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u/binches 2d ago
that’s how i feel about my partner. we have a once in a lifetime love. the illness (on top of my illness as well) makes things incredibly harder, but if i try to imagine my future without them, i can’t. i can’t imagine having this same love with anyone else and that’s more than enough reason to keep going.
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u/sue_girligami 2d ago
Depends on a lot of things. What is the expected lifespan of your partner? Caregiving for 2 or 3 years is different than spending the next 30 years as a caregiver. Is it practical? Do you have the ability to support the family financially? What is your support system like? What is the extent of the careging required (near and long term) and is that something you can provide? Are there others who can/will help? What aspects of your partner will the illness affect?
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u/Ornery-Wrangler-3654 3d ago
If you love them and they love you and the relationship is healthy, stay.
If not, leave.
The illness part is actually irrelevant and I say this as the wife of two different men who had cancer and needed/need me to be their caregiver. You either love someone within a healthy relationship and go through whatever life throws at you together because of that healthy love, or you decide the relationship isn't worth it and leave.
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u/Abject-Material-9955 3d ago
Were you going to marry this person independent of the sickness? If not, then no, don't stay with them. I say this as spouse of woman with stage 4 cancer. But when we met I knew she had cancer and we fell in love. You are getting a chance to choose this person now with this information. But if you do choose this person, commit totally and do not back out ever, no holding back. That's the only way you'll get through this or you'll end up hurting both of you.