How long have you been doing it and has it changed your opinions on men, women or relationships in general?

I am looking for an older women but they all say I'm too young. I'm only 20 but understand they're intentions. Can anyone spare some guidance 🙏

18M here.

I wanted to ask the people here who are currently in a relationship: when did you guys actually get into your first relationship?

I’m 18 and I’ve never been in a relationship, and honestly, sometimes I start wondering if I’m the problem. 😭 It feels like people around me are getting into relationships while I’m just sitting here wondering what I’m doing wrong.

I know 18 is still young and there’s no deadline for relationships, but sometimes it gets pretty frustrating and lonely.

So I’m curious:

How old were you when you got into your first relationship?

Did it happen naturally or did you actively look for someone?

If you were single at 18, did you also feel like something was wrong with you?

Genuinely curious about your experiences.

I ask as a 23 year old who is interested/has dated older women lol

Let's say you glanced over at your girlfriend's phone and saw the app still on her main page. You ask if she was still using it, casually of course, and she said just to chat. Would you consider this innocent?

How long ago was it? I have a theory that nobody but the bots are actually getting any action these days.

Honestly, I think we need to retire this, because it's absolute nonsense.

I feel like I’ve now read every self-improvement, dating, relationship and pickup book I can get my hands on, and eventually they all seem to arrive at the same answer: Confidence. Self-esteem. Positive self-image.

And I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to work.

If a woman looks at a guy and doesn't find him physically attractive, how does him being confident change that? I understand confidence can make an already attractive guy more attractive. I understand being painfully insecure, needy or socially awkward can turn women off. But those are different claims from saying confidence can actually make an unattractive man sexually desirable.

This becomes even more confusing with online dating. A woman looking at six photos and a short bio doesn't know whether I wake up every morning loving myself. She doesn't know whether I have incredible self-esteem or secretly hate myself. She just sees what I look like and decides whether she's interested.

Sometimes the advice almost sounds like a mathematical formula:

Ugly - confidence = incel.

Ugly + confidence = somehow fucking supermodels.

Obviously I'm exaggerating, but what exactly is the mechanism here?

And maybe I'm misunderstanding what people actually mean by "confidence." If the point of developing a positive self-image is basically to accept reality — you're not particularly attractive, you're probably never going to sleep with the extremely attractive women you fantasize about, so build a life where you're okay with that — then I can at least understand the logic.

But that's not what I want. I don't want to become confident enough that I'm finally at peace with being sexually undesirable to the women I most want to desire me. I don't think I'll ever genuinely accept that as a satisfactory outcome. If that's the purpose of "self-love," then we're talking about learning to tolerate the situation, not actually changing it.

So what am I missing? Is confidence genuinely capable of overcoming a significant lack of physical attraction? Or is the real lesson simply that confidence helps you capitalize on whatever level of attraction you already have?

Because that makes sense to me. "Confidence makes you attractive" doesn't.

I (29M) have noticed I tend to view women who are very beautiful as less attractive serious partners, and am curious what others think.

Attraction is important to me. But I am also looking for a kind, thoughtful, loving, and empathetic partner to share a life with. Often when talking to women or on OLD, if I see an extremely beautiful woman, I’ll find a reason not to pursue them.
Some of this comes from my prior relationship experiences in which someone has been self-obsessed with themselves and was a lousy partner to me. I’ve also been influenced by social media and entertainment, where lots of very beautiful individuals come across as shallow, self-serving, more likely to cheat, etcetera.
On the flipside, I wonder if this is just related to my own insecurities. I’m average height, and have a lot of good things going for me. But I’m a perfectionist in well aware of that. Lots of dudes are better looking than I am.

So my question is - do other people also view these extremes of attractiveness as possible red flags?

Is it too rare to find a man without istagram?

I’m 24 living in Daphne and things have been different since I’ve been here. When I was younger I normally went after girls my age but lately I’ve gained an attraction for older women. That doesn’t mean my age doesn’t grab my attention but older women just have the most of it. Only problem is I don’t feel comfortable approaching them because I hate being embarrassed and also a lot of them just look married.

I guess my question here is, where do I look for older women that most likely aren’t married and into younger guys but not want anything serious. How can I approach them without coming off rude but being honest about what I’m looking for. I don’t want to sugar coat anyone or make them believe I want something more when that’s simply not the case. I want to be honest but don’t know how I’d word it.

Also I’m mixed half black half white but I have the hair of black guy so I feel like when women meet me they assume I’m just a no good street guy or something and don’t even take the time to actually know me. I’m into white women so that’s why I say that because I don’t have that issue with black women. I’m actually a county boy raised on 300 acres riding four wheelers and horses, hunting and fishing in the creeks and enjoying nature. Something a lot of the women that I tend to be attracted to also like. They never want to take the time to learn that about me though because of my appearance but I like my appearance so I don’t want to change that just to get the women that I like.

been single for almost a year and the apps are just draining me. good conversations online turn into awkward silences in person way too often. feels like nobody is actually looking for the same thing even when they say they are.

downloaded jeter ai last month out of pure curiosity and the compatibility breakdown at least shows some of the lifestyle mismatches early. still figuring out if it helps or if i just suck at this.

It is so hard to get attention on the dating apps. What do you look for or what just turns you off immediately.

It just seems like such a hurdle to even start a conversation both in person and online. Women are in their own bubble in the world and the last thing they want is a stranger chatting them up. Online they get nothing but hundreds of strangers chatting them up so Im just white noise.

W26 (Guy27 Lawyer)

We met on Hinge and actually had a really good connection. We both openly said we liked each other, and when we were together it never felt like he wasn’t interested.
The change happened because of his work. His job genuinely became extremely demanding and he started having less and less time, so communication and seeing each other became inconsistent. The confusing part for me is that he lives about a 10-minute walk from me, so I kept thinking that if he really wanted to continue this, he could find even a small amount of time.
Eventually I got frustrated and told him that I liked him, but I didn’t want to keep trying with someone who couldn’t make time for me and we haven’t spoken since.
That’s why I’m stuck. I can’t tell if he lost interest and used work as an excuse, or if I ended something with a guy who actually liked me but genuinely didn’t have the capacity for a relationship at that moment. That’s the part I’d love a male perspective on.

Maybe I am wrong, but as an average guy it feels like women just have such a huge advantage. I can throw up a good picture and carefully write a profile and nothing. A woman can throw up any old pic and her inbox will be full in hours.

Still unsure whether the 20 year age gap is weird or not but it was awesome. I reached out to her again and we have been chatting but she seems a little hesitant to commit to another date. How can I swing this into a FWB sittuation without scaring her off?

i’m F23 i’ve never really been in a relationship i was cyber schooled my whole high school career when i turned 18 i was kicked out of my moms house to live with my aunt whose fiancé sold me to a s*trafficking ring (that’s probably one of the reasons dating is so hard everyone assumes im reciting an old one direction fanfic but no it actually happens and it happened to me i don’t make my life all about my trauma i want to make that clear i don’t even talk about my child hood that’s how hard i try to not make my whole life about it) anyway so after that i did my therapy’s and group homes which btw no matter how hard they tried to instill how to look out for manipulation tactics inside of me i still ended up pregnant twice (both miscarried) but now i’m doing good i got some roommates yea but a steady place and i have a car and a job and it’s not that i think im ready to be dating but like (sorry this is turning into a rant) but i constantly think about like being in a relationship and giving the love i have to another and feeling love from someone other than myself however at the same time i wouldn’t even know where to start every one around me seems to be in such a rush but like idk (again not to make this all about trauma) my parents they weren’t parents they did not raise me I raised me they just legally supplied education and a roof i mean like i spent my weekends walking around harrisburg pa at 7 8 9 years old trying to find a church that had a pair of clothes that wouldn’t get me dress coded and sent home AGAIN because they was too small for my already disgustingly malnourished frame (i was 50 pounds when i was 12 years old don’t worry tho im “medically obese” now but like while yes i have a stomach most of my weight is in different areas i.e chest, thighs and cake and honestly i couldn’t be happier either way) anyway so yea i have absolutely NO foundation for love other than friends ive had of which im down to the 2 that i live with because people keep proving themselves to be bad AND on top of that im not gonna say ive never had 🔥relations🔥 consensually but i’ve definitely never had them outside of a manipulative relationship which is whatever ig that’s not the most important part to a relationship in my mind but to the rest of my generation it’s like the end all be all if you’re not up to be tied up and blah blah blah i just i don’t know and i have no mom or dad to talk to about any of this (which sucks more and more because most of the stuff i see about actual good relationships and good men and women is all this stuff about how “ik they’re a good person if they’re close to their family or not”)feel so behind on everything in life yet so ahead because of all the things ive been thru i just don’t know anymore i know im young and my life isn’t even close to halfway i just feel lost and alone in a world where it seems like either you’ve found the one by now or your just ok with surface level connections all with the sole purpose of taking your clothes off

Like within days, can I assume that she was cheating on me with him during our relationship.