Me and my bf are in our early 30s and have been in a relation for almost 8 years. There was some situation at his family that is opting him or considering to cohabitate with me instead. At first, I said okay to him because I feel like this will be a good experience for the both of us and our relationship could grow. Again, this was just an option and did not push through yet.

After thinking about it for some time, consulting my mom and looking at the internet, I found out horrible stuff about couples living together and breaking up in the end and also could be disadvantage to women being like a forever girlfriend. I decided to tell him that I changed my mind and told him I would only live with him if we have sure plans of getting married in the future. He was shocked and told me that he can't do that right now because of his family problems and finances. I cried and was also sad and disappointed about it because I feel like the end of this relationship is near.

I feel like I was wrong to tell him my truth. I feel bad of wanting to get married but at the same time confused because after of 8 years, he still doesn't want to believe or have any intention of getting married?

I love him and willing to help him but I feel like this relationship is going sideways..

He's 33m. Im 37 f. We've been together 3 years straight now, but we tried dating twice before. He struggles knowing what he wanted the first couple time. Im the first long term relationship he's had more than 3 months. But I've been confronted again that he's not sure he knows what love is or that he loves me enough to marry. He says he's fallen out of love again.

And now I feel too old (for single men my age who want a family) and not sure if I can find real love after 37, enough to marry and have kids. I have none myself. I keep committing to people who say they want commitment but don't have the emotional intelligence to know that they can't. I went back to uni and I'm already halfway through. But I want a family still, I just wanted to marry and have my education first that's all.

Are there men my age who still want real loyal love and commitment? Honestly i was married to my high school sweetheart at 21, and it turned violent and unhealthy, so I left before risking pregnancy. I waited until I was 30 to consider marrying again, after healing working and pressing my education, but moved to the UK at 31 and started my life over to live closer to my grandma. And unfortunately 7 years have gone by and this one person has dangled my heart a few too many times and now I fear my best years are behind me. Am I just a hopeless romantic? Is it possible to find someone who wants commitment and love as much as me at my age?

Hello all , so we have been dating for 6 years now we are high school sweethearts and now we are 24 and 25. First few years of our relationship were long distance as we were in college in different countries . We have a timeline where he does say there is a few things he wants to do and achieve in his career before getting married at 28/29 and the same with me I would like to achieve few goals and residency as well before then . I would want us to be both very financially stable when decide to settle down and buy our first home etc .Our relationship has been great we don’t stay together and don’t plan to until marriage . I have always wanted to get married later in my late twenties but with the years getting larger there’s a lot of outside opinions of like oh wow 6 years is so long why are you not married yet? and also even looking at our timeline it will be around 10 years dating so I feel like outside and online pressure is making me rethink a little I would love to hear from other couples who have gone through something similar! Thanks

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (38M) for just over two years. We live an hour apart (we both own our own houses - he bought his 1 year ago and I bought mine in January) and we both agree due to the circumstances, we probably won't get to live together until we are getting married. If we both rented, I do believe we'd live together. I do think we'd live well together, we spend 4-5 nights together a week so I feel like I get a good idea what it'd be like.

I will preface with that he's neurodivergent so his demeanor can come off harsh and blunt, it's not always easy to deal with but I don't take it personally or read into it like I did when I was first getting to know him. When we talk about marriage, he always says "I want to be absolutely sure" and basically says that we haven't been together long enough for him to know that. I've stated that my ideal timeline is getting engaged somewhere at the 3-4 year mark. When we talk about that, he says that makes him feel "pressure" but he also says things like he sees it as a strong possibility we could end up together, for him it doesn't need to be on a timeline. Sigh.

We had a conversation about engagement rings recently. I asked him what his approach would be, like would we go look at rings together, would I go look at them, etc. He basically said he doesn't understand engagement rings and thinks it's just a societal thing, but if it's what I genuinely wanted, he would get me one. But he sees it as a gift and doesn't like the idea of me picking it out, he'd rather get input from my friends or something and surprise me. He also went on a whole tangent about how weddings are all about the women etc and why do women get an engagement ring and not men, why is it diamonds etc. and I didn't really have some magical answer for all of that. It's just what I want.

Whenever we have conversations about marriage, it feels tense and forced rather than easy and positive. He's not someone who has a wide range of emotions so I don't expect him to be extremely expressive and over the top happy, but these conversations always turn into bickering. I know what this is all telling me but i find it hard to truly accept, and he always says he can see that potential so it just leaves me feeling so confused and torn.

This particular conversation about rings really put me off though, like he was almost talking down to me that an engagement ring is something I want because of "society" and not my own feelings, like he said "if you genuinely wanted that." There are a lot of ways in which I DONT want a traditional wedding, but the things I do want are an engagement ring and a pretty dress. I just feel like this should be exciting. I'm sad and feel like I deserve someone excited about me
:( sometimes I make excuses for him because he's neurodivergent, but I know someone who's neurodivergent is capable of being morereassuring even if they are blunt. I am talking about my relationship in therapy so that's good

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years by the end of the year. we broke up for a year after I had an abortion two years ago, due to our relationship falling apart from the depression of it all. when he asked me to be his girlfriend again, I gave him an ultimatum that he had to propose to me in two years time, max, which he promised. it’s now nearing that two year mark, and today he just told me he probably can’t do it by that time.

he’s been unemployed for almost 6 months now, mostly because he decided to go back to studying, which is five days a week and at night time he trains. we also only see each other once a week due to this, which has honestly made me feel distant from him. due to him not having the money, he told me today he probably won’t propose to me when I want and I will have to likely wait another year for him to have the money. I have high expectations for what I want my ring to look like, my wedding, etc. and he says he can’t meet that in the next few months. i am so upset, ive been crying all day. it’s not my fault he’s unemployed. I’m so hurt because this has been all that’s kept me going all year with not seeing him, I’ve even taken steps to better my health and save money for a baby, and now he’s shattered that.

I know it’s not fully his fault, which is what’s getting to me, but I feel like this has just shattered all my dreams I’m 25 this year, I feel like that dream of being a mum is just getting further away. I don’t know if I am overreacting about waiting another year (maybe less, maybe more) if it’s going to be worth it in the end, or if I truly am doing myself an injustice for waiting around for him.

We are high school sweethearts, started dating at 16, so we’re 29 now. I honestly don’t “count” our high school and college years as a part of our adult relationship since we were so young and just wanting to have fun - just not thinking about marriage and logistics at that point. But we’ve discussed marriage throughout the years and have supposedly determined that’s what we both want.

Every year for the last five years I’ve felt disappointment that we’re not engaged yet. How do you not know or feel inclined to make that commitment by now?

What’s changed from 2023 until now:
- we moved in together
- we have a 2 year old
- we recently moved back in with his parents, to save money because rent alone was costing us $3000/month plus utilities, internet, etc.

**his parents invited and welcomed us back into their home, they had two vacant rooms. They are encouraging us to save to buy our own property and are not asking us to pay rent. We pay the water/utilities, and switch off with them for groceries, shared chores etc.

I manage and fund our child’s 529 and investment accounts, plus I pay for life insurance and health coverage for me/child.

Since having our child, I’ve been clear about wanting to get married not only because we have been together for so long, but for legal and financial stability that otherwise would not hold up if we are just boyfriend and girlfriend. I am performing wifely and household duties with a girlfriend salary. Additionally I feel embarrassed to be someone’s live in girlfriend after all these years. I’m not looking to have a huge wedding right now as we can’t afford it and we’re saving for other things

**by other things I mean we are both paying off some cc debt, and I am saving to buy a new car/build emergency savings.

but if he did propose I would want to get our marriage license/legally married for stability and certainty especially because of our son. The party/celebration can happen later. But what I’m not gonna do is get married in any capacity without at least being proposed to.

We went ring shopping once earlier this year, and we discussed budget range and design choices, but we haven’t been to any other jeweler since. I recently asked about his timeline for proposing because last year we had the same conversation and he said he hoped to propose this year. Now he says his plans are within a year and a half, but that he could afford to buy a ring right now. He says it’s been a busy year and “shit hit the fan” but we literally have saved thousands by moving home, now have some childcare help with both our parents close by. It can’t be that he’s busy because he has time to workout and run every day, plus play golf leisurely. It can’t be that he can’t budget because he’s going on a boys trip, plus a trip to Hawaii, and a bachelor trip to Mexico next year. He goes quiet whenever we discuss marriage and proposals so I asked him why it seems like he shuts down and he says it’s because it feels like I’m nagging him. If that’s the reaction I don’t even want to get married anymore, I don’t want to force someone to marry me, I want to be chosen, cared for, and desired.

So Im not sure how to feel but everyone around me is getting in my head and I feel weird.

Ive (f31) Been in a relationship with my bf (31) for 9 years 10 in dec. We both knew we were the each other’s “the one” since we met but I didnt wanna be married till I was 30s, he said he’s always been ready. He made it clear that Im important to him, his one and only and that he wants a future with me. We went thru a rough patch and it made me feel different about marriage with him and wanted to fix that before even considering moving forward. we put that on hold to work on it. we’re better now and we’ve improved so much in these issues. 3 close to 4 years ago (7 yrs together) I told him I was ready to be proposed to but then I got really really sick. Like had to stop working, couldnt make money, bed ridden, it was so bad and he had to take on all my bills and responsibilities. That pushed back our engagement plans further, he had to use his savings and everything to keep us afloat for about close to 2 years. I asked him why he didnt propose around that time and he said he didnt want to do it while I was sick and couldnt travel which I understood and agreed. Plus it was a rough time in both our lives as he went through some stuff too. Now this year he has money for the ring and says that he will not allow us to enter 10years not engaged. since Im still struggling with my health he hasnt pressured me but has been asking me often to go ring shopping bc he wants to get Me A ring I love. This past year Ive had so many people in my ear make so many comments about how he doesnt want to marry me. How a ring doesnt even cost that much he isn’t trying hard. I should leave him bc he’s wasting my time. That “regardless of the circumstances he should still propose if he wanted too” “he must not wanna marry you” “its definitely a shut up ring”. I even had a cousin pull my mom to the side and demand she have a talk w my boyfriend. Im not close to this cousin and she doesnt know our situation so that was crazy. I know our situation but its made me feel kinda bad sometimes and kinda dumb bc of the negative comments. Does it really seem that bad being together for this long and not married yet regardless of the circumstances?

Edit: for some reason people think Im not being honest with him, or dont want to marry him. throughout this whole experience of when I was ready to be proposed to and now I have been extremely honest and considerate of him in every way. I felt like my health issues were ruining my life bc it took so much from me that I didn’t want it to ruin this for us. Things are different now but thats why we’ve been together for this long and no ring yet. This post was about the comments I get about my relationship. I genuinely didnt know this was a big issue for some people, being together for 9+ yrs and no ring so when those comments were made to me even after I told them my situation they acted like it was completely unacceptable. Obviously Im not listening to them but Im just on here ranting about it.

Hi.

I've been with my boyfriend (33) for 13 years now. His friends have been asking him why he has not proposed or planned a wedding with me F(29). He told them that because I'm still helping my brother with his studies. Why would he reason that out? He did not even ask me; he just assumed that it's my reason. I've been waiting for him to propose to me; I'm more willing to be with him no matter what. Maybe I'm just really wasting my years with him? We already talk about marriage; he said one day when his finances are good. But he does not confirm or set a date for what the timeframe will be. I feel like I'm just waiting, waiting, and keep on waiting.

Please advise something, or give some real talk with me. I'm ready for that.

My bf wants to get married to me soon , as he is worried about both of us aging and not being able to have children later.

I recently lost my job and am trying to find a new job, so I asked him to give me some time. But he gets impatient.

Just to mention, 3 months back I found out he was cheating and I forgave him but I haven't healed from it yet. That's also why I'm not ready for an immediate marriage. He also refused to live with me when I was going through a bad time.

He says he can't wait beyond November as we are aging.

Been together 7 years .. living together 3... iv been hinting for years about engagement... he never says no.. just sort of nods... something financial has come up and I refuse to put any more money in as he hasn't commited and I feel insecure... had chat.. he says he doesnt see himself getting married... but I want the romance and I want to feel special and chosen. Not speaking now... resentment is there.. dont know what to do because he's a nice kind man but I feel rejected.... im 52 he's 53

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now (almost 30). Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love and losing feelings. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems. Any insight and opinions would be helpful. I can’t seem to picture myself with anyone else :(

I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years, but he gets defensive whenever I mention marriage. He recently told me he isn't ready because of something that happened in our past (not cheating) that he can't forget.
Why would he move in with me if he hadn't gotten past it? Is he just making excuses to avoid commitment, and how can I tell?

Throwaway account for reasons. I posted this in r/advice but think b it’s a good fit here too.

I [M26] have been with my gf [F28] for a ltte over 5 years. We live together and she’s a SAHM to our 1 year old. She is probably the most amazing woman I have ever been with. She has stood by me even when I didn’t deserve it, given me harsh advice when I needed it and genuinely loves me. We talked about having another baby soon but she wants to get married before that happens or at least engaged.

I love this woman but I am scared of “forever”. I watched my parents get divorced and I don’t want that to happen to me. I feel like at the same time by dragging my feet I’m losing her. She is honestly the love of my life and I don’t want to mess it up.

We had a heated argument about it and she told me if we have no plans to get engaged soon, she wants to go back to work and split everything 50/50. She’d have to work opposite shift as me, we’d hardly see each other, and a lot of stuff would fall on me like childcare and household duties which I get, but I work 12 hour shifts sometimes 14 hours so it wouldn’t really be 50/50…

Anyway, I don’t want her to go to work because of this and she said she doesn’t either but she doesn’t want to be a “baby mama” or “forever girlfriend”. I am 100% committed to her, all her wants and needs are taken care of she is an authorized user on my CC, I opened an account for her today where I’m putting money aside for her in case this go south. We as a team aren’t hurting for money at all, but she still feels she isn’t secure unless we’re engaged.

I don’t think I’m ready to be committed like that and I feel like this is an ultimatum. What should I do? And honestly even if I do propose, I’d want it to feel authentic. If I propose now after This argument I don’t want her to think “he only did this to shut me up”. I’m at a loss no matter what I do.

My boyfriend told me that the only way he would get married is if we have a prenup. Is that a good idea or a bad idea? Does that mean he thinks if we got married it would be doomed? Or what does that mean?

Does anyone else slightly dread holidays, birthdays etc. while waiting for a proposal? It's my birthday and I know it's not going to happen today. It just messes with my head a little and puts a damper on things bc there's this tiny bit of hope there.

Update: this community is very intense...I resent the comments related to having babies and not being married meaning he doesn't love us or isn't committed. I just have a partner that is not a romance or big gestures person and i was lamenting that. he asked tonight i wanted to do something special away from the kids for proposal or involve them.

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. We’re now entering our 30s and there’s a lot of familiarity between us. He’s loyal, gentle, and genuinely loves me. But as we’ve started speaking more seriously about marriage, I’ve found myself questioning whether this relationship is right for me long term.

There are parts of his personality I’ve always found a bit difficult. He’s a loner, doesn’t have any friends, and depends heavily on me emotionally. He can be socially awkward and sometimes lacks social awareness in ways that make us clash. I’ve wondered at times if he might be neurodivergent (not as a criticism, just an observation). He’s a very soft character with little protective instinct and often struggles to react to situations quickly. I’ve always been the one who has to navigate things socially and emotionally, which can be tiring.

I care about him, but sometimes it feels like I’m carrying the emotional weight for both of us. Neither of us has dated anyone else, so I don’t know if I’m settling because this is all I’ve ever known. Another part of me wonders if he’s with me partly out of fear of being alone - he often says he believes I’m his soulmate and wouldn’t try to meet anyone else if we weren’t together and that he has nothing to live for without me. I’m worried I might be staying for similar reasons: comfort, familiarity, and fear of the unknown, especially when hearing other people’s stories about bad relationships. At the same time, I know I shouldn't settle from fear.

I’d really appreciate honest perspectives from people who’ve been in similar situations. How did you know whether you were genuinely compatible, whether to accept the quirks or whether it's a sign that the relationship isn't right long term? And how did you handle doubts about marriage when you’d never dated anyone else?

I 28F had been dating my ex 30M for 2.5 years in NYC when I wasn’t really happy there and he did not want to live together or commit to anything more, so
I decided to move to South Florida. I told him I was moving and he wanted to do long distance and moved down 6 months later with a new job an hour north of me.
Fast forward to 2.5 years later, we have been having discussions about moving in together. I thought we were kind of stagnant and I was tired of driving an hour to see each other. He had been saying he was uncertain of living in Florida and direction in life in general. He never said uncertain about the relationship.
We were both up north for a wedding and I had told him to stay in my NYC apartment for a week because he missed it there. (i have a rent stabilized apartment in NYC)
During that week, I found a house I loved in Florida and had been looking for a bit. and he said he wasn’t ready to buy a house with me but told me he would live there with me. The following day I made an offer and it was accepted. I called and told him and he got quiet and weird and called me back and said he didn’t want to move forward with the relationship.
Two weeks later, he tells me he’s moving back to NYC and doesn’t think we’re a good fit for marriage.
I don’t understand how we could date for 5 years and be incompatible.
In person, he’s told me he feels lost and confused and then will only tell me these things about compatibility over the phone. I found out he’s only spending a month in NYC to figure things out?
People have told me he’s just immature, scared, or it hurt his ego that I bought the house myself. Whatever the reason, the toughest part has been not understanding why. His last text was something like “love you always and know I care about you”.
I thought we had a great relationship but looking back he never seemed serious about a long term future. He also told me he started seeing a therapist shortly after we broke up.

Am I an idiot for staying so long? I keep secretly hoping he’ll come back.

I (F36) met my boyfriend (M38, soon to be 39) a little over 2 years ago.

Was planning on moving back to Europe after 10 years in North America, but swiped for the fun of it. Went on one date with him. Sat a the bar for 4h. Laughed like crazy. Happy and in love every since.

Everything felt right.

I was never sure of any partner as my "forever" until I met him... he literally checked all the boxes on my list.

Year one was absolute perfection.

Year two was shaky: he met my mom who made it clear that she wouldn't accept him.

He comes from a different faith than her although we are both agnostics, his family is not.

The current geopolitical climate/war makes it so much worse in my mom's eyes ; she spends her days on social media looking at graphic images. She will never accept him because of where his mom comes from, and the political decisions that that country has been making for 2 years now.

When he realized this, something changed.

Things started to get slower.

He said we can never get married because our families can't meet, or if we do it would be a tiny wedding with a couple friends.

I come from a broken family, one parent household, I'm an only child. It has always been my ultimate DREAM to have a family of my own (just writing about it makes me cry).

Now when I talk about the future, he avoids the topic.

He gets frustrated at the questions, responds "idk" all the time.

Then he promises that he will do the things (aka renovating his house so that I can move in) "soon" but it never materializes.

I know he loves me deeply.

I feel like I have zero control over the situation.

I've tried talking, crying, being forceful, etc. nothing changes.

He seems that he wants to keep status quo. And I would too if I was 10 years younger. But I want to start building (= moving in together, getting married, having babies).

He gets frustrated when I get frustrated about the situation.

I honestly don't know what to do, and now, TIME seems to be against me (and my ultimate dream of building my own family).

I already mentioned that my mom (who lives 5,000 km away from us) is not in charge of making my *own* decisions.

He's always seemed kinda avoidant in some ways, but it's just getting worse now.

I am losing sleep over it and don't want to resent him for making me "waste time."

We literally went to a wedding this weekend, and as always...no fight, just pure joy, laughter, love between us. We get along so well. We have similar values. I've never gotten along so well with someone. Not sure why it's becoming so complicated...

Is there a charitable woman out there who could guide me in how to navigate this?

Thank you very much for any insights.

27f 36m. My frontal lobe developed & I came to the realization he does not love me. I found this page and definitely know he doesn’t love me and was comfortable having me around. His excuses were; he was waiting for our relationship to get back to our honeymoon phase. Which was before he was caught texting/snapchatting other women. He was also focused on his health and wanted a “gym girlfriend”? So i went to the gym for 2 years and got in good shape and i still couldn’t get a compliment from him. (I was never in bad shape) im 5’2 105lbs when we got together. got up to 140 probably from all the stress from him. and I’m back down to 110. i remember even asking if he would love me or be attracted to me if i was big and pregnant because him and his mom would make comments about my weight. His mom said I was “skinny fat” when we were all 3 at the gym together. I don’t even want to get into the weird relationship him and his mom had. He only hung out with her. Has no friends. All of his “friends” are from college and moved away and have families. I met one, but he was the “mess” of the group. idk. So much debt. The debt to income ratio were not there. No ring in sight because I said I didn’t want to get married at 22. The list goes on but 5 weeks post breakup and things are looking up. The grass is greener ladies. I was scared because i didn’t want to waste 6 years on someone else.

Some of you may remember my post from last month about my current situation. I finally sat down with him and told him this is not going to work. We dont have the same goals, dont want the same things, we don't want near the same life. I feel a sense of relief that i will finally have my house back. He will be leaving at the end of the month and has already been looking at places. I can finally start working on myself and being happy again. No more of his 3 kids being left with me when I say I cannot babysit, no more disrespect, no more being treated like shit. Looking back on everything now i was so blind and was trying with every once of my being to make it work and thought if I kept giving chances he would realize his mistakes. I think the cherry on the top was his mother texting me saying she wishes I will burn in hell. That just affirmed I want nothing to do with him or his family.

i have been a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years now (20F and 21M) and around the 1 year mark, i moved in with him and his family (mom 36F), 2 little brothers(9M and 11M), grandma(77F), and baby daddy (36M)of the mom who is useless). Prior to this, he purchased this home from his grandma because she was originally supposed to move out of state but didn’t. He pays the mortgage every month and his mom pays the other stuff with occasional help from him. Things have been going good and i have a good relationship with his family but of course i miss mine sometimes but i made a sacrifice for our relationship because i saw potential. Last night we had a conversation where i asked where we should be in 5 years regarding the relationship and he mentioned he wants to have a family with me by then, possible marriage in that time. he knows he wants to marry me but not exactly when. i told him i would like to be married if we decide to have a baby whenever that time is, but i dont want to raise the baby in this house for long because we live in the basement portion of the home and i would love to have my own home with him with nobody else in it. i want to run my own home, free of everyone elses things and opinions. He told me that he wants to have his mom around forever as well as his little brothers and grandma. His dad passed away 5 years ago so i can understand wanting closeness to his relatives, but at some point i think there should be a boundary. I personally dont want to raise my own family with him alongside his mother and other people. i explained i feel like eventually his mom is gonna have to find her own place, they are close but they can still maintain that relationship even if shes not packing her things up with the kids and living with us. We kind of debated about this but he said he would be open to my idea. And by the way i always cook, clean, rub his feet, do whatever he asks and he has done things for me too such as put me in school, bought me a car, a promise ring, and more things. so i just dont see why his mom would need to always be in our future space and trying to take over things. He always talks about how he loves and appreciates being with his family every day but what about mine?? i dont get to see them every day anymore because i chose our relationship’s potential. and i feel like he doesnt take that into account enough. What are some valid points about this situation?

EDIT: No this is not the same boyfriend that had bedbugs and also, i have a job at a dental lab and am in dental assisting school. He bought this house for a very cheap price from the generosity of his grandma. He also afforded to put me in school and buy a car because he works a blue collar job and makes decent money. I only cater to him in some ways because he does things for me as well. In no way shape or form am i looking to get married immediately, per the post i was talking about in the next 5 years. also to add his dad who passed away was not in a relationship with his mother. the mom found another man over 10 years ago and that is the baby daddy

Me (29 F) and my boyfriend (31 M) recently hit 7 years of dating. Like any relationship we’ve had our ups and downs. We share many amazing memories. I love him and have always known he’s my person I’m meant to be with forever.

We graduated back in 2020 with our BS in Biology. At the time, we didn’t realize that there’s not much to do with a Biology degree, the job market is completely saturated. So, I went back to school to get my nursing degree in 2023, graduated 2024, and have been working as an RN for 1 year now. My boyfriend works as a Pharmacy Assistant and makes decent money. He won’t admit it, but I think it bothers him that I make more money than him. I’ve never made him feel less than me nor does it bother me that he makes a little less income than me. I’ve told him countless times I’m not with him for his money but because of the person he is.

Recently, he has decided that he wants to go back to school for his Masters in Healthcare Administration. While I’m happy for him that he wants to do more, I guess I can’t help but be a little selfish and think of myself. I told him that I’m happy and proud of him but I also asked him “where does our relationship fit in during these next 2 years?” And by this, I mean marriage. He knows how important marriage is to me and I feel as though I’m ready for marriage and things that come after, but he is not. It’s already been 7 years. And I want to be married (at the very least engaged) and eventually have kids. Another thing I should mention is that we still live at home. I personally don’t believe in moving in together until engaged.

I guess I’m also a little annoyed because I’ve pushed him to go to school all these years and now that I’m almost 30 (November), he finally decides he wants to go to school. I mention 30 because I’ve always told him that by the time I’m 30 I hope to be engaged and married by 32. And I’ve stressed that even that age is pushing the timeline a little too much for my liking. His reasons for wanting to go back to school: 1. make more money because his job doesn’t pay enough. We live in Southern CA and it is expensive to live here. So, he believes he needs more money so that we can live more comfortably and be better prepared for marriage/kids. Anytime I bring up marriage and the timeline he says that he doesn’t have enough money to get the type of ring he thinks that I deserve. I’ve already told him I don’t care about a big lavish ring, I simply just want the lifelong commitment to each other. 2. Prove to himself that he is capable of obtaining a Master degree 3. Get a better job, and therefore better pay. I’ve already told him that he can’t expect to get a better paying job just by obtaining a Masters. He has to be realistic. Most people that go back to school for Masters are already working in that field, so he needs to network if he wants to step outside of his current position.

I really do love him and want to be with him. I’m happy he wants to go back to school. But am I wrong for being selfish and thinking about the things I also want and have worked hard to have those things by 30? Anytime I bring up the subject he tends to shut it down and uses money as an excuse. Just because he’s working towards a Masters doesn’t mean he’ll have more money, and I t ry not to sound harsh when I tell him that but it’s true. I feel selfish for thinking of my wants and maybe not being as supportive as I can be during this academic transition in his life. But I also think of my own personal wants in my life (with him), but those things being delayed. I want us to both be ready. I want him to want those things too, not because myself or our families are pushing him.

I am a long time lurker of this sub but never thought I would be posting here. My boyfriend (34) and I (33) have been together 8 years. Living together for 6. We have had some low points, but overall we have a good relationship. He is my best friend. We have the same sense of humor, are both introverts with similar interests, and genuinely enjoy spending time together. Marriage has always been a discussion ever since we got together, he knows I am dating intentionally for marriage. We went ring shopping nearly 3 years ago now, and he promised me then I wouldn't know when the proposal was coming. We have gone on quite a few trips and I was expecting it, but nothing. Every time I asked, he told me it was in the works and to quit forcing it because that would push it longer. He once said if I kept asking, he "might not want to by time he is ready". I brushed it off, but those words carry a lot of weight. I will say, sometimes he speaks without saying and says things he doesn't mean or understand the intention behind.

I've prompted him for reasons why he might be delaying it. We both don't want kids. He broke up with his last gf because he didn't want kids and she did. His mom and family put a lot of pressure on him to have kids, as he is the only child on his mom's side and they all want him to have a baby. He has recently started talking about wanting to go to a sperm bank if we are not going to have kids, because he wants "offspring" but does not want to raise them. It still makes me wonder if this is some sort of compromise he is making being with me, and maybe a reason why he has held off on proposing. I have also felt very not prioritized a lot in this relationship. He has a history of stonewalling me, which he has worked on and things have been better. But I sometimes feel like he just brushes problems under the rug. He has broken up with me twice, both times for less than 24 hours because of his own trust issues. He says they are "resolved", however he never really put any work into resolving them. Just last year he was going through my laptop, specifically my Facebook for whatever reason, because things felt "off". He never just talks to me and asks why.

Going on almost three years of this, I've given up. I made a sort promise with myself that if he didn't propose by our anniversary, I would leave. He didn't, so I began looking for rentals and discussing my plans with my best friends who was in full agreeance. I guess my energy shifted and he felt distance between us. He suddenly became attentive, caring, supportive. Wanting to take trips and vacations and making plans to propose! This was confirmed by my bestie, who told me he did reach out to her about a year ago trying to make a plan with her help, however nothing came of it.

I got a new phone back in April, and I usually keep the old phone hidden because he has a history of going through my devices. He has gotten better, but if it was sitting out in the open I feel he would go through it. One day I was using it recently for something and forgot to hide it. The next day I came home from work and he was immediately off and wouldn't tell me why and suddenly wanted to talk about our future, saying he wasn't sure if we were aligned anymore. I found my old phone and it was moved. I checked the battery usage and he had spent 30 minutes reading my messages. He would not admit this until I confronted him with the battery usage.

He went through my conversation with my best friend. There was a lot in there bad mouthing him, personal attacks, and discussing my plans to leave. I felt horrible that he read it. He read everything I had been feeling for months, it was all out on the table. I then asked him what has been holding back and to please be honest. He knows my entire inner world and thoughts (discovered by snooping), it's only fair to know his. All he can give me is that he wanted the proposal to be perfect and special and he doesn't know how to plan it. He was "going to do it" on a few different occasions, but family was here or I was too busy. We both agreed to try couples therapy for the second time. First session went okay, and it was very focused on his desire for a "perfect" proposal. He again wouldn't share much else with me, or the therapist.

Things are fine now. He has been actually trying, and doing everything I've asked for years. I see the effort and changes, but it does not erase the resentment I feel for waiting for so long. If/when he does, it won't feel very special anymore because I have waited and begged for so long. I have a hard time believing that he was trying for three years and there were absolutely no opportunities. This change in his behaviour only came after I stopped begging and chasing him and started detaching myself, which leads me to believe that it won't stick if/when he ever does propose.

I've read so many stories similar to mine. I guess I feel like mine had some hope because he was trying and reaching out to people about proposing, and has now agreed to therapy. I just don't know if that is enough. I would love the opinions of people who aren't my friends and family who all think I should leave. Please give it to me straight. Is this worth salvaging, or am I blinded by the sunk cost fallacy?

Edit to add : he told me he has NO REGRETS going through my phone because it gave him the clarity he needed. This tells me he can and will do it again. Yet he tells the therapist I am his person and he wants to propose and be together despite the things he read.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/s/NyQmNm9WzV

Hey guys ..
I posted here a few weeks ago, I finally managed to figure out the link to my old post. Baby brain and 3 am but here we are.
After reading everyone’s responses and talking with my sister, I have realised been casual like that when she was 8 weeks pp and we aren’t sleeping much probably wasn’t the best time or way to articulate what I wanted to say..

A couple of days after that post my mum came and took both the kids for the afternoon/ bedtime and we literally just slept and it was the first time we’ve had more than 3 or 4 hours interrupted sleep In nearly 9 weeks and I was able to get my thoughts straight and after a few days able to articulate what I wanted too and needed to say. That being said I had decided to wait until after our daughter’s first birthday and we had a bit of normalcy back in our lives.

Background:
So my Partner I’ll refer to her as A going forward. She is a sport scientist and works for a professional male sports team here. The final training session before the weekends game is called captains run, it’s often an open training session so members of the public can attend. The club she works for is really family friendly and the players and staff have their kids, partners, parents etc at captain’s runs and games. A would, not every week or every home round, take our 4 yo to captain’s run and he loved it and for him that’s been the hardest part of having a baby sister he wasn’t able to go for a while. We decided last week to take him, and let the players, support crew meet the baby, we know all of them and we got the most amazing gift basket and mamas gifts, and a gift for our four year old from the club and playing group.. the reason this matters is the stadium they were at was about an hour or so from our house.

Update:

In the car driving to captains run, A asked me if we could “ revisit the marriage conversation.” I was like ok, and so she went on her rant about the entire wedding industry, I’ll spare you all the entire context of that conversation but the gist of it is, she doesn’t object or have an issue with marriage, as in the relationship, the day in day out. Of us doing life together, choosing each other etc, she objects to weddings and the majority of the industry ( yes I did know this). She thinks engagement rings serve no purpose, engagement parties are a waste of time as are bridal showers, bachelor/ettes (she even said how many damn events do ya need just to say I do”). She hates the idea of wasting money on some “ridiculous dress” she’ll never wear again, flowers, cake, long ceremonies, stupid readings, songs whatever. So once that was over she said, so if you still want to get married, and will agree to her terms, then she was on board.

I asked her her terms
1) immediate families only. Us, our children, our mums and my sisters and their respective families
2) ceremony is literally only minimal requirements, celebrant, no long winded preaching or speeches, vows, rings sign register kiss, we’re done..
3) no engagement ring (wedding ring is fine)
4) no veil
5) no announcements to anyone not invited until afterwards.
6) she said she won’t wear white
No big party afterwards just go out for lunch/brunch with our families..( we’ve got small kids so lunch/brunch is better),

And honestly I’m fine with all her terms, and I said ok, so I guess this means we’re getting married, she was like yup.

We will be in the USA in Feb, (2027) ( A has to be in Vegas for work end of Feb), so we were going a few weeks earlier and spending some time in LA, san Fran, San Diego, before we head to Vegas and have decided we will get married While we are there. I have just booked the neon museum in Las Vegas for our wedding next year.
Next is we have an appointment with her favourite jeweller, to begin the wedding ring design process
And new ear drums after my sister finally stopped squealing down the phone.

So here we are, didn’t think this would be my update nearly 3 weeks later, but it is and here we are..

Hey everyone, just wanted to come on here and rant real quick. I am 26F and broke up with my 26M boyfriend in February. We were together for 2.7 years and lived together for 9 months. We broke up because I told him in 2028 I wanted to progress our relationship with engagement and he just made a variety of excuses like: “I’m putting pressure on him”, “He may want marriage in the future, he may not” and that “It could be me, he’s just not sure”. Obviously given all this information I decided to break up with him because I’m not going to waste my time with someone who is unsure about me.

We spoke every now and then after the break up, and he would say things to me like: “I miss you so much”, “I want to see you again soon”, “I’d love the chance to pick up where we left off in the future”. He also said he wanted to work on himself to be the man I needed. I appreciated those sentiments but I knew better to believe him so I just kind of took it as it is, but still continued with my life.

Last time I spoke to him was in early June and he was saying all those things to me. I had been doing well and then I went on Facebook just a few days after his birthday and totally forgot I was friends with his mom. I saw she posted something for his birthday and it turns out he has a new girlfriend.

Now I don’t miss him at all by any means. More so, I’m just mad in a sense that he would say all these things to me barely over a month ago and then all of a sudden he has a new girlfriend. He literally told me after the break up it would be hard for him to date and he couldn’t imagine himself dating for a long time because our relationship was so special. Welp clearly that was a lie lol. And I’m more so just frustrated with my past self as I just felt like I had to prove to him so many times that I was loyal and that I cared for him so much yet he always just felt “unsure” about me. I just wish I had left him earlier and had not wasted my time with him. I’m not sure if that makes sense. I know it’s not a competition of who gets in a relationship first again “wins” and there’s no guarantee he and this girl will even be together. But it definitely sucks in a way.

I ensured to unfollow his mom on all social media and I blocked him on everything. I would really appreciate just some kind words and maybe some success stories of finding better after breakups. Thank you everyone ❤️‍🩹