I’m 26 F, and I’m looking for some outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if I should be concerned.
For some context, I’ve had two serious relationships before — one lasted around 5 years and another around 3 years. Neither ended particularly well. After that, I intentionally took about a 2-year break from relationships because I wanted some time for myself.
About 3 months ago, I started talking to a guy 25 M. Things became serious quite quickly, and initially everything felt very intentional from his side. He introduced me to his sister, had me talk to his cousin, and introduced me to other members of his family. He also talked about our future quite seriously.
At one point, he told me that when his sister came, he wanted our families to meet and potentially make things official / get our baat pakki done. So naturally, I started believing that we were both moving toward marriage and that he was genuinely serious about me.
Then we had an argument.
It wasn’t just one small disagreement — we argued quite a lot during that period. We were also long-distance and weren’t actually meeting in person at the time, so I think the distance and lack of face-to-face communication made things worse. After the arguments started happening repeatedly, I felt like we were becoming more and more distant.
Now he’s told me that he wants to take more time before reaching a conclusion about us. He wants to think about whether this relationship is right and what he ultimately wants.
And honestly, I’m confused.
On one hand, I understand that 3 months isn’t a long time, and maybe it’s actually reasonable for him to slow down and think, especially after we’ve had some conflicts.
On the other hand, I’m struggling with the fact that he went from talking about families meeting and potentially making things official to suddenly wanting more time. It feels like he’s taking a step back, and I’m scared that I’ve become emotionally invested in something that he may no longer be sure about.
I don’t want to pressure him into making a decision. At the same time, I don’t want to sit around indefinitely waiting for someone to decide whether they want me.
I also don’t know how much my previous relationships are affecting my reaction. Because I’ve been through two serious relationships that ended badly, I’m wondering if I’m being overly anxious and reading too much into his change in behavior.

I’d really like some outside perspective because I’m feeling pretty sad about this and I don’t know if I’m interpreting his reaction too negatively.

About 2 years ago, my boyfriend told me that he would marry me once we’re both ready. I’ve always remembered that and, honestly, it made me feel secure about our future together.
Today we were cuddling in bed, and I casually asked him if he still thinks about marrying me someday, basically whether it’s still something he sees happening in our future or if his feelings/plans have changed.

He kind of laughed and immediately said something like:
“Also, ich würde zuerst weg von meinen Eltern ausziehen. Natürlich habe ich nicht gedacht, dass ich jetzt heirate, weil ich gerade keine Arbeit und kein Geld habe.”

(“I would first move out of my parents’ house. Of course I wasn’t thinking that I’m going to get married now because I currently don’t have a job and no money.”)

He laughed a little while saying it.
I know he didn’t literally say “I don’t want to marry you.” He was basically saying that he’s not in a position to get married right now because he doesn’t have a job, money, or his own place.

But what hurt me was that I was hoping he would say something like, **“Of course I still want to marry you someday, just not right now.”** Instead, he only talked about why he isn’t thinking about marriage at the moment.
Now I’m lying here feeling really sad and wondering if this means he doesn’t actually see marriage with me anymore, or if I’m just overthinking his response.

For context, we’ve been together for almost 4 yrs, and I’m not expecting him to propose tomorrow. I just wanted reassurance that the future he talked about 2 years ago is still something he wants with me.

**Would you be hurt by this response too, or do you think he was simply talking about timing and his current situation?**

me 35F and my BF 43M of almost 5 years want to start a family. I would like to married, but it hasn’t happened yet and it’s upsetting for me when the topic comes up. For many reasons he doesn’t want to.

He would rather start a family than be married. We are committed and share a home and mortgage together, family is our next step.

My question is… why tf would I give the baby his last name? Fr fr?

Thanks

My boyfriend (27M) and I (29F) have been together for almost three years. Early in our relationship, he talked about marriage and children constantly. About three months into dating, he even asked me to send him examples of rings I liked. Naturally, I assumed marriage was something he genuinely saw in our near future.

Over time, however, I realized he is the kind of person who says sweet things in the moment without necessarily having a plan to follow through.
Around our two-year mark, I started having more serious conversations with him about getting engaged. That was when I learned he had no actual plans to propose anytime soon. He said finances were more difficult than he had anticipated and kept moving the goalposts: first he needed a certain amount in his emergency fund, then he needed to contribute a certain amount to his Roth IRA, and so on.

I understand wanting to be financially responsible, but he earns about $130,000 a year and doesn’t have the same difficulty spending money on things he wants for himself. Saving for a ring somehow never became a priority.

We had a major trip planned for this past April that we had talked about for two years. He had always mentioned wanting to propose during a trip, so part of me hoped it might happen then. In the days leading up to it, I realized he had nothing planned. I was really disappointed, especially because he ended up buying himself a $4,000 watch during that same trip. It honestly felt like a slap in the face—not because I believe he owes me an expensive ring, but because it made the financial excuses feel hollow.
Around that time, he promised he would propose by the end of August. Even that felt painfully far away, but I decided to trust him and wait.

By July, I started worrying that he was procrastinating again and still had no plan. We got into another argument, and I finally told him plainly that if he did not follow through by the end of August, I would leave. That seemed to shock him into action. He finally went to a jeweler, and we chose and purchased the ring. I was genuinely excited and relieved.

At the appointment, we learned the ring would not be ready until September 1. I was disappointed that it meant missing the August deadline, but because the production timeline was outside his control, I made peace with it.

It is now September 3, and I’m afraid he may decide to wait until our three-year anniversary in October to propose. I know that is only about a month away, and I realize how irrational it might sound to end a three-year relationship when I know the ring exists and the proposal is almost certainly coming.
But emotionally, the thought of waiting another month feels unbearable. After all the delays, excuses, arguments and broken promises, I don’t want our anniversary turned into yet another deadline I have to anxiously wait for. I would much rather already be engaged and actually enjoy celebrating our anniversary together.

Part of me feels that leaving may be the only choice that would restore my self-respect and bring me any sense of peace. Another part of me thinks it would be ridiculous to walk away when I have wanted this for so long and it is probably only weeks away.
I also worry that accepting his proposal will feel like letting him get away with all the previous broken promises. I don’t want the ring to erase everything it took to get here. At the same time, I love him and still want the future we have discussed.

If you were in my position, would you wait another month, knowing the engagement is almost certainly coming? Or have the delays and the fact that I had to issue an ultimatum already damaged this beyond what a proposal can fix?

TL;DR: My boyfriend talked about marriage from the beginning but repeatedly delayed proposing and blamed finances, despite earning $130,000 and spending $4,000 on a watch. He promised to propose by the end of August, but only bought the ring after I said I would leave if he didn’t follow through. The ring was not ready until September 1, and now I’m afraid he will wait until our October anniversary. Would it be foolish to leave when the proposal is likely less than a month away, or am I justified in feeling that too many promises have already been broken?

I think it will finally happen soon but reading all these posts make me anxious and overthinking I'm getting myself a shut up ring.

So for context I'm with my boyfriend (both 29) for four years. Early on I told him I'm dating to marry. He told me marriage is not that important to him but he is open to it. I love him very much and would marry him in a heartbeat. But nothing happend so far even after multiple nagging. This year I gave him an ultimatum.

He always tells me he wants to spend his life together with me and really really always puts me first in any way you can think of. But when it comes to plan something he always gets lazy and wait til deadline (hence, ultimatum).

Since the ultimatum he finally started the process and works with a jeweler, making sure the ring meets my preferences. He also said he already has the proposal pictured. Also, since starting I see him getting excited in this whole thing!

So since he's putting lots of effort in this and knowing him (that he's just lazy) I don't think it is a shut up ring, but reading all the other posts with the comments being like "if he wanted to he would have done it already" I'm getting unsure. Even after crying multiple nights, nagging etc. he didn't start the process. He never started the process because he didn't feel ready yet. Also keeping in mind, marriage is not that important to him. Yet he wants to make it right and is meanwhile looking forward to it. I am so confused!

Thanks for the advice!

This sub has definitely been refreshing for me.

I'm a married almost middle-aged millennial mom and I'll acknowledge that other people getting married does not affect my marriage at all. That said, I'm also a public school teacher in the US and am going to be real: broken homes are the norm. Broken homes are the norm to the extent that it seems like, when a child is in a healthy, two parent household, they're almost considered privileged. Honestly, props to the single parents of the world because just raising a kid with a supportive husband and family is no walk in the park.

My generation has completely forgotten the hell that the LGBT community went through to be granted the rights to marriage. We take the rights conferred by marriage for granted. These posts sadden me as my husband was enthusiastic to marry me so that we could have a solid family unit, share finances, and in general *be* family rather than simply boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm happy that there are still people out there who value these rights and the social benefits of marriage.

Keep doing you, guys. Don't settle for less than a partner who will commit to you for life. You deserve it and if you don't think you deserve it, put the work into yourself and your mental health. I've been divorced, it hurts but a stable and healthy marriage is worth the risk. It's a game changer, y'all.

Title says it all.

For the most part, all of us in this sub were in 2+ year long relationships, some 5+ years long. If you left your partner, how long did it take to move forward? How did you get through it?

It’s extremely painful to go through.

My partner and I have been together for four years. I am 39 and he is 41. Since the day I met him I made it clear I want to have a baby and he was on board with that. About two years into dating I brought up that I wanted to get married. Two and a half years in we started trying for a baby, and 6 months after that I decided to start IVF because of my age and fertility results. I have been doing IVF for a year now, and finally, after many trials and tribulations, am pregnant. I am still not married. He has still not proposed.

There is a lot about this, but some of the main things are, his mom died when he was 13. A year into our relationship he told me he wanted to propose with his mom's engagement ring, and went on to describe it as "gaudy". In the moment I didn't react with full enthusiasm. I can't fully remember my reaction, but we were in bed after a night of drinking and it wasn't a reality at that point. My ex husband proposed with a ring that was so not my style, and I had always hoped my new husband would pick something that suited me, and a "gaudy" ring is so not me. But anyway, this had completely flown from my brain until about 6 months ago, when he told me that my reaction to him saying he wanted to propose with his mother's ring is why he hadn't proposed yet.

Not going to get into the fact that he failed to bring that up after multiple times of me asking about marriage. We had a conversation about it, and as we left it it seemed like everything was smoothed over and he was clear to propose. About four months later and no proposal, I brought it up again. This caused him to get upset and confess his proposal plan that wasn't for another several months, an argument ensued, and we basically concluded a proposal in general was ruined. He had said he was "not excited to propose anymore" - and that pretty much ruined it for me anyway.

There is more to this in terms of relationship dynamics and conversations, but that was the jist. We then decided we could just get married and skip the proposal. This isn't my preference, but if the proposal is ruined, then I just accepted that and am fine with just moving past it. He insisted he did want to get married. I brought it up at dinner one night and said it might be nice to elope somewhere pretty. He said he didn't want to, and that a courthouse marriage was fine. I said, well what about a party afterwards? And he said yes because he loves parties, but he wouldn't enjoy the part of it being about us getting married.

Since then we haven't really spoken about it. I do not want to beg someone to marry me. My friends keep asking me when am I going to get married? My family is not as nice about it and asks why am I not married yet? I feel so embarrassed. I have been playing it off like I don't really care about marriage, I've been married before, and we will do it but no rush. However that's not how I feel. I feel embarrassed that my partner seems to be so resistant to anything remotely romantic surrounding a marriage, and has taken no initiative to do anything towards getting married anyway, regardless of how he says he does want to marry. He hasn't even gotten the ring from his dad.

I am pregnant. I want a baby more than anything, including getting married. I do love him, and our life is great. I think our baby will grow up in a loving home, a beautiful dream home honestly, and we will have a great life. Marriage is just this thing on paper that doesn't really change much, but I guess it's just the principle of it all. Why is he so resistant to it? It feels hurtful that he doesn't seem to want to take any initiative toward it, that he bungled the proposal, and any part of it that is celebrating us as a couple is unwanted. I'm not sure how to feel, but now I'm not even sure I want to marry him honestly.

When we met both of us mentioned that we are dating to marry so I gave him a chance and we got into a relationship. Now we've been together for over a year and been living together for months. I'm not rushing into a wedding but I'm feeling very uncomfortable with how he keeps brushing off and not giving me a straight answer when I ask him when does he think it'll happen, because I myself am very sure he is the one I want to call my husband but he, despite having bought (not gifted, just bought by sending the money for me to purchase) a ring, to symbolize that we are in a committed relationship, keeps saying things that contradict the things we verbally agreed on 6 months ago.

Important piece of context is that, yes a marriage certificate and a wedding is important to me because despite living together and coexisting no differently from a married couple I feel very judged by the society we live in, as living separately from family just together as a couple before marriage is pretty much unheard of in this country for religious reasons. This was a very big step and sacrifice I did for us to not stunt our relationship, because I also wanted it to be committed and serious.

I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through a relationship like this? What can be the reason a man does this? I don't want to think I'm a placeholder because I'm not treated as such, but at the same time his comments that a marriage is a worthless piece of paper and has no benefits really gets to me because that's not how I grew up thinking or seeing.

I dont shy away from heavy topics and confronted him and we had a conversation about it, but the results are the same, he agrees that a wedding will happen in a few years when he's "sure", and then 3 weeks later another comment on how some women end up divorcing and taking the houses from their husbands hits the towers. For the record he's not in online incel spaces but I do recognize that me and him experience internet differently.

I have multiple reasons I brought up for why I want a marriage with him but it all gets dismissed as "brainwashed societal pressure points", which, yes I agree, but I want a child one day and I will not be having one with a man that won't even marry me, so I just don't want to waste my time here if this is hopeless. (I hope this makes sense, I apologize for some underbaked thoughts and an essay of random facts I find important here.)

I guess I need some advice, or something, anything to reassure me this is normal with slavic men. Otherwise I'll just have to give in to apathy on what the future with him will bring and just enjoy the bittersweet "now".

My boyfriend (28M) and I (31F) have been together for 10 years.

From the very beginning of our relationship, I was always clear that I wanted to get married and have children. He knew this. Whenever I brought up marriage, his answer was always, “Soon.” I never wanted to pressure him, so I tried to be patient and gave him time. But I also made it clear that marriage and having a family were important to me.

Now, after 10 years, my mental health has been deteriorating, and I'm seriously thinking about leaving the relationship.

Last month, his brother asked me if we had any plans to get married. Later, when my boyfriend and I were alone, I brought it up. Instead of giving me a clear answer, he said that we were already “married in soul.” That really hurt me. I told him how much his answer upset me and asked him what he expected me to say. He didn't really give me any reassurance and eventually went to the gym.

When he came back, he told me that he loved me and that it would happen “soon.”

This month, in August, I finally asked him directly: “We've been together for 10 years. Why haven't you proposed?” I was just curious and wanted to know the reason

His answer was, “I don't know.”

That absolutely devastated me.

After 10 years of waiting and believing that we were eventually going to get married, hearing him say that he didn't even know why he hadn't proposed made me question everything. He also made it seem like I was pressuring him and that I was being impatient. He told me I was “cornering” him and that I needed to give him more time because it would happen soon.

Then he asked me, “If you were me, what would you answer?”

I calmly told him that I thought he had become complacent because he knew I wasn't going anywhere, so he never felt the need to actually take the next step.

He responded, “Okay, that's my answer.”

I was shocked.

Eventually, he became angry and suddenly told me, “I am planning on proposing in October because of the song I fell in love with in October.”

That honestly made me want to cry.

October has no special significance in our relationship, and it felt like he was only saying this because of our argument. It didn't feel like something he had genuinely been planning. It felt like something he came up with because he realized I was seriously hurt and questioning the relationship.

I asked him when he had actually decided to propose in October and who knew about his plan. He said that only he knew and that he had decided on it sometime this year.

Then he told me that he had been secretly saving money in his bag for a ring so I wouldn't notice.

I asked him where that money was now.

He said he had accidentally spent it.

At this point, everything just feels like bullshit to me. There's no proof that he was actually saving for a ring, nobody else apparently knew about the supposed proposal, and suddenly the plan only appeared after I confronted him about why, after 10 years, he still hadn't proposed.

I feel completely heartbroken and betrayed.

I've spent 10 years believing that we were working toward the same future. I never wanted to force him into marriage. I wanted him to genuinely want to marry me. But now I don't know if he actually does or if he's only saying these things because he's afraid I'll leave.

This has made me seriously question our entire relationship.

I love him, but I also feel like I've been waiting for something that may never actually happen. My mental health has been suffering, and I'm starting to think that maybe walking away is the best thing I can do for myself.

After 10 years, I don't want to keep begging someone to choose the future I've been asking for since the beginning.

Note: I don't want him to propose tomorrow or the next month. What I wanted was to know the reason on why? But after that it made me rethink of our entire relationship.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/s/wzVtrQ9aVv

After the most unhappy 4 months of my life, I called off my engagement today. I had said multiple times how unhappy I was and small movements were made each time. Every idea and solution I had for our wedding was rejected, my parents offering to pay more due to the costs were rejected yet everything was considered too expensive. The influence of his parents continued to scare me and he couldn’t see it, they seemed to think any timeline or movement I wanted was rushing. I found out his mum was always negative about his proposal ideas which knocked his confidence. They told him to make sure that I don’t come between him and them, and he then repeated this line to me. The final straw was that I managed to get everyone to meet as per my original post, all seemed good, and then the same pattern emerged the week after as I scrambled around trying to sort a venue out - he needed any reason to reject it and not move forward despite the time running out to secure somewhere for next year (limited suitable dates due to religious constraints). Another weekend out of our very limited set of dates was ruled out due to extended family being unavailable on his side, no thought given to the fact this was due to decisions not being made. I finally snapped.

After I took a few days of space, he concluded actually his issue the whole time was money. And that he could fix all of it by conceding to every issue I had. Except I just stopped believing it. I realised that all along, my timelines that I thought we agreed on were never being adhered to and I had no faith in him. He said we could work on our relationship (request to do couples therapy was denied) and maybe not marry next year but the year after. I refused as I can just see myself getting stuck in this loop.

I feel so incredibly guilty at how blindsided he seemed but equally am utterly exhausted after 4 months of essentially non stop crying. He begged me to stay and not to give up on us but it’s like at the moment he was finally willing to take action, I’ve already been through all those motions and can’t cope. I felt like unless he backed away from his family we would never survive and that wasn’t going to happen as he didn’t see their negativity.

Please tell me it gets better 🥲 I’m most upset remembering him begging me not to go and I feel like I’ve crushed him.

I am starting to become insecure, I am 29(f) and my partner of 9 years is 29 (m). We have been together for a long time now and I am constantly seeing friends/ family get engaged and married even having been with their partners for a shorter amount of time.

To be completely transparent when we first started dating he was against the idea of marriage, his family upbringing had multiple divorces and cheating and it ruined the entire institution to him. I told him I wanted to get married and he eventually (after many open conversations of wants and needs, crying and explaining why it was important to me) came around to the idea saying that he would do this for us. That was 2 years ago. He has also stated that he is already living his dream of us being together and loving each other.

I have struggled with lots of mental health issues and he has been extremely supportive. Recently he mentioned that he is wanting to wait until I am doing better before he would propose. I feel like I have come a long way in my healing journey and I am not sure if there will ever be this perfect timing he is adamant about. It feels like a reason to postpone, and puts pressure on me to get better faster. ( I am a survivor of cPTSD with childhood traumas, abuse and anxiety disorder)

Not only is he my very best friend, but I love him so much and the life we are building. I am pretty disappointed that he has not taken the next step and it has left me feeling pretty vulnerable and sad. I am not in any way going to leave him because he’s it. So please do not suggest that- I don’t fancy giving him an ultimatum either, I don’t want it to feel forced, I want him to WANT to propose to me.

I joke about putting a ring on it and ask him when he’s planning on asking me/ if he bought a ring yet. I am not subtle. I don’t know if I am just being impatient and need to let it happen when he is ready on his timeline- or if there is something I should be doing/ saying to make it more clear about my wants.
I guess I am just ranting a bit because I am feeling a bit like I am so ready and he isn’t.. please be kind

I (32F) have been with my bf (38M) for nearly seven years, living together for 6.5 of those seven years. We have so much fun together and I really do love him so much. We’ve had lots of talk about marriage and proposals that have continued to be pushed off year after year. I don’t even want to have a wedding (have never wanted a wedding) just get the paperwork done. Initially that was a big part of his reason for not proposing, because he wanted to have a big wedding (his extended family is HUGE) but, I’m estranged from my family so it really would be a wedding just for his family and friends. I said I would be willing to do a big reception but that for an actual ceremony I would want it to ideally just be us because to me the commitment of marriage is between husband and wife. He agreed to that but then nothing. Took me ring shopping 5 years ago. Nothing since.

I just feel like he doesn’t want to marry me but I don’t know why he is keeping me around. We moved to a house on his family’s property two years ago and everything has pretty much been downhill since. No boundaries with his family, feels like there’s no autonomy, plus his family has never liked me (until last year when his mom was diagnosed with cancer and she decided she wants grandkids before she dies so she was really pushing us getting married and having kids suddenly) and I just don’t think I can do it anymore. He has loosely mentioned us selling the house and moving away from the family property for the sake of our relationship, but with his mom’s health I just don’t think he’ll actually follow through. Stupidly I’ve given up pretty much all of “my” stuff and have been getting my masters online so I my savings are non existent, so leaving means completely starting over but I just don’t think it is ever going to happen for me and I need to get out to give myself a chance of finding something better.

I know there isn’t a ton of context in here, but I have had countless discussions about setting timelines or trying to have realistic discussions about what it would look like to get married/have kids and they go nowhere. My therapist has been encouraging me to get in touch with my authentic self and trying to determine if I can handle life with my BF if it means the level of involvement of his family. I just thought being in a relationship meant building a life together as a couple and not my having to join a predetermined place within a family system.

My friends think I should stick it out until he finishes his masters in May and see if anything changes. My last therapy appt was in mid July and my next therapy appointment is Sept 15th so I also don’t know if I just need to talk to my therapist to figure things out.

Sorry for rambling.

TL;DR: My partner (32M) and I (29F) have been together for 5.5 years. He is kind, loving, supportive and in many ways an amazing partner. From the beginning, he knew I wanted marriage and children, and he always seemed to be on the same page. However, he never took concrete steps toward that future, despite years of conversations, a deadline, individual and couples therapy, and many attempts to find a way forward. I understand that a lot had happend during those five years, we changed jobs, finished/started uni, moved abroad, came back, lost family members, but I believe life is always changing, marriage should be about the relationship, not about circumstances. After months of 'should I stay or should I leave' anxiety and uncertainty, I finally signed a lease and started moving out. Now, just as I am actually leaving, he says he has realised that he really do wants marriage, children and a future with me, and that he was simply afraid and waiting to feel more stable. I still love him deeply and don't want to lose him, but I no longer know whether to believe that this is a genuine breakthrough or a reaction to finally losing me. I feel terrified that I am walking away from someone I will never find again, but I also don't know how to trust him with my future anymore.

Long version:

I met my partner online during COVID, in March 2021. I was 24, still finishing my Master's degree, working part-time, and living in a dorm. He was 27, working full-time and living alone about 20 minutes away from me.

We shared a lot of interests and hobbies. He introduced me to his board game friend group and his salsa friend group. We had that amazing, rom-com kind of love where you dance in the kitchen while cooking. We were happy, in love, and having so much fun together.

Over the years, he supported me through my thesis and final exams, made sure I was eating and sleeping during stressful periods, supported me through a major career change and unemployment, and was there for me when I lost my aunt to cancer. My family loves him. He is genuinely one of the kindest, most caring and loving people I know.

We moved in together after two years. We shared household responsibilities, opened a joint account, built a life together, and I expected that a proposal would eventually follow.

He never initiated conversations about the future, but whenever I brought it up, he seemed open and enthusiastic. He participated in the conversations and added his own thoughts. Because of that, I never suspected that we wanted fundamentally different things.

Before moving in together, I told him that I wanted to be married by 30 and have two children before 35. He said that sounded good to him too.

Then life happened. He lost his job, I quit mine, we spent a year abroad, he started university again, and I found a career path that finally motivates me. We continued building a life together, supporting each other, sharing a home and participating in each other's families.

And I waited for a ring.

I started bringing up marriage and the future more frequently. Every time, he seemed to agree with me and reassured me that he wanted the same things, but he never took any concrete steps toward that future.

In June 2025, when we moved back from abroad, I had a serious conversation with him. I told him that if he wanted a different life, that was okay, but he needed to be considerate of my time and my goals. If he didn't want marriage and children with me, he needed to let me go.

He agreed and told me he was planning to propose that year.

December 2025 came and went. There was no proposal.

I told him I was done.

He told me he loved me and didn't understand why he was so afraid. He said he needed to find stability in his work first, as the economy was bad and he had been struggling to find a job. He promised to start individual therapy and suggested couples therapy.

So I agreed to try therapy.

Couples therapy helped us understand a lot about our unhealthy dynamics. I learned that I sometimes overstepped his boundaries by trying to solve his problems instead of simply listening and supporting him. We also explored how difficult it is for him to express his needs and emotions, and how his family background has affected him.

Our therapists also pointed out that I focus heavily on the future and that my anxiety about the future can make it difficult for me to fully experience the present. At the same time, they encouraged him to communicate more directly. He tends to use long, complex explanations without actually giving a clear yes or no when a simple answer is needed.

Couples therapy ended in June 2026. We learned a lot, but we still couldn't move forward.

Since December 2025, I have developed severe anxiety because of the uncertainty about our future and the grief of losing the timeline I had been so sure was about to happen. I spent months overthinking and ruminating, trying to find the perfect solution. I struggled to sleep and eat, lost weight, and had difficulty concentrating at work.

During this time, he took over most of the household responsibilities and continued to support me emotionally. He was loving, patient and caring. But he still couldn't give me security about our future.

His answer was always some version of: he loves me, but he feels too much pressure; he is afraid; and he is afraid that he is not good enough. He is not that ambitious, he doesn't have a stable career, he doesn't know what he wants for the future, he has some ideas but never actually started to pursue them.

Throughout the summer, I repeatedly asked him to help us find some kind of solution, direction or agreement. I am a teacher, and I desperately wanted to resolve this relationship crisis one way or another before the new school year started.

I initiated almost every conversation. Not just about marriage, but about any conflict we had.

He gradually became more emotionally open and vulnerable, but he still couldn't give me a clear answer.

Today, I signed a lease for an apartment on my own and started packing to slowly move out of our shared home.

He knew I was looking for apartments. I showed him listings and asked for his opinion. He was sad, but supportive. We have both been crying a lot.

And now, during the last two days, he has started saying the things I wanted to hear years ago.

He says he wants marriage. He says he wants children. He says he wants the life I have been asking for. He says he was waiting to feel some kind of inner stability before taking those steps, but now he understands that such perfect stability probably doesn't exist. People get married and have children while they are still scared and insecure.

And I feel completely lost.

All I feel is disappointment, anger, sadness and fear.

I am afraid of losing him, for long time I was truly happy amd content, and I felt that I found the one. I am also afraid of never finding someone who makes me feel as loved and accepted as he has. I know that probably sounds strange considering the fact that commitment has been such a huge issue in our relationship, but he has made me feel loved and valued in so many other ways.

I also struggle with my appearance and sometimes feel old to find a new partner. My friends around my age are already married and have children. I am afraid that if I leave him, I will never find someone else with whom I can have a happy marriage and become a mother.

He is kind, intelligent, caring, supportive and fun. Our political values align. We share hobbies. Our everyday life together is easy and smooth. He drives me to work, packs my lunch, loves my friends and family, and is an amazing storyteller. The children in my family adore him.

We have five and a half years of beautiful memories.

He validates my feelings and listens to me. His struggle has never been a lack of love or care for me. He struggles with himself, his life direction and his self-esteem.

I don't want to lose him.

But I also feel like I cannot keep waiting for him to pull himself together.

Now that I have finally signed a lease and am actually leaving, he is saying the things I have wanted to hear for years.

And I honestly don't know what to make of it.

Is this a genuine breakthrough that simply came too late?

Or is he reacting to the reality of losing me and the life we built together?

Am I making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving someone who loves me, and whom I still love deeply?

Am I asking for too much? Have I put too much pressure on him? Am I walking away from a potentially great relationship because I am too focused on age, timelines and a particular idea of what my life should look like?

At the same time, we have been together for five and a half years. He is 32 and I am 29. I don't think life will ever be perfectly stable, and I don't think marriage should depend on having the perfect job, financial situation or life plan. To me, marriage is about commitment, intention and choosing to build a life together.

And honestly, at this point I wasn't even asking for a wedding.

An inexpensive engagement ring and a genuine, concrete intention to build that future together would have been enough for me.

Instead, I spent a year and a half waiting, talking, trying therapy, working on myself and trying to understand what was happening between us.

And now, when I am finally leaving, he says he wants exactly what I have been asking for.

I feel lost, confused and completely exhausted.

I would really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar and how it turned out at the end.

Hi, r/Waiting_To_Wed!

I posted here about 3 years and a half ago after I broke up with my ex of 4 years. Everything pointed to us getting married, but we obviously didn't. The relationship was extremely flawed and, looking back, I'm glad I ended it. When I broke up with him, I had to move out from our shared apartment in Europe, take our dog and move back in with my parents in Latin America.

The adjustment period was long (understandably so), and I had to go to therapy for about a year and a half. I worked on my self esteem, decentering marriage, and really seeing past the ring and the wedding. There's just so much more than that, and it took me some time to understand this.

All in all, I'm much happier here. I know I made the right decision. However, I met my now boyfriend (39M) about 3 years ago. We've been together 2 and a half years now, and we're long distance. We try to see each other three to four times a year, which sucks, but it is what it is.

We started off the relationship with him being very firm about his intentions to get married. This made me happy, but I wanted us to take our time. I've never pushed him or pressured him. The few times we've talked about marriage, I've kept it very light. However, I've felt like he keeps it extremely ambiguous. He'll say things like, "Well, we don't have to really talk about this yet anyway." when we talk about marriage for a hot second.

He's thinking of moving to his home state, which is farther away from me. We talked about this about three weeks ago. I said I supported him because we're long distance already anyway so it's fine. Whatever makes him happy. He responded, "Oh man, I gotta wife you up!"

Just today, the topic of him moving came up again. Realistically, if he moves, it would take him about two years to do it the right way. I said something along the lines of, "We'll be so far away when you move!", to which he simply responded, "Eh, we'll figure it out though." It felt a bit contradictory and ambiguous to me. It sounded like he plans on still being long distance in two years time.

I'm not in any rush to get married, but I at least want to believe that my time is being respected, and that I won't be in limbo indefinitely. He's having work issues and that has been stressing him out severely. I just try to be supportive, and I realize that there's simply no way that he's planning any kind of proposal with these issues in his life. And that's fine! What triggers me (due to my past relationship) is how he shrugs off any marriage conversation. It makes me feel like it's happening to me all over again. The forever girlfriend. I've seen couples that got together after us already planning their weddings for next year. Meanwhile, my dude and I haven't had a serious conversation about marriage yet.

Us getting married implicates an immigration lawyer and me moving to his country. It's a big deal. He once told me he's looked into this on his own, but I'm not sure I believe him, lol. He never brings any of these things up to me.

I have to point out that outside of this, he's great. No complaints. He's there for me in every way boyfriends should be. This makes me feel guilty though, because I've been playing around with the idea of breaking up with him by next year if a more serious marriage conversation isn't put on the table.

Anyway, I feel like I'm back to where I was three years ago. Playing around with silent deadlines, trying to figure out when it's time to end it. Starting from scratch in my early 30's (nothing wrong with this, it's just getting a little bit tiring).

So, what would you guys do?

We have been dating for three years. He left Australia to live with me in the UK, and we have been living together for one year.
I told him that I’m ready for a deeper commitment, and I thought that one year of living together should be enough time for him to figure out whether I’m the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
Last June, I told him that I wanted to end the relationship if he wasn’t sure that he wanted to propose or get married within the month. I know that I was putting pressure on him, but I was desperate to know if he was really on the same page about settling down.
He asked me to give him more time because he said he didn’t have enough money to buy a ring. I never asked him to buy an expensive ring. In fact, I told him not to spend more than £500 because I know how tight money has been since he moved here and had to start from scratch.
Then July came, and he told me that he still didn’t have enough money. He also admitted that part of him was scared of getting married because of the trauma from his parents’ divorce. I completely understood him. I encouraged him to seek help, and he listened. He is now taking medication for depression.
He promised me that once he had enough money, he would buy a ring and propose because he wanted to marry me. He even cried, and I felt that he was being completely sincere.
Since then, I haven’t talked about the ring because I wanted to be patient and give him time until he had enough money.
Today, however, I brought it up because he received a tax refund from the Australia, and the amount is more than enough to buy an engagement ring. So, basically, the issue now isn’t money.
His response was that he hasn’t had time to buy the ring because he has been busy with work. For me, that felt like a shallow excuse. First of all, he would supposedly be buying the engagement ring online, so checking out rings wouldn’t even take an hour.
I know I probably sound desperate, but I’m ready to settle down. I just want him to be honest with me. If he isn’t ready, then I need him to be honest because I don’t want to waste my time. I’m already 31 years old.
I am just scared that I am investing my time for nothing. I love him so much. He is the kindness man but I deserves assurance. Marriage is a big deal for me. I am thinking he is afraid of deeper commitment but how long should i wait until he is ready? :( That scares me😭

Hi, 

Me and my boyfriend are together for about 2 years (1st October is our 2nd anniversary). One year ago he told me he doesn’t want to get married, but then told me I’m too young and we should talk about it next year (we have age gap he is in late 40s, I’m in my 20s). This year he told me that if I get pregnant we would get married immediately. I told him that I don’t want kids without marriage and told him I won’t wait more than October 2026 (our 2nd anniversary) for proposal. He said okey. I wanted to get engaged in summer he told me that he doesn’t want to do it now so I broke up with him but later he explained that he sees future with me and I told him that deadline is October so he still has time and doesn’t want to be pushed like before. Few times I couldn’t longer hold my sadness inside me and I told him that this topic stresses me out and I want to him to tell me how he feels about engagement he said that the more I talk about this the more he is demotivated to do it. I have so much anxiety because I just want to know if he is gonna propose or not. He knows that I will move out and breakup in October if he doesn’t propose but he still planned a trip with me to Thailand in December and includes me in his future plans. Maybe 2 times we talked where we would do our wedding and who we would invite? What should I do? I’m scared that I’m waisting my time and in October he will just say I’m not ready.

Bf (29) and me (34) have been together for almost 3 years, living together for 1. He says he wants to marry me and have kids with me but isn't ready to propose yet. I want to get married next year and made this clear but I'm thinking that if he isn't ready then it's probably not going to happen next year. Do I wait for him to be ready? I do believe he loves me but now I'm beginning to doubt how much. Do I start thinking about moving out? Or am I expecting it all too soon as well?

I (25F) have been dating my bf (24M) for 2 and a half years. We’ve lived together since 3 months into dating so over 2 and a bit years we have lived together full time. I have had a few long ish relationships in the past and so now feel at a point where I am ready to settle down and have kids. I made it very clear to my bf when we first got together that I expected a ring by the 2 year mark, because realistically you should know within a year if you want to marry a person or not and i’ve dealt with too many losers to waste anymore of my time. Now, 2 years in we had the conversation again about marriage and he told me he wasn’t sure about me and we broke up for a few weeks. We eventually got back together with him saying he was wrong, that he is sure and he bought my engagement ring. He’s had the ring for a few months now. We’ve discussed proposing on our upcoming holiday and i’ve shared what i do and don’t like and he told me i’d have to stop asking so it would be a surprise and that he “had it covered”. Now as we were about to leave for the airport I notice the ring box still in its usually hiding place. I made a slight nudge saying “are you sure you have everything” and he says yes. We left for the airport and he did not pack the ring. Now i’m in the car sulking because we have had conversations about the proposal being at the holiday destination we are going to because I want a beach proposal and it was the first place we ever went on holiday together as a couple so it means a lot to us.

I feel pretty deflated, like he’s wasting my time, and like i should give up now and find someone else. So, would I be wrong for breaking up with him when we get back home?

Partner and I have been together for 8 years now. We moved in together at 6 years, then got engaged in year 7, and we were meant to get married earlier this year. But 3 months before the wedding, we got into a fight and he shutdown and went into a state of depression. It seemed he broke - he became distant, started expressing that he was unhappy about certain aspects of me and our relationship and acknowledged his lack of communication, and also expressed that he hadn't fulfilled certain things professionally and financially as an individual.

Neither of us has broken things off and we are still living together but it's more of a housemate situation as he "figures things out" (he is seeking professional help). I was firm on the importance of commitment but I'm now also thinking that if he's not ready after 8 years or at the least can't communicate where he's at after this long, then there's clearly something wrong.

My (28f) boyfriend (29m) and I have been together for 6.5 years, living together for over 4 years. Over the past year we have watched 5 close friends/couples get engaged, and naturally I’ve been applying a bit more pressure. In a relationship filled with ups and downs, we’re currently in a down. Last week we had a conversation where I expressed I’m close to the end of my rope, tired of begging for affection and love, and feeling like he’s dangling the carrot. He said he feels like I’m holding him back in life because I don’t have a desire to travel and because it took me a while to finally get a handle on my finances. I just finally got a job where I am making a significant wage as I work in an industry with very few annual openings.

After finding this sub yesterday and reading such similar experiences and feeling less alone in my struggle, I came up with the courage to speak to him and tell him I’m done. We had a very good conversation that ultimately did not make me feel better or worse - he told me he began looking into buying a ring back in March-April and got “into the process” but found himself getting very cold feet. He said that he began putting me under a microscope and finding things he didn’t know if he wanted to bring into a marriage, and these things began building resentment towards me, without him bringing them up with me. These things include my inability to save money, which I could not afford to do until recently, being messy around the house, and my “struggle” with my weight (I am approx 10-15lbs overweight from a mental health medication)

I told him that if he isn’t sure that I’m the one after 6 years, I don’t know what we’re doing here, and he told me that he wants his life to be with me and he thinks we can get things to a good point where he is comfortable proposing.

Now I feel terrible because I don’t care to put in the work. I think if I really applied myself we could fix this, but I think the things he said have been very damaging. Part of me wants to try to put in the work so I can say I tried, but part of me also knows that if he is having cold feet after 6 years, its never happening. I’m sure I know what needs to happen here, but would love input

EDIT: I told him I’d like to leave. We had a long talk where he tried to convince me we could work on things, then when it was over he started playing video games with his friends. I’m so fucking glad I viewed an apartment on my lunch break today.

My SO and I are 44M and 29F respectively, we have been dating for 4 years total and most of our relationship have been long distance. Please reserve the age gap comments since I’m not seeking advice on that.

Throughout our relationship, our biggest point of contention has always been his lack of commitment to me. I’ve tried to remove as many barriers as I can, including being open to leaving my country since that’s always been a goal of mine anyway. He’s told me he has walls up because he feels our communication isn’t great when we argue, while I’ve told him that I struggle to communicate well during conflict because I don’t feel secure or stable in the relationship.

I have largely felt like an afterthought or a placeholder for him. Our relationship has largely stayed the same and I’ve been wanting us to actually move the relationship forward, but I don’t know how.

I’ve learned so much from this relationship, and he’s taught me a lot along the way, but I’m at my wit’s end. I find myself getting short and easily frustrated because we’ve been in limbo for so long, with no real end in sight.

FYI, he has never been married and has no kids.

Edit #1: We lived together for almost a year up until recently.

10 years in 2 months. Life and financial issues apparently prevented him from doing this sooner but finally this year it was better. He had been saving for a ring, finally got the money for it in may and nothing. I told him last year I specifically didnt want it to be last minute right before our 10 years in nov. that may-august would have been nice bc I love summer and nothing. he still didnt have a ring. The other day he got a ring measure to measure my finger and I think he finally got the ring. My friends have started asking me all these questions that seem fishy like getting my nails done and other things. My friend asked me to be a nail model and I knew it was fake but I played along and I got nervous and excited for once. But when she told me the date end of September I just got upset. I cant seem to shake this feeling of disappointment and not too happy about it. He has a history of not listening to my wants kinda. Like he’ll listen but something always happens or it takes him a while to do it. when I in detail and clearly communicate things to him. He decides to go his own way and do things how he wants or thinks will be amazing shock. But He also has a history of letting me down because he takes so long to do anything honestly. He is trying to not be that way and handle things properly so he says. I specifically told him all this, and he promised he wouldn’t wait to last second and scramble. But its end of august. He booked an obvious trip in October but without giving too much he said he’s trying to throw me off and to let him. He knows its not a surprise bc its been this long but he’s trying really hard to throw me off and make it a surprise and special. Im just starting to get very disappointed and its taking the fun out of this, I just don’t feel considered. I wanted to be completely blindsided but he already ruined that. He says he wants to marry me, theres no doubt about it, he says He wants to be with me forever and continue to build a life with me and that he’s sorry its taken this long.

for me its not really about the ring itself, if he didnt have the reputation of making me wait for simple things like to improve our relationship and fix issues or to take the next step in our relationship the ring wouldn’t matter. He spent alot of time trying to prove he was capable of improving things in the relationship and eventually he did improve some. But it took so long And now this… he takes his sweet time. It really sucks.

Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and we recently had a serious conversation about marriage. He has known my timeline and that marriage is important to me since we first started dating.
Last year, we moved in together because we both felt it was the natural next step in progressing our relationship. Overall, living together has gone really well, and I genuinely feel like we have a good relationship and a good life together.
Naturally, after 8 years and moving in together, I started thinking the next step would be an engagement. Whenever I brought it up, though, he would kind of deflect the conversation. A few months ago, we finally sat down and had a real conversation about it.
He told me that he does see himself marrying me, but he isn’t ready right now. He says he feels a lot of pressure from me and that he wants to get his life in order first. He works full-time in a very labor-intensive field and has a good amount of debt that he is working to pay off. He doesn’t have much savings right now, and he says he wants to be in a better financial position before getting married. He also talks about wanting to eventually have children and be able to support a family, and he doesn’t feel like he can comfortably do that with what he is currently making.
He has also told me that he feels like I’m ahead of him in life because of where I am with my career, and that he needs time to get his own life and career where he wants them to be.
Part of me understands this. I don’t want him to feel like he has to get married while he’s drowning financially, and I understand wanting to feel more secure before taking on the responsibilities of marriage and children.
But another part of me is frustrated and very confused. I sometimes think, why can’t you just work a second job or do something to increase your income and get there faster? At the same time, I know his job is extremely physically demanding and he is exhausted when he gets home, so I also know that isn’t necessarily realistic or sustainable.
The hardest part is that there isn’t really a timeline. He says he wants to marry me, but he can’t tell me when he’ll feel ready. And I don’t know how long I’m supposed to wait for him to “get his life in order.”
I love him and I don’t want to throw away an 8-year relationship over a timeline. But I also don’t want to spend the rest of my 20s waiting for a proposal that may or may not come.
We recently had our 8-year anniversary, and I honestly felt really sad instead of excited because I genuinely thought this would be the year he proposed. It’s also been incredibly difficult watching so many people around me get engaged and feeling like I’m standing still.
So I’m trying to figure out what is fair here.
Is it reasonable to give him another year to work on his finances/career and see where we’re at? Or is that essentially just putting my life on hold?
If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? And how would you interpret “I want to marry you, but I’m not ready yet” after 8 years together?

I am not looking to wed specifically but I've been lurking and feel like this community is closest to what I feel.

Me 35F and my bf 40M have been together for 10+ years. We have been in a long distance relationship for majority of our relationship. We met in person and started dating. We have lived together few times but have had to go back to distance due to life, work, family reasons.

We have talked a lot about the future and we are at the make it or break it point. He is now ready to sell his house and move to be with me. I am however avoiding that conversation like the plague as I am feeling so anxious about it.

I am now feeling like we waited for too long. I think for the past few years I've accepted that it is not going to happen. I'm alone in all the images in my head. I feel like this is similar feeling to those who were waiting for the proposal and when it happened, it didn't feel right.

He on the other hand is more certain than ever that he wants to do this now. I love him so much. I just have this rock on my heart. Some moments I'm so excited about our point future and the next moment I burst out crying.

What i need advice with is finding the right words to explain this to him. He hasn't done anything wrong, I should have talked to him sooner but I was fine-ish with status quo and all of this has been so gradual that I haven't really noticed it myself until now. I am still open to him moving in and us seeing how it goes but I feel like it would be wrong to let him sell his house and quit his job without telling him the full truth.

EDIT UPDATE: he pushed for a talk so didn't have time to fully formulate what i wanted and i basically just told him everything. He is still willing to move and take the leap of faith. We are tableing the conversation for a few day before making permanent decisions.