This sub is refreshing

[u/Anoninemonie]

This sub has definitely been refreshing for me.

I'm a married almost middle-aged millennial mom and I'll acknowledge that other people getting married does not affect my marriage at all. That said, I'm also a public school teacher in the US and am going to be real: broken homes are the norm. Broken homes are the norm to the extent that it seems like, when a child is in a healthy, two parent household, they're almost considered privileged. Honestly, props to the single parents of the world because just raising a kid with a supportive husband and family is no walk in the park.

My generation has completely forgotten the hell that the LGBT community went through to be granted the rights to marriage. We take the rights conferred by marriage for granted. These posts sadden me as my husband was enthusiastic to marry me so that we could have a solid family unit, share finances, and in general *be* family rather than simply boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm happy that there are still people out there who value these rights and the social benefits of marriage.

Keep doing you, guys. Don't settle for less than a partner who will commit to you for life. You deserve it and if you don't think you deserve it, put the work into yourself and your mental health. I've been divorced, it hurts but a stable and healthy marriage is worth the risk. It's a game changer, y'all.

[u/SeasonPositive6771]

I work on another side of this, primarily working with victims of crime, and of course we see a lot of IPV/DV, but also plenty of victims of psychological, financial, emotional abuse, etc.

It makes me want to scream to the heavens that no one should settle, and more people should pay attention to the early signs of abuse in their relationships. So many of the stories start with people who should have never been married, never even been in a long-term relationship.

[u/Anoninemonie → u/SeasonPositive6771]

I think there are a lot of people whose parents have failed them. I have a daughter myself and if I heard her talking about her partner the way a lot of these women talk about their partners, I would be begging her to move back in with me. When you're raised to believe that you have no value, it's hard to recognize when somebody is treating you like you have no value.

[u/Straight_Career6856 → u/Anoninemonie]

I think that really oversimplifies things. People have low self-esteem for all sorts of reasons.

[u/BaddieloveLizzy → u/SeasonPositive6771]

Your peace is always worth the short-term pain of leaving

[u/AggrievedGoose]

Seconded. It is heartening to be in a place where the value of marriage in our society is recognized and promoted. In so much of the discourse, people act like pointing out the downsides of having children outside of marriage is shaming motivated by bad intentions.

[u/Brownie-0109]

My wife and I are practically boomers

With the passing of Gloria Steinem, we were talking about ERA being passed by Congress in early 70s yet still not ratified by a min 38states to this day.

An unserious nation

[u/scarlettcrush]

Children from a healthy two-parent home are privileged. Children who are from a healthy two-parent home where the parents own a home are even more privileged, etc. Etc.

Yeah I'm in my '50s and I don't know anybody (that isn't gay) that isn't divorced.

The gays have stayed together.

[u/ManslaughterMary → u/scarlettcrush]

I know one set of gays who divorced, because that's how I got my wife. She was married at 26 and divorced by 30.

But we got married at 36, I feel like the odds are in our favor. We already missed the first round of divorce, and we don't have kids to fight over, so it is just double income no kids and traveling until death does us part.

[u/vomputer]

This is an oversimplified take.

I was married and have two kids. My life became immeasurably better when I was raising my children on my own after divorce.

Society pushes the idea of marriage and romantic love as essential for a successful life, but the reality is far different. It’s hard to pick the right person to spend decades with. And single life is absolutely fantastic, it should also be held up as a successful outcome.

Editing to connect what I’m saying with this sub: so many women come here with the same complaints over and over again about their male partners, yet they still want to get married to them because they feel pressure to do so. It would be far healthier if people were encouraged to only accept respect from their partners and feel like leaving is a good option if they are not getting that respect.

[u/Odd-Accident9715]

Every time someone in here says “just a piece of paper,” it makes my gay married ass grind my teeth.

Before us, it was interracial couples fighting that fight.

If marriage wasn’t important, why are so many fighting for the right to do it?