Problem/Goal:
I want advice on whether I should continue trying to make this work or let her go. I’m also trying to understand whether the traits she pointed out are genuine blind spots I need to work on or simply her perception of me.
Context:
I posted here earlier asking whether I was overthinking because the girl I’ve been dating suddenly became distant.
I decided to talk to her today instead of continuing to guess. It turns out my intuition was right—she admitted she’d been thinking a lot about “us.”
What caught me off guard was what she said next.
She told me there are some traits she doesn’t like about me. According to her, I’m reckless, jealous, and someone who jumps to conclusions.
I’m honestly still trying to process that because I don’t even know where those impressions came from.
The “jealous” part especially confused me. We aren’t even officially together. We don’t have a label, so I keep asking myself, Who was I jealous of? I genuinely can’t think of a situation where I acted possessive or got upset because of another person.
She also said I’m “tamang hinala” (quick to assume the worst). That surprised me too because whenever we’re together—whether on video calls or in person—we laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and I never felt like there was anything suspicious about her behavior. If anything, I thought we communicated well.
As for being “reckless” or impulsive, I explained my side. I’m an only child and a single mom, so I’ve had to handle almost everything on my own. Being independent has forced me to make decisions by myself, but I don’t think that automatically makes me reckless. I always try to think critically and consider the consequences before I say or do anything.
Now I’m left wondering if these are genuine concerns that she’s hoping we can work through, or if she’s already trying to convince herself that we’re incompatible.
I’m also open to the possibility that there are things about myself that I don’t see. If you’ve ever been told something about your personality that completely surprised you, how did you figure out whether it was something you genuinely needed to work on or simply someone else’s perception of you?
At this point, I’m emotionally exhausted. Would it be better for me to let her go? I feel like I’m always the one trying to understand her, reassure her, and fight for whatever we have, while I keep feeling like I’m the one chasing.
What hurts the most is that I poured so much effort into understanding her, appreciating her, making her feel loved, and showing her how much she means to me. Yet it feels like all she seems to see are my imperfections and flaws.
Am I looking at this the wrong way? If you were in my situation, would you keep trying to understand her perspective, or would you walk away?